Stans POV:
I listen to the voice note over and over. He's right. I'd rather have him in my life as a friend than nothing at all. Despite it getting late, I head to the mall for a peace offering. I remember seeing him listen to this band on his iPod so I head to the music store, steering away from the hip hop aisle I usually browse. I'm pretty lost so ask the store assistant for some albums. We narrow it down to 2 I think he'd like as well as the one I'm sure of and I decide to just buy them all. The mall is closing so I quickly grab some of his favourite candy and head to my car. The plan is to leave it on his door step then text him to go answer the door once I'm at a safe distance. Neither of us are great at saying the right thing just now and I don't want to put my foot in it. This way he'll know I'm not mad anymore without any tricky conversations. I pull up to his house and am grabbing the stuff out of the back when I hear rustling behind me.
"Stan?"
Fuck. It's Kyle. I feel exposed, as if I've been caught doing something I shouldn't.
"Oh. Hey" I stand awkwardly, scratching my head, wondering where to go from here.
"Hey" he says. "Wanna come in? My mom made tacos"
I nod silently, grabbing the stuff and following him inside.
We head up to his room. I've been here a million times before but it feels different somehow.
I hand over the things, suddenly thinking they're silly childish gifts. "Just some shit I saw that I thought you might like. It's dumb, really" I ramble.
He smiles at me. Normally he's a hugger but I can tell he's trying not to make things weird, which in turn is making things weirder.
"Dude, thanks! I've been wanting this album for ages, how did you know?"
"Lucky guess" I lie.
I feel okay for the first time in a while and reluctantly allow myself to let my guard down, the way Kyle always encouraged. The sarcastic unbothered thing gets real grating real fast he had once said.
"I'm sorry about everything. I know I've been lashing out recently and drinking too much. It's just... My dad. He's really ill" I say, shamefaced. Earnest isn't a good look on me.
"Randy's sick? Is he okay?" He asks, concerned.
"Testicular cancer. He's in remission but he and mom fight over medical bills all the time. It just sucks."
"And then on top of that I started ignoring you and you didn't have an escape anymore. Right, great" he says, beating himself up.
"It's not your fault. I get it now. Can we just like start again?"
"I'd like that"
He puts on the new music and I roast him over it. He rolls his eyes and we laugh like we haven't done in months.
I look at the clock at it reads 9pm.
"It's getting late, I should head off" I say. And although I'm happy we're talking again, it still feels like some things have been left unsaid and are hanging over my head.
He nods but I think I catch some disappointment in his eyes. Maybe that's wishful thinking.
"Actually no, I'm not leaving yet. Things still feel weird. I promise I don't think any less of you cus of what you told me. If anything I admire you, that took guts. And I get how you feel, it's confusing and scary and I'm glad you let me know" I say, finally feeling a bit better.
He looks so embarrassed, dancing from foot to foot nervously, nodding and hoping I'll just get it over with and leave no doubt.
"You're cute when you blush" I say, shrugging then turning to leave for real this time.
"See you can't say shit like that, it's not fair. I only just got over you" he says with a strangled laugh, his pitch almost whiny. It's meant to be a joke but it's tinged with sadness.
There's so much tension in the air, years of stuffed down thoughts rearing their ugly heads.
"Who says I want you to be over me?" I ask, before my brain can assess whether that's a wise thing to do.
"Stop it. I was vulnerable with you and you're using it against me, you know exactly what you're doing" he snaps
"And what's that?" I ask, stepping closer to him.
"Leading me on because you like the attention. It's torture. My feelings aren't a game" he manages with only minimal voice wobbling, not used to standing up to me.
"But if they were I'd win right?" I lilt, tilting my head at him. He looks annoyed. He still thinks I'm winding him up. I sigh.
"I get how you feel because I feel it too dumbass" I finish with a shrug.
"But-" he starts
"No more talking" I say, putting my finger to his lips. Then replace it with my own lips, crashing down on his. He runs his hands through my jet black hair and I smirk into the kiss.
"Fuck you" he says, kissing me more.
"Is that an insult or a to-do list?" I ask, unable to help myself.
He breaks off the kiss and looks up at me with big green eyes, annoyed again. "Can you stop being cocky for once and just say something sincere?" He asks, exasperatedly licking his kiss bruised lips.
"Fine. I sincerely want to bang you"