It's been two months now and I still can't hear Jisoo's thoughts. I have started to get used to her random visits as well. Like the other day, for example.
It was Friday evening and I had just finished writing a particularly difficult part of the story, when the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, I was greeted with a plastic bag dangling in front of my eyes.
"What's this?" I asked, knowing perfectly well whose face was hiding behind the bag.
"It's beer and chikin. I thought we could hang out and have a little chat." Jisoo replied, shifting the bag out of the way and revealing a wide smile.
"Go away. I'm busy." I said, about to shut the door in her face. But Jisoo was quicker than me and managed to slip through the crack and enter the apartment.
"Don't be like that." She said while placing the bag on the kitchen counter. "It's Friday evening. It's the perfect time for friends to have a drink and just talk."
"Who's your friend here? I don't see anyone." I snarled, leaning against the door, which was now rendered useless. It appeared that it couldn't keep away a slippery person like Jisoo.
"You may brandish your sharp tongue at me, but I know that you are really a nice girl." She said, obviously ignoring my annoyed expression.
She turned her head and gave me one of her dazzling smiles. Even the corners of her eyes crinkled. At this point, there was nothing I could do. She was already inside and simply throwing her out didn't seem possible. There was only one thing to be done, take a deep breath and try to relax. Besides, I couldn't hear any weird thoughts from her so there was nothing much to worry about.
Without sparing a single moment, Jisoo took my kitchen as her own. She placed the snacks in bowls, grabbed the bag with the beer cans and brought everything into the living room.
"Oh, before we start drinking, I have to ask." Jisoo said, stopping before she opened her beer. "Have you had dinner yet? If not, you should probably eat something. Drinking on an empty stomach is unwise."
"I already ate." I replied simply, taking a sit across from her at the short table.
"Really? Did you eat instant noodles again?" She questioned with a slight frown between her eyebrows.
"I had takeout. Gamjatang and ramyeon." I replied, picking up a can of beer and opening it.
"Oh, that sounds like a hearty meal. I'm glad."
"Why do you care so much whether I eat food or not? It's not like you owe me anything." I asked, feeling half curious and half confused. Really, what was inside this person's head, caring so much about a stranger.
"Of course, I care!" She yelped. "You are our most prized author, so it's only natural to take good care of you. Besides, if anything happened to you, Cheshir would have my head on a spike."
"You're exaggerating."
"Actually, I am not." She said, opening her beer and taking a big gulp. Then, she looked up and continued to speak calmly. "Before I first came to see you, Cheshir told me to take good care of you. She also said that after Chaeyoung left you will find it difficult to adjust to someone new."
"That meddlesome person." I grumbled, taking a big gulp of beer. What was Cheshir thinking, telling this person all this stuff.
"Perhaps, but that just means because she care about you."
I didn't answer and she didn't push for a reply either.
After that, we spent several minutes, quietly sipping our beers. If I had to be honest, I would probably say that it strangely felt comfortable. Sitting at a table with Jisoo, drinking beer and simply chatting like this... it wasn't so bad, I guess.
Maybe it was the alcohol getting to my head, or perhaps it was Jisoo's honest behavior, but I soon found myself loosening up. Before I could stop myself, I opened my mouth and asked him something more personal that I normally would have.
"It's Friday night. Don't you have anyone waiting for you at home, Jisoo?"
She looked at me, a little confused at first, before she began laughing and shaking her head.
"This girl is married to her job. There is only an empty house waiting for me."
Usually, when people talked like that, they would sound lonely and in need of comfort. But when Jisoo said those words she sounded like nothing was the matter; as if life was just as it should be.
"That's a bit sad, isn't it?" I couldn't help but ask, glancing at her from over the beer can.
"Not really." She shrugged, gulping the beer until she finished the entire can in one go. Glancing up she looked straight at me, a playful smile curving her lips. Her voice was calm, but there was a subtle teasing hint to it. "Besides, you shouldn't be the one to talk. Aren't you doing the same thing? Living all alone in this apartment, keeping to yourself and spending your time writing and playing with a cat. It doesn't get any lonelier than that, now does it?"
No, I will not succumb to your prodding. This kind of provocation is beneath me and I will not respond the way you want me to! Besides, there have been many years since I have last talked to someone about my circumstances. It isn't like people are willing to believe someone can actually hear their thoughts.
"Not really." I said, looking away disinterestedly. "I am perfectly happy with the way things are. I have everything I need."
"Hmmm, if you say so." She hummed, opening another can of beer and taking a big sip.
"What about you? How did you end up in this field of work? You don't really look like the type of person who likes to read." I said, trying to steer the conversation away from me.
"Yes, I've been told that many times." She chuckled, leaning back slightly.
Several seconds passed by without hearing a reply from her. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye and was a bit startled. If I wasn't mistaken, there was a look of nostalgia in her bright eyes. In all this time I have known her, I have never seen her wearing that expression. It was a mixture of warmth and sadness that is impossible to describe in words. Could it be that I have said something insensitive?
I was just about to open my mouth and change the subject, when I heard her voice. It sounded low and somehow soothing, like a flow or warm water.
"It's not the first time someone has told me I do not look like a bookworm. In reality, though, I have always loved books. My parents were teachers. They both taught Literature. My mom worked at a middle school, while my dad had a post at a high school. They were both obsessed with books and loved to read. At home, we had an entire room filled with shelves upon shelves of books. With this kind of environment while growing up, one can easily imagine that I was influenced by them to a certain degree. However, I was also an active child, wanting to go out and play with friends, doing sports and just mess around. But on rainy days, or when I was tired, I would always prefer to sit in bed with a book in my hands and read the hours away."
Eh? This is rather surprising. I admit I never would have imagined Jisoo to have such an intellectual background. Nor such a preference for the quietude of reading.
"Have you ever thought about starting to write your own stories?" I asked, suddenly curious whether she had the same feelings as me back then.
"No, I always preferred reading over writing. After devouring enough novels, I began to take an interest in reviewing and editing. I think it takes a whole lot of imagination to create something from nothing and I didn't believe I had that talent."
"I see." I nodded slowly. Indeed, not many people are able to write, and even if they are, it's not always guaranteed that they have the talent for it. "Is that how you ended up working for LF Publishing?" I continued asking.
"Before I finished high school things changed at home, and later I almost didn't get to enter college." Jisoo lowered her head, staring at the can of beer in her hand for a while before speaking. Her expression looked pained, but she still continued to tell me her story. "Somehow, I ended up going to a local college. During that time, I worked for local newspapers, writing articles for magazines, even doing translations. I also did a few night shifts at convenience stores and bars that paid relatively well. After graduation I got a part-time job at a small publishing company where I mainly did odd jobs and labor work. It took me over a year to get a full-time post there and be able to take on an editing task. But it was all worth it. During the beginner's year I was able to familiarize myself with what it meant to work in a publishing company and, therefore, it was easier to do my job afterwards. Since then, I've worked for two companies, the last one being a small branch of LF publishing, until I was finally transferred here to the main company."
"Sounds like a rough journey."
"It was, but that's how life is." She said simply, without any pretense. "It doesn't always give you sunny days. That's why we have to cherish the ones we get, so that we can get through the storms."
"How poetic." I chuckled despite myself. "And you say you don't have a talent for writing."
"Yeah, yeah. You should feel lucky I didn't follow this path, otherwise we would have been rivals." She grinned, smacking her chest with a prideful look. Then, she raised her hand holding the beer and bumped it against mine. "How about you, Ms. Manoban? How was your journey here?"
For a while I didn't know how I should answer her. After hearing her story, I felt slightly compelled to be honest with her. I thought that, perhaps if it was this person, I could finally be able to openly say what was inside my heart. I guess her straightforwardness was beginning to rub off on me. Thus, I opened my mouth and directly poured out everything I had been keeping hidden.
"When I was in middle school I got into an accident and ended up spending one year in a coma. When I woke up, I realized I could hear people's thoughts. At first, I thought it was a problem with my brain so I went and saw a neurologist. However, it didn't appear to be a physical issue. Therefore, I went to a psychiatrist, but that didn't work out well either. Nothing I did made the situation better so I eventually tried getting used to it. I wanted to avoid troublesome situations, so I began to keep a safe distance from other people and engrossed myself in reading. Soon, I became interested in writing and that's how I ended up here."
I stopped here and glanced up at her, waiting to see her reaction. Whether she would start laughing and calling me crazy, or shake her head believing I was mocking her, I wanted to see how Jisoo would take this information. To my utter surprise, she didn't seem affected one bit. She simply held her beer and looked at me earnestly. Seeing how I was reluctant to continue, she simply tilted her head slightly and waited. The gesture immediately made me think of a large dog looking curiously at someone. I had to try and swallow back my laughter.
"Hmm, so that's why you've holed up yourself inside your house, refusing to go out if you could avoid it?" She finally asked after a while.
"I have been keeping a proper distance from social interaction." I pointed out.
"That's just a fancy way of putting it." Jisoo scoffed, downing her beer. "In the end, it still means that you've isolated yourself from everyone else."
"Say it however you will."
"Honestly, for such a smart fellow you can be quite stupid sometimes." Jisoo chuckled into her beer can.
Normally I would have gotten angry at her calling me stupid, but, oddly enough, that time I didn't find it annoying. Compared to others who have judged my way of life, Jisoo didn't sound patronizing. Her brutal honesty was actually very refreshing. I found myself smiling thinking about things from the past. Like how my friends found it too much to be around me when they realized I knew their real thoughts about me; or how Jungkook, my only boyfriend went out with me just to piss off another girl while thinking I was good looking but rather weird; or how my high school colleagues always thought I did well in exams because I read the teachers' minds and knew the subjects beforehand; even the teachers kept having doubts about me.
Things went on like this until it had gotten to the point that people and me would mutually avoid each other. My family was the only exception, but I guess I can't do anything about that. Tragic stories are everywhere.
"What would you do if you had this ability, Jisoo?" I asked, suddenly struck by a curious thought.
What would this person, who is usually honest and straightforward to a fault, do if she had the chance to read people's minds? Would she use it for her own benefit, or just like me, she would hide away from the world?
I turned to look at her and saw Jisoo gazing at me with a thoughtful expression. Her eyes were narrowed and her forehead was creased. After a couple of minutes, she finally opened her mouth to give me a reply.
"I would beat the crap out of everyone who insulted me in their heads."
What she said absolutely stunned me, rendering me speechless for a whole minute, before I finally couldn't hold it in anymore and I burst out laughing. Truly, this person really was something special. No matter how hard I tried, I could never understand her. I patted her shoulder and, as expected, I couldn't hear anything. I wondered, will I ever know what this person is truly thinking or will she forever remain a mystery?
That night I allowed Jisoo to sleep on my couch. By the time we finished all the beers and chicken it was well past midnight. It was the first time I had someone sleep over at my place. Not even Cheshir, whom I have known for years, has been this favored.
When I finally went to bed, I found that for the first time in a long while, my mind felt at ease and calm. I was able to sleep through the night and only woke up when the sun was already high in the sky.
I squinted my eyes and considered going back to sleep, when I suddenly heard clanging coming from the kitchen. Curious as to what was happening, I slipped out of bed and headed towards the source of the noise.
There, in my kitchen, wearing an apron, was Jisoo. She was holding a frying pan in one hand and a spatula in the other.
"Jisoo, what are you doing?" I asked in a gruffy voice right behind her.
"Haizzzz!" She yelped. "Gosh, say something before you come this close. You gave me a fright."
"I did say something. I asked you what-are-you-doing?"
"Ah, I am making scrambled eggs. Hope you like eating eggs. I didn't know what else to make in a jiffy so I went out and bought a few things. I also made coffee."
"I don't care about that." I frowned, brushing a hand across my forehead. "I want to know why you are cooking breakfast in my kitchen?"
"And where else would I cook it if not here?!" She turned and looked at me like I was an idiot.
In all honesty, for a moment, I myself thought I was being one, asking such stupid questions.
"Now stop being silly and go wash yourself. Food will be ready in a minute." I heard her saying before she turned her back at me to continue cooking.
Therefore, I could only admit defeat in front of this overbearing person. And in this manner, I got won over another bit with delicious food.
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