[Oliver]
[Hours before]
I felt like shit. This was as if someone was carving my heart with a sharp knife while it was beating inside my chest. Having Amy cry in my arms after telling her about how I felt was devastating. She didn't deserve any of this, but I couldn't do anything else because I'm a fucking coward, I'm afraid to love and be loved again.
The moment a good thing comes my way I just fucking ruin it and push it away. I guess this is how I'd end up, a complete coward and alone.
We had a show to give today but I wasn't feeling it. When we got into the minivan on our way to the venue, I didn't want to talk to anybody. Matt made a couple of jokes but I didn't laugh or even look in his direction, just put my headphones on and blasted music that made me not think. I saw Amy in the back from the corner of my eye, she was sitting next to Emma, sunglasses on. She must be feeling worse than I did, and must be hating my existence.
I sank on my seat and just hoped everything was over soon so I could curl up in bed and feel miserable at peace in my room. This was going to be the first night sleeping away from her and would feel different and lonely. I wasn't looking forward to it.
During soundcheck, I did everything robotically, testing the microphone, checking projections with some of the roadies, helping Lee and harmonizing with Jordan. I could feel the hole in my chest getting bigger and bigger and my head started to ache a little. Amy stood at the side of the stage, taking pictures and not talking to anyone. At a certain moment, I took hold of the setlist sheet and crossed out the last song which was always Drown, and wrote another one over it. Jordan looked at me squinting his eyes, but didn't say anything else. I know he'd get it.
Later in the dressing room, we crossed paths with Amy but I couldn't even look up in case I met her eyes and my whole world fell apart. Emma was standing by her side at all times. I was glad she was keeping her company, she was the best woman ever and Jordan was so lucky to have her.
The show unfolded as planned, but I wasn't there. I just sang and performed the way people wanted me to, swearing and cheering to the crowd. When the last song came, that's when it happened. Seen it All Before was a song we rarely played because it had a deep meaning to me, but tonight it felt right. I knew Amy didn't know it, but the lyrics were just perfect. It was the only way I could find to express myself to her. She was standing in front of the stage, professionally taking pictures, but we had a little intimate moment during the last part. I sang my heart out, and at that moment I wanted to hug her and tell her everything was going to be alright.
The crowd went mad when we finished, but I just wanted to run away from there. Amy disappeared as soon as the show ended, I didn't see her backstage, and Emma wasn't there either. I guessed they must've left together.
During the Architects show, I sat on the dressing room sofa, wearing my headphones again. The rest of the boys were watching Sam and his crew perform, so I could find my moment of solitude.
But it didn't last long since Alicia crashed next to me on the cushions.
"What are you doing here?", I could hear her say over the music, distantly. I took off the headphones and smiled at her faintly.
"Nothing really, just wanted to be alone".
"Oh", she hesitated, "I'll leave you to it then", she rose from the sofa but I grabbed her arm to stop her.
"It's okay, you don't bother me", she smiled at me and sat back, crossing her legs on the seat.
"You don't look so good, how are you?"
"I've been better", I replied, my eyes looking down.
"You know you can talk to me, right?", I nodded, "what's wrong?"
It took me a while to look for the right words and I felt my lower lip trembling a little. I tried to explain to her what was happening, without going into much detail. She sighed and caressed my hands with hers. I didn't cry but I wanted to, she had always been a great listener and I knew I could trust her. We remained silent for a good portion of time while we heard the show from afar.
When everybody returned to the dressing room, Sam was hyped and suggested going for a drink to a bar nearby. Alicia insisted I went with them to get my mind off things for some hours, to which I agreed.
We met at a little pub two blocks away from the venue, and everybody was there, including Jordan. He sat next to me and of course, he guessed something was off. I told him how Amy had cried and how shitty I felt, and he reassured me I did the right thing by being honest to her.
Time went by and the beers were coming to our table non-stop. Matt, Sam and Vegan were tipsy already, and Alicia seemed to be too. I took a sip from mine and looked at her while she was telling jokes that made no sense, and I chuckled at a very bad one. Minutes later, she asked me to come outside with her to keep her company while she smoked. It was super cold and I forgot my jacket inside, so she offered me a hug.
The moment was rather intimate, and I was craving any type of human contact. It was a matter of seconds until her lips caught mine in a soft kiss. She sighed into my mouth and her tongue came out to play. I was frozen, my arms stiff and stuck to my sides, but slowly loosened and grabbed her by the waist, keeping her close to me.
"I'm sorry", she said while breaking the kiss, "I don't know what came to me", she placed a hand on her cheek, rather ashamed.
"Don't be", I replied without letting her go, "I liked it".
She didn't hesitate for a single second and kissed me again, this time a tad more passionately. My hands caught her cheeks and she directed hers below my shirt, touching my sides and my chest. I was feeling a little dizzy but was fully aware of what was happening so after a few seconds, I stopped. She stood there waiting for me to say anything but I couldn't speak, I only knew I shouldn't be doing this.
"Are you okay?", She was concerned. I just nodded. "Do you want to go back to the pub?", I shook my head, caught in a dilemma.
"Have you got any weed?", I blurted. She smiled at me and took out a little cigarette box from her left pocket.
It had been a while since I last smoked a joint, so the first drag felt lifesaving. We were standing out there in the cold, smoking and laughing. We used to do this all the time while touring together and it was our way of relaxing after a show. She suggested going back to the pub but I proposed to get an Uber and go back to our hotel. She gave me a reluctant look but finally agreed. During the ride, I could feel the weed relaxing my muscles and the weight over my head slowly started to vanish. Alicia sat next to me, looking at the city landscape through the window. Shyly, she took my hand and held it until we got to the hotel.
Once inside the hotel room, I noticed Amy's belongings weren't there anymore. I know I was sad but the drugs in my system didn't seem to mind. I turned to find Alicia opening the mini fridge and taking out two small vodka bottles from it. She handed me one while I set the stereo to play some music. We danced just as we did in the bar the first night I saw her again, her arms around my neck and her waist making winding movements while my hands caressed the sides of her hips. We kissed slowly, letting our tongues do what they did best.
My head felt light and there seemed to be nothing wrong with the world right now. There was no Amy, no broken hearts, no band, no worries at all.
"I'm glad you're here", I whispered in her ear after chugging down almost the complete bottle of vodka.
"I'm leaving tomorrow Oli", she chuckled, "But I must confess I've been waiting for this since we met", she gave me a little peck on the lips, "I've missed your touch".
That was all I needed to proceed with the kissing and touching. I fiddled with her top until she took it off, leaving her black laced bra on display and her breasts free for me to touch. I squeezed them and licked over the lace, making her moan.
She walked back towards the bed, while I took my tank top off and threw it on the coffee table. Alicia lay on the mattress, waiting for me to hover and cover her in kisses. I certainly did, but it was right at that moment that the dizziness got massive and the whole world spun around.
My legs weakened and I could feel sweat beading on my forehead. I tried to keep the kisses going because Alicia was begging me to pleasure her by the look in her eyes.
I tried my best, quickly taking off her black stockings and plaid skirt, only to leave her in little black knickers. She fidgeted with her fingers on my jeans button and introduced a hand inside my underwear. I was so embarrassed to see her disappointed look because I wasn't hard, not even a small amount. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the drugs or the fact that I shouldn't be doing this with her in the first place since I've just broken up with Amy.
She stroke me a few times, kissing my neck and talking dirty, but nothing seemed to work. My relaxed mind wanted to do it but apparently there was a small portion of it that refused to do so.
She gave up after a while sighing deeply and we both incorporated on the bed. There was an awkward silence which I broke apologising.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong". I placed my hands behind my neck.
"It's okay", she turned to look at me, "these things happen", she smiled reassuringly, "I have to go anyway, my train leaves in a few hours."
"Are you going back to LA?"
"London, then I catch a plane to LA". She stood and began collecting her clothes from the floor, willing to leave.
"Could you please stay for a while? I don't want this to be awkward", I couldn't look at her.
"Okay, I can hang for some minutes", she walked to the coffee table and put my tank top on, not wearing any bottoms except her underwear.
We chatted for a while and I felt the dizziness coming back in full force. I was truly drunk and stoned. She told me to get some rest because I'd need it for tomorrow's show. I nodded and laid on the bed again, breathing deeply until sleep came.
***
[Amelia]
Right after their show ended, me and Emma got into a taxi and it took us back to the hotel. I was going to be hanging out with her until bedtime came and I'd go to my new room. I carried my luggage from Oli's room to this new one right after we arrived. When I got into the room I thought about leaving a little note for him to read later, but I restrained myself. Jordan and the boys were still at the venue waiting for the Architects' show to be over.
I cried on Emma's shoulder on the way while she patted my back and ruffled my hair. She let me let it all out, sobs and sniffs, until I felt I didn't have any more tears left in me. She ordered some pepperoni pizza from room service and we stayed in bed watching sad music videos. She was so thoughtful and comprehensive with me that I didn't want to break things off with her too. I've made a friend for life on this tour and I was so glad it was her.
It was a little after 2 am when Jordan knocked on the door and Emma woke up to let him in. I had snoozed on his side of the bed but sprung from it as soon as he stepped in. He came to me and hugged me tightly, telling me to be strong these remaining days. I just nodded and rubbed my eyes, heading out. Emma told me to text her when I woke up the next day before we left for Leeds, our next destination.
When I got to room 109, I kicked the door closed with my left foot and dragged my feet until I got to the edge of the bed, suddenly remembering.
I didn't want to see Oliver, but I might have to because I'd left my phone charger in his room. I didn't have a key anymore since I left it at the reception desk as soon as I collected all my belongings to move to this room.
I took the lift and walked until I was outside his room, knocking softly. I was at a loss for words when I didn't see him answering, but Alicia.
She gave me a confused look when she saw me standing there, but then smiled.
"Hey", she said recognizing me, "Can I help you?", she asked nonchalantly. She was wearing one of Oliver's tank tops - I'd recognize those anywhere- and no bottoms, just a small piece of black laced underwear. I couldn't even speak, but I tried.
"Hey, I think Oliver has my charger?", my voice was shaky.
"Oh, let me see", she turned on her feet and went inside to rummage the stuff over the coffee table and the drawers, leaving the door completely open for me to see.
Oliver was lying on the bed, I couldn't really see if he was completely naked or not since the bedsheet was covering him from the waist down, and apparently he was asleep. My eyes quickly scanned the room but it was quite dark to see. Everything was pointing to the fact that they had spent the night together or were about to, and it made me sick to the stomach.
My head was spinning because it couldn't process what was happening. Was everything that happened so trivial to Oliver that he just thought it was a good idea to fuck a girl hours after we broke things off? I didn't understand or comprehend anything that was happening.
I just wanted to run, run far away from there. She finally found the charger and handed it to me with a smile. She was truly beautiful, no wonder why Oliver fell for her. I grabbed it and said thanks as I quickly walked away, tears pooling under my eyelashes.