Sanaa ☯️
"I cannot believe that we'll be graduating in a year from now!" Tabitha exclaimed excitedly as she exited the examination room.
"I know right? I'm still in awe," I replied with a smile.
It was the last day of school, which meant we had a limited amount of time to prepare for the matric examinations next year. I religiously counted down the days, which wasn't the best decision on my part because I knew the amount of anxiety I got when it came to public exams. I had the tendency to fall ill whenever they were nearby, which was caused by the anxiety but the illness still made me more anxious if that made sense.
Pushing the thought aside, I walked with Tabitha towards the oak tree, where most most of the class sat.
"Thanks for waiting for me," she said as we got closer to them. "You're nice, unlike the others," she added, slightly raising her voice so that the others could hear.
"You take an eternity to finish any sort of exam, Tabitha. You cannot blame us," Nita said, chuckling.
"It's not my fault if I strive for perfection," she shrugged.
"But you still end up with an average grade," Damon mumbled loud enough to hear.
"You're so mean for no reason," Tabitha pouted playfully. Tabitha was a smart girl but she tended to overstress herself and was a huge daydreamer, which explained her average grades. "You and Sanaa deserve each other."
"I agree," Zara smiled slyly. "Both of them are very mean."
"I'm mean?" I asked jokingly. I was known for being overly sarcastic and my directness, which explained my unofficial nickname my classmates gave me, which was Ice Queen.
"YES!" they exclaimed in unison.
"I guess there's some accuracy to it."
"You guess? You act like you're innocent but you're actually ruthless!" Damon said, shaking his head.
"It's because you bring out that side in me."
"AWWW! Both of you bicker like a married couple!" my friends gushed as I visibly fake gagged. On the other hand, Damon had a smug look on his face.
"Please don't say that again," I said, still recovering from my fake gag.
"Will everyone attend the class party?" Kaya asked.
"No, I won't be able to go," Nita responded.
"Why not?"
"My boyfriend returns from Cederberg tomorrow."
"His arrival doesn't have anything to do with the party. You can still pick him up and attend the party. You know that the possibility of all of us meeting over the holidays are slim."
"I'm sorry but I miss my boyfriend."
"How long has he been away?"
"For three days."
We looked at her blankly before Lottie said, "It's only been three days! What is that man doing to you?"
"I don't think we'd want to know," Tabitha said, shuddering.
"Anyway, apart from Nita, who else?" Kaya asked tiredly. When no reply came, she said, "Good. I do hope the weather will be good like the forecast promised."
The party was to take place at a beach resort in Camps Bay which meant we could only display our bodies in our respective swimming attires (which wasn't entirely a bad thing) because in all honesty, the majority of the class didn't know how to swim. Fortunately, I became an excellent swimmer over the last year through lessons (which my mother was sceptical of but gradually accepted).
"I can't wait to see you tomorrow," Damon whispered softly in my ear as soon as we were the only ones left.
Ignoring my heightened senses, I responded, "What makes tomorrow special? We see each other almost everyday."
"It will probably be the last time I'll see you until September. You aren't exactly a sociable person."
"I agree with you," I giggled. "At least I won't have to see your annoying face for a while."
"Don't be like that, you know you'll miss me."
"Not really."
"Not even a bit?" he asked, making eye contact with me.
"Hmm," I trailed of, tapping my chin in a thinking manner. "No."
"I don't believe you."
"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint," I said flatly.
"You don't always have to act cold all the time," he said, placing his hand over mine. "It's okay to show feelings."
I sighed, glancing at our now intertwined hands on my lap before shifting my gaze to his eyes.
"I know, it's just that I don't know how to."
"You'll never know unless you try," he shrugged. "It can't be that bad, right?"
Talking about your feelings is bad. They will use pretentious compassion and end up using it against you. Remember, they don't care about you. They never did.
"I don't know but I don't think I'm ready right now."
With a small smile, he squeezed my hand in a comforting manner before saying, "There's no need to rush but just know that someone will always be willing to listen to you."
"Thank you, Damon."
"We need to go now, Sanaa," Ama said a few inches away from us. She glanced at our intertwined hands with a smirk before turning away.
"Well," I began, standing up. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah..."
With a smile, I turned away and caught up with my sister.
"Damon, huh?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
"What do you mean?" I asked with furrowed eyebrows.
"You were holding hands with him!"
"Yeah, he was saying something important and wanted to get my attention, that's all."
"Oh my goodness," she muttered under her breath. "Sanaa, you are very dense."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"He likes you, stupid."
"Damon? No way. He just has a flirty personality, that's all."
"I know but he has definitely been different around you."
"Ama, I think you've been over analysing as usual. There's nothing going on."
"Fine then, don't believe me. Just don't be surprised when he confesses his feelings for you."
•
A knock on my room door interrupted my train of thoughts.
"Come in," I called out, not bothering to ask who it was.
"Hi," Mom greeted quietly while sitting on my bed. "So one more year, huh?" she said in an attempt to make conversation.
"Yeah..." I trailed off, not knowing what to add to the conversation.
"I know that you know this but I love you Sanaa. If there's anything that's bothering you, especially the uncomfortable situation we're in, you can talk to me. You'll never be alone as long as I'm by your side, which is forever."
Her words were simple but they still held a lot of weight. I hadn't realised how much I've buried my feelings until now. With teary eyes, I placed my head on her chest, weeping. She rubbed circles on my back in an attempt to soothe me, which worked after a while.
"I know," I said, trying to blink away the neverending stream of tears. "It's just that I know how much emotional and psychological distress the situation has put you in and I didn't want to add my own feelings over yours. Ama and Kai need the attention more than me."
"I understand where you're coming from but you are just a child as well, despite being the oldest. It's my job to take care of all of your needs," she scolded.
"I'm sorry, I didn't realise how much I've been hurting myself until I discovered that I lost the ability to talk about my feelings."
"Promise that you'll try for me?" she said, squeezing me tightly.
"Okay," I promised, squeezing her with the same intensity before releasing myself from her embrace. "I'm sorry for drenching your shirt."
"It's okay," she said, smiling softly, glancing at me. "Come downstairs and eat. Your siblings and I will be waiting for you."
After eating, I received a message from Nita which read: I'm outside.
I told Mom and my siblings about Nita's arrival before rushing to open the door for her.
"Hey, I hope everything is good," I greeted, hugging her as if I didn't wasn't in school with her a few hours ago.
"I'm good, I just wanted to spend some time with you. It has been a while."
"I agree, we have a lot to talk about," I said, making room for her to enter the house.
After engaging in some small talk with my mother and siblings, she and I went to my room.
"Where have you been? I visited you a few weeks ago and your stepmother said that you went to stay with your uncle?"
"Yeah..." she trailed off, not looking at me. "My mother's death anniversary was around that time so I left for some fresh air."
"Oh, okay," I replied, placing a hand on her shoulder.
Nita rarely talked about her mother so I knew how much it must have pained her to even mention it to me, even if what she said wasn't much.
"I do appreciate you looking after me though. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you."
"Ugh, Nita," I groaned playfully. "To switch things up, who is the mystery guy?"
"His name is Siya and he's an upcoming rapper," she smiled.
"Okay, which school does he go to?"
"He does not go to school anymore."
Hmmm.
"How come you've never told us about him? I'm not used to you not sharing."
"It never came up."
With a raised eyebrow I asked, "So he's the reason why you don't want to spend the last day with your friends, huh?"
"It is what it is," she simply replied.
Strange. She has never been that cryptic.
"Okay then," I said, clasping my hands in an awkward manner. "What do
you want to watch?"
"Well, there's this show..."
•
"You look so beautiful, Sanaa!"
"The school uniform does not do you justice!" Some of the boys exclaimed as I walked towards them.
With an eye roll, I said, "I'm just wearing regular clothes. It's nothing to gush over."
"You wouldn't get it," Junior tried to explain. "Just accept the compliment."
"Fine, thanks boys."
I joined the girls who were taking pictures of each other on the poolside while listening to music.
"You all look great," I complimented as I dipped my feet into the water.
"Thanks," they replied, smiling widely.
"Let's take a group photo!" Tabitha suggested, pulling the girls together.
"I'm just going to give you some space," I said, swimming away from the girls.
"You cannot run away from the camera forever!" Kaya shouted and I chuckled in response.
Watch me.
To be fair, my personal insecurities were a reason why I despised pictures. I only took them every once in a blue moon which took me a lot of mental preparation.
When I noticed they were done with their mini photoshoot, I swam back and we chatted for a while before I did some laps around the pool.
"I didn't know you were that good," Damon commented after I finished my 10th lap.
"I try my best."
"You know, I'm a good swimmer as well."
"Really? How long have you been swimming?"
"Since I was four."
"That's a really long time."
"Don't make it sound like that, I'm not that old."
"You're pretty old to me."
He rolled his eyes in response. I knew he turned 18 about three months ago but I still teased him about being old because I liked seeing him irritated.
Everyone was tired of swimming or being in the water so we ordered our food and ate before changing back into our regular clothes. Slowly, people started leaving one by one until I was left with Damon.
"Curse you, traffic," I mumbled as I took another glance on my phone.
Damon sighed as he took a glance on his phone as well.
"I can't believe that I'm saying this but I'll miss you," I admitted to Damon.
"I knew you had a heart, doe eyes," he said, winking. "I might miss you too."
"You know you will. I'm the only person you think about," I said jokingly.
"You're definitely not lying," he mumbled.
"Wait, what?" I said, feeling my heart hammering against my chest.
"Sanaa," he started, closing the gap between us. "There is something I need to tell you-"
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" Mom exclaimed, which made Damon and I jump in surprise.
She and Damon greeted shortly and I waved him goodbye before disappearing into the night.
When I got home, I received a message from him which changed our relationship forever: I shouldn't have let it get so far. I've tried so hard to not like you but you really make it hard not to.
-n
Damon FINALLY told clueless Sanaa about his feelings! How will she react?