Who hasn't ever wondered: am I a monster or is this what it means to be a person - Clarice Lispector
"Rani!" A loud shout resonated through the crowded streets.
The crowd, halting in their positions. There was a silent rule in the streets, no one mentioned the profession of the dancing girls. Everyone acted blind to who they were, if you needed them, you were expected to knock at the door of their brothel. Not shout out their name in broad daylight. If that wasn't fact enough to show the newness of the man, they way he dressed was enough. In his fancy formal trousers and buttoned white, cotton shirt. The silver wristwatch with a giant dial on his left wrist, and an expensive ring glinting in his hands. You never dressed up, there was always the threat of getting robbed after all.
Laila ignored the shout, sprinting, her heart beat racing. She wrapped the shawl around her body tighter. Ignoring the fast steps following her and her family. While Chaand uncle tried to talk to the man, Laila continued to briskly walk out of the large crowd.
"Oh! Hello! Excuse me!" The baritone voice shouted.
Laila took a deep breath, calming her heart. The man could not do anything to her infront of a crowd. Also not to mention she was off of work this week, so Asma Bi was entitled to protect her anyways.
"Beta ap baad mein ana," [Child you should come later,] Sarah stopped, and softly talked to the young man.
She gave him his due respect, not wanting to cause a scene. Her daughters seldom got to enjoy normalcy, and moments like these, though rare, made her wish she had never returned.
"Please aunty, I mean no disrespect but it's between Rani and I". He offered a tight lipped smile.
Sarah sighed, trying to get Laila out of the predicament. The man, standing infront of, them seemed to be extremely hot blooded and the last thing she wanted was for her daughter to be at the brunt of his actions.
"Sahab apko Rani sai baat karni hai tou randi khanay mein karein. Idhr nahi!" [Sir if you want to talk to Rani then come to the brothel. Not here!] Chaand tapped his shoulder.
The man, finally nodded, his lips pulled into a smirk as he followed them. Walking behind the group, he clenched his fists. Brimming with fury at the blatant ignorance. His manly ego, refusing to take such outright disrespect. The fury inside his blood, almost lashing out, his eyes turning completely red with anger. With a jaw locked in place, brows furrowed, he contemplated what he would say once at the brothel.
Fortunately for him, the short walk to the place ended soon and all of them stepped inside. Asma Bi, who was lounging on the day bed outside, sunbathing, immediately straightened up on seeing an important client step through the doors.
"N-nawab Sahab!" [D-Duke sir!] She gulped.
Azmaray nodded his head slowly, motioning for her to come forward. Asma Bi did as told, walking towards him, hoping that the mother and daughter trio had not done anything to harm him. This man could singlehandedly rip her business apart.
"Send that girl, Rani outside". Azmaray ordered, glaring at Laila's back.
"Of course," she nodded her head in return, motioning for Laila to follow him outside.
Taking a deep breath, not wanting to lash out at the man, she followed him into the street. Prostitutes from neighbouring brothels, standing on their balconies ready to observe the show that was about to commence. Even rand passersby had accumulated in the streets, eager to see the showdown.
Laila who had been following Azmaray, hot on his heels, failed to notice that he had stopped and as a result bumped into his muscular back. Wincing as her nose began to hurt due to the sudden impact. Rubbing it slowly, she waited for him to turn around.
"Rani". Azmaray gave her a head nod.
Laila nodded simply in return, all signs of childish innocence vanishing as she pulled her lips into a half smile and her doe eyes narrowed slightly. She rubbed her hands on Azmaray's shoulder, purring like a kitten.
"Arey nawab sahab, ap tou meray peechay yahan tak aagai," [Oh duke sir, you have followed me all the way to this place,] she giggled softly, kissing his cheek.
Azmaray remained stoic, still glaring at her. He roughly pushed her hands off of his shoulder, breathing harshly like a raging bull.
"Arey bura na manaien. Bas aisay lagta hai apko mujh sai mohabbat ho gai hai," [Please don't be offended. It just seems like you've fallen in love with me,] she further pulled his leg.
"Bakwas band karo. Mohabbat ho gi tou sirf apni izzat dar mangetar sai tum sai nahi!" [Shut the fuck up. If I fall in love, it will be with my honourable fiance not you!] He jerked her.
Wincing, Laila pushed his hands off. Glaring at him with an untapped fury. Offended at his claims.
"What do you think of yourself?" She pointed at his chest.
"The man who pays you to sleep with you! How dare you reject me? Do you realise I could have you ruined?" Azmaray threatened.
Laila scoffed at his audacity. Men, always thought they were better than them.
"It's my right. I can reject you. Who wants to sleep with your hideous face?" She fought back.
"Do you know who you're talking to?" He was at the end of his wits.
"Of course. An unhonourbale man, who has a fiance waiting at home!" She rolled her eyes.
"Stop beating around the bush. Tell me your name slut". He ignored her remark, despite the burn that it left behind.
"Why?" She raised a brow.
"Because I want to know it. Come one name your price randi, I'm ready to pay!" [Whore] Azmaray flicked his hand.
"No!" Laila raged.
Her name was the one thing she would never tell a client. Her name to her, was the most sacred part of her. The way to her soul, and Rani, had no soul.
"Oh please tum jaison ka tou imaan bhi paisa kharid leta hai. Mein tou phir naam ki qeemat de raha hun!" [Women like you sell your faith for money even. I'm only paying for your name!] Azmaray spat.
Taking out a wad of cash from his pockets, he threw it at her face. The notes, smacking her face, leaving behind a minor cut that instantly began to sting. Looking at Azmaray, Laila felt tears rush into her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she leaned in, slapping him hardly on the right cheek.
"Mein apna jism nilam karti hun! Par mera naam aur deen, uski nilami mein kabhi nahi honay dun gi. Samjhe ap? Apnay naam ka raub kahin aur dalna. Mar jaun gi par apna naam kabhi nahi bechun gi ap ko!" [I bid my body! But my name and faith, is something I would never bid. Do you understand? Go and use the power of your name somewhere else. I'd rather die than to sell my name!] She spat on his feet, storming inside the brothel.
Leaving Azmaray to the raging storm of thoughts brimming inside his head. He stared at the place where she had spat, her spit covering the edge of his shoe. In that second, he felt homeless. Useless, a burden, a broken child ; alone on his own and the worst that mankind had to offer. He had imagined knowing her real name, it would end the curiosity that lived in him. The infatuation would burn out, by knowing that he knew her name and held power over her. In truth, he had failed. Failed so disgustingly. Not only in his motive, but as his father's son.
Shame on him.
————
Mature content.
Ayna trembled as dreams of that fateful night engulfed her whole. The dark shadows, the loud screams everything came back to her in that moment. She could feel the stares and the touches on her skin as the dream continued. Even in unconsciousness, Ayna felt nauseated. Her hands clawed at her waist, as if fighting the unwanted touch from there. Scratching the skin raw, blood oozing out from a few spots.
The day that had marred her. The night that had dyed her. The touch that had embedded itself onto her skin. The voice that had numbed her. The words that whipped her. Everything surrounded her, as she fell back into the ditch. The cold ground that had comforted as the warm bodies toyed with her. The dark sky that had turned charcoal from their sins ; the moon that turned pale at the crime it had witnessed.
She was running, laughing in the fields of Fairy meadows. The clear skies and plenty stars led her to the moors where she knew he was waiting. The man she had fallen in love with. The one who had treated her like the gentlest of china, purchasing her each night, talking to her, never forcing himself on her. In the one week they had built a bond. Sleeping under the open sky, lost in their plenty conversations. Tonight was her last day and she could not wait to spend it in the arms of her Zaeem.
Reaching under the large Fir tree before him, Ayna tried to breathe. Controlling her racing heart as she took deep breaths, grinning at the sky. Suddenly she felt a hand creep up behind her, before she could turn around, a thick eye patch was wrapped around her eyes.
"Z-Zaeem?" Ayna shouted.
Waving her arms around in the air. Waiting for him to come nearer or to remove the cover from her eyes. But she felt none of that. Instead, her body was thrown onto the hard ground, a pained cry escaped her lips. Whimpers creeping out of her mouth as she felt her dress being torn.
"No! Please! Zaeem don't do this!" She thrashed around.
The warm touch that had felt like comfort to her, suddenly seemed like the most disgusting one. She fought his grip, trying to somehow remove the blindfold. All the while, loathing herself. She had thought the man was different ; that he actually loved her and would respect her. Hot tears flooded down her eyes she felt more people grip onto her bodies, a sharp pain in between her legs as soft grunts sounded inside her ear.
"Khuda keh liye mujhe chor do!" [For God's sake leave me!] She screamed.
Tears poured in bucket loads, her sweaty hair sticking to her forehead. A pain erupting in her body. Cries bubbling up at her throat. She felt empty, all life leaving her. Alone in the arms of the man she loved and others, Ayna wanted the ground to open up and swallow her. The sheer force with which the pain punched her, was shameful.
"Please!" She fought back one last time.
Suddenly, she felt the body fall back. The cold air numbing her bare body, she immediately tore off the blind fold, and her hazy eyes saw the face of Zaeem. One last time, before she fainted.
Ayna woke up as the dream ended, sweating profusely. Her chest aching, the sheets drenched in blood as she cried into her knuckles. The everlasting pain, flowing out of her as she sobbed. Whimpering, praying for God to serve her justice.
"I can't take it anymore. Either end me or end this injustice!" Ayna whispered, her eyes staring at the same moon that had witnessed it all, with burning emotions.
Mature content over
I had all my friends thinking it was Ayna who said that MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I FEEL EVILLL😎😎😎😎
A lot to unpack in this one.
SORRY ABOUT IT
THOUGHTS ON ZAEEM, LAILA, AYNA AND AZMARAY
THOUGHTS & COMMENTS
Also go read Lut Gaye by Zinu13 you'll love the book.