(This is not the last chapter)
It was graduation day at our high school.
The day all of us were excited for and dreaded for at the same time. It was a time where only the strongest friendships lasted after this point and many died out as everyone met new people and created new friendships along their journey in life.
To me that was absolutely terrifying.
"Clarity come on you kids have to be at you school earlier than us so you can sign year books and make sure your ceremony goes smoothly," My mother called from downstairs as her and my father waited patiently for me.
I looked in the mirror at myself, I decided to wear a dress this time, it was just a simple yellow sundress underneath my silver gown. My hair was down and straight just so that the cap would be able to sit on my head without any complications.
"By August you're going to be a college student, your life might change from here on out," I said to myself in the mirror.
"That's correct," I heard my mother's voice behind me, I turned around to see her standing in my bedroom doorway just staring at me with a smile on her face.
"My little girl is growing up, I can't believe it," She sniffled as I noticed she tried to hold back tears.
"Mom don't cry, Lia's gonna beat me up if she finds out I made you cry," I said jokingly as I walked toward her and hugged her.
"I know I know it's just, I watched both of you grow up so fast before my very eyes, you'll just always be my little girl," She smiled, trying extremely hard to hold back her tears.
"Mom you can cry when I walk up on stage, don't ruin your makeup right now," I said as I patted her back.
"You're right I'm being silly right now and I'm wasting makeup," She said as she broke away and began patting at her face to fix her makeup.
"I just hope that Lia is alright," I muttered to myself but my mother caught every word.
"Honey I think you did the most correct and responsible thing," She smiled at me.
*Flashback to that night at the carnival*
"Clarity...I want you to officially be my girlfriend," Lia asked with full confidence in her voice.
I hesitated for a moment, I knew what I wanted to say, I wanted her to be mine and I never wanted to let her go.
"Lia...I can't do it," I finally admitted.
She looked at me for a moment, a million emotions flashing across her face as she tried to process what she had just heard.
Let's face it, Lia has never been rejected before, she was always the one doing the rejecting.
"Explain, I thought we were making progress. I thought you wanted to be with me? Is it because we are going to schools far away from each other? I told you that I can travel as much as possible to see you I just don't understand-" I held my finger to her mouth and shook my head.
"That's exactly why I think we should hold off on being in an exclusive relationship with each other, I love you so much romantically but also as a friend and I know you feel the same about me but I know you and I know that if we get into a relationship in the current state that you are in than all of your progress that you have gone through will go down the drain. You'll out me before yourself leaving unattended feelings and emotions that need to be dealt with alone," I explained as I took a deep breath to calm my nerves.
"But I-" I leaned forward and gently pressed my lips against hers to silence her once more.
As I broke away, she stared at me with big eyes, ready to listen to whatever else I had to say.
"You need to heal and some things are better left to do on your own, I don't want you to worry about me, I've only recently found out all this that's been happening to you and how you've been really feeling and I'm not ready to handle that, I've been doing more more damage than good," I said, looking into her eyes.
She studied me for a moment, trying to think about what she wanted to say, she had been doing that a lot recently, maybe because it was something her therapist that discussed with her in one of her sessions.
"We've been together basically our entire lives, what am I supposed to do without you?" She asked, a slight shake in her voice that caused a crack in my heart.
"Grow and get better for me, don't think of it as we are ending everything once and for all. Think of it as time for us to grow so that we both can come back to each other with new growth," I smiled.
I looked into her eyes and noticed as they began to well up with tears as they silently began to slide down her beautiful face.
"So this isn't a no but a not right now?" She asked as her hands began to slightly shake.
"Pretty much, do you hate me for it?" I slightly smiled, grabbing for her hands.
"No I don't hate you, what if you don't want me anymore?" She asked quietly, nearly whispering.
"That's not possible, no matter how far away we are from each other I will always want you, I'll always want to talk to you, see you, hear you and hold you but...the timing just isn't right," I looked away from her and looked out over the view of the Ferris wheel, it was almost as if time stopped while we were up in the sky.
"I understand, I just don't want to lose you," She sat next to me and rested her head against my shoulder, listening to the sounds of the Ferris wheel descending.
It was a sad time because this meant that Lia and I wouldn't be together but that didn't mean it would always be like that. If we were meant to be together then eventually we would find each other again once more.
*Flashback Over*
"In my opinion I don't think either of you are ready for a serious relationship, especially Lia. She has a bit of healing she needs to do within herself but that doesn't mean you two should stop being friends," My mother said as we both headed downstairs.
"I know, I just wonder if she's going to push me away. Like she normally does," I said lowly to myself as we reached the bottom of the stairs where my dad stood in there living room where he stood in the middle of the room and smiled at both my mother and I.
"There's my two beautiful girls," He said as he walked over to give my mother a tight squeeze and a hug and then planting a kiss on her cheek.
"Someone's graduating today, you've done such a wonderful job at school I'm so proud of you," He walked over to me and hugged me tight, pulling me into his arms.
"Thank you Daddy," I smiled and hugged him back, feeling the comfort of his body against mine.
"Alright come on you can't miss your own ceremony, besides you have to get there early anyway for rehearsal," He said as we broke away and he pushed us towards the car so we could hurry inside and take off towards my school.
~~~~~
We pulled up to my school and I hurriedly raced inside to see everyone in my graduating class, everyone in their formal attire and school colors, excitedly talking with each other, some of them crying and others to themselves just waiting to graduate.
"Clarity!!!!" I heard someone scream my name.
I looked around to see Justin, Alex, Amelia, Maddy, and Asha in a large group looking over in my direction. I walked over to the group, slightly disappointed that Lia wasn't anywhere in sight.
"She's coming a little late, something happened at home," Asha said as she noticed me looking around.
"Is she alright?" I asked worriedly.
"Yes she's okay, just parental problems," She said as she shook her head.
"Can you guys believe it, we're about to be high school graduates," Justin said as he nudged Amelia in her side as she smiled up at him brightly.
"Did you guys get your yearbooks?" Maddy asked as she held her up in her hand.
I looked around at everyone and noticed their yearbooks in their hand all except for me.
"Clarity I can walk you to get your yearbook if you want," Alex offered as he stepped forward.
I nodded my head as we stepped away from the crowd and headed up the stairs and away from the sea of soon to be graduates.
"Why are they keeping all the year books up here?" I questioned as we made our way towards what seems to be the advanced chemistry classroom.
"I'm not sure, maybe they didn't want people sneaking in and trying to steal others yearbooks," Alex shrugged his shoulders.
He was wearing black dress pants with a baby blue button down dress shirt and casual black dress pants. His hair was in its usual messy state but it didn't matter because it seemed to complete the look.
We stooped in front of the classroom door and he pushed the door open for me allowing me to step inside. As I stepped inside I noticed a cheery and dewy faced Lia sitting on top of a lab desk holding my yearbook in her hand with a smile on her face.
"I'll leave you two alone for now and just come get you when it's time to go," Alex winked as he closed the door behind me.
She had on a men's white dress shirt that was unbuttoned to show off her chest which she was able. to do because she wasn't wearing a bra and she had on women's black dress pants and white heels. Her hair was untidy because she never really learned how to do her hair but to my surprise it looked as though she was wearing makeup.
"Are you wearing makeup?! You look so cute, not that you don't look cute everyday anyway," I said as I walked towards her with my arms outstretched.
"Yeah I asked my sister to do my makeup for me because I can't get over how hot I looked during prom," She smirked as she pulled me into between her legs and embraced me deeply.
"What are you doing in here waiting for me with my year book?" I asked as we pulled away and she hopped off the desk, slightly towering over me.
"I just wanted to personally hand deliver it to you because everyone signed it for you since you weren't here earlier fort he signing," She said, placing the yearbook in my hand.
"I wasn't expecting for anyone to sign it except you I guess," I shrugged my shoulders and flipped the book open to see the cover page filled with words from all the others signing my year book.
"Did you force them to sign this?" I asked surprised as I closed it.
"Nope, we all noticed you weren't here and we all saw your book just sitting here so we decided to sign it," She looked into my eyes and smiled warmly but the warmth didn't reach her eyes, instead there was a bit of sadness in her eyes.
"Why do you look so sad?" I said as I squeezed her hand.
"I have to leave for college in a new weeks because I'm on the volleyball team and I have to start training so I won't be able to spend much of the summer with you," She said quietly, looking away from my eyes.
I watched as silent tears began to slip down her face as she turned farther away from me, trying to shield my view of her but I grabbed her face so that she was looking at me directly in my eyes.
"Clarity I can be in a relationship with you and heal myself at the same time I promise I can do it," She said as her lip slightly quivered.
"Don't mess up your makeup, I don't know how to fix it," I smiled, patting the side of her cheek.
"I don't want to be abandoned again by someone close to me, why does everyone so close to me decide to leave when I finally want to let them in?" She choked out as she held onto my hand tight, not daring to let go.
"You time you spend on traveling to see me, talking on the phone with me, worrying and me and caring for me could all be dedicated to yourself. I want to love you, fully but I want you to love yourself first," I said as my hand slid up her wrist where I felt the slightly raised imperfections of her own self neglect causing her to slightly flinch.
"Does this mean we have to stop being friends?" She asked.
"We are always going to be friends no matter what, nothing can replace the bond that we have and don't take this as me abandoning you loser, " I said as I bonked her on her head, causing her to groan and then smile.
"Hey I'm the one that calls you a loser, stupid," She said as she poked her bottom lip out and plucked at my fingers.
"Hey hey ladies, I have come to collect you because we are beginning to pile outside for the ceremony," Alex walked back in to warn us.
I turned back to Lia as I rested planted a kiss on her forehead and smiled.
"Remember, I'm not saying no. I'm just saying not right now," She said, grabbing her hand into mine as we following behind Alex.
We placed either cap on each other's heads, signifying another journey our friendship would go through but this time with others by our side.
Hoping that things turn out for the better.