Joel could barely sleep that night, struggling with the distraction of knowing that the only thing separating him from the woman he loved was a wall. He couldn't remember that physical attraction could be that strong, and he was failing to use the weapons with which he had once overcome sexual sin. The temptation of knocking on the bedroom next door and spend the night with Debora was raging. It was so overwhelming that he eventually did that, but in his dreams. He was startled by the alarm and woke up sweaty all over the place.
"Oh no..." He regretted the lack of self-control.
He got up and even though that wasn't a warm morning - because it was winter - he chose to take a cold shower. How he needed something cold to refresh him!
After placing his clothes and the bed linings in the washing machine, he devoted time to reconnect with the Heavenly Father and renew his mind - as he always did. He needed to remember that he was physically attracted to Debora as a woman, for sure, but she was way more than just a beautiful African female specimen. She was intelligent, God-fearing, committed, a great friend, easy to talk to, kind, caring, talented, creative, fierce and courageous. But if his mind quickly deviated to her fleshly value, then it was definitely better to move out.
When Debora arrived in the kitchen, all dressed-up to go to work, Joel locked eyes with her, and smiled, all loved-up.
"Hey Joe, did you sleep alright?" She asked him, while fetching a mug for the tea to accompany the pancakes that he had prepared.
"More or less." He replied, observing her, with a clean mind again.
She felt that something wasn't right with him, while putting her mug on the counter. Looking at him in the eyes, she asked:
"Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, it's just that..." He was reading the bible and holding a propelling pen in his hand, when she arrived. He put the pen down, trying to find guts to be honest. "I'm gonna try to hand the keys over to Florencia, today." He faced her. "She might know of something to rent nearby."
"You can stay here until you find something." Debora embraced him, showing him the support he seemed to need.
"Better not." He giggled, holding one of her hands. "Last night I didn't get much sleep, just knowing that you were sleeping next door."
"I'm so sorry." She thought he was cute and cuddly as well, so she embraced him even more and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I totally understand your position, but where are you gonna stay until you find something?" She faced him.
"I'll just go to a hotel nearby, until something comes up. I wanna commit to our vow."
"Joel, if you're having second thoughts on keeping pure until marriage..." She couldn't finish her reasoning, because he interrupted her.
"What kind of man would I be, if I couldn't keep my word?" He tried to prove his point. "Would you marry a guy like that?"
"No, I wouldn't." She recalled that that was one of the reasons that helped her realize why Adam wasn't the right one for her; he didn't love her enough to commit. "Anyway, are you ready for your special event today?"
"Our." He corrected. "This is our victory."
"We do make a great team." She acknowledged. "But, are you ready?"
"I'd rather be at Ralph's today, honestly." He confessed, recalling that that was the day they met to pray and study the Bible. "Did you realize that this week we won't congregate at all?" He meant: getting together with fellow Christians to study the Bible and encourage one another.
"Yeah, I did."
"But it will also be good to meet non-believers. They need to hear the truth of God's kingdom and His deliverance."
Debora nodded, but she wasn't too much into evangelism. Joel noticed that and he gave her a chance of opening her heart.
"You aren't much into evangelism, are you?"
"That's not my call, I guess." She gave him that comfortable excuse that many of us Christians use to stop caring for those who are lost and walking straight to hell.
"Who has ever taught you that?"
She didn't even recall, but that was a good, comfortable lie in which many Christians believed, because conveniently, it is much harder to reach out for the lost, than to sit in the church, even though many of those in the church still need to come to the salvation that comes only through the true gospel.
"I don't recall, but someone did. I guess."
"Tell me, Debora," Joel was very intrigued. "Why did God save you?"
"Because he loves me." She suddenly felt the pressure of giving the right answer. "John 3:16."
"It's good that you mention that verse." He paused. "God loved the world, not only you or me, or those who go to church." He explained. "He loved all mankind, so our salvation is not about ourselves. It never is and it never was." He explained, placing a caring hand on her face. "It's not about me. I am saved so that I can shine God's light into the world, and make His kingdom known."
"I realize that."
"Then why are you falling for the lie that evangelism isn't your call? Maybe you're not an evangelist, but you can live a life filled with compassion for the lost, and that is the kind of fire that stirs your heart to reach out for them." He explained. "You can do it by using your gifts. Like singing."
"That's not that big a gift." She was proud.
"Debora," He was caring, caressing her face gently, with true and pure love. "You are a gifted singer. You have stage presence, and your voice fills up any room. You're not only entertaining, you are anointed." He admitted. "And it's not about you. God chose to give that to you, to bless others, so use that gift! Train it, if you have to, improve where you need, and devote yourself to God, so that He may lead you." He smiled. "I can clearly see that God has called you to the multitudes, so be ready."
"Joe, I don't imagine myself in that position."
"Don't worry, just trust, and in the meantime mature in your relationship with the Father and in your gift." He was comforting.
"Ouch, so harsh in the morning...!" Debora commented.
"If I didn't love you, I would never tell you these words."
She figured he was right. "But who don't you love? You love everybody, Joe."
"I'm actually," He said reluctantly. "having a hard time loving Richard, for knowing what he tried to do to you."
Debora turned her head around quickly at Joel. She didn't know it hurt him so much to know that another man had tried to take advantage of her. She wondered if he felt the same about Adam.
"What about your best mate?" She had a playful tone, while finishing her pancakes. "Are you struggling with him as well?"
"Yeah, him too, a little."
"Joel, they are both men. Men are like that with women." She tried to reason with him once again, fully aware that he perceived the ways of males in the world. "If they find a woman attractive, they try to have their way with her. Some try it kindly, others forcefully." She was a bit upset to be recalling the whole story. "Or is it because your friendship just fizzled out?"
"We were best mates, Debora." He mourned. "Now, Adam is like a whole different person, who doesn't even talk to me."
She knew that, and Joel sometimes mentioned the distance that had grown between him and his best mate.
________________________________________________________________________________
Joel hadn't found a new place to move in yet. He had forgotten that the boss had left Sydney to attend a conference in Canberra. He didn't intend to spend money in a hotel, especially because the hotels in the city were very expensive, even in the low-season. He stubbornly chose to stay in the apartment. Just like Samson, he felt that former triumphs - over sexual temptation with his abusive girlfriend and then pornography - legitimated the confidence he had in his flesh to overcome this new situation. He lied to himself, saying that he wouldn't be mastered by the desire he felt for Debora. But sex is very sensorial, which means that the moment you're thinking of it, you already feel the need to act on it. And when two people are attracted to each other, they easily forget that God is watching over them. With all these, Joel still wanted to risk.
He was very confident in his flesh while he waited in the taxi for Debora to come down. He didn't expect that to be that big of a deal, because that day had gone smoothly, with no distractions nor physically dangerous interaction. He had managed to keep the mind clean, but it was too soon to sing victory, because that evening was just about to get started.
She came walking toward him from the building. In his sight, she looked beyond attractive in her petrol green silk dress that wasn't tight, but easily triggered his imagination. He looked away, still holding the reins of his emotions; after all he wasn't an untamed beast.
Apologizing for the delay, she entered the vehicle and they left to their destination. On the way, he didn't hesitate to pull her closer to him by the hand. When her body met his, he wrapped her in his warm embrace, and they started their trip cheek to cheek. On their way to the hotel in the Blue Mountains National Park, Joel decided it was safe to express his love for her physically - physical touch was one of his love languages -, only because there was a third-wheel in the vehicle: the taxi driver. He was more romantic than Debora could have expected. The words of affirmation he whispered in her ear were gentle and melted her into his hands. When the compliments ceased, they were so wrapped up in each other's essence that when their lips met for a kiss, it truly felt like a deeper expression of their love.
"You are the one, Debora." He looked intently in her eyes. "I've never felt so sure about anyone before."
"What about your girlfriends?" She giggled.
"Oh!" He giggled as well. "I haven't been immersed in the love of the Father then."
She entwined her fingers in his, absorbed by him, feeling protected, accepted, safe, valuable, meaningful and beautiful in his embrace. In other relationships, Debora had always felt like she had to make an effort to keep the flame burning; she would lose her own identity just to please her partners, even with Adam. However, knowing that there was nothing she could change to have Joel loving her more or less was very calming, and it gave her peace for the future.
The drive up to the mountains besides long was intense. They didn't even notice they had arrived, until the taxi driver warned them. Joel paid him in cash and, with Debora, headed to the venue.
When they were still on the hotel's parking lot, paved with cobbled stones, Joel looked ahead, and realized that the event was more mediatic than he had anticipated. There were photographers and even a few cameras from National TV. He communicated that to his escort, trying to understand if she was comfortable with it.
"Are you sure?"
"This is your moment, Joe." She encouraged him. "I'm fine showing up, if you are comfortable with it."
"Of course I am." He smiled. "You'll be my wife soon."
"How soon?" She was suddenly curious.
"That depends on you, really. Because I know what I want, and that is you."
"Really?" She found him so amorous.
They started walking onto the red carpet, - too much of an event for a red carpet, in Joel's opinion; he had participated in something that was very important to all of Australia and didn't know.
He put his hands into the pockets of his tuxedo pants. "Aren't you done with dating yet?" He asked.
"I don't think I dated as many guys as you dated girls." She calculated mentally.
He let out a laughter and looked at her, saying:
"I was so immature then. I would crush on girls, and then if they liked me back, I'd instantly date them. But that was before I went to college. I dated a girl there for a year, though. And after college there was that abusive relationship that drained the life out of me and my mum." He sighed. "After all that, I gotta be honest with you: I'm done with dating. I wanna settle down."
"I'm done with dating too." She agreed, and because Joel left room for her to express herself, she added: "Anyway, if dating means getting to know someone in a deeper level, then I think we could say that we've been dating."
Joel nodded happily, never realizing that before, even though he was grateful for the friendship he nurtured for Debora.
"What do you say? We get married?" That question seemed to be very much in tune with the level of evolution they experienced in their relationship.
"Yeah," she totally perceived his intention, but wanted to feel that strong conviction he had about them. "We will, eventually." She didn't even mean what she said; she had only said that just trying to squeeze the deep truth out of him.
"I mean," He didn't give any further step. "Marry soon, very soon, like as soon as possible; no dating... you know?" Joel was nervous, but in his tuxedo he looked so put together and manly that it was hard to tell.
"Are you sure?"
"I am." He was fully convinced of what he wanted to do, but seeing her reaction and how silent she was looking back at him made him lose his cool. "But, of course," He tried to retreat what he had said. "I'm not gonna try to convince you to take that step. We will only take it, whenever you're ready." He started babbling. "If you're ever ready; we may never be on the same page. But I hope you really like me, and you're not one of those girls who just goes with anyone who likes them..." He was nervous.
"I am." She said in the middle of all his babbling.
"Say what?" He had heard something. "Did you say something?" He couldn't believe his ears right away.
"I tried to say that I am ready. I wanna take that step with you, Joe."
He was sure of what he wanted to do once again, standing his ground on his desire of marrying her.
"Wow!" He was rather speechless. "Start a family with someone like you is more than just a dream come true." He looked in her eyes intently.
"Joe!" She mumbled his name, with a smile on her face and drew closer to him, and embraced him.
As they approached the venue, hand in hand, there was a commotion of people, all dressed-up walking through the red carpet. Even Joel felt overwhelmed, when he realized the type of reception they would receive. After they had faced the cameras with boldness, two well-appearing hosts received them. They had one roaster each, and were asking for people's ID. Joel showed them his, and the hostess suddenly vibrated. Apparently, he was a VIP guest, because the girl led them into a location in the dining room that was reserved for VIP only.
They were in a beautiful spacious room, dim-lit with shades of magenta, blue, violet and white lights. A waiter in a black suit came to serve both Debora and Joel, he even pulled the chairs out for both of them, served them drinks, and waited by their side of the table. The seats at their table were occupied already; they were the last to arrive. Everybody was very timid to start talking, even Joel felt out of his comfort zone, and he was a social guy!
The ceremony started on time, by then the room was completely full. A few impressive stage performances opened the celebration. Around thirty minutes later, the whole organizing committee was invited to the stage to start delivering the awards. After a long introduction and - supposedly - brief thanks, they finally introduced the photographies. They started with the third place winner, and then moved on to the second. By that time, the ceremony was already two-hours long, still it wasn't the time for the first place winner; the presenter announced a break for dinner. Two hours later, nearly midnight, Joel Smith was called up the stage to receive his award. Because he was exhausted, he complained to Debora that he didn't even know what to say in his speech.
On his way to the stage, all Joel thought of was the right words to fit into a decent speech. He walked up the stage, received the award from the presenter and they gave him the stage for a speech.
Joel's appearance wasn't everybody's cup of tea, but he was charismatic, eloquent and gentle, so some of the single ladies attending that event were very attracted to him, especially by the choice of words in his speech:
"Good evening, I'm very honored to be here today receiving this award. But I have to tell you that I deserve little to no credit for this. First of all, - I don't know about you, but I believe in God, the Creator of the universe, who sent His only son so that we could also be accepted by God, the Father, as His children - He was the one who gave me the passion for photography and a supportive family to help me develop my skills. Second of all, this photo wasn't even my choice, and I didn't know what it stood for if it wasn't for my fiancée - the most wonderful woman ever. She gave me the idea and supported me, even though she hates photography as a form of art." Joel smiled. "And a big thank you for this initiative." He addressed the committee. "About my photography, I just have one sentence for that: out of sight, out of mind. But I sincerely hope that we, who live in the city, may not forget the hardships that our fellow citizens who live in the outback go through, especially knowing that our country is undergoing a severe drought."
Even before he completed, the crowd cheered and applauded him for his heartfelt speech.