I threw my tools into the wheelbarrow, finishing up my last bit of chores for the day. My father didn't give me much today since there wasn't a lot to do on the farm that Saturday. It was nice though, to be back. Doing what I used to do with a refreshed mindset. Being away from here for two weeks was perfect. I now was appreciating the little things. The cool yet calming breeze that hit the back of my neck, the faint smell of dirt, and the sounds of migrating birds chirping about me. Everything seemed to finally be alright, after so long.
I had one person to thank...the blonde that has popped into my mind every five seconds. I told him this morning to go back to bed to get some rest. He wanted to help me but, I told him I would be fine and that his rest was more important. Besides, if he did help me, I think I would feel more guilt than relief. Garroth was going through some of the most devastating news of his life and all I could do as a boyfriend was try my best to help. Trust me. If I had the ability to, I would track Garte down myself and beat him close to death. The only reason I saw him being alive was to give him the answers Garroth was looking for. I sighed, trying to calm myself by focusing on the beautiful environment around me.
"Well, you seemed to get a lot done. Did motivation finally hit you?" My Father teased, coming up to me from the house. I chuckled and said; "I guess. You can thank Garroth for that."
"Trust me. I have a lot of things to thank him for," He smiled, patting me on the back. "Now, I think that's it for the day. We'll leave painting the fences for when it starts to get warmer out."
"Sounds great to me," I agreed, looking at the what seemed like miles of fencing on the property. He then helped me get the few remaining items into the wheelbarrow. I insisted on pushing it against his wishes, taking it back to the barn. As we walked across the slightly muddy path, he placed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Now, usually that didn't mean much to other people but, to mean it meant he had something serious he wanted to discuss. So, I took a deep breath and asked; "Is everything alright?"
"Huh? How did you-" I just gestured to the pockets, him rolling his eyes at himself, apologizing. "Your sister told me that you still haven't told Garroth about your...situation. I just want to make sure you're planning on telling him."
I took a deep breath as to not look pissed at my sister for saying something and said; "No...I will tell him. I just-"
"You don't know how to bring it up?" I nodded my head to which he stopped me and placed his hands on my shoulders; "Laurance, you really care for Garroth right?"
"Of course."
"I can tell he really cares for you too. He has done so much for you and that's not something anyone does," He told me, looking me straight in my eyes. "Being honest and starting the relationship completely open is the best way to go. I'm ninety-nine percent sure that he'll support you either way. Because he loves you."
I gave him a small smile, knowing that there was truth in his words. Hearing him say those things, from someone who I see as a man who was strong and caring, made me feel for the first time relieved and confident. "Thanks Dad...next time I see him, I'll pull him aside and tell him."
"Perfect, as you should. Now," He says, taking the wheelbarrow himself; "let's get this stuff back into the barn before your mother has my head for taking so long."
We laughed a bit as we went towards the barn. When we rounded the corner, I couldn't help but feel butterflies in my stomach as I heard the giggles of Caleb as he excitedly said; "Gar-Gar! Look at the horsies!"
I heard the blonde laugh as he said; "Yes, aren't they cool?"
My father and I entered the barn, seeing the two looking at the horses in the barn. Garroth was lifting Caleb up so he could pet the muzzle of the animal, who whinnied in joy. My heart skipped a beat, seeing the two like that. I also felt the rub on my shoulder from my shoulder, as if my father was giving me that last bit of strength and courage I needed. He gave me a wink before saying, catching the two off-guard; "I see that Caleb found a new best friend. Seems like Laurance has been replaced in that department."
Caleb laughed as Garroth put him down so he could waddle over to my father and I. He excited exclaimed; "I was showing Garrath the horsies!"
"I see that bud," I chuckled, leaning down to ruffle his hair, earning another laugh from him. Hayden then took this time to say; "Seems like you also had a tiring day. Let's take you for a nap."
"But Poppi-"
"No buts. Mama wouldn't like you being all cranky this evening," He insisted, lifting him up in his arms. "Besides, let's have Laury and Garrath have some alone time, hm?"
Caleb huffed but, agreed, letting my father take him away. He directed me to the wheelbarrow though, as if to say to put the stuff away first. I playfully rolled my eyes, him chuckling before heading off. I turned my head to see my love smiling at me, leaning against a post in the barn. I walked up to him, taking his hands gently as I asked him softly; "How are you? Were you able to sleep a bit?"
"I'm better," He answered. "It looks like you need a nap more than Caleb though."
I laughed a bit, shaking my head. "I'm okay. Just wanted to make sure you were feeling okay. Besides, I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing how upset you were last night."
"That really doesn't assure me Laur," The blonde frowned, looking down a bit. I leaned closer, lifting his chin up to look into his eyes. I replied; "Listen, I'm fine because you're fine. You're the most important person to me. So knowing that you're happy makes me feel happy."
"But you look exhausted-"
"Eh, sometimes boyfriend duties do that to you," I shrugged, brushing the comment aside. "Consider us even for some of the nights that I kept you up later than you should've."
He must've decided to stop fighting it and accept I wasn't going to let him have this one because he sighed and said; "Well then...thank you. For being there last night."
"No problem love," I say, giving him a quick kiss. When I parted though, I remember what I told my father. "Hey...there is something I need to talk to you about. I wanted to do it when you weren't well...receiving some of the worst news of your life but, I think I can't delay it anymore. Is it okay if after I put this stuff away, we could go for a walk?"
Instead of looking annoyed or anxious like I thought he would, he gave a reassuring smile, saying; "Of course. I'd love to."
•••
I held onto his hand, my other hand in my flannel jacket pocket to keep it protected from the biting cold. As if on cue as well, a gust of wind came to hit us, causing Garroth to cling closer to me, hugging my arm. I smiled softly to myself, kissing the top of his head. I heard him giggle a bit, him asking quietly; "So, what did you want to talk about?"
"Well," I say, trying to come up with words. We came up to the creek that ran at the end of my parents' property. Larges trees with handing branches created an arch over the top of it, making it seem like something out of a fantasy novel. I remember what it looked like in the spring, even more beautiful then now. Garroth seemed to find it pretty as well. I felt him relax up against me as we just gazed at mother nature in front of us. "Do you want to stop here?"
"Sure, if that's what you want," He replied, looking up at me. I gave him another smile as I nodded my head. We found a dry spot to sit down, still looking at the creek. I sat with my legs stretched out, leaning back on my hands as the wind kissed my face. Garroth looked to me and studied me it seemed. I smirked at him, asking; "What?"
He didn't say a word as he reached to my bun, pulling the hair-tie out that was keeping it secure. A slight pink hue came to his cheeks as he continued to gaze at me, a small grin appearing as well. "That's better.."
I pulled him closer to me, my heart melting slightly. He leaned his head on my shoulder as we continued to watch nature around us. The sun was beginning to drop, making it golden hour. "I see why you love it here," Garroth said to me softly. "I wouldn't mind staying here myself."
I sighed and said; "That's not the only reason why I stay here Gar."
"I know, your family...I mean, doing all of this to help your parents, it's truly amazing Laur. Cadenza too. You two should be proud of yourselves."
I frowned deeply, a sharp pain striking my chest. "Even when it keeps me away from you?"
"Of course...you're doing the right thing Laur."
Again, another strike of pain hit me. He raised his head and turned to me, asking me; "Okay. What do you want to tell me?" He noticed my frown and immediately said with a concern look; "You don't have to Laur! It's really okay if you want to wait!"
"N-No!" I stopped him, taking his hand again. "I do want to tell you...I actually need to tell you really, um..."
I wondered how I should start it. There really was no perfect way to. So, I just started talking. "It's um...it's about why I'm really here. The reason I've kept it from you is because...uh, because I was afraid of how you would see me afterwards. I did something really dumb and now, my whole family is suffering the consequences..." He just sat there and listened, with probably the most supportive look a partner could give you. I took a deep breath and sat up straight, fully turning my body to face him, taking both his hands. "Gar...what I'm going to tell you...it's huge. I completely understand if you don't want to continue what we have after this. Hell, even if you never want to see me again. I really should've told you a long time ago but, I never was strong enough..."
"Is this-"
"Yeah...it's the reason-the main reason why I broke up with you...the one person who made me feel happiest, heh," I nervously laughed. I trailed off, feeling my heartrate pick up. Garroth placed a hand on my shoulder, saying; "Hey...everything is going to be okay. I will never see you differently because of something you did. Trust me. I've done a lot of stupid things and stuck by me. Why shouldn't I do the same for you? I love you Laurance...it's okay to tell me."
I looked at him sympathetically, caressing his cheek. "I love you too..." I bit my lip, sighing before starting the story. The one that had been running through my head every time I thought about telling him. "It happened in between that time after Aphmau and Aaron first started seeing each other and before you left for Love-Love Paradise. Remember when I came here to visit my family? With Cadenza?"
"Yeah! You were really excited!"
"Yeah...well, during that time, which I wasn't fully willing to tell you, I was...going through a lot. After chasing after Aphmau for so long for her just to move on with Aaron, it hit me that I was really just wasting my time. How I spent so long wishing for someone who truly always loved someone else," I explained. "It just made me realize how lonely I was...that I didn't have real love at that point of my life. Feeling that way also made me feel worse about myself because you were able to easily move on...yet I was stuck. So, when I came here, to help I started to drink a bit. Just a glass of wine or a bottle of beer here and there...like when you just need something to help you sleep. Well, one night, I went out with some old college friends and they saw how depressed I was. They kept giving me drinks while encouraging me to get hit on some girls there at the bar. One woman in particular...she had blonde hair and greenish-bluish eyes. I don't know why I went for her..."
Garroth was silent during this whole thing, which I appreciated. Whenever I looked at him, he gave me a look that urged me to keep going. Like he was ready to hear what I was about to say. "Well, we were both drunk...and that lead to one thing to another...and-and we-Irene...I'm sorry..."
The blonde got the message, shooting me a empathetic look as he said; "Laur...it's okay. So what if you had this one-night stand? It was years ago at this point. It was even before we started dating. It doesn't matter to me-"
"I'm not done yet," I interrupted him. He looked confused but, let me go on nonetheless. "Ella, is her name, and I immediately regretted it. We decided to go our separate ways. I went home and didn't hear from her for months. Then, a few weeks before you guys got that free trip to Love-Love paradise, I got a call from my parents..."
I combed my hair back, losing my words once again. The ground had become very uncomfortable at this point and I stood up, frustrated that I couldn't fucking speak to my boyfriend. The shame was rising quickly and my anxiety was growing. "Laur...?"
I looked down to see Garroth still on the ground, looking scared. "Are you danger or something?"
"No! I just-" I groaned, pinching the space between my eyes and I tried my best to come up with how to say it. While do this, Garroth thought I was getting angry and he said as he got to his feet; "We don't have to talk about it right now. Laur, I understand how hard it must to tell me. I can wait."
"No Garroth," I sighed, crossing my arms. "You deserve to know...and I can't go on with this relationship knowing that you don't know what I did..."
"Okay then tell me. Like I said, it's fine. We'll figure it out. I'm here to support you. Just like you support me."
"It's not that easy!", I snapped, him jumping a bit, then getting a bit frustrated himself, snapping back; "What's not easy to tell me? I've been your best friend for over half your life! I love you! So what in the world makes it hard to-"
"Ella was pregnant!"
He froze, him shutting his mouth immediately. I took a few breaths, calming myself down, even though my emotions were piling up inside me. "My parents knew Ella's parents...they called them and said that...she was eight months pregnant and that the baby was mine. I needed to be there to decide how much I wanted to be involved. So...I went."
Garroth was connected the pieces in his head as I went along, so he stuttered out; "D-Does that mean-"
"The baby is...is Caleb," I finally said, closing my eyes tightly so I couldn't see his reaction. There was a long pause, him probably processing this information. But, the pause was so long that my thoughts went far.
He hates you now. You were right. He's disgusted by you. You're a liar. A monster. How could you keep this secret from him for so long? He'll never want to see you again. He's probably walking away right now to pack his things and run off. You messed this up.
"L-Laurance I-"
"I'm so sorry..."
And with that, I ran off before I could hear another word. I heard him calling out to me from a distance but, I didn't stop. I just needed to leave.
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