Chapter Nineteen: "They Restrained Me."
THE BOYS HAVE officially taken over my table.
Sure, it was mine, Yasmeen's, Mariam's and Iman's to begin with but Dev and Aven have laid a claim. Dev's claim was obvious in the way he drew little shapes on the surface of the table, retracing to the point where it seemed like it was going to stay well long after he graduated. Aven's claim on the table was in his spot right across from me where he could look out the window.
I stretched my hands out in front of me, reading over Ashton's stupid message in our shared document with the other two in our group. I didn't think I was going to have to deal with any of them during this week, but Ashton wanted to get a head start on our experiment.
Which was fine. I was going to suggest starting it on Monday. If this was anyone else, I would've been over the moon with the idea of working ahead but this was Ashton.
My laptop was suddenly closed shut. "Hey!"
"Why do you look stressed?" Aven asked, running a hand over the light stubble that had graced his chin.
"I have a huge presentation for biomethods," I groaned, my face in my hands. "It's thirty percent of our mark and faculty members are going to opt-in and look at our topics."
"What's your topic?"
"We're testing the effects of this cleaning product on bacteria."
Aven opened his mouth once to speak. Then shut it. Then opened his mouth again. "That sounds interesting."
"It sounds boring. It's boring," I said. Biomethods as a whole was beginning to bore me. "And I have to do it with that stupid group of boys who thought 'oh radical dude, this sounds like the best fucking idea ever' when it's not the best idea ever. It's a shitty topic that we have to conduct and then present our findings and I'm confident I'm not doing as good as I want to in this course. So, so much shit is relying on this."
"Jay."
"Put me out of my misery.' I handed him the stylus to my laptop, covering my face with my hands once again.
A pause. "You think the best way to go is stabbing by laptop pen?"
"I am giving you permission," I said, moving my hands from my face to meet his amused expression. "Do what you want with the pen."
He twisted the stylus between his fingers, "When are you presenting?"
"In January."
Iman took off his earphones, glancing at me, "Why do you look mad?"
"I'm not mad, I'm annoyed," I mumbled. My stress meter was at a 6 right now. 10 meant that I was on the verge of tears. Anything over 10 meant that I was going to burst into tears. And I made a promise that I was not going to burst into tears this year.
Iman reached over, putting a comforting hand on the top of my head. I stared at him, "What are you doing?"
"Lending comfort."
"This is not comforting."
Iman wrapped his arms around me, his tall torso allowing him to dig his chin onto my head. "Better?"
"Better," He squeezed me for a brief second before letting go and patting my head twice.
"And now I have to study for my midterm," I opened my laptop but Aven closed my laptop again. "What the hell?"
"You know the material for your midterm, and you have months until your presentation. You can take a break."
"I can't take a break. I need every good grade I can get." I said.
"You'll get it when you can take a break," Aven promised.
Iman wiggled his pencil, "Can we go for a walk?"
"You just got here."
"And why do you look like you need to pee?" Dev asked him.
"I'm restless." Iman stood. And started to stretch. He was keeping his legs straight and attempted to touch his toes. When he succeeded, straightening his posture to link his hands and stretch them over his head, he said, "Let's see Jaime play the piano again."
"No," I told Iman. "No, no, no. Do not force me to play something tonight."
"But are you down for the walk?"
"I am down for the walk, but it is freezing outside."
"It's not cold," Dev said, looking out the window where snow dusted over our large campus. "But it is snowing."
"You guys don't like snow?" Iman asked.
"No." Dev and I said in unison.
Iman grumbled under his breath before shrugging on his jacket. "Five-minute walk in the snow."
"Five is going to turn into ten," Aven commented.
"Which is going to turn into twenty," I added.
Iman grinned. "So, the walk?"
A few minutes later, Aven, Dev, Iman and I walked out of Lambton library and entered into a mild snowstorm. I latched onto Iman's arm immediately. "We could die in this snow," I muttered, putting my hood over my head.
"You're dramatic."
"You're dramatic." I mocked, situating myself between him and Dev. "How are you and your sweetheart?" I asked Dev.
"We have a call later tonight," Dev said. That didn't answer my question, but I let Dev be. I ignored Aven, which didn't rest well with him. Aven let himself fall back, getting out of my peripheral view enough for me to not notice his hand reach up behind me before he yanked my hood down and pff my head. "Aven!"
He let out a loud laugh as I pinched his arm, and he pulled my hood back over my head. "You're not wearing a hat today."
"I forgot to grab one because I was running late for work this morning."
"How was work?"
"Horrible," I muttered. "Sale day."
"Sale days are shit," Dev added.
"You should wear the yellow hat again," Aven commented.
"Why?" I teased. "Is it one of your favourites?"
"Yeah," He admitted after a pause. "I like that one the most."
When he locked eyes with me, I sucked in a deep breath, wiping my hands against my jeans when I knew they were becoming clammy. I hated the effect he had on me. And I hated that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't completely shove the feeling down and away.
We were starting to pass one of the residential buildings along our walk. Typically, students would be pouring out of the building on any night, going inside, hanging outside, waiting for Ubers. But all of them were gone for the week.
"Alfonso Hall," Dev said, as he and Aven slowed and stopped near the entrance, the two of them peering up at the building. Iman stared up with them, pretending to reminisce about fake memories as if our old residence building wasn't on the other side of campus.
"What's the worst thing about this place?" Iman asked.
"The caf food." Dev and Aven said simultaneously.
"Okay...what's the best thing about this place?" Iman asked.
"The caf food." The two of them repeated.
"Best mac and cheese in the entire world," Aven said to Iman.
"But the worst attempt of butter chicken I've ever had in my entire life." Dev grimaced.
The two looked at the building once more while Iman and I exchanged a glance, most likely going to do the same thing if we stepped in front of our own rez building in two years' time. Aven's phone went off with a ding. He looked at his device but pocketed it, not giving the individual his time of day.
"Who's texting you?" Dev asked.
Aven shook his head, "No one."
"Is that girl from homecoming?"
My eyebrows went up but Aven shook his head again. "The one that came up to you at the BSA meeting?" Aven shook his head again. "The one that came up to you at the library?" My eyebrows went up higher. There's no need for me to be surprised. Aven knew a lot of people. Aven texted a lot of people. Other people included girls that I had no reason to bristle over.
"The girl that came up to you when we were at Walmart?" Aven didn't respond as his phone dinged once again. My eyebrows were soaring onto my hairline. "But I swear you didn't give her any of your socials."
Aven shot Dev a pointed look. "I didn't."
"She found you?" Dev chuckled. "Not you having a stalker."
I was already glaring at Aven before he glanced at me. When I hit him in the arm, he only cackled louder. "Only room for one wannabe stalker in my life."
"Besides it's not like you're actually gonna go out with her," Iman said.
Dev snorted, "Aven's not going to date someone. Have you met him? It's volleyball and school all the way to law school with him. He can find the love of his life there."
Aven heaved a sigh, "It's...I don't want a distraction."
"See? No one's breaking his concentration for anything," Dev hit Iman lightly on the arm. "And dating is distracting."
Aven nodded towards the building, glancing at Dev. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"
I didn't question them. I didn't question Iman's excitement whereas I remain confused as we take our backpacks and walk over to the north part of campus. I didn't question much when I'm waiting outside with Iman who's bouncing on his toes as Aven and Dev somehow manage to make their way inside a first-year residence building.
When Dev and Aven went inside, Iman shook his head. "A distraction," Iman mumbled, shaking his head. "Girls come up to flirt with him and he shoots them down every time."
"I noticed," I said, crossing my arms. "What are they doing?"
"Wait," Iman glanced up at me, leaning against a railing while putting gloves on his hands. "You guys were getting cozy."
"I don't know," I admitted. The hot and cold touches were making me lose my mind.
Iman smirked. "When's the wedding?"
"Oh, shut up."
"You going to get married? Outdoor or indoor? I don't think you are religious, so I'm going to assume not in a church, right? Outdoor? You should do Hawaii? Or on a cliff? Cliff weddings sound good but horrifying because what if one of you falls over--"
"Stop," I told him as Aven and Dev came out of the building.
They ran over to us but Dev was already sprinting past us with things in his hands. "C'mon!"
It's then that I notice two green trays in Aven's hands. "You stole those?"
"Borrowed." He corrected, handing me one. Mischief twinkled in his gaze, a promise of a good time. "C'mon, James. Time to relive a night of my first year."
Ignoring the usage of the worst nickname I have ever been granted, I grabbed the tray from his hand. "Trays?'
Iman and Aven shared a grin. "Back in NP, we have this huge hill at a park near where I grew up and I remember 9th grade, Ezekiel, Immanuel and a few friends our ours went there every single day for a month and we did it every year until Ezekiel and I left for Herringway."
"Sledding? Lemme guess it was your idea."
"No, Ezekiel's," Iman said.
"But it was fun," Aven said. "Came home numb in the face, shivering my ass off."
"Your mom would get so mad," Iman burst out laughing. "We'd walk into his house and she'd start yelling at us cause we'd bring in tons of snow."
Iman and Aven continued their story as we make our way to the middle of Herringway University campus, next to the pathway of Edgar Hill. Dev already had his backpack off and set it next to a snow-covered tree. He handed a tray to Iman and I watch as the two of them run toward the tall hill. Dev let out a loud yell, his butt on the tray and flying down the hill at a quick pace. Iman was right behind him and somehow he picked up more momentum as Dev starts slowing down and before I knew it, Iman collided with Dev, the two of them laughing their asses off.
I didn't hesitate, finding myself on a tray moments later with the snow hitting my face but I didn't care. Not when I'm screaming at the top of my lungs or when Aven was right behind me, joking around as he attempted to grab onto me but soon finds himself falling flat onto Iman's back and I managed to stop right before the pile of them.
I was already up, grabbing my tray. "Last one at the top has to go head first."
They all scramble and I watched Dev get sent flat on his back as Aven grabbed my arm, hauling me up the hill with no care left behind. No thoughts of work. No thoughts of school. No stress. Just Iman somehow being the one to go head first, flipping onto his back and off of the tray midway down the hill.
By the time we get back to the library from our tray-bogging session, covered in snow from head to toe and trays back where they belonged, homework was abandoned. By the time we get into Dev and Aven's car, Herringway was abandoned and we're listening to Dev tell us stories of his and Aven's first year at HU.
We were sitting in the middle of Iman's driveway as the conversation continued onto which residence building had the worst food to the worst profs each of us had. But as the night progresses and the discussion became more abstract, Iman was the first to let out a yawn. That turns into another. Followed by another three minutes later.
By the time Iman left, I was still alert and wide awake as if my long day hadn't happened. Aven must have known that as Dev and I continued talking. But Dev announced that he was going to talk to his girlfriend, making Aven stop in front of their apartment. Dev wished me goodnight, saying he'll see Aven when he comes up.
Aven and I were still in the car even after Dev had gone upstairs. I was drumming my fingers against the dashboard when he started up the engine again. "Drive?"
I nodded eagerly, the two of us getting out of the garage parking lot and driving into the night. I stared out the window as Frank Ocean, of course, filled the car. Pyramids played in our ears as I stared out at the outskirts of Jasper Bay.
While the town wasn't big enough to be considered a city, it had good attractions. Trail parks and small waterfalls for tourists to go to in the summer, along with the long boardwalk on the side of the town. The water tower came into view, lit up in blue for winter. Aven drove in its direction and immediately I was transported to the first time I had been in his room that Fall night, staring out at the water tower from his window.
I took off my glove and as if he knew what I was going to do before I would, Aven winded down the window on my side allowing me to stick my bare hand out and feel the wind move and flow through my fingers, hitting my palm and the resistance. We were accelerating at more than 9.8 meters per second squared but my mind was slowing down with a velocity all on its own as I breathed in the night.
"You have such odd music taste," Aven mumbled and then he laughed when I muttered curses under my breath, flicking through his account before pressing a Frank Ocean song. At the familiar voice, he evidently relaxed, removing one hand from the steering wheel and drumming it along the dashboard of the car.
"Take it back," I grumbled.
He flashed me a grin, reaching back blindly to search into his backpack before handing a pack of Twizzlers in my hand. I gasped, hugging the package to my chest. "Aven, you really love me."
He kept his eyes in front of him. "Shut up."
"You do."
"Shut up."
"You're not denying it."
"Shut up." The car was slowing down. At this point, he had pulled the car up close to the water tower, parking along the side of the quiet road. Aven unbuckled his seatbelt, "C'mon."
I followed him out of the car, the two of us marching through the snow until I'm craning my neck to look up at the bright blue lights embedded into the water tower. Slapped on the front of the building was 'Jasper Bay' in big capital red letters, flecked by the light snow.
Aven crossed his arms, nodding. "Yup, totally worth it. Look at this view."
"Jaw-dropping."
"Amazing."
"Fantastic."
"Phenomenal."
"Absolutely insane and...yeah, it's just a water tower," I mumbled. Then he shifted next to me, reaching down to collect snow in his bare hands. I went still, "No, no, no. Have we not experienced enough snow today?"
It didn't matter how fast I tried to get away from him. The ball of snow hit me right in the back of my unfortunately not hood-covered head. I groaned as pieces of the snow melt, finding their way down my back. It didn't take long before I was running in Aven's direction with snow in my hand, He allowed me to reach him and I jumped up, shoving snow down his back.
Aven turned towards me, determination in his expression, "You're serious."
I reached down, my hands freezing as I grabbed more snow.
A snowball hit him in the chest. "Jay." Another snowball hit him in the chest.
And soon, his name left my throat in a scream and a sound of laughter in response as we engaged in a war of winter all on our own in front of the lit-up water tower.
By the time we were back in the car, the heater was turned on full blast and I was wiggling out of my jacket, making sure there was no more snow on my long sleeve top. The snow had melted into Aven's hair, dampening his tight coils.
He shrugged off his jacket too, his seat pulled down a bit. He kept one arm behind his head as he listened to me talk about the song that was playing in the car, nodding attentively as he usually does. But he let out a laugh when I said, "Ooh, I like this song."
"All that and you say you like the song?"
I was turned in my seat, my back against the window, my knees bent towards my chest and my sock-covered feet close to the gear stick. "I like the song."
"You went into a three-minute rant on why the previous song is the worst song on the album, melody and lyrically wise and then the next one you just say 'I like the song'."
"Yes."
"Sometimes I feel like I get you," He said. "Then sometimes I feel like I don't get you and I think that's insane."
"Mmhmm," I nodded eagerly and a slow smile came to his face as he shook his head at my mentality. "That sounds right to me."
I stretched my legs outward to as much as I could without touching him but Aven could tell I wanted to stretch my legs out. He put his hand on my legs, the contact itself sending a jolt deep within my belly. He placed my legs on his lap, exaggeratedly wrinkling his nose. I lifted my leg up to his face, making him laugh as he kept my feet on his lap.
As we kept talking, I realized my brain was obsessed with his hands and his forearms. Every movement he made on my legs sent waves down my body and I willed myself to pretend this didn't affect me, holding onto the back headrest of the seat with one hand.
At that point, I wasn't sure how long we'd been speaking, the two of us changing positions well into the night. Me leaning the back of my head against the window and him sitting up in his seat as he told me things I didn't imagine we'd ever talk about.
"You have a peanut allergy?" He asked.
"Why the hell do you sound like I told you about the most outrageous thing in the world?"
"That means you've never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."
"Oh, I have," I said. We were sick of the Twizzlers but I was still chewing on my last one for the night. "That's how I knew I was allergic. When I was at my friend's house and my throat decided to start closing after her mom gave me one. What about you?"
"No allergies," He said. "I can tell you one thing that not many people know about me, though."
"What?"
"Needles."
I sat up from the window. "You're not good with them? Whenever you get a flu shot and stuff?"
Aven nodded. His thumb was stroking along my calf. There was a mental struggle I was facing on whether to look at the action or at his face. I settled on his face. More to look at. Then looked back at the action. More to feel. I decided to switch between both.
"I had to get the tetanus shot as a kid. I fainted and hit my head on the side of the table," Aven leaned forward, showing me a tiny scar on his temple. "My mom almost fainted herself after seeing me knocked out."
"No way."
"And you'd think shit would get better. It was worse as a teen. I'd make sure I'd be at the end of a line before receiving a shot in high school for something. Only Ezekiel knew about my thing, right? We were the last in line. He went before me, came out and told me 'nothing to worry about. It's not even big'."
"Lemme guess--"
"The biggest needle I have ever seen in my entire life."
I held a hand to my mouth at his dramatics. "Aven--"
"I don't care what you're going to tell me. It was huge. I swear, Jay, I screamed. I was, like, nah that shit isn't going inside me. They restrained me."
And I thought Iman and I were the dramatic ones. "You did not scream. You were not restrained."
"But I did." But everything on his face let me know he was exaggerating for my sake to make the story better. Little did he know that revealing something that made him this vulnerable made the story ten times better. And that for some reason, he had trusted me with the information.
"You're so dramatic."
"The size of the needle was huge." He said before pointing a finger at me as I struggled to fight down the smile on my face at a terrified Aven. But sympathy overcame me instead.
"Aven..."
He tapped my shins. "Don't call me a pussy."
"No, I wasn't going to," I promised him. He may have looked partially embarrassed by the story but he seemed at ease. He was smiling too. "How are you with needles now?"
"I get a moment of panic. But now I don't want to bolt to the other room as I did as a kid." He said.
"So, you've overcome your fear."
"Barely but yeah." He mumbled, looking down at my legs. The image of him screaming at the sight of a needle made me laugh softly until he pinched my leg.
"Poor little Aven. Scared out of his mind," I commented and he leaned his head back on the seat, shaking his head like he was shaking the memory from his head.
Timeless moments passed as the conversation changed and I drifted onto Shepherd Valley as I explained a funny story Ms. Green had told me to Aven.
"You really love her." He commented.
I struggled to find the right words to explain my relationship with that batty old woman. "She's awesome. She reminds me of my grandfather a lot."
"Do you see him often?"
For a second I hesitated, a feeling I didn't like overcoming me. A feeling I didn't resonate with often but when I did, sometimes it was too much, forming a pang deep in my chest and a twist in my stomach. "He passed away before I entered uni. Alzheimer's."
Aven's expression displayed that he didn't understand that pain but nevertheless, he was empathetic. "Fuck, I'm sorry."
"It's okay," I assured him. "Ms. Green and him are a lot alike. The honesty, the do what I want type of personality. He was, like, a light, you know? I can't explain it but Ms. Green has the same light. So, when I signed up for this study, it was to sign up for something. Another mark on my resume. For the research thing. But I ended up loving it. I look forward to see the environment and her."
My confession weighed me down as I continued, my lips tilting into a deep frown, "A part of me gets worried whenever I go there too. My grandfather stopped recognizing me a few years ago and it broke my heart." I took a deep breath, "When Ms. Green forgets a step in a simple exercise, a part of me kind of panics, you know?"
I didn't want to go through that again.
There was a moment of silence between the two of us before Aven said, "Can I meet her?"
Oh, fuck, the old woman was right.
"I'm going back on Friday morning. Come with?"
Aven nodded. "For sure." A pause. "You still coming to my game on Friday night?"
"For sure," I promised. "Dev and I will make signs and everything. We'll be you and Iman's number one supporters."
"Yeah?"
"No." Aven scoffed, reaching forward to pull on the strings of my hood and enclosing me in darkness. I let out a laugh, swatting his hands as I put the hood of my sweater down.
Aven's phone started buzzing from where it was hooked near the steering wheel. Aven took his phone out, his eyebrows furrowing at the contact ID. "It's Ezekiel and if I don't accept he's going to call me back every two seconds and--"
"Answer the call," I told him.
Aven did as I asked and instantly rolled his eyes. "Yeah?...No...nah, in December...of course, what the hell?...Iman booked the flights like a week ago...Then take it up with him, bro...no, I'm with someone...Jay—Don't."
Don't?
The sound of my nickname had my heart stutter in my chest. Aven glanced my way before moving the phone from his ear with a sigh and tapping speaker. My protests fell short when Ezekiel's strong voice came through the line. "Jay."
When he said my nickname at that moment, I automatically knew that Aven hadn't mentioned that I was Iman's friend as well.
"Hi," I said cautiously Aven was staring down at his phone in his hand, the dent between his eyebrows.
"Can you tell Aven to call me back when he says he's going to call me back?"
"Call him back." I told Aven.
"I was gonna call you back," Aven muttered.
"No, you weren't you fucking, dumbass."
"So he's why you keep saying dumbass?" I asked.
"No, you called me a dumbass first. That's why I keep saying dumbass. He says dumbass because he can't accept that he is one himself."
"I will beat your ass the next time I see you," Ezekiel warned him.
The threat didn't faze Aven. In fact, his lips twitched. "Which is when?"
"I don't know yet but wait."
"Oh, I'm waiting," Aven said with a grin.
"Good." Ezekiel snapped but I could hear the smile in his voice as well. "You'll enjoy it."
"What are you doing up anyway? It's late."
"I could ask you the same thing but forget it. I'll call you tomorrow. And pick up your fucking phone, asshole. Jesus."
"I will."
"Bye, Jay," Ezekiel said and I jumped slightly at my acknowledgement.
"Um, bye." My sendoff sounded like a question but before anyone could say anything more, Ezekiel hung up.
Aven pocketed his phone. "That's Zeki." I could've awwed out loud but held myself back. Zeki was a cute nickname that I did not expect.
"So you, Ezekiel and Iman have always been really close?"
"And Aaliyah." He said, reminding me of Iman's best friend back in their hometown. "Our dads were best friends so we spent Christmas holidays together, birthdays, any major celebration together."
I listened to Aven speak of his life back in New Pensely. Of how his cousins from Jamaica came over, the entire three families under one roof being normalized with all their extended families for the holidays. He recounted a bit of his volleyball life as well, of how his parents were supportive of his love for the game and how his sister, Clara, had come up to one of his games as well.
By the time we had changed topics, Aven's chair was farther down back, almost leaning against the backseat and his legs were up on the dashboard. He was still holding my ankles in his hands, his thumb caressing the protruding bone as I spoke about my own friends.
"When Yas became president of the Arabic club here on campus, I felt her joy. Mariam picked me up and we went to Yas's town for the day. We all went out for sushi to celebrate and listened to her talk about all of her plans for the year. I had only known Yas for a few weeks at the time. When Mari got her G license, we spent three hours on the phone talking about where we would go during the summer. When I got a small teaching job at my old piano conservatory over the summer, Mari and Yas cheered."
It wasn't hard for me to explain them. While I had friends in high school, Yas and Mari were people I found myself wanting to tell anything exciting to, as if I was telling my sister. So it wasn't hard for me to explain how much they meant to me even though I didn't see our friendship coming.
"I'm glad you have them." Aven said.
"Same," I admitted. "And Iman."
Aven let out a long breath. "I don't know what I'd do without him."
"Me too," I confessed and we both laughed as a thought came to my head at our friends.
"Hey, so Aaliyah is Iman's best friend, right?" Aven nodded. "Have they ever been together in that way?" And if they had, how on Earth did they move past it? And how could Iman do something similar with Mariam?
Aven didn't say anything. When I turned to him I saw his hand over his mouth, his shoulders shaking in quiet laughter. I shoved him. "What?"
Then his laughter spilled from his lips as he threw his head back, "Iman and Aaliyah? They have the most sibling relationship I've ever seen. It is painfully platonic. Even playing house when we were kids, Iman would rather be the house dog than play her husband."
My eyebrows went high to my head as Aven's laughter slowly subsided, only to start up again. I shoved him once again. "Stop it."
"I'm sorry," He shook his head. "Besides, if Iman suddenly had feelings for Aaliyah, that would not work well."
"Why?"
"Ezekiel."
My eyebrows furrowed. "What about Ezekiel?"
"He's been in love with her forever."
"What?" Aven nodded. "No way."
"It's a whole thing. It's complicated since he's in the pros and she's back in BC. They say they aren't together but even when they aren't together, they're together. They'll be married and probably have two kids before you know it."
"Wow," My memory went to the conversation I briefly had with Ezekiel. "Ezekiel Ezekiel? In love?"
Aven shrugged. Clearly, the idea of his best friend being in love with the same person for so many years even when they were kids was something he was used to.
He was still holding onto my ankle as we kept speaking. Even when we stumbled onto a song that was metaphorically making my ears bleed.
"Oh my God," I groaned, reaching out for his phone to find a different playlist. His phone was dying, barely holding on at 2%. "I hate this song."
Aven squeezed my calf, ready to bite back, "You hate everything."
"I don't," I assured him once I found something I knew we both would enjoy. And not argue over.
"You hate me at this rate."
"Please. It's impossible to hate you."
His eyes flicked up to me. Questioning. No. Fuck. Why was the hell was he looking at me like that? He's been looking at me like that the entire night, really. No. Yes—No. I shook my head from my contrasting thoughts, not helping myself when I asked, "What are you thinking about?"
"I'm not."
"Not what?"
"Not thinking," He said. His touch stilled. His gaze went down to where my body was in his hands and the motion sent my stomach in turmoil and a shiver down my spine. "At least properly."
Dating was distracting. God, he said that before didn't he? When he shot down that girl at the BSA meeting and again at the library. Fucking hell, there's no way.
My mind went to Clayton for a split second, how easy a natural friendship could twist into something so awkward and strained by one unsettling interaction. I didn't want that with Aven. Not when I enjoyed being in his presence like this. I couldn't.
I cleared my throat, removing my gaze from him. Stretching my arms out before me, I moved my legs from his grasp and twisted to sit properly in my seat. "We should get going. It's..."
My fingers froze on my phone when I glanced at the time. There's no way we've been talking for that long. No fucking way. Aven didn't even notice as well, his lips parting in surprise at the time. He started the car without further questions.
The drive home was silent between the two of us, only music filling the car. He did wind down the window for me to stretch my arm through. He did drum his fingers against the dashboard. He did slow down the drive when he pulled up to the side of my house.
When I got out of the car, his voice calling my nickname made me turn around. The window was down and the moonlight shone on his handsome face. "Jay."
I put my hands on the edge of the window, "Yeah?"
His eyebrows were furrowed, similar to how he was when Ezekiel was speaking to me on the phone as if he was holding himself back from saying something more, "What are you thinking about?"
A breath left me. I tried to conjure up anything, but I shook my head. I, like him, wasn't thinking properly at all. I couldn't.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Aves," I patted the car once, pushing off the door and walking towards my house. When I glanced back at him when I reached the stairs, he looked at me with a narrowed gaze. I shrugged. "Am I not seeing you tomorrow?"
"You are." He declared and I fought back my grin.
"I figured. Wouldn't want your dumbass to be alone, anyways."
When he gave me the middle finger through the car window, I burst out laughing, meeting him grin for grin before I went inside.