"Well...we haven't done this in years", Beck noted awkwardly as he put another coat of royal blue nail polish on my finger nails.
That's right, Beck was painting my nails.
It was a punishment we created in middle school for whenever he was being an assshole. It's uncharacteristic of him, but has happened every now and then through the years.
"Because you haven't fucked up in years", Kyra said as she rolled her eyes. It was quite clear that she was pissed, meanwhile my time with Grayson had calmed me down exponentially.
"I'm pretty sure the last time it was because you said Kyra was acting like a bitch in like 11th grade. Didn't she make you put on 3 layers of top coats also", I smiled trying to ease the tension.
"And also organize her make up desk", he chuckled.
Kyra let out a cough with a sharp glare to Beck and he sighed before looking at me.
"It's obvious that I fucked up last night. No matter what my excuse is, what I said was beyond wrong and clearly unlike me. I can't say it enough but I really am sorry Lee", Beck said as his green eyes searched my own.
"Why did you do it Beck? Not only did you rub my abused past in my face but you did in front of other people... other people who had no idea what happened. I should've been able to tell them what happened on my own terms. You took that choice away from me", I explained softly.
"I know, and I want you to know that you did nothing wrong", he said as he leaned back, my nails done and almost completely dry.
"Then why Beck? Why say something so cruel and heartless? Your words were hurtful and mostly because they came fron you. Don't you know who you are to me Beck? You're like a second older brother, you were my rock when Luke left. I love you Beck, why would you say something like that", I asked, my tone becoming rather frustrated.
Every other word I said seemed to make him flinch, causing me to raise an eyebrow at him as Kyra sat down on my bed also. His eyes were beginning to water and I could tell his breathing was becoming heavier. I was tired of the silence though, of him trying to beat around the bush.
"God dammit Beck why did you say that to me", I yelled.
"Because I feel guilty for what happened to you Leah!"
His eyes had become so vibrant with emotion, even when the emotion was causing tears to slip down his cheeks.
I sat and waited as he tried to cool down. I was taken back by his outburst. Why would he feel guilty? He didn't introduce me to Jordan, and he had no idea Jordan was hitting or abusing me. On all accounts from the outside we probably looked like the perfect couple back then.
"It was something I was afraid of when I first realized my feelings for Kyra. I wondered how you would feel. It's always been us 3, there for each other always and never once had any line been crossed between any of us. But liking Kyra...loving Kyra, I knew it would change all that. I knew that changed the dynamic. And what would that make you, our third wheel? You were already having a rough time at school. You confided in me almost weekly about how alone and unwanted you felt. What would happen when I changed the dynamic of our friendship and tried to pursue Kyra? I didn't want to lose you just because I love Kyra. I love you too Leah. I love you so fucking much it hurts, but it's just in a different kind of way. I love you the way people love their little siblings. Leah when I look at you I see a little sister, someone who needs protecting, someone who has a piece of my heart and soul... someone I'd kill over".
"When you introduced us to Jordan I felt like a weight had been lifted. You seemed so in love with him just within the first few months. You seemed so much better, so much happier. So I thought maybe this was my chance. Maybe with you happy I could try to commit to my feelings to Kyra and tell her I love her. I was so excited and nervous about my own feelings that I dropped the ball. I slacked off on protecting you because I thought Jordan was your person, the person who would make you happy and be the man you deserved. I trusted that he'd do right by you. But maybe I just didn't want to see the signs that may have been there. What if there were signs of how dangerous he was, and I didn't see them because I was too busy trying to focus on my own love life? What if I could've caught that something about him was off if I had just paid more attention", Beck explained. Each tear that now escaped his eyes brought tears to my eyes as well.
"Beck there was no way you could've known. Jordan wasn't even abusive until after we were engaged", I explained as I tried to hold his hand. He pulled away from my quickly and a feeling of overwhelming sadness and rejection consumed me.
"That night you talked about, I remember it so vividly. It was graduation night and you brother was even there for the celebration. We were all going to the same college and your dad and brother were so worried about you. They had pulled me to the side outside and made me promise that I'd keep you safe because they wouldn't be there to be able to. I told them you came before anything, that you and Kyra were my girls. I swore to them Leah, that I'd protect you no matter what. I said I was your brother and was just as protective of you as they were. We shook on it Leah. We shook on that promise and...a-and I broke it. For months that sick son a bitch was abusing and cheating on you and I didn't even have a clue. When we started seeing you less and less I just kept telling myself that you were stressed from wedding planning and just needed space. But all that time... all those bruises. I'm s-so sorry L-Leah", Beck said as he began to full on sob.
I had never seen anything like it. Beck had always been our rock, our go to person. To see him cry and break down like this broke my heart. He had been too strong for too long and the weight of that promise to my dad and brother, the weight of knowing now what had actually happened to me, it was crushing him.
I was crushing him.
"That promise you made with them Beck... It was completely unfair to you. I am my own person and I make my own choices. No one knew he was abusing me and that was how I wanted it. You didn't know it not because you weren't watching over me anymore, but because I didn't want you to know. I shouldn't be your burden Beck. You have your own life you need to live. You can't spend your entire existence babysitting me, and I won't let you. I've always known I was like a little sister to you. And I think a part of me did always know that the relationship you and I had was different than the one you and Kyra had. I was depressed back then so maybe I would've felt like a bit of a third wheel, but I would've been so happy for you guys if she felt the same. Why do you think I kept that promise not to tell her when I found out? A pinky promise wasn't the only thing that kept me from spilling your secret, it was the fact that I want you both to be happy. That you both deserve to be happy...together", I explained as I cried.
Beck kept his eyes down as he played with a brown bracelet on his wrist. Our brown bracelet. It was a friendship bracelet we had paid for with quarters, nickels, and dimes at a stand during a fair one year. At 12 we could only afford one though, so we carved our initials in it and we cycle through who wears it once a year in November.
I moved his hands and moved closer to him so I was sitting with my knees touching his crossed legs. as I took his face into my hands. My brown eyes searched his green ones before I smiled through my tears as the sobs I had been trying to hold in threatened to shake through my entire body.
"I've been leaning too hard on you for too long haven't I? Not thinking that we could both topple over, not understanding that your footing in life was just as uneasy as mine."
I then moved his head down slowly and kissed his forehead.
"You deserve to be happy Beck Andreas Anderson", I finalized as I looked into his eyes once more.
Before I could blink Beck had crushed me into his body. He sobbed into my shoulder and it seemed he was letting everything out, something that definitely needed to happen. I took a deep breath before letting it all go as well, letting myself cry.
Seconds later Kyra joined in and cried with us. It was soothing and very therapeutic to just sit and cry together. The last time we had all cried together like this was when Beck finally visited his dad's grave during our senior year. He had been killed in a horrible car crash months prior but Beck had still been too heart broken to visit the grave.
As Beck held both of us, it felt like we were growing even closer. Something I didn't even think was possible. These two have been through so much with me. They've always looked out for me and I'll always be greatful. But it was time for me to start truly looking after myself. I can't worry anyone like I've worried Beck.
"You two will always be my girls, no matter what happens", he said softly before we let go.
"So can I ask where you two stand or will it make it awkward? Also if you two get really serious and Kyra starts sharing a room with Beck, does that mean I can turn her bedroom she's in now into a game room or a library", I asked. They both took a glance at each other at the same time but Kyra was the first to turn away with a rosie pink color adorning her cheeks. Beck just smiled at her lovingly, just as he always has.
How did I not see him look at her like that before I found out? Now it just felt so obvious. Like of course he's in love with her.
"It may be weird at first because we've always only been friends but I wouldn't mind- wait why do I have to move into his room if it works out between us", Kyra asked interrupting herself and pouting at me.
"Bigger bed", Beck and I said in sync, making us all laugh. I had pointed to him and he had pointed to himself.
After that we all took showers and ended back in my room. We ordered Olive Garden through door dash and once it had arrived we all sat on my bed and ate as we watched Ready Player One. After it ended and we were done eating we ended up putting in my series collection of Danny Phantom while we cuddled. Beck laid in the middle with me on his right and Kyra on his left. Kyra and I cuddled into Beck and it felt for nice for us all to bond like this since its been a minute.
We must've been really comfortable too, because it wasn't long before we all dozed off and fell asleep.
When I woke up the next morning I was still cuddled into Beck's side. The main screen of the Danny Phantom DVD was playing on loop but not too loudly as to wake any of us up.
I looked over to see Kyra's face snuggled into Beck's neck and the side of his face laying against her forehead.
I'll only ever want the best for them. Though I did have this gut feeling that they best thing for them is each other. I climbed out of bed slowly so I wouldn't wake them and took my phone with me to the kitchen to make some coffee and food.
My feet padded softly on the flooring as the L.A sun shines brightly through the windows. I basked in its light with a deep breath. Maybe it was my time with Grayson, maybe it was the heart to to heart with Beck last night, it could even be both; but I was feeling a whole lighter and happier today than I had in awhile.
I made my way to the kitchen and grabbed one of my favorite mugs, one that was pastel yellow and purple with beautiful written on the side. I hummed softly as I made a fresh batch of coffee and was just about to grab the creamer when my phone began to ring.
I looked at the caller I.D and couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face when I saw the phrase 'Momma Bear'.
I picked it up with a huge grin, "Good morning momma."
"Well someone sounds chipper for a Sunday morning. What's got you all happy", she asked over the phone.
"Nothing just feeling extra relaxed today I guess. Had a bit of a busy week but having a really good weekend so far", I replied as I continued to finish making my cup of coffee.
"I know 'relaxed happy' Leah Selene, you sound more than relaxed happy. You sound like you met a man. Is my little girl 'met a man' happy. Please tell me you've met a man", she said with a playful tone evident in her voice.
Out of both my parents, my dad was always a little bit more serious, came with the job I suppose. But my mom had always kinda felt friendlier. She says that once I turned 15 she could tell I wasn't going to be much of a trouble child like Luke had been. So we kinda became more like friends in a way. She was hilarious and goofy, and always knew how to make me laugh.
"Mom I'm not trying to jump back into the dating pool too soon", I sighed, stirring my coffee before taking a small sip.
"Who said anything about jumping, all I ask is that you stick your toe in or something", she giggled.
"Momma", I groaned.
"Also I haven't gotten an answer yet. Did you meet a guy Leah", she asked.
There was no point in lying to her, she could sense a lie 5 miles away.
"I've known him for months now but we've recently gotten closer. Don't go expecting a save the date in the mail anytime soon though, he's agreed to take things slow for my sake."
I smiled at the thought of Grayson. His messy brown hair and cerculean blue eyes. That signature smirk of his and the way I felt around him. He'd some how found a way through my walls, and I couldn't help but be thankful that he did.
"Does Mr. Slow have a name...maybe Grayson", she asked playfully. I was surprised at first but then the obvious thought came to my mind.
"Who told, Luke or Talia", I chuckled rolling my eyes. Maybe it's due to being on deployment but even since he left, Luke's been quite the gossiper. And Talia... Lord knows she was singing his praise as soon as she was back in Feldway. I'm sure half her school knows about us at this point.
"Both, but I want to hear about this Grayson man from you. Let's hear it, how hot is he", she asked knowingly.
I took a deep breath before letting excitment over take me.
"Mom he's like a Greek God! He's got this dark brown hair that looks perfect even when you mess it up, and these deep blue eyes that just... do things to me. He's tall and masculine without being overly bulky. He has tattoos that are beautiful and tasteful too. But there's so much more to him than just looks momma. He's extremely smart, he's hilarious, incredibly kind, also a bit arrogant but not in a major red flag way. He's flirtatious but only with me, he's just... amazing. We've been friends for awhile now but we both admitted that we could feel something between us. I've given him every chance to run for the hills... but he stays at my side each time. He really cares for me", I smiled as I explained Grayson to her.
"He sounds amazing sweetie, I'm so glad things are going great over there. You'll still be coming up for Thanksgiving won't you, you promised because you missed last years", mom said carefully.
We both knew why I didn't come, I couldn't handle being around Tara and Jordan, I knew she'd bring him over to try to rub it in my face. From what alot of my family members had said I had been right too. She had gone to our grandparents house with Jordan in tow and when she realized I wasn't there, had made some half assed excuse before leaving quite irritated.
I took a deep breath and held my head high even though I knew she couldn't see me. I was strong, confident, and ready for whatever came my way.
"Yeah I'll be there this year. I've been working on my self confidence and I know now that I'm strong enough to face what happened. Tara can try to one up me all she wants but I'm tired of playing these games. She can either come to the dinner and act grown, or continue acting like a brat and get her ass beat like one. I'm tired of this petty, bull shit where she tries to steal all my things. It's been going on since we were kids and I have to put an end to it", I said.
"Usually I wouldn't condone violence but I agree. I'm so glad you've found that fight in you, that same stubborn strength and determination that's in your brother and father. I'm so proud of you Leah."
We talked for a little while longer until her next appointment, an owner with a dog named Queenie, entered her clinic. She promised to tell dad I said hey and give him a hug for me and then we both hung up.
After that I went down to the bottom floor of our apartment building to grab the mail real quick. I was humming and thinking about Kyra and I maybe doing lunch and then a trip to the mall when something in our mailbox caught my eye.
An envelope with only my first name written on it.
I'm not no basic ass horror movie girl, I knew instantly something was up.
I looked around and made sure no one had been watching me before running back up to the apartment. I placed the other pieces of mail on the counter before examining the ominous envelope. My heart was beating erratically and it almost felt hard to breath, but I knew I had to check what was inside.
I opened the envelope carefully and take out the neatly folded piece of paper inside.
Mrs. Leah Hayes.
That was the only thing written on the piece of paper. I felt a chill race down my spine. It was as if I'd had ice water dumped over me. My great mood had plummeted just like that.
Hayes.
Jordan Hayes.
This was his handwriting too.
What was this suppose to mean? Did he...want me back?
Tears came to my eyes as I not only thought about all the torture he put me through but about how him cheating on me had made me feel. I had been so lost, so broken.
Fuck that, there was no way I was going back to that hell hole. Back to sit on Satan's lap , his hand around my neck like a collar.
Never again.
I blinked back the tears as I stared at the name, the name that had almost been mine. Glaring at it as if that would make the ink melt down the page. In frustration and anger I ripped the paper and threw it in the trash quickly.
Just in time too, as Beck had made his way towards the kitchen.
"I'm guessing that was junk mail", he asked with a small smile. I could see the smile reach his bright green eyes and knew that we were truly better after last night.
"Uh, yupp. You know those junk mail people, they're just like Spam callers... They never leave you alone."