I woke up, wiping the sleep from my eyes and sighed. Christmas. The worst day of the year, of my life. I got up after about an hour or so of thinking about the cruel childhood memories.
7 Year Old Matilda
Waking up, it was Christmas. One of the worst days on the year, something that was supposed to be happy and joyful, full of presents and Santa. When my brothers were especially mean to me, and my daddy acted like I didn't exist, when he did it was constant yelling and lecturing me on how I was a mistake. I understand it was my fault mommy died, and that's why I let them do it without getting too upset. I got dressed slowly, and quietly went down the stairs, trying to make the least amount of noise possible.
I practically slow walked to the breakfast table. I tried to get up onto my chair with much difficulty as they all watched with a bored expression.
"For fuck sake Matilda, just sit on the floor", Ravy said obviously not in the mood for me. I nodded with a smile towards him as he gives me a glare. I didn't mind, they just missed mommy a lot, and I have seen loads of photos of her. They would show me them on my birthday.
I sat on the floor with a slice of plain toast smiling, fake smiling of course. They then went into the living room and sat around the sofa's, the Christmas tree they all decorated together with music and chocolate. I sat down on the floor as I watched them give eachother presents, I got non of course, like always.
I learnt that I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve anything.
I was sent to my room after they opened all their presents, giving eachother hugs and smiling, laughing as they watched elf as I was just sat on the top of the stairs. I heard the door bell go off. It was probably Stone. I always stayed in my room when he came, he only came to see my brothers anyway, he never said hello to me.
I waited until I heard the door opened and slammed. It was weird though, I heard no more voices, it was silent, almost homey. I opened to door slowly to see if I could hear muffled voices in the kitchen but once again; silence. I walked down the steps slowly, skipping the fourth one which always makes a large creek, just to see no one in the living room
I slowly tiptoed to the kitchen and peeked around the corner, my heart thumping out of my chest.
No one was around.
They had left me all alone on Christmas, probably off to drink or something. I sighed as I walked into the kitchen, looking around at the almost spotless kitchen. Rome always liked everything tide, spic and span. I realised that I was starving as I didn't get to eat yesterday, I didn't want to leave my room just in case I ran into someone.
I went to the cupboards and got pancake mix, it was alright since it was around 8 at night anyway. I have been in my room for hours and I didn't even realise. Normally I just sit against a wall, thinking about stuff. Imagining a lovely little family for myself. A mommy, and a kind daddy, with no brothers in sight, but a puppy. I wanted a puppy.
I got what I needed to make pancakes and turned to the fire on. I don't know the real term for it as I never wanted to ask just in case they would yell a me. I put the pan on the fire and cooked the pancakes like it told me on the box. I had made countless ones before when they all went out for dinner.
When they were done, I pilled blueberries of them, got a blanket and sat on the front porch with them on my lap. It was now around half 8 and the stars were already out as it was winter. I sat there staring up at them, debating everything that I have ever known.
Was it truly my fault that my mother died? I always thought it was my fault but now that I think more and more about it, I realise it never was. I was a tiny little baby, in which my family ignored and rejected.
I was going to leave this place if its the last thing I do.
Only 11 more years until I'm free.
I was sat there for so long until I heard a car serving into the drive. I looked up in horror as I saw my father and 4 older brothers getting out of the car, furious to see me outside my room. Stone had obviously gone home. God forbid he actually sees his younger sister. I practically ran inside with the blanket and plate.
I put the plate in the sink as I heard the door go. I sprinted to the stairs, halfway up before the shouting started which made me run even faster to my room, scrapping my knee slightly but I just ignored it. I ran in and locked the door behind me, just as I did my father started to bang his hand against the door over and over again whilst pulling onto the handle.
"WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU OUTSIDE", He started to yell, slurring as he spoke. I could hear my brothers coming up the stairs outside the door with him. I cuddled up into a fetal position in the corner with my hands over my ears as the shouting kept going and going for about half an hour. Half way through my brothers had joined in, also slurring.
Telling me how I was never aloud out the house without their permission, how I was such a disgrace. After a while I just stopped listening and just held my head in my hands.
I started to wonder what it would be like if my mother survived my birth. If my brother would of treated me like a princess.
Matilda Now
I didn't realise how naive I was as a kid. Always thinking it was my fault and that I deserved nothing, I knew it was all bullshit when I turned around 7. I grew up properly on that day, I knew what was happening then.
Which really sucked, was that school was my safe place, far away from the father who treated me like trash, and my brothers who thought I didn't exist, even though they knew I did and hated me for it. That Christmas believe it or not was my favourite and the best I've ever had. Which is pretty sad but its one of my happier memories.
Staring at the stars in total peace with a plate of blueberry pancakes on my lap, a blanket wrapped around me, a little bit of wind hitting my face.
I got out of bed with a groan knowing that I had work in twenty minutes. I did a quick 5 minute shower, got dressed and practically sprinted to work. I ran in to see Monty stood there practically shaking in fear, leaning against a wall heavily breathing. I ran to him right away and immediately got him a glass of water, sitting him down slowly.
"What happened Monty?", I asked him sincerely, fear starting to build up myself, already knowing the answer to that question. He looked up at me with fear in his dark brown eyes.
"These guys came in today, the same ones from yesterday I think, and threatened me. They told me to make sure to treat all my staff right, and to never hurt them. I got freaked man, I have no idea what they are on about.", He said quickly and then drank the water all at once in one swift gulp.
"I don't know what they were on about Tills.", He quickly whispered and then paused for a second when the door opened. My brothers wandered in with a smug look on their faces, even Stone who normally had no expression on his face.
Monty then looked at my face then my lip fully.
"Holy shit what the fuck happened to your face?", He asked. I totally forgot about my busted lip and the cut on my cheek. It didn't hurt anymore to be honest, kind of stung when you touched it but I guess my body was use to the pain. I moved back away from him when he reached out with a towel with hot water on it.
He gave me the towel and then helped me stand up for some reason and held my hands.
"Look Tills, if your in trouble you can tell me, I can give you the money if you need it and I'm sure you and Granny can have an amazing adventure together around the world, I'm sure she would love too", He said with a sad smile, I held his hands tighter, tears coming to my eyes but I managed to get rid of them as quickly as I could.
"Its alright Monty, I promise I'm alright", I said back with a happier smile on my face. I heard the bell ding and the sound of my brothers laughing and waiting for their order, I nodded towards Monty, got up with my pad and walked out to their table. My head held up highly.
"What can I get you", I said not looking at them, knowing it would piss him off.
"I would like you to look at me", Stone said. I just kept my face instilled on the notepad. He snatched the notepad away and grabbed me by the neck so I would look at him. I tried to shrug him off but he pulled me into the booth. Millian sat on the other side trapping me between them, with the other three staring at me.
"For gods sake I'm working, can't we just talk after, and you know, maybe don't threaten my boss?", I said in a pissed off tone. Like who the hell did they think they were?
"We just wanna talk. I'm sorry for what I did, emotions took over me, but you disregarded mother.", Stone said staring at me, as I rolled my eyes. Millian had his arm around me so I couldn't move away from him, I tried to dig into his ribs but he didn't budge.
"Sorry for what again? For backhanding me onto the sidewalk, or being an A grade jackass?", I asked innocently glaring at him. He looked taken back for a second before I shrugged Millian off me.
"Look, I'm coming to dinner, that's what you guys wanted right? Can't you just let me work till then?", I asked them, completely exhausted with them already. The bad memories coming back, flowing through me as I stared at them all.
"Okay fine, but don't run off anywhere", Stone said sternly, glaring at me. Millian then moved out of the way and I quickly got up, moving as far away from their table but just so I could hear them. I took their orders quickly, not before giving Stone a very Sassy comment.
"Stone, I go wherever the hell I want, I'm 16 years old you can't control me. I'm not 7 anymore, you can't just lock me in my room", I said coldly staring at each and every one of them as I spoke. I took their orders into the kitchen and let someone else take their food out to them.
They then left when they ate their food, staring at me as I attended to other table. I finished the rest of my shift, thinking about anything but tonight.
The night of hell.