THREE YEARS LATER
We became a band.
It went gradually. In my first year of college, we sometimes came together in Nick's basement where we'd play some songs and try out some tunes.
They all voted for me as the lead singer since they agreed my voice was the best one - to which I objected to, but they wouldn't listen.
The first year, all I mostly did was observe.
I watched YouTube videos online on how to better my voice and exercised a lot since I didn't want to stand there full of shame whenever I sang.
And I also went to a lot of gigs. Where Dopamine would play. And I knew I'd have to take notes on the lead singer, but my eyes often wandered to the drummer.
Ares.
And the way his muscles bulged when he'd play or the sweat would drip off his body. His hair flew around when he went crazy and every time, a lazy smirk would glide on his face as if knowing what kind of effect he had on people.
And the girls drooling over him at the front.
And the way he'd sing along with the song, and his voice would captivate me.
Embarrassingly enough, I kept track of the band and how they'd make it as one. They sometimes appeared in the paper and then even signed a contract.
They were in for the long shot and quickly gained popularity.
At the end of my first year in college, Caleb decided he wanted to post a song of ours online. We had been playing around with some lyrics and tunes until an actual song was formed and we all liked it.
"Okay but under what name?" I asked him. He shrugged. "You choose, Ella."
"Something short, but a name that stays. Something unique," Nick voiced. I looked at Violet.
"You're okay with this?"
She nodded. "I know it's just for fun and no one's actually going to listen to it," she chuckled. I let out a sigh, trying to come up with a name.
My mind went to blue eyes.
"Icarus."
"Icarus? Who the fuck is that?" Caleb questioned. "Oh my god, Caleb, you're so dumb sometimes," I sighed and shook my head.
"It's a myth. Mom told me enough stories about him and I like the name. Don't think too much about it."
"What's the myth about?"
"Nothing important."
He'd just shrugged and went along with it, using the name Icarus for the band. It felt good. Like something fun to do on a Saturday night.
And so, he posted our song on YouTube and SoundCloud. Even got permission to post it on Spotify - thanks to some strings my dad pulled.
Thanks, Vincenzo.
We had rented a studio, and Violet just started playing the guitar while Nick did the bass.
We had rented the whole studio for ourselves, not having a single clue on what to do. We didn't have a producer or a manager to tell us what to do or how I should've sung it better.
We just did what felt right and Caleb knew a thing or two about the buttons, so we had our fun.
The song was soft. It was weird hearing my voice through the speakers. Violet played the electric guitar and Caleb sometimes joined in when I was singing, adding a gentle hum or Vi adding the high notes.
It felt like it came out of the eighties. We didn't add any digital stuff or sounds, only instruments since we didn't know any better.
We all listened back to it and loved it, since we had our very first song in our hands and didn't care how bad or good it was.
We did it, and that was all that mattered. Delilah loved the song, and she kept on cheering us on throughout everything.
And so, Caleb posted the song online. We all went to sleep, having had some good laughs but nothing else.
Caleb hadn't added any of our names. Just put it under the name Icarus. Yet, a week later, it reached us back.
On the radio.
On TikTok.
Instagram.
Twitter.
Even Facebook.
We went through the week without suspecting anything, too busy with college and finals to really realize what was happening.
Questions like 'Who is Icarus?' popped up everywhere. People loved my voice. Loved the raw instruments in the back and the dynamic the song brought.
And that song, that one song, brought us here today.
Waiting outside ready to be interviewed by a famous YouTube channel.
We've gained some popularity over the past two years. We did some shows.
We did some shows.
Not necessarily big ones. But they were still shows. The fact that people know the lyrics and sing along is so much more than what I could've asked for.
We have gained a few million followers on Instagram after we have given away our identity since it was a must to make it so far.
'Breathless' was our first hit. The one that got us recognition and the reason why we're sitting here.
We're sitting in a long hallway, filled with doors and red signs. Sometimes, some people pass us while we wait patiently.
"Aren't we supposed to have a room for ourselves?" Violet asks, boredom laced through her voice.
"I believe so," I snort, "but we're not that privileged yet."
Delilah did our make-up right before we left, wishing us good luck. Delilah and my family have been my only sense of reality. Everything else feels like a dream, and the same goes for the others.
Violet still can't believe that people know her name, even after two years of being in the spotlight.
It hasn't really settled in with her. But I understand.
People know me. People know my name and even made some fan accounts. They stream our music. Love it and make remixes of it.
"You can come in now," someone says, making my head snap up. Caleb sends me a grin as we stand up and gives my hand a gentle squeeze before we make our way inside the room and are met with a few people behind a lot of cameras and microphones.
Four chairs are set up, for us. I take the seat at the front along with Violet while Nick and Caleb go to sit behind us.
I haven't done this a lot. This is our first ever interview by a big company. Previously, it was either the radio or podcast.
Which is just as cool.
There's someone who approaches us, explaining what's going to happen during this interview and that there's nothing to be afraid of.
But my anxiety is already taking over. What if I say the wrong thing? What if I start stuttering?
These people don't know me. They know my face.
I'd rather be home right now, cuddling with my mom on the couch while my sister watches a movie with us.
Back when I was younger.
"Are you ready?" the man asks after a few minutes. I only nod vaguely, and then I hear Violet introduce us.
"Hey, we're Icarus and today we're answering some of your questions."
"I'm Caleb."
"I'm Nick."
"I'm Violet."
I don't want to use my real name. At least, people will never know me. The real me. So why give them something that only belongs to me, while they have it in their mouth to do whatever they want with it?
"I'm Ella."
No one in this room knows about my sudden change of name, but my friends do. Though, they don't show it and just continue on with the questions.
A big camera is shoved up in our faces, along with the microphones and the bored along with the curious faces behind them.
The only one that looks at us with interest is Malcolm, our manager. He reached out to us two years ago, and he's made a pretty good name for himself.
The first few questions are basic. Where we're from and how musically talented we are. A bit of background information that I'm not too interested in.
The next question catches my attention.
"Are you familiar with Dopamine? They came from the same city as you guys," someone asks. It's a man seated on a chair as he fires question after question.
He's friendly and laughs with every joke that's been made by one member. Except me. I've rarely spoken.
But my friends understand. They understand that my anxiety can't handle this, so they usually take the lead while I'm busy painting myself at the 'quiet girl of the group'.
While I'm the lead singer and it doesn't make sense. People haven't asked questions thus far about it, and I appreciate that.
"Uh, yeah, we do actually. They were a band long before us. Around the time we started gaining followers, they already had a good audience," Caleb answers.
He doesn't like Dopamine very much. Neither does Nick or Violet. I think they're intimidated by the band, but just don't want to say it.
I don't care, though. I'm here for the fun and writing music. And singing.
And I'm supposed to hate Dopamine too. I don't. I listen to their music because I like it - it's pretty fucking good, actually.
And I watch their live shows only to discover time and time again that they're just as good as on the recorded version.
Not to watch Ares play at all, though.
Other girls do plenty of that.
He's the main focus of the band. The one everyone asks about because he's an eye-catcher. He's also the quiet one of the group. But he has mysterious smirks and glances.
He does it for the mystery. I think.
"Dopamine already had hundreds of thousands of followers," Violet steps in. "'While we didn't know what the fuck we were doing," she adds with a chuckle.
I crack a smile.
"Now we're just making it while they're about to go on tour. They deserved it, though. Really talented," Nick says, even though I can tell he's having trouble saying that.
It's a fact that they're talented. But he doesn't think that they deserve it. Especially not when the lead singer - Kyle - fucked the girl Nick was interested in.
"And you're planning on going on tour based on one of your Instagram posts?"
I bite my lip to resist a smile from coming on my face. Because yes, we're going on tour.
A shitload of people started streaming the album we dropped last year. Melancholy.
We're already working on a new album and might perform some songs while on tour.
"It's most certainly one of the most unrealistic things to happen to us," I answer, trying to steady my voice. "It's a dream of ours, one we've always been working on."
We made the announcement for our tour three months ago. Our team has decided that we have gathered enough fans over the entire globe to afford to go on tour.
Enough to be loved everywhere we go.
I was speechless when everything was sold out in less than an hour. It doesn't feel real. We've set the dates for Europe already, and plan on touring in the US in the fall. We're going to be on the road for so long.
Without my family with me all the time. In strange places...
The ping of the elevator gets me out of my thoughts, and we step out. We're having a meeting with our manager, booking agent, publicist, and other important people.
And my parents, of course. My dad wants to know every single thing going on. He wants to be there every step of the way.
We arrive at the door, and I'm the one to open it. Stepping inside the meeting room, I look up, only to halt in my steps which causes Violet to bump into me from behind.
Because all eyes of Dopamine are staring back at me. Seated at the table, with their team along with ours.
Dopamine is here.
. . .
I'm soooooo excited about this book!
And I hope you liked the first chapter as well!
They're so hard to write but it'll get easier the more we get into the book. I hope.
Can't wait for you guys to read everything else and start this journey together.
I love you <33