Vanessa POV:
"Were you angry?" The steely gaze she gave me forced me to look at her.
"I was mostly upset. I was angry at myself briefly for not seeing the truth then I was angry at him for putting me in that position, to begin with.
But I stopped being angry. I can't control the actions of others only my own."
It took the support of my family and a ton of self-reflection to get to the mindset I have now. Matthew had his own life to think about now and so did I.
"Do you think about reconciliation?" I squeezed the stress ball in my hands. The most challenging part of therapy wasn't the questions or the "prodding". It was facing my feelings, dealing with them.
If you want to heal, acknowledge your feelings about everything. Leave nothing untouched.
Those were the words that Dr. Yennifer Castillo uttered to me in my first session.
I've tried to take her advice since.
"No, I haven't." I felt slightly annoyed, not at Dr. Castillo but the question. At its implications.
It held the implication that if I got back together with Matthew our relationship would be the same when in fact it wouldn't.
I wouldn't be able to even look at him the same because he broke my trust. His infidelity was an action I wouldn't be able to look past.
"Have you been journaling?"
"Yes, I have." It was one of the only things that kept me sane. At the end of the day or whenever I feel like I need to express my thoughts without saying them, I write them in my journal.
"Have you ever had regrets about leaving? Or are you starting to?" Her eyes looked up from her notes to peer at me.
"I don't regret any of the actions I've taken since the day I left my ex-husband. I know what I stand on and what I don't. It was a decision I didn't have to contemplate." I answered with finality. My decision to leave was never something I regretted. I had to leave. For my sanity and growth.
Each session we did pushed me to acknowledge my emotions further, pushing my limits as well.
I was always left to think with something to think about.
"From the moment I saw him intimate with another woman in the kitchen of our home, I knew our relationship had to end." I paused, squeezing the stress ball harder than before as I started to get a little emotional.
Anytime I felt uncomfortable, angry, sad, or any emotion that I don't normally feel, I'm supposed to squeeze it.
It let Dr. Castillo know when she was getting close to my boundaries.
"The love he claimed to have for me didn't exist anymore when I saw him with her." I finished.
I let out a deep sigh, my body felt lighter after confessing that. My grip loosened up on the stress ball.
Being able to talk to someone about this crazy situation you call my life was soothing.
"Anything happen recently that's worth chatting about?" I reclined back in my seat at the question.
"I added another affirmation to my mirror," I said happily.
"What does it say?" She asked curiously.
"Staying happy and focused is a must." I recited. My mirror was getting a little crowded from all the notes but I didn't mind one bit.
"Good to hear it." She smiled. "What made you decide to add it?"
"I'm on a journey to grow into someone better than I was before. Happiness is a result of that and I need to stay focused to get there."
After what happened, I lost a part of myself and I needed to make myself whole again.
"Have you been in contact with your ex-husband recently?" I let out another sigh.
"No, I haven't." I was fine with no contact with him for the rest of my life.
Matthew? I never thought about him at all until a few days ago when Tam told me about the b-.
I had forgotten about the baby.
Sensing my realization and hesitation, Dr. Castillo urged me to say it. "Honestly is important to move forward. Don't hold anything back."
I didn't even want to mention it nor did I ever plan to. But she was right.
"Well, Matthew is expecting a baby." Saying it out loud made me surprised at the news all over again.
"Are you shocked over this news?" Dr. Castillo asked, peering over at me after she heard me squeeze the ball. The shock was written all over her face which was intriguing because she was always calm.
"It was a shock at first. But I'm not upset, we're both single, completely free to move on." I honestly answered. Their relationship had absolutely nothing to do with me so I handled it as such.
"I wish him the best." I truly did. I had moved on.
I didn't wish bad luck on him or Jenna. I did want them to pay for their actions but that wasn't up to me.
I just pray that their child grows up with loving, healthy parents.
"Did you plan on having children together?" She was trying to push me. Not to hurt me, but to make me stronger, more independent.
"We didn't." We both had our reasons for the decision, some we both shared.
"How do you feel about him not having children with his mistress but not you?" Another test. She was trying to see whether or not she should stop the questioning.
"I don't mind it at all. We never planned on having kids. Even if we did plan on having them, I still wouldn't care." I did think it was odd because he didn't want kids at all but it wasn't my business to speculate after all healing people didn't meddle or speculate other's business.
"Do you still love him?" Her question seemed to echo throughout the room. I squeezed the stress ball.
She had decided to keep going.
"I don't know."
"I knew I deserved better than being cheated on so it was easy to move on from our relationship. It wasn't easy to get rid of my feelings for him." It sort of hurt to answer her question.
I asked her to push me. Dr. Castillo was hesitant but I insisted. I knew it would be tough but I needed it.
She forced me to acknowledge the heavy and painful feelings and memories I keep locked away.
"What are your plans for today?" She asked, closing her notepad. She adjusted in her seat to uncross her legs.
"CPR class."
"First time?"
"Nope, just getting it renewed." I first learned CPR when I became a lifeguard at 15 and I've been firm on getting it renewed ever since.
"Have fun and I'll see you at our next session." She smiled at me.
"Bye Dr. Castillo." I waved heading out the door.
I scheduled my next appointment with the receptionist.
I walked out of my therapy session feeling free. My hand itched to write about today's session in my journal.
The sudden ringing of my phone had me searching for it in my purse.
Looking at my phone, I frowned in confusion. Why was my ex-father-in-law calling me?
"Hello?" I asked in confusion, walking towards my car to unlock it.
"Hi, Vanessa. How are you?" My ex-father-in-law replied. His voice was suspiciously cheerful.
"I'm doing amazing Mr. Woods. How are you?" I wanted him to hear the happiness in my voice.
I was so much happier by myself than with his dusty son.
"Vanessa, it's Anthony. You know that. I'm doing well. Do you have time to talk?" He was wrong. I knew him as Anthony when he was my father-in-law. Now he's Mr. Woods.
His intentions were painstakingly clear.
"I have a few minutes," I replied, which was all I needed to make sure I get my point across.
"Good. I wanted to talk about you and Matthew. You guys seem to be in a rough patch." I scrunched up my face in utter confusion.
"It's more than that." I clarified.
"Don't you think you're being a bit immature about this Vanessa?" I narrowed my eyes. He was blaming me. And I didn't like it. Not one bit.
"Oh, I'm "immature" for not staying with my cheating husband who is expecting a baby he conceived while we were married? Let's not forget that my cheating husband is your son." I emphasized.
"Well hasn't Matthew apologized?" He asked defensively.
"An apology doesn't excuse the hurt he's caused. Actions have consequences." I retorted. He was missing the point entirely.
"I see how happy you two make each other. You two can work things out for the better." He argued as if that was supposed to mean something.
"We don't make each other happy anymore. And we can't work things out because I don't want to." If things were as perfect as he claimed, we'd still be together.
"I assure you that this fling is temporary. She doesn't matter." He brushed the information off as if it meant nothing to him.
"She's having his child." I reminded him. He was skipping over facts and presenting things that suited his argument.
"Despite this, he knows where his home is with you." How could he just say that?
"I'd rather swallow a car than ever say those words or take him back. I'm not being immature about anything. I caught him cheating. He's the immature and selfish party in this.
"If you truly love each other, you two will always come back to each other. I remember when he showed me your engagement ring, he was grinning like a fool in love." He was condescending. A huge red flag.
"I'm a thousand percent sure that if our roles were reversed, you would have him divorce me as soon as he could if I conceived a child or not. That's only because it's acceptable for a man to cheat and produce an illegitimate child but not a woman.
Because it's a women's job to hold the relationship together and keep the man happy. I'm sure he wouldn't take me back either. His ego wouldn't be able to take it. No man would." I spoke, my voice as clear as a whistle as I emphasized each word.
Each word I said to him, I would repeat until my throat burned. It was all true and I was a living testimony to it.
"I understand your frustration but Matthew still loves you. He's your husband for God's sake!" He mentioned it as if that even mattered.
"Was. He was my husband." I corrected him.
"Matthew is still your husband. One indiscretion shouldn't ruin anything." He didn't know? I guess Matthew didn't tell him.
"He must have forgotten to tell you that we're divorced. Have been for a while now. Mr. Woods, you were been a great father-in-law. But there's no hope for Matthew and me.
And thank you for everything and I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to convince me to stay with him. Goodbye." I hung up before I could even hear his reply.
I wasn't going to listen to anyone trying to justify Matthew's actions.
I started up my car and drove to the hospital.
I was enjoying my life. And nobody was going to stop me from living it.
Matthew's POV:
"Dad," I spoke nervously on the phone.
I don't understand why I even picked up the phone.
I was starting to regret it.
"Son, tell me it isn't true." He sounded so disappointed.
"Unfortunately it is dad." There was no point in trying to hide it.
"I got somebody else pregnant," I admitted vulnerably. I said it. The truth I had been so desperate to hide.
"Are you going to accept responsibility?"
"Yes, dad." I had made up my mind. I was going to be the father my child needed even when I didn't want to be.
"When is it due?"
"In about two months."
"For fucks sake!
Stupid boy! Where is Vanessa?" I flinched at the harshness of his voice.
"She's gone. Moved out." I responded quietly.
"What possessed you to do something so fucking stupid?" He said getting angrier.
"It was a misunderstanding dad." I merely said, not wanting to elaborate further. I didn't want to anger him further.
"Have you tried to get her back?"
"I've tri-"
"And failed! Vanessa was one of the good ones. I won't stand having another woman as my daughter-in-law! Find a way to get her back now." He fumed over the phone.
"But dad she won't even tal-." I confessed frustrated.
"If she comes back, are you going to treat her like a husband should?" He asked suddenly.
"Yes!" I answered confidently.
"I'll help you. Your mistake was a temporary lapse in judgment.
You aren't perfect. Relationships are about staying in difficult times." I was confused by his words.
"I'll talk to Vanessa for you." I sighed in relief. Maybe he could persuade her.
My decision to answer the phone wasn't turning out to be bad. It was working out in my favor.
Now I was pacing back and forth as I waited for him or her to call me.
My phone rang and I instantly answered it.
"Hello?"
"I couldn't convince her. She's dead set on staying where she is. Why didn't you tell me you were fucking divorced? When did this happen?"
"I couldn't bring myself to tell you," I muttered in embarrassment.
"You had me looking like an idiot in front of her. You better grovel on your hands and knees until they bleed."
"I'm going to do all I can to make things right." That was all he deserved to hear about the matter.
"Yeah, you better." He warned. With that, he hung up.
It was time to get serious.
After I made some calls, the first thing I did was take a shower.
It was officially time.
Hey loves, I'm back with an update with you guys. Trying to stay consistent with updates is a goal. Thank you all for sticking with me. I really want to see your responses to this chapter.
How are you feeling about Vanessa?
Matthew?
His dad?
Dr. Castillo?
Remember "Staying happy and focused is a must"
Don't hesitate to comment. Hugs💖💖
-Booklover082