Just a lil ol one shot for the trans content craving souls
Trigger warning:
Body shaming
Eating disorder
3rd person pov:
Tubbo finished his stream and pushed himself away from his desk, his chairs wheels rolling along swiftly along the ground.
He took a deep breath in and exhaled tiredly, oh how he longed to remove his binder. During the last half an hour of his 3 hour lore stream, he could feel the tightening fabrics only become more constricting. And since he had his facecam on, he couldn't really do anything about it.
With an irritated groan, he rubbed the sides of his ribs, close to where the bottom of the binder was where it had rolled up slightly, only adding to the tightness. His ribs longed to be free, but at what price? His dysphoria also gaining freedom.
His spine tingled a little, as he looked at the digital clock in the corner of his monitors screen.
6:54
He looked at his hands and started to count with his fingers, 'hmm so 6:54, I woke up at 9:00 ish, so 10 11 12 1 2 3 4 5 6 round 6:54 up to 7 so that means...' his brain was trying to freeze up but he pushed past it once again recounting the fingers he had up, 'hmmm OH 10... 10???!!!' He panicked slightly, '10 hours already?! Wow no wonder my ribs hurt.' He got up off his chair, deciding to go and make dinner for him and his friend.
Ranboo was currently staying at his house while he was in the UK, it has been loads of fun so far, it's great having him around.
But the only problem is, that Tubbo wasn't out to Ranboo yet, so he had to wear his binder a lot more than usual. Usually he would wear it for 8-10 hours a day, and take 24 hour breaks once or twice a week on days he wasn't streaming.
Tubbo plodded on over to the kitchen, as he walked past Ranboos room he could hear he was still streaming, laughing with Technoblade and Tommy, they weren't doing any lore at the moment, 'just chill stream I guess' he assumed.
He reached the kitchen and picked his phone up to look for ideas of what they should have, he didn't want to interrupt his stream so he thought he should just guess.
He was honestly feeling quite lazy right now, all he could think about was taking off the binder that gave him so much emotional comfort, but at the price of more physical pain than he would have liked.
He muttered some things under his breath as he pulled a pizza out of the freezer, "stupid fucking dysphoria." He mumbled. He slid the pizza in the oven and then jumped on top of the counter and sat there waiting for it to cook, he went on Twitter and just scrolled through some of the posts. Some things from Tommy about his stream, some people saying they enjoyed my lore stream, some fanart of him and Ranboo.
He smiled at these, Twitter was always an emotional roller coaster, as soon as you click on that icon, you either enjoy your visit to the wide world of the internet, or you end up on the bad side.
Tubbo didn't go on Twitter much since he started receiving more hate, ever since the whole Chubbo incident, he preferred to stay off of social media platforms like this.
Even just posts from his fans commenting on his height or any slight feminine features, though none of them knew he was trans, and all meant it in a nice way, it still made him dysphoric.
He decided to tweet, he only really tweeted once and a while so nobody would worry about his inactiveness.
He thought for a moment before typing.
'Thanks for coming to the lore stream guys :)) im doing a chill stream tomorrow but I won't have facecam on.' He tweeted.
He was hoping he could take a binder break day for the first time in a month since Ranboo arrived.
'As long as Ranboo doesn't walk in tomorrow then I'll be fine' he told himself.
(What kind of wattpad reader would I be without a little bit a foreshadowin?? ;))
A beeping sound alerted him back to his previous task, He jumped down off the island carefully and pushed the bell silencing the alarm, he opened the door, the hot air hitting his face causing his eyes to water a bit.
He then grabbed a tea towel to shield his hand from the heat of the tray.
He closed the door and placed it on the chopping board so not to ruin the counter top, throwing the tea towel somewhere, he didn't really pay attention.
He opened a drawer and grabbed out the pizza cutter, he rolled the blade carefully along the middle of the pizza, hot cheese and sauce sticking to it each time he cut another slice.
In total there was 8 slices, he grabbed two plates and quickly placed 3 slices on his plate and 5 on Ranboos so not to burn his fingers.
He picked up both plates and headed over to the room Ranboo was currently staying in. He didn't bother to knock since the door was wide open, he walked over and placed the plate on a clean spot on his desk, the taller seemed slightly startled at the sudden movement, he looked over and smiled at the brunette, Ranboo wears his mask so often he seems to forget I can't see what he's doing.
"Thanks Tubbo" he thanked. Tubbo nodded, "no problem bossman, it's still hot btw."
He looked as if he were about to say something back when he flinched, ripping his headphones of his ears, Tubbo could faintly hear something from them.
"Tubbo can't hear you Tommy I've got headphones on! You almost snapped my eardrums in half!" He reached over and passed his headphones to Tubbo, "I'm passing you to Tubbo now"
Tubbo placed the earphones on his head, "hi Tommy" he spoke. "BIG T!" Tommy screamed into his mic. The chat was going nuts, typing things like:
Tommy stop my poor ears
And
Omg beeduo:DD
Along with some
Omg pizza???
"HEY BOSSMAN!" I screamed back into the mic, Ranboo only chuckled and shook his head. His poor chat.
"Tubbo come and play with us!" Tommy demanded, moving away from his mic to focus on his minecraft character, Tubbo replied with a unsure hum, "pleeeaaassseeeee Technoblade just left and Ranboo is bullying me."
"Nah I have pizza to eat and videos to plan sorry Big manz" the smaller laughed, "but you can join my chill stream tomorrow if you want! I haven't really planned anything for it."
"Yeah that sounds fun, what time??" He responded happily.
"Ummmm I don't know, I'll dm you later." Tubbo responded. He looked at the chat, the earlier mention of eating pizza had gained the attention of some haters who were watching.
The chat was so fast he could only make out the familiar words he had seen repeated on social media platforms. The ones he despised so much.
'Chubbo' all Tubbo could focus on was the word repeating its self.
Tubbo passed the headphones back to Ranboo.
"You can stay for the stream if you want." Ranboo informed. The other gave him a soft smile and a nod, he didn't want to disappoint or worry his friend so he pulled a chair up so he was slightly behind Ranboo and began to eat his pizza.
Tubbo took one bite of his pizza slice. Only the chat seemed to notice he was completely lost in his own thoughts.
But Ranboo had ended up turning his chat off, he also saw some of the hate towards Tubbo, but he decided he would talk to him about it when there wasn't 100,000+ people watching.
Tubbo was completely zoned out. A small frown had made its way onto his face as he stared at the floor infront of him, his legs cross crossed on the chair to support his plate.
He took a second bite of his pizza, a feeling in his gut making want to vomit.
He went to take a third bite and froze, he couldn't escape all the words that rang through his head.
'Chubbo chubbo chubbo' it was only one word. But so many people had said it, out of all his viewers combined, it was only a minuscule fraction, the smallest amount.
But it was still a lot of people to Tubbo.
He dropped his pizza on his plate and put it aside, he felt a bit better by doing this and he didn't know why.
'You don't deserve it'
'Chubbo'
'Overweight'
'It's for the best'
"What's up Tommy?" The concern in Ranboos voice snatched the boy from his train of thought.
"Is Tubbo alright?" Tommy asked worried.
He looked at Tubbo behind him, he looked a bit out of it.
"I think so. What's up man?"
"My chats going nuts. A lot of them came from your stream" he explained, "they said Tubbo is sad?? Are you sure he's okay?"
"Yeah. I'll dm you later okay? I think I know what's going on" Ranboo replied. He had seen the chat, and he only hoped that Tubbo didn't see it too.
Tubbo was just in a confused daze, he felt like he was dreaming somehow yet he was awake at the same time. He had only heard one half of the conversation between Ranboo and Tommy, which only led to more unanswered questions.
Tubbo put on the best smile he could so nobody would worry, completely oblivious the the amount of concern and worry from Ranboo, Tommy and litterally over 200,000 watching both streams.
It sounds kind of overwhelming.
Tubbo picked up Ranboos now somehow empty plate, 'how long was I zoned out?' He asked himself. He hid his own plate behind his back, it would be better that Ranboo didn't know, he would probably make him eat something. He really didn't feel like it.
He grabbed both plates and left discreetly. He walked to the kitchen and put both plates next to the sink, throwing the two whole slices of pizza and a slice with two reasonably small bite marks into the bin and closing it.
He looked over at the clock, it was now 7:34, he had been wearing his binder for almost 11 hours, he mentally slapped himself, 'idiot'.
Tubbo decided to make the smart decision, he walked to his room stopping at Ranboos doorway, "Ranboo." He started, catching the tallers attention, he tore his attention away from his monitor, "I'm going to go to bed now, good night" he notified. The taller male nodded at this and gave him a thumbs up, "Oki doki good night Tubbo, see you tomorrow" he responded as the other walked back to his room.
Reaching his room he locked his door and took of his shirt, then struggling yet managing to pull his binder off of him. He let out a long shaky breath, he had his eyes closed, he could bare to even catch a glimpse right now.
He reached around for the familiar fabric of his tshirt but accidentally picked up trousers, he tried again throwing the trousers somewhere, he picked up the shirt and put it on, hating the feeling. He opened his eyes and picked up another shirt... and another... and an xxl hoodie. Manz was wearing 4 layers. But luckily it was winter so he was fine, it would be cold anyway. Best season.
He caught a glimpse of the mirror as he walked past it, immediately flinching, his head turning away with his eyes scrunched up. God he hated it.
It was too late now. His curiosity had already taken over as he looked over to the full body mirror. He stared into the unfamiliar reflection that stared back at him.
Meanwhile, Ranboo and Tommy were worried for the brunette. "Did he just say he was going to bed???" Tommy asked as Tubbo left.
Ranboo sighed, he knew exactly what was going on but couldn't say, or so he thought he did, "yeah, he must be tired from his stream." He lied.
"Dude it's like... 7:36??!!!!" Tommy screamed.
He was right, he didn't have to say anything else, the tone in his voice was laced with worry.
"Okay guys don't worry about Tubbo" Ranboo said to his stream, "but I'm going to go now too alright guys? I'll ask Tubbo if I can join his chill stream tomorrow alright?? Okay bye guys!" Ranboo ended his stream. Still on call with Tommy.
Tommy also ended his stream, they had been streaming for about 3 or 4 hours anyway, they had had a long day.
"Alright, spill Ranboob" Tommy demanded. Ranboo didn't even correct him, only sighed in response before complying, "okay. Um" he started to whisper just incase the boy in the other room could hear, "have you seen all the um... all the hate toward Tubbo lately?"
Tommy's facial expressions fell, he had seen a few things mentioned but didn't think it was that bad, that was only on his stream though, "yeah... yeah I think so..." he replied.
"Yeah... I think it might have gotten to him a bit..." Ranboo sighed sadly.
Tommy was trying to rack his brain around the whole thing, 'but Tubbo seemed fine when they talked right?? Was he missing something?? Tubbo said he was fine, he said he wouldn't ever let the hate get to him...'
"Is there anything I can do, big man?" Tommy asked, genuinely worried for his friend.
"I'm not sure... maybe don't mention it for now. I'm going to try and cheer him up." Ranboo replied.
"Alright. You go and do that, please update me when you can. See you Ranboo" Tommy said before leaving the vc.
Ranboo also left the vc, he shut down his pc before getting up and walking out of his room and over to Tubbos. He knew full well the smaller wouldn't be sleeping, it was only like 7:40 or something.
Ranboo walked up to Tubbos door, he heard soft sobs from the other side, muffled sobs as if he was trying to hide them, covering his mouth with something like a pillow. Ranboos heart shattered right then and there, he couldn't imagine- no he didn't want to imagine his ray of sunshine crying. He always seemed so energetic and joyful.
Even though Ranboos heart ached hearing the muffled sobs, and no matter how much he didn't want to lay eyes upon his saddened friend, he couldn't just leave him in this state.
Ranboo took a deep breath in before gently knocking on the door.
The noises stopped, Tubbo looked up from his drenched knees, still silent tears trailing down his face. He looked up at the door, he cleared his throat before responding to the knock, "hello?" His voice croaked. 'Well shit' he cursed at himself.
Ranboos expressions could only sadden more somehow, it broke his heart to hear Tubbos voice.
"Hey. It's Ranboo, can I come in?" He asked calmly. Worry leaking into his voice.
Tubbo thought for a moment before hugging his legs closer to his chest, instantly regretting it from the feeling of 'them' being touched, alerting him once again to 'their' presence.
"No.." he responded.
Ranboo didnt know how to respond, he wasn't sure what to say, what if he was just over reacting?? 'No. NO! No im not over reacting. My friend needs me.' He assured himself.
"Please Tubbo? I just want to make sure you're okay..." he pleaded. But Tubbo stayed quiet. He wanted his friend to come in but he was worried about what he might say, he didn't like being comforted, the feeling of pity towards him and him just feeling guilty. It made no sense. But he liked Ranboos comfort. He just didn't want to talk about it, or put his binder back on just yet no matter how much he hated his body, he couldn't, it wasn't healthy.
But Ranboo took his silence as a promising turn, at least he wasn't saying no this time, "Tubbo? Do you think you can open the door for me, please?" Ranboo spoke softly.
He heard some shuffling from the other side of the door. Tubbo stood up, and forcefully dragged his shaky legs to the door, he unlocked it and slowly turned the knob, a small clack was heard before a small creek as the door opened a small amount.
Tubbo bent sideways a little so that mostly his head could be seen through the crack in the door, and his body was hidden behind it.
He put on his signature smile and looked at Ranboo.
Ranboo almost cried himself at the sight, Tubbos eyes were slightly red, his cheeks were anyway, under his eyes were a little puffy and also redish aswell.
"Oh Tubbo..." Ranboo opened the door a little more, making Tubbo panick. Out of reflex, he pushed the door back, he didn't want Ranboo to see him without his binder on regardless of how many layers he was wearing, he couldn't know.
"Hey. Tubbo it's okay." He reassured, the smaller shook his head violently in response. Nothing about this situation was okay.
When Tubbo had pushed the door back to Ranboo, the smaller had to rearrange the position of his body a bit to push back better, now revealing more of the top of his body. It was only now that Ranboo noticed Tubbos clothes, Ranboo was wearing a shirt sleeved shirt, the brunette was wearing four layers, he must be boiling.
Ranboo subconsciously tried pushing the door back towards Tubbo again, earning a small chocked sob from the smaller, "Ranboo please. Just... just not now, please? We can talk tomorrow.."
The smaller obviously wasn't in the right mindset right now, and Ranboo knew that. And so he respected his wishes.
"It's okay, Tubbo. I'm here for you okay? If you need anything just come to me." Ranboos kind and reassuring words caused Tubbo to relax his grip on the door. "Good night Tubbo. I'll see you tomorrow okay?" He walked back to his room slowly, just incase the boy decided to come out and change his mind.
But he didn't.
Only one of those boys ended up sleeping that night.
And surprisingly, that boy was Tubbo.
Tubbo had fallen asleep not long after Ranboo had left, not wanting to suffer within his bubble of dysphoria any longer.
Ranboo on the other hand was waiting, he didn't want the boy to leave his room for help only to find him asleep and change his mind. Ranboo wanted to be there for his friend.
Time skip brought to you by Oreo Boy current coffee life source
It was 5:45 and Ranboo couldn't believe he actually survived a sleepless night. He was soooo bored though. He got up and walked out his room over to the kitchen where he made himself a 5th cup of coffee. He would sleep once he had talked to Tubbo.
He decided it would be a good idea to make something for Tubbo to eat when he wakes up.
He would wait though, Tubbo probably wouldn't wake up for a few more hours.
He looked over and saw the empty pizza box Tubbo left out last night. He chuckled to himself slightly, it's only ever the pizza boxes he forgets to throw out somehow.
He opened the bin a was about to throw the box away when he froze, he pulled the pizza box away for a second look.
Three almost whole pizza slices sat atop the rest of the rubbish.
"He didn't eat the pizza..." he whispered to himself sadly, he looked over in the direction of Tubbos room sadly, he recalled yesterday, "he also didn't eat Lunch, he was busy streaming..." he remembered. He looked back at the bin, placing the box into it.
He couldn't remember if Tubbo had eaten breakfast yesterday, but that only worried him even more. That would mean the boy only ate 1 or no meals at all yesterday. That's not healthy!
Time skip brought to you by a very worried Tommy that won't even be mentioned for the rest of the story
Tubbo awoke to the smell of food. At first, his hungry stomach longing for it, but then his brain had tricked him, calling him names, recalling yesterday's events. The thought of food suddenly sickening him.
He got up and got changed, his binder being the first thing he put on. He reached for the door knob but hesitated, thinking back to his last encounter with his friend.
But he pushed past it. It was now or never. He can't just stay in his room all day worrying when his friend was probably worried about him aswell. It was a continuous loop he didn't wish to enter.
He walked into the kitchen slowly, still half asleep. His mind kind of foggy. Ranboo was stood at the counter, no mask or glasses (handsome boi hours) yawning, on the counter below was two plates. Tubbo died inside out of guilt and conflict, he didn't want to eat but he couldn't just turn away food his friend made for him, and pancakes are good! 'But food...' the thought made him want to throw up.
"Hi Tubbo! Good morning!" Ranboo was running on zero hours sleep and 6 cups of coffee, but he needed to appear bright and cheery for his struggling friend.
Tubbo smiled weakly back at him, sitting at the table opposite to where the other was standing.
"I made breakfast." Those words hurt Tubbo inside, yet also warmed his heart. It was such a caring thing to do, but he just didn't feel like eating.
"Don't worry you only need to eat one pancake." The boy started, pointing at the plate with a reassuring smile on his face, but this only confused Tubbo, "you can have more than one of you wish. But you have to eat at least one." He demanded.
Tubbo just stared in confusion, "wait.. I'm confused." He accidentally said allowed. Ranboos expression softened as he grabbed a glass to fill with water, "um... well I saw that you didn't actually... eat anything yesterday" he turned on the tap, "and I need you to eat something. I need to see you eat something but I don't want to force you to eat more than your comfortable with but I need you to eat something" he explained slightly panicked, he didn't want to say the wrong thing.
He placed the cup of cold water next to the plate and pushed it over to Tubbo who was just staring at the taller as if to plead 'please don't make me do it' he knows. 'Ranboo knows doesn't he? About the hate? Wait no I'm still confused...'
"Thanks" is all he could mutter in response.
He started to nibble at his plain pancake.
Ranboo ate his own, there was a comfortable silence for a while as they ate. Ranboo ate fairy quickly and placed his plate next to the sink, taking Tubbos aswell once he was done.
The silence was broken by Ranboo, he was curious, but didn't want to rush anything, "we can talk about it in your own time," he started, "but I would like to talk about last night at some point if you don't mind. I'm not mad or anything if that's what your thinking, of course I'm not, um I just want you to know that I'm here for you and I worry about you."
Tubbo nodded, "I know... and you deserve an explanation..." he sighed, "but it probably wasn't because of what you think."
Ranboo raised a brow, "what do you think I think it is?" God that was a mouthful.
Tubbo rested his head on his hand, his elbow sitting on the worktop, "you saw the hate right? That's why you've been treading on eggshells around me for the past couple days isn't it?"
Ranboo felt guilty, he just wanted Tubbo to feel comfortable, he didn't want to make anything worse. He wanted to give him some space, but also not let him feel left out or alone in this situation.
"Ah... yeah. Sorry about that..." he apologised, "huh? Wait so it wasn't about that?" He asked.
Tubbo shook his head, "nope" he responded, popping the p.
Ranboo onlu frowned slightly, "do you want to talk about it?" He asked.
Tubbo shook his head, "not yet... maybe soon though... ive actually thought about it a lot, ya know, telling you about it?" He muttered a little, fiddling with his hoodie strings.
"Okay. Don't worry too much man, take your time. Don't feel like you have to give me an explanation. Just know I'm here for you." He reassured the smaller, a small smile poking the ends of his lips.
Tubbo smiled at this. "Meet me back here after the chill stream."
Time skip Cus im lazy hah
Tubbo walked back into the kitchen and returned to his previous seat, Ranboo exiting his room not long after. They both acted completely fine during the stream and reassured the chat that they were just tired the night before and that everything was fine.
Ranboo stood were they were only 3 hours earlier.
Tubbo nervously played with the ends of his sleeves thinking of what to say, it was all his mind kept returning to during the stream. He wanted to tell Ranboo, he would be staying with him for another few months for goodness sake he couldn't hide it forever.
Ranboo watched the boy fidget, he didn't want to interrupt his train of thought. It was his choice to talk to him, so it would be his choice when and how to start the conversation.
But maybe he needed a little push to start, maybe a question? Ranboo wasn't quite sure.
"So uhm about the-"
"I'm trans" Tubbo hastily interrupted, his heart felt like it was going to escape through his throat. He had actually done it. 'HAHA I DID IT I DID IT... oh no I did it shit shit' he started to spiral a bit, 'what if I just ruined our friendship?? What if it was too soon?? Is he mad I lied? Well it wasn't really a lie, I am a man but not physically...'
"Oh. Is that it?" Ranboo... didn't care?
'He doesn't care??'
Ranboos tone wasn't shook at all, his expression was... a smile?? Tubbo was slightly confused by his reaction, but happy that it could've been worse. So much worse.
"That's... what... that's all? That's all your going to say?" Tubbo asked, eyes wide with pure shock.
Ranboo shrugged, "I don't know. I was expecting something worse. Was... was that a bad reaction?? I'm sorry I-"
"Nono. It was fine um..." Tubbo was slightly confused still, "are you... are your sure you uh actually know what 'transgender' means?" He just wanted to make sure.
"Yeah course I do. Well probably not as well as you do but you can just explain it to me if your comfortable with it." He laughed a little.
"So... you really don't mind??"
Ranboo was saddened by this, "am I supposed to mind?" Ranboo noticed Tubbo shift guiltily, "Tubbo... I really don't care what body you were born in. You will always be a man in my eyes- uh... unless you meant that you are actually trans female and I have gotten the complete wrong idea oh my god I'm so sorry I should've just asked aahhh nono have I fucked up-"
"Nono Ranboo this is... this is actually one of the best reactions I've received" he smiled lightly, "thank you.."
Ranboo nodded.
"Oh and I am male. Born female am male." He laughed.
"Oh thank god. I thought I had just ruined everything" he laughed back.
They laughed and joked for a while. Everything almost immediately going back to normal.
Tubbo couldn't be happier with the outcome.