I sat there with Bradley after my dad had scolded the both of us. The grass was wet with dew but I didn't care. I plucked some grass and started throwing it around, how could my life get so confusing and painful in a blink of an eye... Brody was right, we should have protected her, we shouldn't have stayed on our high horses and looked down upon her. I was Allie's brother, I should have helped her. I hadn't apologized to Brad, and he hadn't apologized to me. It didn't matter though, I just wanted Allie to come home. I want her to come home safely, and this time I would protect her with all I had.
My tugging on the roots have became more aggressive and both my hands were balled up in fists. Suddenly I just didn't care about anything anymore. I just cared about Allie. I couldn't even care that I had a gash on my forehead with blood dripping out of it, it hurt. Brad delivered a pretty good punch, maybe that was how Allie felt. She wasn't getting punches physcially but verbally and emotionally. I understood that she didn't want to be found, I understood that she was hurt, I understood that she was dying inside because of the things Brody and I have said, and the things we haven't done for her. But I just wanted her to come home. Allie just come home.
"Why don't you stop being such a fucking bitch about it?" I yelled at her. Allie stood her ground. She looked scared but she was doing damn well at trying to cover it up.
"Why Reece? You don't even care about me, just leave me alone okay?" She pleaded, her back already turned as she began to head into her room.
"Don't turn your back on me when I'm talking to you! When I tell you to do something for me, you do it! I specifically remember asking you to fix the damned printer"
"Don't be a drama queen Reece, go fix it yourself. I'm so tired of you ordering me around" That got me even more mad, and I stalked towards her as she cowered away. Brody just came out of his room and I heard him chuckle. I turned around to see that he was holding a bowl of cereal and was eating it rather loudly.
"See, that's your fucking problem. You're such an ungrateful little shit. You can't do shit for people, that's why you don't have any friends. You're too fucking selfish! I asked you to do a small and simple task yet-"
"Look, I'm really busy with school work, please, leave me alone. All you have to do is lift the latch-"
"Then fucking do it!" Our parents weren't home at the moment, mom was out grocery shopping and dad was still at work. I towered over her and she began to shake, I frowned at her odd reaction but she had put her head down and unsteadily clutched onto the wall, she took a few deep breaths before thudding onto the floor and drawing her knees closer to her as she hugged them. The doorbell rang at that moment and Brody quipped that he would go get it. I turned my attention back to my pathetic sister.
"You're so pathetic, you're useless, and the world would be so much better without you! All you think about is yourself, cooped up in that small fucking room of yours. Next time I tell you to do something, you fucking do it! This is why no one stands up for you!" Allie's breathing became ragged and I stared at her, just then Brody and Bradley scrambled up the stairs. Brad had immediately gone to Allie's side and glared at me. He bent down so he was the same height as her and began consoling her. Once she saw him and realized that Brad was by her side she clung onto him like her life depended on it and he helped her get inside her room, slamming the door behind them.
Brody and I looked at eachother in shock but our curiosity got the best of us, we leaned our ears against the door and heard Allie's sobs. She was repeating several words, and my mind had told me I had done something terribly wrong.
"I'll do it"
"Please, stop yelling, I promise. I'll be good, I won't be selfish"
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry"
"I can do it, I can help"
"Please, I didn't do anything, I don't know, I don't know"
The words gave me a sense of unease and I shrunk away from the door. My heart felt heavy and Brody looked at me worriedly. What had I done? I put my ear against the door again and thankfully Allie had calmed down. Brad was trying to sooth and calm her down even more. 'Allie, breathe, remember? 1, 2, 3. Inhale and exhale" I heard some quick breathing and then more of Brad's instructions "You didn't do anything wrong, you've helped enough people. Don't be sorry." Allie began sobbing again, " Hey, hey everything will be okay. He's not mad at you, you see the water at your table? I'm going to go get it and then we're going to calm down okay?" Brad was making Allie sound as if she was some mentally ill person. I couldn't bare to hear anymore so I tore myself from her door, grabbed my car keys and decided to go over to Jesse's.
"Brody you nosy bastard, you coming?"
As I sat there reliving that horrible memory, I managed to piece some things together. So that was what Brad meant when Allie had depression and social anxiety? The pills, that was what he meant when he was going to go get water, he needed to reassure her that he wasn't leaving her side. Her pleading, her begging she wasn't herself and I had scared her to the point where she broke. I had pressured her and terrified her so much that night. I had made her feel worthless and threatened her to the point that I looked like a monster in her eyes. I felt like a fucking asshole. I was a drama queen, and I was the selfish one.
"That night, that night when you came barging into my house, literally dragging Allie back into her room. That night when I was yelling at her like a maniac. That's what you meant wasn't it?" I turned to Brad and after a long silence he finally nodded. I felt like throwing something, suddenly the whole thing felt like it was my fault. Allie running away, her telling us not to look for her. She wanted to get away from the monster who was of her flesh and blood. She didn't want to be scared anymore. I was included in the list of people who had made her hate this place, the place she once called home.
"Fuck. I fucking did this, look I'm sorry man" The words were hard to get out, and I wanted to cry at the same time. Brad put his arm on my shoulder and gave it a squeeze.
"It wasn't just you, but yeah, that night she had a panic attack"
"Well I'm grateful you came at just the right time, I don't know what I would have done if I saw her like that." Brad gave a sad smile and nodded.
"Fuck" I had started to cry. I was worried for my sister, she was so small. She wouldn't be able to fend for her if someone jumped or attacked her. I don't even know if she had brought any money with her. I want to know where she is.
"Reece-"
"Why didn't you tell anyone Brad?" I began to get emotional again.
"She didn't want me to" Was his lame answer. I glared at him and thankfully he elaborated.
"She knows that everyone thinks she's a loner, they call her emo and all that shit. The girls weren't exactly nice to her. Do you think she wants people to know that she has panic attacks and social anxiety as well? They'd bully her to the point where running away wouldn't be an option. Reece she was so fucking close to killing herself" He sighed, "Sometimes I even have to come into her room at night, just to make sure she's okay, just to make sure she hasn't done anything she would regret. Reece it was that bad, and no one cared."
"We need to find her Brad." Bradley nodded again, but he looked away.
"If she doesn't want to be found, where do we start? She's left no fucking clues" I was about to say something, something that could try to make the situation seem a little better. Words of encouragement but Brody had ran out of the house and called us to quickly come back inside.
"We've got a lead!" He yelled. And like a shot Brad and I stood upright and joined the rest of the people awaiting news about Allie.
Don't worry Allie, we're going to find you. We're going to find you even if you don't want to be found. And when you come home I'm going to be the bestest biggest brother there is and I'm going to help and make everything better again for you.
I promise, I promise, I promise.
-
Author's note:
Alright, I suddenly got the push to write a chapter and whipped this up! This chapter made me cry to be honest, I was crying as I wrote it and my little brother was giving me weird looks! But dedication to the book and my readers! :) Anyways, hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing this chapter! Please leave comments and vote! For those who have thank you so much! It is uberly appreciated!