TW: Slight Mention of Panic Attack
He woke up in a cold sweat, and blankets were thrown off the bed. He groaned as he forced himself out of bed at the sound of his alarm. Jack walked to his mirror in his room and saw the tiredness behind his eyes. He thought to himself how he should sleep more, but realized how he would be so behind in high school if he did that. He was always wired at night, it was his only time to think. He sometimes stayed up texting Rian or Zack, but usually, it was just him and he didn't mind that. He changed his boxers and put on a pair of black ripped jeans, and a plain grey v neck shirt with a sweatshirt over his body. He usually didn't care what he wore, unless he was around Alex. He would sometimes hang out with him with Rian and Zack, but he wasn't as close to him as Rian and Zack were. He admired him, he loved how he smiled and generally just how he was. Jack knows Alex was gay, he just knows he would never like Jack.
"Hi honey," His mom said as Jack tiredly walked down the stairs.
"Hi Mom," he said, forcing a smile, which convincingly said, "I'm fine".
"Take your meds okay? I have to go to work. Is Rian driving you?" She asked.
He was used to his parents being absent, his dad worked for a bunch at the hospital delivering babies and his mom had a full-time job during the week. "Yeah, he is," Jack mutters, while he starts to make himself coffee.
"Okay Jack your father and I will be out late again you can order pizza if you want," She says practically running out the door.
"Have a great day Jack take your meds you're screwed up enough and we don't have time for that," he mimicked to himself. He went to the cabinet, and grabbed his medication, and took it even though he knew it wasn't doing what it needed to be doing.
Rian pulled up in front of his house, and he sat next to him. "Well you look pleasant to be around this morning," Rian said sarcastically as he read Jack's body language.
"I would have been if my mom didn't piss me off again," Jack laughed. He tended to use humor as a coping mechanism, Rian and Zack knew that and so did his parents. Jack could always get through the whole day without anyone noticing what was going on inside his head.
"It's the first day of the second semester we get new classes I guess that's good because we don't have to take math," Rian shrugged, changing the subject away from Jack's parents.
"Yeah and I'm taking photography this semester," Jack smiled, he loved photography. One of his favorite things to do to escape was to simply walk around Baltimore taking Polaroids of the scenery.
"That's cool JB I'm glad you actually want to go to a class," Rian laughs.
"You're smart you do good in everything asshole," Jack rolls his eyes, making Rian laugh even more.
They pull up to school around fifteen minutes before class, and Jack sees his first class is photography. He's excited, mainly because he can actually do something he enjoys in school. Rian and Zack have different classes than him until the last period, which is English. He feels the lump in his throat, knowing he won't know anyone in his other classes.
"Jack are you okay?" Zack asked snapping Jack out of his daze.
"Yeah I'm good, just tired," He shrugs.
"You'll be good Jack we will see you during the break okay?" Rian says, placing a hand on his shoulder.
Jack nods and says goodbye to Rian and Zack and he walks off to photography class. Okay, Jack you just have to get through an hour and a half before the break you will be okay. Just put your earbuds in tune it out. He walks into the classroom, and sits down at one of the desks towards the back, and stares at the door as the room starts to fill. He begins to fall asleep, but that was until Alex walked into the room. He wore a tight pair of skinny jeans, showing off his figure with a v neck shirt almost identical to Jack's; with his grey beanie. Alex made eye contact with Jack, which made Jack's stomach flip.
"Hey, Jack! Thank god I thought I knew no one in this class," Alex smiles, sitting down next to him swooping his bangs out of his face.
"Hey," Jack smiles, muttering a little. Goddamnit, how are you going to focus with him right next to you?
When class started, Jack caught himself glaring at Alex. His jaw structure, and his beautiful brown hair loosely coming out of his beanie. "Okay for your first project that's due by the end of this week you will be working with a partner of your choice to do photoshoots of each other in nature or around the city. Be creative and you will be developing this film in class on Friday," The teacher says. Jack wasn't paying attention, and he honestly doesn't care what his name was anyways.
"Hey Jack wanna be partners I mean we've never really got to hang out before," Alex says leaning over towards Jack, and smiling that sunshine smile again.
"Mhm that would be cool," Jack casually says, leaning closer towards the brown-haired boy.
"Awesome, I have time after school today are you good with that?" Alex tells Jack who is in awe of Alex, he would agree to anything that came out from his lips.
"Yeah I'm gonna be home alone anyways we could go to my house afterward," Jack shrugs.
"Okay Awesome Jack," Alex smiles, casually touching Jack's shoulder blade, making Jack tense up. He touched my shoulder. Alex grabbed Jack's schedule and looked it over and he smiled.
"Looks like we have all of our classes together."
He smiles too, but the fact that Alex wants to be around him makes him smile more. Jack sometimes thinks he can tire Rian and Zack out, besides he always is the odd one out when they are hanging out with their girlfriends and they invite him so he's not alone. "You want to be around me?" Jack asks confused, but also curious.
"Yeah of course I do who wouldn't," Alex smiles, growing at the fact that the younger boy had asked that.
"Oh, I don't know just curious I guess," Jack shrugged, even though he was just self-conscious.
"Well anyone would be lucky to spend time with you Jack Barakat," Alex smiled, as he got up at the same time as Jack did.
Jack liked how Alex smiled, how he was like sunshine. He walked in confidently when he did, and how he managed to make everyone laugh. Jack did that, or he used to more when things were better.
"Come on Jack I'll walk to class with you," Alex smiled.
"Okay," Jack says, letting go of his anxiety as he walks out the door with Alex. He took out his phone and texted Rian and Zack how he was with Alex. They both seemed shocked when he said that, and then they started being immature about them because they both knew Jack fell for Alex the second he laid eyes on him.
"So Jack what made you wanna take photography?" Alex asks me.
"It's always been a hobby I like taking pictures of beautiful things it's a distraction from the bad ones," Jack says to Alex who seems genuinely interested in what Jack's reasoning is.
"That's nice Jack I get it I mean I took it just for fun, so I could learn but I'm the same way with singing and guitar and even writing songs sometimes," Alex blushes. He never told anyone about that stuff, he didn't understand how it just spilled out of his mouth with no control. Jack just made him feel safe like he could trust Jack.
"Really? I play guitar too," Jack laughs, he never knew he had so much in common with Alex.
Alex smiles and blushes a little. "You should play for me one time Jack."
"I would like that if you could sing for me," Jack says moving closer to Alex since the hallways are always flooded with people during passing periods. He never liked the number of people rubbing on his shoulders when they passed by. Alex noticed how uncomfortable the younger boy was, so he put his hand on his shoulder pulling him closer. Alex never saw this side of Jack before, he was curious and wanted to help.
"Maybe we can hang out after the photography project?" Alex asked, he felt that Jack needed someone he wanted to be that person.
"Yeah that would be nice," Jack smiles. He wants to hang out with me. He likes being around me. The rest of the class went by pretty quickly, and then lunch was next. Jack usually never ate during lunch, he got anxious eating around other people. Alex begged him to go to the lunch line with him, so he hesitantly agreed.
"Are you gonna get anything?" Alex asked him.
"Uh I don't know I'll probably just get a soda," Jack shrugged. Alex nodded, but he was hungry and just didn't want to eat in front of everyone in the cafeteria.
"We can go sit outside if you want it's not super cold today," Alex shrugged.
"Okay that would be nice I don't even think Rian and Zack are here they have something during lunch," Jack said.
"That's okay, are you sure you don't want anything?" Alex asked him.
"I guess I'll get pizza," Jack said, feeling more comfortable if it was just gonna be him and Alex.
They grabbed their food and headed outside where they sat on a bench and started to eat. "I was thinking we could go to the park near the shops and get the pictures there, and then maybe get some coffee afterward?" Alex asked.
"That's good," Jack said. He was honestly happy about taking pictures of Alex. He likes to take pictures of beautiful things, and Alex was the most beautiful person.
"I can drive you to the park and coffee if you want," Alex told Jack hoping he would take him up on that offer.
"Okay," Jack smiled, he never smiled that much when he meant it. He meant it around Alex, that boy was pure sunshine.
The two boys walked into their English class, where Zack had to force Rian not to say anything stupid. Alex greeted them and sat down next to Jack towards the middle of the rows. Jack couldn't stop thinking about his plans tonight with Alex. He was anxious, he liked him and didn't want to screw up this new relationship by making his feelings towards Alex obvious. He was scared of messing up, of getting anxious or panicky in public. His panic attacks always came out of nowhere, he never knew what was gonna happen. He spaced out and felt someone's hand on his back.
"Hey Jack it's okay," Zack said.
Jack nodded and started playing with his fingers, counting, it always calmed him down. Alex caught onto his anxious behavior, he gently put a hand on top of Jack's hands.
"It's all good Jack," Alex said sincerely.
Jack felt at ease, he didn't understand how someone he barely knew had made such an impact in one day. He felt safe with him, he liked that feeling. The rest of the day went by fast, mainly because Jack had spent the whole class admiring Alex.
When they walked to Alex's car Jack noticed he had the same music taste as him. He looked at the CDs that he kept in his car in awe.
"You can pick one if you want," Alex laughs, starting the car.
"Okay," Jack smiles, he ends up grabbing a My Chem CD and starts to sing along as the music starts to play. Jack loved how confident he was, how free-spirited he was.
"You're a good singer," Jack tells Alex. The older boy blushed, he never sang in front of anyone but for Jack, he felt like he could.
"Thanks," Alex smiled.
When the two boys pulled up to the park, the lighting was perfect. They both walked over to this one large oak tree in the park that towered above them.
"You wanna go first, Jack?" Alex asked him.
"Sure," Jack said, he was already imagining how he wanted to take pictures of Alex. "You can go stand over there by the tree," Jack pointed, directing Alex where he wanted him.
"Here?" Alex asked, leaning against the tree bending his knees slightly.
"Uh maybe here," Jack said, moving Alex gently, by placing a hand on his waist, rotating him around.
Alex blushed, he liked the soft touch of the taller boy's soft hands. He wouldn't mind if they stayed there a little bit longer.
Jack began to take pictures on the camera, and he occasionally stopped to move Alex a few times. It took him about twenty minutes to get the right photos of him, but he wanted to capture Alex perfectly.
Alex admired the focused expression on Jack's face, and how he was so deep into photography. He was handsome, and Alex acknowledged the natural beauty in the boy. He had felt this before, he had been in one or two serious relationships, but something pulled him to Jack and it was such a strong force.
"Okay I think I'm done," Jack said, handing the camera to Alex.
"Okay I'm gonna have you move to the same spot," Alex told Jack.
Jack listened, and he felt the cold hands of Alex adjust his body. He tilted Jack's neck up slightly and turned his body more towards himself. Alex began to take the photos of Jack, and Jack was starting to fall for him.
Once the shoot was over, they both started walking back to the car to go get coffee when Jack noticed the football players. Shit.
"Alex, we have to walk faster," Jack said, starting to run to the car. Alex saw the worry in Jack's chocolate brown eyes, so he went with him but it was too late.
"Oh look the fag finally got a fucking boyfriend," one of the football players said walking up to Jack.
"Leave me alone," Jack rolled his eyes as he opened the car door but they pulled him out by his hood. Jack was pretty scrawny, so he couldn't resist it.
"You know not to do that anymore," the football player said, punching him in his rib cage.
"Does your boyfriend know you're mental? Probably not," he laughed, shoving Jack into the car finally walking away. Great. The one time you get a friend or something close to a boyfriend. That fucking jerk had to ruin it. He started to cry silently, with his back still pressed up to Alex's car. He heard footsteps walk over to him, and he looked up to Alex.
"I'm sorry," Jack muttered, rocking himself on the ground.
"Don't be they are jerks they're homophobic assholes," Alex sighed sitting down next to Jack.
"God everyone hates me. The world fucking hates me," Jack muttered, covering his face.
"I don't hate you," Alex said, pulling him into his arms.
Jack let out a sob, he never cried in front of anyone not even Rian and Zack, or his parents. His heart started to race, he was probably scaring Alex away. His heart began to race, and he began to shake.
"Jack," Alex frowned, rubbing his back.
"I need to go home," Jack stuttered, grabbing onto Alex. He was terrified that Alex just witnessed that, he felt ashamed. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay Jack, are you hurt?" Alex asks him.
"It's fine, it's just a bruise," Jack mutters.
"Okay, I'll take you home," Alex says, pulling Jack off the ground. He can see the pain he's in, emotionally and physically.
"Can you stay? I don't wanna be alone," Jack asked Alex with pleading eyes.
"Yeah I don't want you to be alone," Alex says.
Jack nods, and he cries the whole way home really letting himself release all that deep emotion he holds in all the time. Alex holds his hand, sympathetically rubbing it to calm Jack.
"Are your parents home?" Alex asked Jack.
"No they never are, I'm always alone," Jack sighs.
"That's gonna change, I'll stay with you as much as you need Jack," Alex says.
"You don't have to if you don't want to," Jack mumbles.
"I want to. I'm here for you," Alex smiles.
Jack nods, and once they get to his house Alex helps him to the door. They get inside, and it's all dark. Jack flips the light switch and reveals the interior of the house. When you walk in it's a modern house, a comforting fireplace with a mounted tv and a long couch. There are pictures of Jack and his siblings around the living room and a few medical textbooks. The kitchen has granite countertops, with large white cabinets and stainless steel appliances.
"I can take you to my room," Jack shrugs, putting his shoes next to the door.
Alex nods and helps him up the stairs. Jack opens the door, and Alex admires the band posters on the wall. He looks at Jack's electric and acoustic guitars leaning on the wall, and the Polaroid and digital cameras on his dresser. His bed was unmade, and there were clothes thrown on the floor. Alex glanced at the medication in his room, but he didn't bring it up.
"Sorry it's a mess," Jack sighed, wiping his face and sitting on the edge of the bed.
"It's okay," Alex shrugged as he sat down next to the younger boy.
"Yeah he wasn't wrong about me being mental," Jack laughed trying to lighten the mood.
"Jack," Alex frowned, pulling him into a hug.
"My parents hate me, Alex," Jack cries.
"You don't deserve them, you deserve so much better Jacky," Alex frowned.
"No I don't," Jack mutters into Alex's chest. He liked the smell of his light cologne, he liked Alex.
"You do Jacky," Alex says.
Alex leans in closer towards Jack, and he feels the boy's breath on his. Jack looks at him and moves even closer putting his hands on Alex's neck. Alex leans in towards him and presses his lips against Jack's. Jack doesn't pull away, he stays like that as long as the air in his lungs fulfills him.
"I just got better," Jack smiles at Alex looking up at him from his lap.
Alex smiles at him and holds Jack on his lap stroking his hair and looking deep into his eyes.
"Stay," Jack pleads.
"I know Jacky, I will," Alex says comforting him.