- Clay -
At the refreshment table, I scanned the options. I knew not to go near the punch. By now, it would taste like battery acid with all the different alcohols added. Every loser who had the idea to spike it assumed they were the only one. There were always at least three at every dance. It was really more about bragging rights than actually drinking the punch. If they actually wanted to get drunk, they could drink what they brought in the flasks, like Brandon.
I ordered two Cokes from the boy manning the table. He looked about twelve. Definitely a freshman. The upperclassmen on the dance committees always stuck the younger members with duties on the night of, so they could have fun.
A girl walked up to stand beside me and smiled at me. "Clay, is that you?"
I almost didn't recognize her with her new nose. It completely changed her whole face. "Ashley?"
Ashley was my first high school girlfriend. We lasted for almost two months. After the first month, she suddenly became very clingy and jealous. I couldn't even talk to another girl without her blowing it out of proportion, which was a problem for me. I enjoyed talking to girls. Their conversations were always much more interesting and invigorating than most I had with my guy friends. I couldn't even mention another girl without her accusing me of wanting to sleep with her. Which, frankly, was extremely laughable. Even before I knew I was gay.
Her smile widened. "It's been so long." She spoke with a much thicker drawl than most people in town. She was from the same swampy, backwoods area as Tyler, way out in the middle of nowhere, although her family was majorly wealthy. The diamonds around her wrist and dripping from her earlobes proved that. I suspected her modest pale pink dress was designer.
"Um, yeah." I scratched the back of my head. This was the first time I'd spoken to her in three years. "It has."
Ashley walked forward and gripped her hands around my biceps. "I'm praying for you."
Everything about this exchange made me very uncomfortable: the touching, the statement, the pitying look in her eyes.
"Why?" I asked tentatively. Though with that sentence, the answer was pretty clear.
"Because I don't want you to go to Hell." She spoke without a trace of sarcasm. "My whole church is praying for you, actually. After I showed my pastor that... video you made." She made it sound like I'd done porn. Although, that might be preferable to them as long as it was with a girl.
I pushed my arms up to break her hold on me. "Save your prayers, Ashley. I don't want them."
She clutched her fingers around the sterling silver crucifix necklace she used to wear every day. I guess she still did. "You may not want them, but you need them."
I shook my head. "It's people like you that caused me to be so lonely and miserable my whole life. I repressed any genuine feelings I had and forced myself to be something I'm not as a defense mechanism."
That assessment was curtesy of Dr. Singh, who I kind of loved talking to. He was a huge basketball fan, and we spent twenty minutes of my last session talking about the Knicks lineup. We spent the rest of the session talking about how much I loved Emmett and our plans for next year.
Ashley shook her head. "That's just mind games trying to tempt you into this sinful life. The boy I dated had a heart of gold and a pure soul. He wasn't gay." She reached out like she was going to touch my face, but I backed away.
"Yeah, Ashley, he was. You know how I know that?"
Ashley tilted her head to the side, her lips twisted into a sour pucker. She didn't look like she wanted the answer.
I decided to tell her, anyway. "I like men. I like the way they look. I like the way they smell. But most of all, the thing that really cinched it for me, I really, really enjoy taking my boyfriend's dick." I winked at her. "But you get where I'm coming from. I heard all about you and Thad at church camp this summer. Tsk, tsk, tsk. In the chapel, of all places, Ash."
Ashley's mouth fell open, releasing a horrified gasp. She fell back a half step; her face going pale.
I turned to the boy who'd poured my drinks. He was trying very hard not to laugh. I grabbed the two cups, which were starting to sweat. I gave a nod and a smirk. "Thanks, dude."
I turned back to Ashley. "If you'll excuse me, my boyfriend is waiting." Just to really fuck with her, I took a step toward her, and added, "And I'm just so horny, I may have to find an empty room somewhere to just let him rail me until my eyes roll back in my head."
"You're disgusting." Ashley grunted.
I chuckled. With the most cheery tone I could muster, I said, "Fuck you very much, Ashley. It's been a shit show talking to you. I hope I never hear your whiny-ass voice again." I made a kissing motion at her. "Caio, hun."
Leaving her behind, I set off to find Emmett, who had made his way to the table in the corner. I put the drinks down and grabbed Emmett's face to kiss him, with more tongue than was strictly necessary.
"What was that for?" Emmett asked.
"Just for being my boyfriend. I really love you."
"I know."
"You want to come grind on me on the dance floor to make all the homophobes really uncomfortable?"
"Hell yeah!"
I took Emmett's hand and led him to the middle of the floor, surrounded by our friends. I started laughing when Brandon and Jackson got on either side of me and Emmett to join in our dirty dancing crusade against self-righteous assholes.
When the music changed to a slow ballad, Brandon and Jackson wrapped me and Emmett in a tight embrace. The rest of our friends followed suit until we were just a mass of swaying bodies in the middle of the dance floor.
I had so much love for these people, especially the boy right in front of me.
I pressed my forehead to Emmett's, gazing into his eyes. There were some moments in life where you just knew you'd always remember it as something truly special. This was one of those for me. It seemed impossible to believe that just a few months ago, I had resigned myself to having a life of despondency and numbness. Accepting that was all I'd ever know. That I'd never have a true connection with anyone. It just proved that you could never know what will happen. And you should not be afraid to go after what makes you happy. Sometimes, for those brave enough, you get everything you never knew you always wanted.
I did.