- Emmett -
I had never felt so peaceful as I did lying in the grass, my head in Clay's lap. My hand in his. His other hand lazily drifting through my hair. Anyone who saw us probably thought we were boyfriends.
What a thought? Me and Clay. Boyfriends.
It's all I really wanted. I'd tried not to for such a long time, terrified of losing him. But a person could only push down their feelings for so long before Vesuvius erupts.
The best part was that it seemed like Clay wanted that, too. I threw out the line about him being cute to test the waters. He turned bright pink, smiling like an idiot. He tried to hide it, but it was impossible to miss.
I spent the entire afternoon acting like his boyfriend to show him what this could be. I even walked around that stupid fountain three times just to hold his hand for a little while. Losing my balance was a calculated move. I hoped Clay would come to my rescue. I thought he might grab me around the waist, but the hand was just as good.
I wanted to bask in the sun with Clay all day. I was so giddy I started doing full on gymnastics routines to entertain him, since there was nothing else to do in the park. I had worried that Clay might want to leave if he got bored. But he never did. Even as we quietly rested on the grass, he seemed content to be there.
Until he said, "We should probably go soon."
My eyes flew open. "What? Already?"
Clay smiled down at me. "We've been sitting here for almost two hours. You fell asleep." Clay tapped his index finger against the tip of my nose. "And so did my legs."
"Why didn't you wake me?"
"You were so peaceful. And I didn't mind. It was nice to sit quietly. I never do stuff like this."
I sat up and twisted to face Clay. "We could do this again, if you want."
"Skip school and hang out in the park?"
"The last part, for sure. The other part, uh, maybe not. I think I could swing one day, but my classes go through a ton of material every day."
"I'm sorry. I didn't think about that. Last semester, my math class barely made it through a third of the textbook."
"Last year, my math class went through three separate volumes in one semester."
"Goddamn! That's crazy."
"Guess they want you to get your money's worth," I said, putting my socks and shoes back on.
Clay nodded, donning his own shoes. "I wish we went to school together. Then I could see you all the time. And maybe we would've known each other for years by now."
"You'd hate my school. Everybody's a bunch of stuck up brown-nosers who care more about what you drive than how you act. You could be a total douche, but if you drive a Mercedes, you're totally cool."
"You're not like that."
"Thanks." I laid a hand on top of Clay's in the grass.
Clay stared down at our almost-but-not-quite joined hands. I thought he might take my hand again. His lovely brown eyes lifted to my face, falling to my lips, then back up to meet my eyes. He seemed conflicted about where to look.
Clay turned his head and pulled his hand away. He jumped to his feet lithely. "Are you ready?"
My momentary surge of hope deflated. "Sure."
As Clay walked forward, something inside me snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. Everything that happened today seemed to prove that he liked me. So why wouldn't he do something about it? Going against all the advice I received from Dr. Herrera and Carrie, I ran up and grabbed Clay's shoulder to stop him.
Clay spun around, his brows knitting together. "What's wrong?"
I took a deep breath, but it did nothing to calm my pounding heart. I was doing this. I was really doing this. "Do you like me, Clay?"
Clay blanched, his lips parting. "I... I.... Of course, I like you. You might be my best friend. And I've known Jackson since I was five, so that's saying a lot."
I shook my head. I suspected Clay was misunderstanding on purpose. "No, Clay. Do you like me... for real? As more than a friend?"
A big puff of air shot through Clay's lips like someone had just punched him in the gut. His eyes immediately started tearing up. "I didn't want to tell you like this."
So there was something to tell.
Clay shook his head, staring down at the sidewalk. "I just wanted a few hours where everything was okay and nothing had changed. Before I told you."
"So, you were going to tell me?"
Clay nodded without a word, his eyes still stuck on the ground.
"And when you asked me to dinner and called it a date, you meant like a date date? Like a romantic kind of date?"
Clay nodded again.
"I need you to say words, Clay."
Clay's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. He finally met my eyes. Tears clung to his long eyelashes. "I'm in love with you, Emmett. And I have been for a really long time."
I was getting a bit choked up myself. After months of trying to hide it and pushing it down, I almost couldn't believe this was really happening. "Since when?"
"I don't know. It kinda started right away. You were so sweet to me at the bowling alley when I didn't deserve it. And then I thought I messed everything up at the ATV course because I was so freaked about how much I liked what happened that I got weird. And you said it would never happen again. And that you didn't like me like that. And you kept saying it. Over and over and over. And I tried not to like you that way."
I wanted to kick my own ass for saying that. I thought it would make Clay feel better. Apparently, it did the exact opposite.
Clay continued his rambling without interruption: "I just tried to be your friend. I really did. But the feeling wouldn't go away. It just got stronger. And I can't hold it in anymore. Even if it means I lose you. Because I... Because I want more, Emmett. I want you. I love you."
Even though I suspected Clay's feelings were more than platonic, I never imagined such a heartfelt declaration of love. There was really only one way I could respond to that: "I love you, too."
Clay let out a strangled laugh. "W-What? You do?" He sounded both relieved and shocked.
I nodded, feeling the sting of tears threatening my eyes. "I also tried not to feel it. I thought you just wanted to be friends. And I wanted you in my life, even if I couldn't have you the way I wanted you. Which is why I kept saying all that stuff about not liking you."
Clay burst out laughing. He threw his head back to stare at the sky. "You've got to be fucking kidding me?"
"You talking to God now? Or still me?"
Clay laughed again as his brown eyes settled on my face. He reached up to hold my face between his hands and my entire body felt like I'd just stuck a fork in an electrical socket.
"I don't know," Clay said. "But I thought the exact same thing. I was willing to be miserable forever just to keep you."
"Well, how about you keep me, and I keep you, and we stop trying to hide how we really feel?"
Clay nodded, sniffling. "That sounds like a great idea."
"Do you maybe want to kiss me?" I asked hesitantly.
"Fuck yeah!" Clay grabbed me by the back of the neck and pulled me into a deep kiss that left me weak in the knees. But my jelly legs didn't matter, because Clay hooked his other arm around my waist, pulling my body up against him as our lips slid against each other in a beautiful dance that had been delayed far too long.
I lifted my arms to encircle them around Clay, crushing into him as much as I could. There was nothing between us except our thin layers of clothes. It still was not close enough.