„You did WHAT?!", one of her best friends Antoinette, or Twan, for short, couldn't believe what Lana had just told them, „You dumped him?"
„I didn't ‚dump' him! We ended our affair in mutual agreement. As is customary for on set affairs: when the project is over, you go your separate ways. He knows that, I know that. We knew it from the very beginning. Otherwise it just weirdly and awkwardly drags on while each partner is off to new horizons and it gets really tough to end things later. "
„But not if you're as crazy about each other as you guys! I mean... not that I know much about it because you didn't bother to ever tell me the details in the past few weeks, but according to what I got to hear from Trish..."
Trish, sitting opposite of them in one of Lana's comfy armchairs, nodded in agreement.
Twan added: „Thinking about it, I'm not even sure you deserve the heartbreak ice cream, you brought this onto yourself! You deserve a cold shower and a good shake to bring you back to your senses."
„Excuse me!", Lana objected, her mouth full of Rocky Road that she was spooning directly from the tub.
Her two best friends had gathered at her place tonight for their traditional ‚You don't need that guy, get over him' ceremony that, whenever one of them was going through a fresh breakup, would involve a lot of soul searching, wine and of course, ice cream.
„Even if we resolved this connection consciously and willingly, I can still be heartbroken, so..." She moved to the other side of the couch with her tub of ice cream to make sure it was out of reach for her friends and they couldn't just snag it away from her.
„So this is it?", asked Trish, „I mean... you're done with each other? You haven't seen each other, called, texted..."
She shook her head. „Nope. None of that. Last time we spoke and saw each other was on set on the last day of filming."
„And... how do you feel about that?"
„Well, as I said, it sucks! It's hard. We've spent a lot of time together, while we were together. And now, going cold turkey like that is tough. I'll need some time to get over it, him too, I would guess. But we'll get over it. And in the end, that's part of the beauty of it, no? It was so special, and nice, and fun while it lasted, but we managed to end it before it could get stale or difficult, or too intense such that someone might get seriously hurt. It sucks now, but very soon it will be a memory we'll be grateful for. It was a really amazing time that I don't want to miss, but it's over now", then her eyes widened and she almost dropped her spoon as she came to a realization, „Oh my God, no!"
„What's wrong?"
„I just realized, Leo... Glovibes and I are going to release our song soon that's called ‚It's Over Now'! What if Jordane thinks it's about him?"
Twan asked: „Well, is it? Did he cheat on you and lie to you?"
„No, of course not! Never. At least, as far as I know. Plus, we recorded it way before I even knew him."
„Well then, so what?"
„I just... I don't want him to think that I think he was being unfaithful. I'm sure that would break his heart."
„Good for him then that it's already broken. You know, Lanushka, there's a very simple way to solve this: call him and tell him. And while you're at it, invite him to go to Hawaii with you."
Lana cocked her head and looked at her friend as if she had completely lost her mind for good. „Very funny!"
„I'm dead serious."
„I should take him with me on vacation? He probably won't even want to see me ag..."
She got interrupted by the doorbell. With a frown she looked at her watch. It was almost midnight. „What the...?"
She put down her tub of ice cream and got up from the couch.
„Are you expecting anyone?", Trish asked, „Who is it?"
„Well, I'm going to check, give me a second. I'll be right back."
She instantly froze when she saw who was standing there in front of the door and she had to steady herself against the wall to keep herself from briefly passing out. This wasn't for real, was it? He was just standing there, not saying a word, not smiling, but looking strangely possessed, fully focussing on something behind the closed door somewhere in the distance. She was almost worried seeing him like that.
Don't open, Lana... This is not how this should go. Turn around and go back. He'll leave. Eventually. Know your boundaries...
But before she could even finish her train of thought, she was unable to keep herself from putting a shaking hand on the doorknob and opening it.
She wanted to throw herself into his arms, God, she had missed him so much! But she was frozen on the spot and just stared into his eyes, not knowing what to say. He didn't say anything either, still wearing that same blank facial expression, almost scary.
„Lana?", she heard Trish yell from the living room, „Is everything alright?"
Suddenly, he took one step towards her, grabbed her neck with both hands and kissed her. She was shocked at first, but only for a split second. Then she couldn't help herself but kiss him back, just as hungrily. He pushed her almost violently until she felt her back pressing against the wall. When she heard her friends yell her name once more, and shortly after footsteps approaching, she gasped against his lips: „Upstairs... bedroom..."
The world was spinning around her and she felt lightheaded and dizzy when he lifted her up onto his arms in one swift motion and carried her up the stairs. She wrapped her arms around his neck to keep herself steady and fixated on his eyes as if they were her anchor. Her mind was completely switched off by now, there were only feelings, desire, lust and longing. She could worry about what she had done tomorrow. Now, she wanted him at least as much as he seemed to want her.
Antoinette heard the bedroom door slam shut when she reached the bottom of the stairs. What the heck was going on here?? Who had been at the door? Was Lana alright?
„What's going on?", she yelled.
By now Levi, who was finally home from puppy boarding school, joined her with eyes and ears on high alert. He barked up the stairs.
It wasn't long until she could hear more than obvious noises coming from the bedroom.
„You must be fucking kidding me..."
Now Trish came into the hallway, visibly confused. „What happened? What's that noise?"
They heard a male voice moaning, then a cry of pleasure from a woman, a voice they both knew all too well.
„No!! Are they... is that..."
„Well, what do you think, Sherlock?", Twan raised an eyebrow.
Upon hearing his owner scream, Levi ran up the stairs, barking even more fervently in front of the closed bedroom door, noises that the couple inside didn't seem to give a single damn about in this moment.
She had to laugh. „Levi! Come back! Leave them in peace, huh? It's alright, mommy's fine. Extremely fine, I should say. Come on, Levi!"
The young dog wasn't easily soothed and she had to take a few steps up the stairs to lure him back and away from the rhythmic moans and cries that were getting louder and louder. Finally he was back down with her, panting, she caressed his short fur praising him. „Well done, good boy! Who is that, huh? Who is the man upstairs? Is it daddy? Is it daddy who's banging mommy upstairs?"
Trish laughed. „Why is he so agitated? He must be used to them doing this?"
„No, he isn't! He wasn't here, remember? She just picked him up when she was done filming."
„Oh my God, you're right!"
„I mean, look at Lola!"
By now they were back in the living room, Lola was lying on the floor dozing as if nothing had ever happened.
„She's used to it. She's like: alright, whatever, here we go again... been there, done that... I'm too old for this shit, I ain't getting up for this anymore, mom, you're on your own here."
They both laughed and Antoinette poured them another glass of wine.
A full hour had passed and the noises come and gone, the rhythm changed, but they never quite stopped completely.
„Well, this surely ain't a quickie anymore", said Trish with a sigh.
„It's incredible! That young man has a lot of stamina indeed."
Eventually, after another scream from Lana, Twan got up.
„Alright, that's it. We shouldn't... I can't listen to this anymore. And they're not going to stop anytime soon. I'm outta here." She took a pen and paper and scribbled down a short note.
Lunch at Ludo's, 1pm
Send your guy home & take a shower
No excuses!! You owe us this one
The two women said goodbye to the dogs and then hurried out the door and away from the crime scene.
Eventually it got quiet in the bedroom as they lay next to each other, listening to their heavy breathing and their pounding hearts.
Then she heard his voice, finally. It was the first thing either of them had spoken tonight – except for the occasional yelling of a name or other affirmative phrases in the heat of the moment.
„I'm sorry I just showed up like that. I didn't want to make you feel ambushed or attacked or anything... but I just couldn't... anymore... You were busy?"
She shook her head. „I had two of my girlfriends over, but that's okay. Please don't worry about it, I'm glad you came. I mean... came here. Well, and also otherwise."
She smiled at him, he reciprocated it, but only briefly.
Then, as she was starting to lean in for another kiss, he rolled over and got up.
„I should go."
„No!", was her instinctive reaction. For all the time that they'd been together, they'd never left in the middle of the night. This would be the very first time they wouldn't fall asleep in each other's arms after sex, and the thought terrified her.
He turned around to look at her, eyebrows raised. „You really want me to stay?"
Oh God, did she? She didn't even know!! Yes, of course! But then again... he shouldn't. They shouldn't, and she knew it. He knew it. He looked surprised, hopeful, but also disappointed, sad, angry even, and slightly ashamed of himself, probably for even having come over in the first place.
When he didn't get any answer from her except for a pretty desperate look from her beautiful brown eyes, he got up from the bed, pulled up his pants and reached for his shirt.
„Goodbye Lana! I'll see you later", he said with one final look at her before leaving her bedroom and heading down the stairs.
***
„Well, well, well, look who it is, and almost on time", both Twan and Trish shot her a certain look, amused, but also somewhat reproachful, „I'm surprised you're able to walk upright, or walk at all, after the kind of night you've had."
Lana hung her handbag over the back of a free chair at their table and sat down. „Believe it or not, last night wasn't even too far out of the ordinary, at least as far as the purely physical activity is concerned. Did you leave right away? Or when?"
„I believe we left right after the third ‚Oh my God, baby, yes, right there'."
„Right", she nodded and didn't even blush, just put her hands up in self defense, „So yeah, what do you want me to say... I'm sorry, okay? I didn't want to cut our evening short. As you can imagine, this was very much unexpected. I had no idea! And I think, he had no idea either. It seemed like coming over hadn't even been a conscious decision on his part, somehow. When he looked at me, he looked just as surprised to see me as I was to see him."
„We're not mad at you for walking out on us, honey, as long as it made you feel good and happy and it was what you needed to do in that moment. So it was him then, Jordane?"
„Yes, obviously! Who else?"
Trish smiled broadly. „So then you're back together now?"
She shook her head. „No... it was just... weird."
„Well, what did he say?"
„Nothing! He didn't say anything! At all. He rang, I opened the door. He just looked at me... didn't say a word. Then he started kissing me, carried me up the stairs... fucked me, got up, said goodbye and left."
„You gotta be kidding me?"
Twan murmured: „At least he said goodbye..."
„Was he drunk? Or stoned?"
„No. I don't think so."
„But why did he come over then?", asked Trish.
„Well, I guess he missed me? Us... And he was horny, apparently. Just as I was. Like I said, while we were together we barely went a night without doing it, usually more than once. And going full cold turkey now, no sex in almost a week, it's quite a change. Easy to imagine how one of us, or both, could relapse. It happens."
„So what now?"
„I don't know", Lana looked truly at a loss and could but shake her head, „I have absolutely no clue. I don't know if this is what this thing between us has become now... Paying each other the occasional booty call when we feel lonely, not having any further connection otherwise. Yesterday was... it felt different. It felt cold. The sex was great, as usual, but still. A big part of what always made it so special with him was missing. As if he was a stranger somehow."
„Well, no wonder, you guys broke up! Of course that changes things. It destroys the deep connection, the level of trust, the innocence... the knowing that your partner cares about you and will have your back no matter what."
„But I do care about him! And I will always be there for him whenever he needs me."
„But you don't want a relationship with him?"
She sighed: „Not unless he miraculously turns about ten years older overnight. Or even better: if I would be ten years younger again."
Now Twan said: „You know what you need to do? You guys need to talk, Lana, it's what you so love to do, no? Talk! About your feelings for each other, your hopes and dreams and fears, about your future, or even about why you believe you can't or shouldn't have a future together. There are just so many unknowns in this equation, no wonder you're slowly going crazy. I've said it before and I'll say it again: you should take him with you to Hawaii. What better place for the two of you to get a fresh perspective than being far away from it all?"
„Oh, right! Because that's exactly how I've envisioned my relaxing beach timeout to be, talking about complicated relationships all day with an estranged former lover."
„He doesn't seem to be a former lover to me."
Trish jumped in: „I think Twan has a point there. It could be just what the two of you need to figure things out. Otherwise, what then? Maybe in a month or so he ends up standing in front of your door again, or you in front of his, and what then? Will you send him away next time? And if not, you'll be none the wiser. And that... this limbo situation and your self-sabotaging is what's hurting you way more right now than he or a relationship with him ever could, I think."
„Just think about it", Twan added, „You'll be sitting on the beach and at the pool all day, sipping cocktails, and the way I know you, you may even get a little friendly with some hot surfer guy and hook up with him. You might have a good time with him or you might not. But if you take Jordane, you'll know for a fact that you'll have a great time with him. You two will figure it out, I'm sure of it. Your bungalow is already booked and spacious enough for two, as far as I know. So all he'd really need is a plane ticket, which shouldn't be that hard to come by during a global pandemic."
Lana ran her fingers through her hair and shook her head. „You're insane."
„No, the dedication with which you're so desperately trying to keep yourself from being happy, that's what's insane! You know, you deserve to love again. It's been long enough now since your divorce. Just let it go!"
„I'm going to the bathroom... and when I come back, this discussion is going to be over, alright?"
Twan shrugged helplessly, then her eyes landed on Lana's bag still hanging across the back of her chair as she was heading to the bathroom.
***
Later that evening, after cleaning up her house for a while, Lana got cozy on her couch with her two dogs, some soft music, a nice cup of tea and a book that she'd been wanting to read for ages. Maybe this relaxing ambience would help take her mind off of it all, at least for a while.
Then she heard her phone vibrate on the table in front of her indicating an incoming text message. She felt a hot and cold flash all at once when she read who it was from.
Hey there! I had a great time too. I have to admit this is coming as a bit of a surprise, but...
She frowned at the preview text that cut off in the middle of the sentence. What was he trying to tell her? She clicked on it and read the rest of his message.
... but I'm not really sure this would be such a good idea? It makes me happy though that you've thought of me, and it sounds absolutely amazing. So thank you for that! Can I sleep over it and let you know tomorrow?
She was no smarter than before. What the heck was he talking about? What would or wouldn't be a good idea? It sounded like he was replying to something that she however hadn't asked him. She was just about to start typing, telling him that he had sent his message to the wrong person, when something at the top of her screen caught her eye: an emoji that neither her nor him was ever really using. She knew one person though who was...
„Oh no... no no no", she whispered, slowly realizing what had probably happened earlier today while she'd been to the restroom at the restaurant.
And Bingo! She read the last message that she – supposedly – had sent him:
Hey you, had a great time with you last night! Actually, it got me thinking: have I told you that I'm headed to Hawaii in a few days? I was wondering whether you'd maybe like to come with me if you're free? Would love for you to join me for romantic sunsets & some sex on the beach🍹😜
She threw her head back, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Fantastic... this was just perfect. Fucking Antoinette... She loved that woman, but damn! Sometimes she really knew how to make her life a living hell. So that meant, now she was left with two options:
1) Text him back acknowledging his thought that yes, indeed it may not be the best idea, and that she might have gotten carried away reminiscing about their time together last night.
Or 2) Tell him the truth, that it hadn't been her sending him that message in the first place.
She didn't feel comfortable lying to him, their relationship had always been built on openness, honesty and trust. But one thing was for sure, she didn't want to tell him over text.
When he picked up the phone to answer her call, he sounded like he was smiling. She immediately had to smile too.
„Hey! About your message", she sighed, „Listen, here's the thing. One of my girlfriends who had been over last night, we met again for lunch today, and she's dead set on the fact that I should take you with me to Hawaii. I told her no, this probably wouldn't really be a good idea, as you're saying yourself. However, she's stubborn and... and I think when I went to go to the bathroom she must have taken my phone and sent you that message."
„Oh...", she heard him utter, and she could tell he wasn't smiling anymore, „I see. Yeah, I thought your message sounded a little strange. Alright, so then, I guess that means you don't want me to come?"
By now he sounded almost sad, disappointed, at least in her mind. She might have been imagining things, but the thought of him having been looking forward to going to Hawaii with her and now having his anticipation crushed by a phone call broke her heart. And yes... if she was being really, really honest with herself, another thought of not having him with her and being alone in Hawaii broke her heart even more.
„Damnit", she whispered to herself before she finally took the leap of faith and asked him, „No, that's not what I'm saying. I would still like you to come. I would really appreciate having you there with me, Jordane. Will you join me?"