Brian's POV:
I woke up mortified. What. The actual. Fuck!?! As I pushed myself off of Will's hot (in more than one way) body, I debated whether to just end it all. I could change schools. Change my name. Avoid Will at school and pretend I didn't know who he was.
But as I brushed my teeth and put on my clothes, my thoughts raced back to last night. I could remember every single embarrassing detail of how I'd practically begged Will to fuck me. What I also remembered, however, was how sad he seemed when he rejected me. Did he really mean it when he said the reason we didn't hook up was because we were drunk? The way we made out all night suggested the answer was yes.
And then, the ultimate thought hit me. Wait. Does Will Miller like dudes? And more importantly, does he like me? If he does, for how long? Surely I would have noticed it if he liked me. Then maybe he realized his attraction after we kissed? But for how long has he liked me? Does he even like me? It doesn't need to mean love, it could all be lust. He is probably one of those guys who hook up with girls at parties. But if he wanted me, even just for sex, then he must find me attractive? Or was he just that horny?
It was all so confusing, and my hurting head didn't exactly help. I really didn't know how to handle this situation. But as I pondered over Will's feelings for me, I realized a very important question I forgot to ask myself. What did I think of Will? Did I have feelings for him?
As I pulled up my pants my mind went over the last few days. I definitely liked Will, but for how long? The kiss yesterday was my drunken self acting on feelings that probably was there all along.
Maybe we grew closer this weekend. But maybe I've had feelings for him for a long time, without realizing. It wasn't as hard to realize my feelings for him as I expected. I've had my suspicions I might not be completely straight for a while. But the fact that my gay awakening was Will Miller was a harder pill to swallow.
Kissing him was like waking up from the lie I told myself every time I looked at him where I was not attracted to him in the slightest. Now I just had to figure out what to do with these feelings. I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and sighted. The face that met me in the mirror looked like shit.
My hair was greasy, my usually clean skin was kinda red and irritated, and I had dark circles under my eyes. Great. I grabbed a hoodie and pulled it over my head before grabbing all my toiletries and shoved them in a plastic bag.
I quickly shoved all my clothes into the bag before leaving. I looked over at Will who was still sleeping peacefully. I walked over to the bed and reached out, almost touching his head. I wanted to feel his soft blonde strands between my fingers again. But I stopped myself. I walked out of the room, out of the hotel, across the street and towards a bench.
There I sat, helpless and thoughtful, scared and excited, restless and giddy as I watched the sun rise above the city.
A/N: I'm back bitches