S A I N T
Today is a sunny day. Everything around me looks ten times lovely than before. The weather probably sensed that today is a special day for us. It's our graduation day!
I walked in the long corridor of our school, looking around everywhere, trying to picture and save everything on my mind. I'm gonna miss this school. Thinking about maybe never coming back again here made me sad.
College life will be a busy life. I need to focus and do well in class as a sign of appreciation to my parents for letting me do this crazy stuff. I will forever be grateful for them. If they didn't let me, I wouldn't got to meet my friends, specially Perth.
Speaking of Perth, I haven't heard of him since his birthday. I wonder where he is. Bright said he's just attending some business trip his dad made him go but some part of me doubt that. I mean, he's been gone for 3 days and knowing him, he could be in the library, finishing his final requirements on those days and it's odd that he's not.
Well anyways, today is our graduation day, I'm sure he'll come. It won't be complete without him other than he's the top student, he also needs to be here to complete my day.
I arrived at our classroom only to see Mean and Win already waiting for me outside. They looked at my direction like they sensed me then they smiled waiving the small books that they have. I smiled and wave back at them.
•
The graduation was finished. We're all at our own classroom now with these little books that's called 'year book photos' it's another western thing that our school adopted. We're supposed to let all our classmates or batch mates scribble on it then we can go home or do whatever we can.
" I feel like I'm requesting autographs " Mean said in an annoyingly tone besides me.
" C'mon, don't be grumpy, it may be the last day you'll see our faces. " I said jokingly and giggle which made him raised an eyebrow at me.
" That sounds good actually. I'm sick of seeing all your ugly faces. " He teased back then laugh when my expression went blank.
" Your name suits you well. " I said and rolled my eyes as he laughed again. " Where's Win anyway? " I asked all of a sudden.
He stopped laughing and wiped his tears of joy. " He's at Brigh's classroom, he wanted Bright to sign his year book photo too. " Mean said.
I raised my eyebrow. " Why? Wait, don't even answer that, I think I already know why. Maybe I can ask Perth later too. " I said with a small blush on my face.
" You do! Man up Saint. " Mean said with a teasing smile.
" Don't talk about manning up when you can't even ask for Plan's number. " I said with a teasing smile which made his face turn blank.
" Asshole- ! " I was laughing when he was cut by Win who's panting probably from running fast.
He collapsed on his chair while calming himself down. Mean and I stared at each other, both having confused expression then our attention went to Win again.
" W-water. " He said and almost whispered. Mean immediately gave him his water bottle and he immediately drank all of it like a thirsty basketball player.
" What happened? " I asked after I made sure he's alright.
" Oh, you don't want to hear my bad news. " He said while giving us an uneasy look. I was more confused.
" What bad news? " Mean asked which made me nod.
" First of all, I want you to know that Perth is in the football field talking, just talking, to Love. " Win said which made me roll my eyes.
" So what? They're just friends who are talking to each other, it's not a big deal. " I said as a matter of fact way.
" I know it's not but the next thing will be. " Win said which made me a little bit worried.
" Just spill it. " Mean said like he's losing his patience while I was starting to.
" Okay Mr. Grumpy. " Win said then rolled his eyes that landed on me. He immediately become serious which made me uneasy. " I was at the music club with Bright and Plan when suddenly our topic became Perth. " He paused. " Bright said that Perth isn't going to any college here. He's going to a college at London. " He explained slowly.
I felt my world suddenly stop. What did he just say? Perth is going to London? That means, I'll never see him again? Well fuck!
I knew this day would come someday but I was stupid enough to not prepare myself. Regrets came flashing on my mind. The ' I should've's ' that would've change everything. The what if's that I should've concider doing. Why am I so stupid?
I felt two hands on my shoulder and shaking me lightly. I didn't even realize I was spacing out.
" Saint? Are you okay? Say something! " Mean said.
" Omg! Omg! " Win keep on repeating those words as if someone is dying.
Both of them are panicking and looking at me with the same expression. They're worried.
" Stop shaking me. " I said that made Mean stop and sigh after.
" Oh, thank god you're back. " Win said and sighed in relief as well.
" When is he... leaving? " I asked hesitantly.
" I'm sorry, I didn't ask them that. I was panicking when I heard that Perth is leaving and all I could think of is telling you. " Win said with a gloomy expression.
" It's okay. " I said and smiled a little which I'm sure didn't reached my eyes.
" What are you gonna do now Saint? " Mean asked worriedly.
" I don't know. " I said close to breaking down. I honestly don't know.
" If today is your last day, today will be your last chance. I won't force you to do anything, I want you to think carefully of what you're gonna do. I want you to be willingly do it. " Win said then he offered me a soft smile.
" Whatever happens, we're here for you Saint. " Mean said and gave me a soft smile too.
I gave them the most genuine smile I could pull off as of the moment then hug them both at the same time. I pulled back when I heard a sniffing sound. I turned to Win only to see him trying so hard not to cry. He's blinking fast while looking up which I find a bit funny.
" Are you gonna cry? " Mean asked with a teasing tone.
" I'm not dumbass! " Win said like his life depends on it which made Mean and I giggle.
" I think I'm gonna go to the field and talk to him and ask when is he leaving so that we can some sort of make a plan. " I said when we went silent.
I didn't even hear their response because I was too occupied with the thoughts of what will happen if I go there. But there's only one way to know it and that's to go, so I did.
Every step I take feels so heavy and it might be mirroring what I'm feeling as of the moment. I'm scared. I'm really scared of what will happen. I'm scared of finding out the truth. I'm scared that I might never see him again. I'm scared that whatever we have might end without even starting.
I arrived at the field with the year book on my left hand waiting to be signed by him. My eyes found them not far away from the entrance, they're still talking so I decided to just wait on my tracks.
" I n-eed to tell you something. " I heard Love said while stuttering. She's facing my way and all I can see was Perth's back. She looks scared and uneasy right now. What happened to her?
" What's wrong? You don't look okay. " Perth said with a worried tone.
" I... " She paused for a bit while looking up to face Perth. Minutes later her face her expression turned into guilt. She bit her bottom lips to prevent herself from crying but it's too late because tears were starting to fall from her eyes.
" Hey, don't cry. What's wrong? " Perth said and stepped forward trying to comfort her but the girl stepped back while shaking her head.
" No, I don't deserve to be treated like this. You should hate me. " Love said.
" What? Why? I don't understand you. " Perth said completely puzzled like me.
" You don't have to know it. Just, I'm sorry Perth. I'm really, really, sorry. " Love said.
" It's okay, whatever you did I forgive you. " Perth said without even knowing the reason but it just made Love cry more.
" Thank you for everything. Goodluck on your journey. " Love said while wiping her tears then smiled a little. She then looked at me which made me shock a bit then she smiled. The first ever genuine smile she gave me which I mirrored right away, it's not everyday you got to see the girl smile at you for real.
She then walked away then Perth faced me. He's mesmerizing as always. His perfect shade skin. His pointed nose, rosy cheeks, and hazel eyes that I love the most. I have always admired everything about him. I don't even see any flaw in him. He's perfect outside and most importantly, on the inside.
He smiled at me and I smiled back and walk slowly towards him. When I already made sure the distance between us are good for a nice talk, I stopped. His vanilla scent invaded my lungs easily and made me at ease. It's now or never.
" Hi. " I initiated.
" Hey. " He greeted back.
" I heard some news about you. " I said then bit my bottom lip.
" Is that why you're here? " He asked while narrowing his eyes playfully.
I giggled. " Maybe. I wanted to ask for your autograph. " I said.
" Why? I'm not a celebrity. " He said playfully.
" Well, I just want to. "
" We'll exchange then. " He said then handed me his year book that I didn't even notice. I smiled and exchange mine to his. But I noticed he doesn't have a pen.
" You can write first. " I told him and handed the pen. He smiled and take it. Minutes later, he handed it back to me with my pen.
I stared at his year book first. There's a lot of signs already from his classmates wishing him luck and some confessions too. That gave me an idea.
I looked up to him and stared at his eyes. He was focused on mine too and I could see the hint of confusion on his face of why I became serious all of a sudden.
" When are you leaving? " I briefly asked with a small voice. His smile slowly fell.
" Tomorrow. " One word that crushed my heart into tiny pieces. Why so soon? I wasn't prepared for this.
I blink, swallowing a lump on my throat and tried so hard to hold my tears. I looked down to the year book and decided to write on the last page.
I've never had enough courage to confess to him. My whys and what if's always stopped me from doing so. At first I just wanted to be close to him, be his friend or even just a company, but as the days pass by I wanted more. I wanted more but I didn't do anything, that was my mistake. I was so scared of never going to talk to him ever again only to find out today is the last possible day that I can talk to him. I should've shoot my shot when I had the chance to.
I don't want to confuse him more and he has the right to know how I feel, at least for me he does. So I grab the pen and started to write the words that I wanted him to know from the very beginning; I love you. I was in the middle of the words, 4 more letters then I'm done when the very bright neon pink ink caught my attention. It says:
' I will always love you Perth - Love '
She loves him too? No. She loves him too. We love the same man. I felt hopeless. She confessed first and she has more chance than me. She's clearly perfect for him and I'm so dumb to not see it. They're perfect for each other.
I closed the year book not wanting to finish my confession. I took a deep breath and looked up to him with a small smile while handling the book back.
" I wish you all the best Perth. Goodluck on your journey. " I said while trying all the best that I can to prevent my eyes from watering.
He smiled sadly. " You too. Don't forget me Saint. " He said.
" Of course. " I will never forget you.
I offered him one last smile and turned my back as I felt my eyes watered.
One step as one tear came running down my cheek and followed by the rest that I was holding. I felt my heart shattered into pieces. It hurts. It hurts so much.
I looked around the field and realized it all started here and unluckily it ended here too.
I can't take it anymore so I ran. I ran as fast as I can to get away from him. I ran my way to my dorm and lock myself. I sat on the corner of my bed and breakdown. I was sobbing when I heard my phone rang.
With blurry eyes I opened the notification. It was from Perth and it says;
I love you too.
I was shocked at first then I tried to call him but the operator just said that I can no longer contact him, I tried to message but it seems like I was blocked.
After the confusing minutes I finally get what he's trying to say. Sometimes, love isn't enough to be together.
A bitter laugh escaped my lips.
I remembered complaining meeting him was like a scenes from a book but now, I just wish it was. At least 95% of stories from books ends with a happy ending not like this, not like ours.
I begun to question everything. Why did we end up like this? Why can't we just be together? Why can't we have a happy ending like other people who are inlove with each other?
My thoughts had been interrupted by the ringing of my phone. It was a message notification from Win, I clicked it and saw a picture, he says it's from Bright. The picture was taken sideways, it was boy who were looking down at his passport with a luggage besides him. Yes, it's Perth.
I felt the flood of tears escaped from my eyes again but I didn't stop it this time. I moved my free hand to cover my mouth to prevent myself from sobbing.
Maybe we were meant to be but not meant to be together.