"And if heaven doesn't want us, would you go with me to hell? Hope you know I don't want nobody else"
POV JOE:
I take a deep breath and bring the landline phone to my ear. It takes a few rings for them to pick up.
"Hello...? Is somebody there?"
My vision gets blurry with tears and I swallow loudly, "Mom?"
"Oh!" she cries out, "My dear boy.. Oh, Joseph, baby.. Are you alright?" "I'm good, how are you?" I ask quickly. "I am good, I'm back home..." "I miss you, Mom." "Where are you? What happened? I've been trying to call you.. Your phone goes straight to voicemail every time."
"I- I lost my phone", I lie, "I'm in Iceland with Taylor." "The girl you met at Grace's wedding?" she's surprised, I hear it in her voice.
"Yes. You can't tell anyone we're here though. Or that we're together, okay Mom?" "Why? What's going on?"
"Don't you worry, Mom. Can you- Can you tell Patrick I called? Ask him if he will tell Grace and Draven I'm okay?"
She doesn't answer me for a minute until she takes a deep, shaky breath.
"No. You tell him yourself! What do you think you're doing? You just leave without saying as little as goodbye! You disappear and nobody knows where you are! The police are looking for you right now! Or for your body, they don't know! I don't know, nobody knows, Joseph! Don't you have any idea how stressed I've been?! How much Patrick is suffering from this! He can't even think of paying attention in class!"
"Oh my God-" I had not even thought of the police yet. Of course they called the police.
"Don't you understand how worried I was? I still am, you used to tell me everything, Joe! And now, suddenly, you are gone! Iceland! You're not even on the continent anymore!" My chin trembles and I squeeze my eyes shut. "Mom, I am so sorry... I just.. I miss you and I needed to hear your voice. I needed to know if you were.. if you-" I'm sobbing and I can't even pronounce words anymore.
"Keep breathing, sweetie.. Joe, breath..."
"I- I- I can't..."
"Joe. Listen to me. Breathe. In and out... Just like you used to tell me during the weeks after Dad passed away. Just breathe...." her calming, motherly voice helps a little and when I can breathe again I whisper, "I love you and I will explain. I will come home. I don't know when. Not yet. But I will come home and I will be there for you. And for Patrick."
I hear that shower's being turned off and I bite my lip, "Mom, I gotta go. Please, don't tell anybody where I am.. I love you. And please, please, please tell Patrick I called. I love you so much. Stay safe, see you soon. Stay safe." "Joe-" But I hang up and I hit the wall angrily with my fist.
"Fuck!" I grunt, throwing a random cup across the room. It splatters against the wall.
I sink down on the bed and my head falls into my hands. I can't stop crying and I can't breathe..
I miss home, but if I leave.. No, I can't leave Taylor alone. And I can't go home either, they will be there waiting for me. And I can't handle them. I probably can't even handle one of them. I need more training.
Or else I will die and I- "Fuck!" I scream again, pulling my hair, "Bloody fucking hell." Why did I not fall in love with a girl with a normal life?
No, it is not her fault, I can't blame her. Or her life. It isn't her fault. It's Morris' and his stupid friends' fault!
"Wankers.." I hiss, pulling my hair again.
"Joe, are you alright?"
"M'fine, just- Just leave me alone for a while please."
"Honey, what is going on?"
I snap my head up and look at her. She is wearing a thick bathrobe and her hair is in a wet, messy bun. Her face is make-up free. And I almost forget everything by just looking at her..
Almost.
But I stand up and shake my head, "I called Mom." "Oh, Joseph-" "No. Your Mom knows where you are. My Mom deserves to know where I am too! And my little brother!" "I know, I agree", she says carefully, "I do... It's-" she takes a deep breath, "It's okay."
"I am just so- Argh!" I pull my hair again and she puts her hand over her mouth, "Joe, please.." "Fuck", I whisper, walking to her, "Fuck.." I walk up against her and she quickly wraps her arms around me.
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck", I keep saying as tears are streaming down my face and Taylor says nothing, just caresses my back and holds me tight.
"I am so so so sorry", she says, I hear she is holding back her tears.
"It isn't your fault."
"I know, but it is too.."
"No. It is not, do not ever think it is your fault. It is not."
She holds me even tighter and I take a deep breath.
"It isn't your fault either", Taylor says.
I swallow, "I know, but sometimes-" "Sometimes it feels like it is.." she finishes my sentence.
I nod and wrap my arms around her as well, feeling like a little boy right now... But she's so warm and soft and.. and safe...
And.. I..
"I love you", I whisper. Her shoulders tense and I continue quickly, "And I don't need you to say anything.. But I do need you to know.. in case something happens.. that I love you."
A sob falls from her lips and she lets go of me, then grabs my face and kisses my lips, "I really care about you", she whispers, "But I am not ready to say that back yet.. But do know you're important to me."
"I know", I nod, kissing her again, "I know."
I slowly let go of her and smile, "Sorry, I hate being that angry, I am sorry you had to see that." Rage is still rushing through my veins but her touch helps..
She shrugs, "You don't have to hide your emotions from me. And you see me being angry all the time. Because that's all I am, all the time.. I'm a mess." I put my hand on her cheek and we share a sad smile.
"I'm gonna make the bed", I say, "Get dressed. So we can go on that walk." She kisses my cheek and grabs her crutches.
She goes back into the bathroom and I puff up our pillows and try to make the bed as good as possible. It has never been my expertise, though.
Taylor comes back in the room, wearing warm leggings and a hoodie. Her hair is down and blow-dried. She's put some makeup on, but it's nothing like the first few times I met her. Not dark or heavy, it's the opposite honestly.. She has soft pink lips and a light brown line on her eyelids. And golden highlighter on her cheekbones.
"You look beautiful", I smile and she rolls her eyes, "Duh." She sits down on the chair and puts her crutches on the floor, "I don't think I need them that much anymore."
"Just use them for a few more days. John told me to make you use them. So I will, 'cause he kinda scares me." "He scares you and I don't?" she scoffs, putting on her leather boots.
I watch as her fingers tie the long laces.
"You wouldn't kill me unless you had to", I laugh, "He would kill me just because he feels like it." "Probably", she chuckles, "But I'd stop him." It's stupid, but my heart stutters at her words.
She would stop him.
I get up and put my warmest shoes on. It might be over ten degrees outside right now, but that's still cold.
"Where do you want to walk to?" I ask, looking at her from underneath my arm.
"We could just walk around. If we pass a grocery store, we can get some supplies." "Okay."
I grab both of our coats and hand her hers. She takes it and puts it on. She is already wearing a scarf and a dark red gatsby hat.
"You got the key?" she asks and I nod, patting my pocket, "Yeah." "Okay." I help her off the chair and give her her crutches.
"I can use one, and hold your hand", she says and I nod, "Okay, that should be okay. But tell me if you get tired."
She grabs my hand and nods, "Yes, sir." I swear, in her head, she is rolling her eyes..
But I don't want her to go on a walk just because I suggested it this morning. I want her to enjoy it, I don't want her to hurt.
So I hold her hand tight as we walk down the path. Nature appears to be all that exists in this area. And it's nice, actually.
Of course, in France, we were right beside the beach, but this is somehow even better. The scent of the trees and grass is earthy and calming. And the cool air is refreshing. I always said I prefer summers over winters, but this might be changing my mind..
We walk past a riding school and one of the horses is standing near the fence. Taylor smiles and points toward it with her crutch, "Look at that beauty! Come, I wanna kiss him."
She pulls me toward the horse - it's got an off-white colour, long manes and his fur looks incredibly soft.
Taylor lets him sniff her hand and then carefully touches his manes, "You're a very pretty boy, you know that? You are very pretty, yeah.. I don't have apples or sugar with me, but if I had I would have given you some, you handsome man."
I smile and she keeps talking to him and I pet his neck, running my fingers through his warm, soft fur.
"You know", she says, turning her head to me, "I rode horses my entire childhood. I have been around horses since I was only a few months old.. Mom always took me when she went to clean her horse or to feed them... I love them, horses."
"I have always liked horses as well", I nod, "I had a few classes when I was about fourteen but I was in a class with only girls, so I quit." "That is a stupid reason." "Well, back then I thought girls were stupid", I laugh, "Especially the pretty ones."
"Aah, so you were scared", she mocks, softly hitting my shoulder. "Very", I joke along.
"Hey, look at that!" Taylor points toward a car a few feet away on the other side of the road, "I think it's on sale... There's a text and a phone number."
She starts hopping towards it and I quickly follow, holding her hand again.
It's a black, old pick-up truck. It's dirty and scratched... But if it works..
"Here, it says that it is on sale", Taylor says, showing me the translation of the sign on her phone, "I'm going to call the number, ask why they are getting rid of it and how much they want for it."
I nod, agreeing. We do need a car. And this one looks great, even though it's old. Taylor brings her phone to her ear, but she shakes her head, "They're not picking up. I'll try again in a while."
We decide to go back to the hotel. We curl up on the bed and watch a movie on her laptop. Not that I really care for the movie, but it's nice to have some fun, relaxed hanging-out time with Taylor. We haven't had many of those kinda nights...
Heyy guys, I started writing a new HS fanfic and it would mean a lot if you'd check it out🤗it's called Golden