The sky is getting darker and darker but Chan and Jamie are still stuck in the woods.
"You should have just gone back there, Jamie," Chan said.
"There's no way I'm leaving you here alone in that state. How can you actually be so stupid, Chan?" Jamie chuckled, making Chan chuckle too. He shook his head and responded to his friend, "I don't know, I'm probably so out of focus. Sorry for causing this," he apologised.
Jamie shook her head then sat beside Chan, "it's okay, this is a fun experience anyway."
They lost their small map with instructions while they were so caught up with the plants around the area causing them to be lost as well. They were roaming around to find the way back to the retreat centre but a little accident happened and Chan slipped on a steep part on their way. Now he's injured. Both his arms near his elbows are bleeding the same as his right knee. He can't really walk that properly so they just decided to rest and wait for help.
They only have one flashlight and whistle that was given to them earlier in case of emergency. They already used it though but no one really heard the whistle. They unfortunately don't have their phones too because phones are not allowed during the activities.
Looking around them, they are guessing that it's already 12 am. Both of them are already hungry but they still need to wait for someone to rescue them. They know that someone is already looking for them so they just wait patiently.
Another hour passed but this time they heard a whistle and a voice calling for their names. Jamie took the whistle and flashlight again, she started whistling while Chan turned the flashlight on— waving to the direction where the calling voice was coming from.
They saw a group of men slowly approaching their direction. A sigh of relief left the two students when they saw their professors calling out for them and when the older men reached them a worrying question of are you okay was the first thing they asked.
"Bang, what happened to you?" One professor asked. Chan shyly chuckled, he scratched the back of his head then smiled at him, "I just got in a little accident, sir." He answered.
"That doesn't look like a simple accident, can you walk?"
"I can, sir. It's just hurting a little but it's tolerable."
"Okay, I'll help you so we can go back to the retreat house." The older man said. Chan nodded his head to his professor so the older man started helping him to stand up.
They checked Jamie too before they started walking back to the retreat house.
It took them 30 minutes to reach the retreat centre since Chan is having a hard time walking fast. The moment they entered the facility Felix was the first person Chan saw. He was standing beside a small wooden table together with his friend Jeongin and the other's boyfriend, Jisung.
Felix ran towards Chan the moment he saw the older, "Hyung!" He called out and stood in front of Chan.
He scans the older and starts tearing up again after seeing the older's condition. Scars on his arms and one knee. Felix glared at the older and slightly smacked his chest, "what happened? Do you know how worried I was and then you'll show up looking like this? You're such a dickhead," Felix said while sobbing which made Chan chuckle.
"Stop crying, you look stupid," Chan answered.
The professor that's guiding Chan chuckled along with Chan especially when Felix smacked Chan's head before sobbing even more.
"I was worried! How dare you call me stupid? You're the one stupid look at yourself! I really hate you today you're so dumb, I told you to pair up with me you never listen. You're so stupid," Felix angrily said. The professor was laughing at them, he couldn't take seeing the small quarrel between the two knowing that Felix is known to be Chan's tail. Why tail? He keeps following behind Chan and everybody knows that Chan is Felix's interest— that Felix is courting Chan.
The older man excused himself, same with Jamie who walked to her room and let Chan and Felix have their quarrel alone. Felix continuously whining and nagging about Chan's condition while still crying and sobbing, Chan on the other hand was just laughing at the younger boy.
"Stop laughing, really. I was worried how can you still laugh, am I a joke to you, Chan Hyung?" Felix said. He wiped his tears while listening to Chan's small laugh.
"You look stupid and it's funny," the older answered.
Felix sobbed one more time while looking at Chan worriedly, "how can you find this funny? You're such a dick. I'm so worried, I'm so worried, Hyung. Look at you, I hate you. I really hate you," then tears started flowing out his eyes again making Chan chuckle again.
Chan pulled the younger one close to him and gave him a hug to comfort him, "I know, I know, I'm sorry," he said. He was still laughing though, he just can't stop laughing seeing how stupid Felix looked right now.
The younger boy wrapped his arms around Chan's waist then rested his head on Chan's shoulder while still crying and whispering how he hates Chan today continuously. "I really hate you today," he whispered.
"Hmm I know, I'm sorry," Chan answered.
When Felix already calmed, he helped Chan to go to the infirmary to treat his wounds. After treating Chan's wounds, they went to the canteen to buy Chan food to eat. It's almost 2 AM and Chan hasn't eaten anything yet so Felix made sure to buy him something he likes.
"Chan is eating quietly and Felix is drinking his hot milk while watching the older eat. His eyes are puffy from crying while his nose and cheeks are still red.
After a few moments of examining Chan, he let out another small sob, making Chan look at him in disbelief, "stop crying, really." The older said but Felix still teared up.
"If you paired up with me none of this would have happened," he cried. Chan rolled his eyes to the younger boy and shook his head, "stop that. It's not because of that, Felix, and things have already happened, I'm fine now so stop pulling a drama every now and then."
Felix shot the older boy a glare then sniffed, "I was worried about you and about what's happening while you were missing with a woman. I was jealous, I was so fucking jealous. Silly things keep popping in my head, I can't stop it. I'm worried and jealous at the same time, do you know how fucked up that was? But you're only laughing at me as if I'm a big joke. I'm so so jealous, I'm jealous, why the fuck you chose the girl over me? I want to be with you during that activity and stay with you when they lit the bonfire but instead, you were with her, I'm so jealous, I'm jealous." Felix cried again but this time not only because he was worried but also because he's a bit sad.
"Stop worrying then. I don't know why you keep acting like that. Also, Jamie is my friend, she asked me first so I paired up with her." Chan explained.
"Even so! I'm still jealous, Channie."
"Stop being jealous then."
"How can I? I like you, you know that. I fucking like y–"
"Stop liking me then." There's a moment of silence between the two. They both are looking at each other quietly.
"Stop liking me if you can't stand me hanging out with my friends. Stop liking me if it's stressing you out. Stop liking me if you can't wait anymore because all of these are your choice, Felix. I never asked you to like me, I never asked you to chase me, you chose this, it was your decision to be in this situation. It's never mine." Chan added.
Felix remained silent, his sobs stopped but his tears started flowing even more but this time his tears are not because he was worried or jealous, he's crying because he's hurt by what just the older told him.
"How could you just say that like you didn't care about my feelings?" He asked the older.
"I'm saying this so you'll stop getting burden because of me. You're feeling tired right? You're jealous? If you don't wanna feel any of these inconveniences then stop liking me, just stop. Stop and do us both a favour." Chan plainly said. It sends Felix millions of needles in his heart, it was painful hearing those words from Chan.
Felix doesn't know why they older have to be that rude. Was he too annoying already that Chan can't take any more? Does the older one hate him already? Why can't Chan see how much he likes him? How much he wanted to be with him? Felix still has the feeling that Chan liked him but this time he's already doubting, was he just imagining things because he's too desperate? Was he just desperate so he believes in whatever he wants to believe?
He wanted to sure one thing again although it sounds so stupid to hold onto this one thing it's not bad if he hopes like this, "Do you hate me, Chan?" He asked but the older remained acting nothing.
"I thought you'd guess? I told you to guess." The older plainly said but more than enough for Felix to hold on. Guess...
"Okay," Felix responded then shut his mouth after and just continued sipping on his milk.
* * *
It was Saturday afternoon when they travelled home. Felix ignored Chan the whole following day after that midnight conversation— he was hurt.
He was hurt by the fact that Chan can casually reject his love for him like it's the easiest thing to do in the world. How can Chan say those words like that? He has been working to catch Chan's attention since they were in high school but up until now, Chan is still denying it.
Felix wants to believe that Chan likes him because that's how he sees it— or maybe he was just too desperate that he sees it that way, maybe he was just being stubborn, maybe he's just giving himself false hope.
There are so many thoughts in Felix's mind so he decided to distance himself from the older boy. He was still hurt and keeping a distance from Chan might help him sort out his thoughts and feelings. Maybe he needs a break, and maybe Chan might miss him too; he would never, who was Felix kidding... Chan will never miss him and it shows.
Weekend bypass like a blink of an eye and Monday waved to them again. Usually, Felix doesn't have a class during Mondays, the majority doesn't have a Monday class as a consideration about the Monday traffic jam but Felix has to go to school to help in planning for the festival that will happen in 2 weeks. They are in a rush, everyone is in a rush especially the Art Department because they got late preparing for it because of the department's retreat.
Felix used his busy schedule as his advantage in ignoring Chan. At least he doesn't have to sulk that much because he has a lot of things to do rather than annoying Chan every second.
Felix stopped sending snacks and short letters to Chan too because he's wanting to take a good break for himself, he doesn't want to think about Chan in the meantime which he badly fails because he can't still stop himself from thinking about what the older might have been doing or thinking about the idea of Felix ignoring the older.
Although he's desperate to know, he still kept himself lowkey.
Now, he's in the organisation office, finishing his tasks while occasionally chatting to his other co-officers.
"Lix, have you taken your lunch already?" Wooyoung, his senior asked.
Felix shook his head and gave the older a short smile, "not yet, Hyung. I'm trying to finish this docu in one sitting." He answered.
"That's impossible. Let's eat first, San texted me asking if I could join him for lunch today." The older said, making Felix smile teasingly to the older boy.
"Ohhh! Hyung, your hoobae is asking you to a lunch date so don't drag me in," he teased. The older boy rolled his eyes before walking close to the chair in front of Felix's table.
Wooyoung sat facing the younger boy as he rested his elbows on the table and leaned closer to Felix, "it's awkward being with him alone he's silent and handsome too so I can't handle it, you must come. It's his treat, don't worry," said Wooyoung.
"But I don't wanna be third-wheeling, Hyung."
"Don't worry, let's tag Yeji in," Wooyoung whispered then looked at the other side of the office where Yeji is also busy typing a document requirement she needs to pass within this day just like what Felix was doing.
Felix gave the older a big smile and showed his thumb, agreeing to the older's suggestion, "call," he whispered back.
Wooyoung let out a chuckle before standing up properly and facing the younger woman, "Yeji! Let's have lunch together because hard-working people deserve a good meal!" He shouted which startled the girl.
"Jesus Christ, sunbae! You don't need to shout. Anyways, CALL!" The girl responded with excitement then stood up after saving her document.
The three went out of the office, Wooyoung locking the door since no one was inside. They started walking and talking about some random suggestions and complain about the current busy schedule until they reached the canteen.
Students were gathered around the area, it was crowded. Felix knows that Chan is in the place too because Chan usually spends his time alone eating if either Minho or Changbin doesn't have the same break with him or if the two don't have any classes.
Felix roamed his eyes around the area and he was right, Chan is there, sitting in his usual spot but he is not alone. He's sitting with Jamie, they were talking and smiling at each other or giggling at whatever the girl was saying. It hurts him, so Chan will never really notice the sudden change in Felix's treatment towards him because he was too busy to even care.
Felix was staring at the older man when Wooyoung held his arm to catch his attention. The boy looked at him and gave him a small smile, "it's okay, you're more gorgeous ignore it." The older comforted Felix, so Felix smiled at him and yanked on his arm too, "thank you Hyung."
Just ignore him, you can do this Felix make him feel that your world doesn't revolve only for him. Let him be, he's a fucker anyway. Felix thought as they continued walking and searching for San.