And I'm thinking
damn, if these walls could talk.
Well, they'd be like,
Shit is crazy right?
That ain't your baby no more,
『S』
『t』
『a』
『r』
『k』
Stark
Despite how people call me a genius, I am pulling some small brain action right now.
"Are you sure your dad can't hack into this train and stop us from heading to... Phuket island?" Wanda asks me, still eating my chips.
"Nah, I left a hack inside his program for emergencies situations."
"Name?" Nat asks me.
"The hack's name is Cheese Burger."
"Of course it is."
"He's probably trying to remove my hack, which would take time. But he knows our destination, he can find out Justine's location so he'll know we'll be there. But also, that will take time."
"So we'll get there and deal with this Justine Bitch up before they shows up?" Harley asks.
"That's my plan. I just hope nothing goes wrong, and that my punishment is getting grounded, not jail time." I laugh nervously.
"How is this plan going to go exactly?" Nat asks me.
I join Wanda and eat my Stark potato chips.
"Ugh... She's in her Phuket's resident hideout. Very out in the open. We do superhero landing in and force her to give us Harley's cure."
"Do we have to super land in?" Wanda asks me confusedly.
"Yeah!" I say.
"Because?"
"It looks cool and it's good for shock value." I smile, I think I'm losing it.
Ding. The train has arrived. We all gear up, and all of us got enough rest to get started. Over the trip Harley was kept in his suit that I reprogrammed to keep him still if he ever tries to hurt me, but none of that happens yet.
If Justine wants me dead, why isn't she trying her best to make Harley kills me?
Nevertheless, I'm about to beat this bitch up.
"Alright, ladies, and one gent, let's stop the war before it can even start."
We all get out of the tunnel and take a jet to the island. What we weren't aware of was that, Thailand was supposed to have three seasons. Summer, winter, and rain. But truth is, there's only summer, hotter summer, and hot-fucking-please-kill-me summer.
"Why is it so damn hot?" I sigh inside my iron suit as all of us (except for Harley who we kept safe) are walking along the shore.
"I'm sweating like a waterfall and my leather suit isn't helping..." Natasha wants to die.
"I kinda enjoy this." Wanda looks at us, she's wearing an Elvis shirt and shorts, chilling and appreciating the view.
"Well at least one of us is enjoying this." Nat says. "Is that her hideout?"
She points her finger at a weird-looking modern, glasshouse on the cliff that looks too tacky to be next to a beautiful beach. Worse than that, there's a big HAMMER sign on top of the roof.
"Oh my god is that her trying to copy my dad's Stark logo?"
Wanda says while drinking her coconut water. "Sis tried to copy and paste you and still managed to make it look horrible." She raises her eyebrow at me.
"Spill the tea— or coconut water, sis." I pretend to cover my mouth and Wanda and I laugh at each other like an idiot.
"I must be getting old, I don't understand a thing you girls are saying." Natasha signs.
"You are not getting old. And it's not bad that you don't know these terms." I laugh. "Anyway, enough of tea culture, it's revenge time!"
I put my mask on. Natasha readies her weapon. Wanda puts the coconut away.
"Girls power assemble." I grin.
All of us superheroes land into her hideout and take down the guards very quickly. I go swoosh, swoosh, Nat goes bang bang, Wanda goes magic fingers.
After all the action, we all look at each other with a grin, standing over the fallen guards. Natasha shrugs. "Well, that was easy."
Then We Can't Stop starts playing.
We all look confusedly into the house. There, Justine Hammer is jamming to the song with Mai Tai in her hand, like she doesn't care at all that all her guards are taken care of.
"The hell is she doing?" Wanda asks.
"Dancing." Natasha curls her lips.
"Out of all the villains I encountered she's the only one who makes me confused in every way possible." I sign. Walking closer.
"I was wondering when you'd show up." She turns around to look at me. Who's still out on the balcony. Not in the room yet. "Shit, I guessed the timing wrong."
I watch her and start losing brain cells.
"Come in again!" She yells.
"Can I just kill her now?" Natasha asks.
"I would have but I need the cure for Harley, or at least what it is so I can create the cure myself. Ugh." I open the door up and walk in.
Justine Hammer turns around at me for the second time. "I was wondering when you'd show up."
"..." I look at her with a dead inside face and raise my hand at her, ready to kill.
"Woah!! Hold up, I'm a lesbian, if you kill me you're homophobic."
"That's not even how it works." Natasha shakes her head, sitting down, getting tired of this bullshit.
I roll my eyes. "Listen, Justine Hammer. I know your dad and mine had beef in the past, but whatever you're doing right now, it's stupid. Like, it cringes me to my core and I am already a cringey, self-obsessed billionaire so that says a lot."
She laughs, sips more of that drunk water Thor would not approve.
"Oh Stark, you have no clue don't you."
"Actually, I do. You were the one who shot me."
Her smile disappears. "You're not supposed to know that. I was supposed to reveal it to you dramatically.
"You literally did a gun sigh at my boyfriend, sorry, ex-boyfriend the first time you met him, what do you expect?" I groan.
"Oh, yeah. I did that." She mutters.
"Why not just shoot me in the head, that's what I don't know." I say.
"Well, I have been spying on you and your ex for a while. I needed a reason to split the two of you up for good. And it seems to work, aw, you guys broke up. Can you date me now?" She's not only annoying but she is also drunk.
"I'm getting brain cancer from you just tell me why you tried to split Peter and me up and tell me how to fix Harley." I move closer to her head.
"As for Harley the cure is not a thing anymore because I can only control his mind once."
"What? Wha— you created a mind-controlling fluid that only works one time?" I shooketh.
"Well I hoped it would work multiple times but I made some errors I guess." She whines.
"Well just so it's out there you are not adopted because you're just as useless as your father." I say.
"Ouch. That gotta hurt." Wanda sips coconut water again, when did she go get more of that?
"And about why I needed you and Parker to part ways, is because I am so sick of your happy potato ending all over the internet. So many praises for the great (Y/n) Stark, she's so smart... she's so hot... she cooks very well... she's so rich..."
"They're facts." Natasha says.
"But I'm sick of it!!" She suddenly yells so I raise my hand over her forehead.
"You better be quick about your villain motivation because I will lose interest very soon." I say firmly.
"Oh honey you will be very interested about this. See, you have always been the hero, the daughter of the greatest, perceived as the icon. Bla bla, all lies."
"Three... two..."
"My point is, I planned to make you the bad guy." She smiles so widely.
"Making me fought my father isn't going to make me be that, because we fight every day anyway."
"That's just your own decision to fight him, not my doing." She opens up her drawer. I charge my blast. "Hold up... it's your Stark fries."
"I betcha she'll make Hammer fries next." Wanda tells Natasha.
"Nah, she'll go to jail." Nat tells her back.
Justine eats my fries using her whole hands. "These are good!"
"Of course it is. Get to the fucking point for Thor's sake." I want to cry.
"Your first Stark potatoes shipment made headlines and is a sensation right now. And... the second shipment is out today isn't it?" Justine smirks.
"Yes?" I look back at her confusedly.
"I might fail the mind controlling fluid, but I do know how to make poisons. And I know how to sneak into a factory to put poison into potatoes."
"..."
"It seems to me, Stark. Your second potatoes snacks shipment today, ones that is not in my hand, will kill everyone who eats them." She smiles.
•
Dear Pete: Doth thou mother know I'm removing your drapes tonight?