"Michael, what is wrong with you? You've been so off the past few days and it's getting kind of annoying. You don't even do your work properly anymore. I know things were rough with Calum because of what happened but you can't keep going on like this," Amanda said, a worried tone in her voice.
I bit my lip and placed the pen I was writing with down, looking up at her.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I just have a lot on my mind right now and I don't know what to do with myself. Calum worries me so much, all he does is being sad and crying, he doesn't go out anymore and he hates when I get near him. I've read that people who are victims of rape will have a lot of problems with being intimate and touching but I can't even sit down next to him anymore because he will flinch like I would do something," I explained.
"Michael --"
"And I don't even know why," I interrupted her, "After he came home from the hospital, everything was fine. He cuddled with me and kissed me, it was okay. But for like two days now he's being very distant."
Amanda sighed, "He's having a hard time right now, Michael. Calum needs a lot of time and when I say a lot, I mean a lot. You can't imagine what he's going through."
I looked around the store and saw that no one was here before I spoke up again, "C-Can I tell you something? But please don't judge me or us."
"You're worrying me."
"Calum, well, he has like -- I mean, he is, uh, I guess he's kind of pregnant? Well, at least we think he is. He made some tests at home but since we wanted to be 100% sure we went to the doctors and made another one. We're waiting for the results and that's why I've been a little off lately."
She looked at me with wide eyes, "Pregnant? Are you serious? Have you never heard of protection before? Condoms, Michael, condoms! You're literally a child yourself, how could you be so irresponsible?"
"You're not being serious right now. Amanda, I don't need your bullshit right now, I need help because I honestly don't even know what to do anymore. You're being a shitty friend right now, really. I'm not stupid, we used a condom. I don't even know if this is my child," I shouted angrily. "I don't know if you remember but my boyfriend was raped, this baby is probably not even mine."
"I -- I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking before talking. I really am."
"It's whatever, thank you for your support. I'm going home."
"Your shift isn't over."
I ignored her and just walked out of the store towards my car.
"Unbelievable," I whispered to myself as I buckled my seat belt. Before starting the engine I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
The past few days have been unbelievably hard for Calum and I. It hurt me that Calum was practically scared of me and I also haven't been sleeping for two nights. The thought that I would probably become a father in the near future made me nervous and scared and I felt like passing out.
Calum's nightmares didn't stop and he was mostly crying the whole night. He never left the bed anymore, he was too scared to go outside and if that wasn't enough, he was throwing up a lot which just made us more sure that he was pregnant.
I really tried to not let all this get to me, I wanted to stay strong for Calum but I was so exhausted from everything that happened. I just needed someone to talk to, someone who would listen and I knew exactly where I would find that someone.
✧✧
"I didn't expect you today," dad said with a smile on his face after opening the door for me.
I smiled weakly back, "Just wanted to drop by and talk a bit, I missed you."
"Then come in, I'm going to make some coffee."
We walked inside and I took off my shoes and jacket, then walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, criss-cross style.
"Why didn't you bring Calum? Is he working?" dad shouted from the kitchen.
"He, uh, he's sick. He didn't feel like going out today," I replied and picked my nails nervously, waiting for dad to join me in the living room. A few minutes passed and he came with two mugs of coffee, sitting down across from me.
"Thank you."
"So, what's new? How's it going with Cal? Everything's good?" he asked and took a sip from his coffee.
I didn't look up from my lap, just shrugged, "I guess."
"Michael, what is wrong? I can tell something's up. Is it about Calum?"
I didn't say anything for a few minutes, trying to find words on how to explain this mess to my dad. I knew he wouldn't be mad at me if I told him about the pregnancy, in the end it probably wasn't even my fault.
"Calum was raped a few weeks ago," I said and tears brimmed in my eyes. Thinking back to what happened still broke my heart, it was horrible.
Dad looked at me with wide eyes now and got up just so he could sit down next to me. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder.
"That is horrible, I am so sad to hear this. Is he okay?"
I shook my head, "No, he's not. He's having those bad nightmares and he's scared to go outside. He's scared of me, every time I touch him he flinches away. I just want to help him but I can't. He doesn't want to go to therapy or something and I don't know what to do. Calum is just sad all the time," I told him and tears were running down my cheeks.
"I'm so exhausted. I can't sleep because I'm so worried and the fact that he can't even sit next to me anymore makes me so upset. I know he's a little traumatized because of what happened but I don't want him to be scared of me. I would never hurt him."
"Michael, he knows that. I'm sure he does but he's going through a rough time now."
"But I am too. I know that he has more reasons to be sad and angry and upset but I don't feel too well either. He's still my boyfriend, what happened to him hurts me too."
"I know and it's fine if you're sad and hurt too, I can understand that. You both are suffering right now and it's okay for --"
"Dad, Calum is pregnant," I cut him off and then turned my head so I could see his expression but I couldn't make out what he was thinking.
"I'm guessing it's yours?" he asked after a few minutes of silence and I just shrugged.
"I honestly have no idea. It could be but it also could be the child of this asshole that hurt my princess. I'm so disgusted by this man. I don't really care if it's my child or not though, I will still stay with Calum, I won't leave him alone. I'm just scared because I can't even take care of myself, how am I supposed to raise a child? I don't know what to do."
My voice broke at the end of the sentence, I really didn't know what to do anymore.
Dad wrapped his arms around me, pulled me into a hug and held me close as I cried into his chest. The last time I cried in front of him was after my mom died and that was a long time ago. We were sitting on the same couch, in the same position but in a different home since dad had moved multiple times in the past few years.
"You don't have to worry about the baby, Michael. You still have nine months time to learn, to inform yourself about everything you need to know. You're going to be a great dad."
"Aren't you mad at me?" I sobbed, "Because if this child is really mine, wouldn't you be disappointed in me because I was not safe enough?"
"No, I wouldn't be disappointed at all. Sure, you guys are young but you love each other so much and I just know you both will be amazing dad's. It's not your fault if the condom broke, you couldn't do anything about it."
I opened my mouth to say something but I was cut off by my phone. An unknown number was calling and I was sure it was the doctor.
"Hello?" I asked and wiped away the tears from my cheeks.
"Mr. Clifford? It's Dr. Sew. The results of Calum's pregnancy test came in and if you guys want to, you can come to my office whenever you want."
"Oh, okay. Thank you, we'll be there in an hour or so. Thank you. See you."
"See you."
"Who was that?" dad asked as I put my phone back in my pocket.
"Calum did a pregnancy test at the doctors to be one hundred percent sure about the pregnancy and the results came in. I will leave now since we both have been waiting for this. Thank you for listening," I explained and got up.
"Don't thank me, Michael. You're my son, you can always talk to me about everything. I will always listen."
I smiled and gave him a last hug before putting on my jacket and shoes.
"Text me later."
"I will."
I went to the car and texted Calum that the results came in and that I was going to pick him up in twenty minutes.
✧✧
"How are you feeling?" Dr. Sew asked as we sat down in his small office.
"Nervous," Calum mumbled quietly and I just nodded in agreement.
"That's normal. Now, let's see."
He started typing something on his computer, reading what was written on the screen and typing again while we both just sat there and wanted to know the results.
"The test came back positive. Turns out Calum is already eight weeks into the pregnancy. Usually people get the first ultrasound done at this time. If you guys want then we could do it right now."
I wanted to speak up but Calum interrupted me.
"Wait, you said eight weeks? I've been already pregnant for two months?" he asked.
"Yeah, that's what the results said."
"Michael, this is definitely your baby. What happened was only four weeks ago and well, the first time we had sex was like seven or eight weeks ago. I'm one hundred percent sure it's yours."
I closed my eyes and sighed in relief, "Thank god."
The doctor smiled at the both of us.
"I guess we don't have to take the test I had asked you about then anymore," I said to him and he nodded. "Shit, I'm so happy now."
"I'm glad. Congrats, you're going to be dad's. Now, do you already want to get the first ultrasound done?" Dr. Sew asked but Calum shook his head.
"Not today. Can we come back tomorrow? I can't do it today, I have to let all this sink in first or else it will get too much."
"Sure, I'll see you two tomorrow then."
We said our goodbye's and went back to the car.
"How are you feeling?" I asked and looked over to Calum. He just shrugged.
"I don't know if I should be happy or upset. I'm happy that it's your child but I'm only nineteen. We're so young, Michael. What if we mess up?"
I remembered what my dad had said earlier today and told Calum the same, saying that he didn't had to worry about it now and that he should just be happy about the baby because honestly, being pregnant and bringing new life to this world was a beautiful thing.
"I know, you're right. Can we just drive home now and talk about all this later?"
I nodded but before I started the car I turned my head to Calum, "I love you."
He also looked at me and smiled and this time it was a real, happy smile. I didn't get to see that smile for a few days now and seeing it again made me realize how much I truly loved Calum.
"I love you, too."
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Shitty ending, who cares :D
Sorry for not updating for a week, I was stressed with school :/
This chapter is like all over the place, I apologize but I needed all this to happen in this one. I hope it wasn't too chaotic though.
What do you think?
Small information: Calum isn't over the rape as you have probably read in this chapter. The topic will still be mentioned a lot in the next few chapters, you'll see why. A lot of things that involve the incident still have to happen, just wait for it :) (Nothing bad, I mean things like him going to therapy about it and stuff).
୨୧ See you next chapter! ୨୧