Warning: Brief mention of self-harm.
Author's Note: We have finished a second tribute for Vader on our YT channel. Check it out if you're interested. :P No spaces in the link: youtu . be / TrRylvLR0fE
~ Amina Gila
The fight doesn't last long; Ahsoka is already back inside with Rotta when the monastery doors finally close, and Master Skywalker slides under. The deafening crash echoes through the darkened hallways, and then all is silent. It's the same deafening silence of the end of a battle, where adrenaline slowly fades from his body, while he still knows everyone isn't safe. That it's only temporary.
A shiver runs down her spine. They've backed themselves into a corner, even if it was the only way. She runs forwards almost immediately to rejoin her... hopefully master. She still doesn't know. "Master?"
"Hey, Snips," he replies almost automatically as he stands up. "I'm okay." He turns to Rex next, asking for the numbers. Sixty-seven. Ahsoka shuffles impatiently. They need to hurry and get the Huttlet out of here. She knows the clones are people, but they were made for this. Honestly, she doesn't really get what the deal is.
"Rex, you and the boys try to hold off the droids here. Ahsoka and I will try to find another route out with the Hutt. We'll be the last line of defense if it comes to it."
The clones are already moving, lining the walls and preparing for battle.
The silence is grim, a knowledge that many more deaths are yet to come before the battle is won. That most of the people left standing won't make it out.
No one speaks. There is nothing to say.
Ahsoka can feel the grim determination that's settled over all of them. She just wants to move. Their mission is to get Rotta off-planet and back to Tatooine. She doesn't really get why her master is stalling. This is her first battle, though, so she doesn't fully understand what all is involved. Her talk with Rex earlier proved that. It doesn't help that she's exhausted.
Master Skywalker moves forwards, walking through his men, pausing by each of them. It's obvious he cares for them deeply. Vaguely, Ahsoka wonders why. They're just soldiers. This was their purpose. Their loyalty is surprising, even for her. They're going to die, and they know it, but they don't care. They're doing this for Anakin. Why does he spend so much time with them, knowing they're going to die, anyway?
Shifting impatiently, she waits for him to return.
***
Rex is last. Anakin rests a hand on his shoulder, and the captain returns the gesture. The closest thing the clones ever have to a hug. He lets himself, for one brief moment, wish for a world without the war. Where he wasn't Rex's superior. A world where they could freely call each other brothers. Where he could have someone who he always knows would have his back, outside the battlefield.
It conveys more than a million words could. This is the last battle they – many of them – will fight together. These are his men, his to lead and take care of. No matter what, he'll remember them all. As long as Anakin is a general, they'll have a place to belong. Unlike he ever did. Je's proud these clones are his men. It's something he's always been careful to let them know. He knows how it feels for everyone to shrug him off, to never take him seriously. He knows how much everyone needs praise. He never hesitates to give it. But he never, ever gets any.
With one final regretful glance, Anakin motions for Ahsoka and Artoo to come along before sprinting into the darkness, trying to suppress the thoughts nagging at him.
He and Ahsoka make their way to the main room, locking themselves inside. Artoo plugs himself in and begins searching. The darkness, the tension, it's flipped the darker side of him in. The one that's fought through years of battle. The one who's lost everyone. He's gotten his men into this tight corner, and now he has to get them out.
He needs to plan. He needs to figure out what to do, but right now, all he needs to be concerned with is returning Rotta. "Ahsoka, put him down and get some rest," he instructs. She's exhausted but trying stubbornly not to show it. She's not used to battles. "It's been a long day, little one."
"I'm not tired," she insists.
"Yes, you are." He can see right through it. Just like last time, she's trying too hard to prove she's capable of being a padawan. Maybe harder this time because he hasn't accepted her yet. It makes his heart ache seeing this. Only now does he understand exactly how desperate she is. She doesn't want to be rejected again. She's already started forming a friendship with Rex. Maybe he shouldn't have agreed to let her come. There's no way he can back down now. He can't do it. It would hurt her. Anakin himself knows more than anyone how it feels to be rejected over and over.
The Force is urging him on. To step up and take her, despite the risks. Despite knowing he'll fail again. Despite everything.
He steps forwards, resting a hand on her shoulder, leaning down so they're more at eye-level. "You have nothing to prove, Ahsoka. I saw how you fought today. You're as ready as you ever will be. If I thought you weren't, I would've already sent you back." She offers a small, half-smile and shuffles forwards, seating herself next to him.
They wait for Artoo, trying to fill the air with pointless chatter to distract themselves. Even after a hundred battles, it doesn't make it easier. It only means he knows the risks and costs better.
"They'd do anything for you," Ahsoka says at last.
"And I won't throw their lives away. They know that."
"Is it better not to get to know them?"
"No. It's shrinking responsibility." Anakin remembers this is something Ahsoka hadn't been able to understand last time and promises to teach it right away. "And it's disrespectful. You can't fully understand the price you're asking them to pay unless you know them." Once they get off Teth, he'll have to go about teaching that to her. Showing her. She learns better hands-on. More than by talking.
Silence settles over them. Ahsoka looks away at the floor, shifting uncomfortably. She's uncomfortable, a clear sign she wants to ask something but isn't quite brave enough to. Or she's afraid of the answer. He doesn't push. If she wants to talk, she will.
"Artoo, progress?" he inquires. The droid beeps. He's going as fast as he can. Anakin wonders if he should lead the way to the best of his recollection, but Ahsoka would have questions. Too many questions.
Momentarily, he wonders why he's thinking about teaching her anyway. There are many things he can't. He can't ask anyone for help, either. No one else wanted her. They have no idea what they're missing. He needs to prove he can do this. He doesn't trust himself anymore. Just like Ahsoka didn't at the end. How much of that did he pass on? he wonders. He can't do this right. He won't be able to, but he can't turn her down. Not now.
"Master? What happens... once we get Stinky back to his home?" the girl asks quietly.
She isn't talking about the war. She's talking about herself. She wants to know with certainty what his decision will be. "I..." He wants to say it. To reassure her that she'll be his padawan, she has nothing to worry about – he'll take care of her – but the words just won't come. He doesn't know why the memory of Obi-Wan's words at Qui-Gon's funeral suddenly flicker through his mind. It wasn't a 'I will train you' but it was what he needed to hear. "You will be a Jedi, Ahsoka, if you want. I promise you." Because he can't say he'll train her, or that he'll do it right. It's her choice to make. No matter how much it hurts him. She'll always chose herself over you, a dark voice whispers in the back of his mind.
"Why wouldn't I want?" She seems confused enough.
Because they didn't want you. They didn't trust you. They cast you out when you needed them the most. They failed you. I failed you, little sister. "I don't know," he says instead. "But Obi-Wan better get here soon." Or Anakin will go out there to defend Torrent company himself, because unless Artoo already found the exit by the time the explosion goes off, he's not going to have the patience to keep waiting. He refuses to fail them a second time.
The ground shakes, the rumble of a distant explosion echoing down the halls. "That sounded bad." Ventress must have just got in. Torrent Company is going to be holding her off alone. Again. Why didn't he go stay out there? Why did he ever have to get this mission? And most importantly, why are all his men being killed just to save a Hutt? People die all the time. If it were up to Anakin, he'd leave it at that. The Outer Rim is important, yes, but enough?
Artoo beeps. He's found the platform.
Anakin's had enough of this. Everyone who dies here, it's on him. He won't risk it again. The guilt is eating at him already. If he had just gone straight there, or at least tried to, they could have already left. Maybe. If he ever gets in a situation like this again... he won't wait. Even if it means he has some very awkward explaining to do. He can always chalk it up to the Force guiding him, he supposes.
"Ahsoka, get the Hutt and let's get out of here." He starts for the door. "Artoo, lead the way," he adds as an afterthought. Ahsoka picks up the backpack again and Anakin struggles to keep his grumbles to himself. He doesn't need to be a bad influence on her. It was his extreme lack of control that made her leave in the end. He failed her in every way he could have. What is so wrong with him that he can't do anything right?
This doesn't even make sense. Anakin knows so well that all the Council cares for is their own image and winning the war. Even so, it doesn't answer his biggest question. Why are they stooping so low as to help the Hutts? They're criminals, and they actually are worthy of execution. How are those creatures any more important than the clones?
He tries to tune everything else out as they make their way for the platform. Everything except the knowledge that they have to get out becomes a lingering presence in the back of his mind.
Sometimes, it's very hard to ignore his never-ending list of questions. He's the Chosen One, and he has to do what the Jedi tell him to, whether he likes it or not. It's his destiny, not something he has any control over.
As they go, Anakin pauses to tighten the straps on Ahsoka's backpack, so Rotta doesn't fall out, despite the Hutt's shrieks of protest.
"I kn-" Never say those words again. Got it? "You're going to fall out," Anakin grumbles instead. "You're slippery."
"He doesn't understand," Ahsoka informs in flatly. "All he knows is that you're being mean to him."
She's too compassionate at times. For other beings. Not for Jedi. Not for Anakin. Never for him. She didn't care when – "Better than letting him die. Let's get going. We gotta get back and help Rex." He takes off again. They need to get going, and they're just not moving fast enough.
"Don't you remember what it was like to be a kid?" Ahsoka asks from the back.
"A pain in the neck, you mean?" he asks dryly. Like he is even now? Like he's too young to matter or for anyone to care for his opinions? For anyone to trust him? And yet they didn't hesitate to send barely-teenagers to the war, so it must not have anything to do with age. It has to do with... him. They don't trust him to control himself, yet no one helps him try!
"No. Being treated as if you're inconvenient, deaf, and stupid by adults who ought to know better."
Is that some sort of insinuation of how she thinks he's treating her?
He can't argue with it, though. That's how he feels. Towards literally everyone. Because nothing he ever does is ever good enough. But it's the perfect description of how everyone he knows treats him, except Rex who could be dead now, and Ahsoka who is his padawan, and Padme. Who he's hardly thought about since they came here. He's been too preoccupied with Ahsoka and the battle. Does this mean he's failing as a husband, too?
He can't think of a response to Ahsoka's words. They've cut in far too deeply.
"Not that way, we need to cut him off!"
"What possessed you not to erase that droid's memory?"
"What? He was gonna blow up the ship!"
"A powerful Jedi you are, yet unpredictable and dangerous you can be. To both your friends and enemies."
"I know I did some questionable things, but I did what I had to do. I hope you can understand that."
"Defeating you alone will be an easy task."
"Having you involved may actually make things worse."
"He's emotionally tied to her. Probably too emotionally to do what needs to be done."
"You must prove to us that you will stay focused."
"You've already made your decision, haven't you? This meeting was just a formality!"
"It is the Council's opinion that Padawan Ahsoka Tano has committed sedition against the Republic, and thus, she will be expelled from the Jedi Order."
"You can't do this!"
"Your padawan status will be stripped from you, and you shall forfeit all rank and privileges within the Grand Army of the Republic. You will be turned over to the Republic courts to await your trial and whatever punishment they will set for you. Henceforth, you are barred from the Jedi Order."
His blood runs cold as the memories assault his mind, hands clenching into fists to refrain from hitting something or otherwise lashing out. He can't let anyone, least of all Ahsoka, know how he feels. It's an urge that burns away the rest of his patience, and he instinctively digs the fingers of his mechanical hand into his left arm. It's hard enough to bruise, but the pain is sharp enough to snap him back to reality, to force away those thoughts.
Finally, they make it to the landing platform. The air is cooler now but still hot, and very wet. It's the altitude.
That's when his comm beeps. "Anakin, come in." Rex. He's alive. Anakin is about to ask immediately how everyone else is, if he's alright and – "We've held the droids, sir." No, they haven't. It's Ventress. Anger flares through him. She messed everything up with Ahsoka. Why can't she stay out of his life? "What is your location?"
Anakin turns it off, hoping that this version of Rex knows him well enough to know he got the message. "We have to hurry," he replies urgently. "Ventress is there."
"But he said –"
"I know what he said, but I also know he'd never call me that unless he's trying to warn me. Ventress is here to kill the Hutt. We need to hurry."
"And us," Ahsoka mutters.
He turns back to the forest. Sure enough, the towering structure stands out towering against the skyline. It's earlier than he remembers it being, though, so it's not framed in moonlight. Even so, he can still see the Twilight there.
Get to the Twilight. Ahsoka can fly it, can't she? He'll have to see. Or Artoo can. She'll drop him off to help Rex until Obi-Wan arrives, assuming he hasn't already managed to evacuate everyone. Then they head for Tatooine. He wonders, honestly, if the survivors will be able to fit on the Twilight. They probably can. It's not exactly a small ship, and a dozen people could easily fit.
His heart clenches. There better be more than that. He won't count on it.
***
Ahsoka stands tensely to the side and watches while her master stands at the edge of the platform. The Hutt on her back is starting to weigh her down. She's worn out, even after a short rest earlier. It was rest, but it was stressful, nevertheless.
"What makes you think that frequency would help anything?" she asks, fingering the backpack strap. After coming out here, he'd asked Artoo to turn it on, and it's blaringly loud, but she doesn't know how he thinks something like this would help.
"Watch," he replies shortly. "It attracts the bugs here." He's standing there tensely, with his hands behind his back. It works a moment later. She can see – and hear – the beating wings of the creatures suddenly swarming nearby. "On second thought, give me the Hutt, would you?"
"Sure." Ahsoka fumbles with the straps, pulling it off and holding it out to him. Anakin seems to have something specifically against them, though she cannot fathom why. Sure, they're criminals, but that hardly justifies judging a baby by his parent's actions.
"I'll be back," he announces, jumping over the side.
Ahsoka darts to the edge. There's no way he just jumped over nothing, and... did he seriously just land on one of those creatures? "I hope I don't have to learn that," she mutters.
"Hop on!" Anakin calls cheerfully, reappearing a moment later. "Come on, Artoo!"
He holds out a hand to her and she grabs it, clumsily pulling herself on behind him. Artoo flies after, and they land gracefully on the landing platform.
"Time to call Rex. We're going back in there," Anakin says, hitting the button in his comm. "Come in, Rex. Do you copy?"
"But... the mission comes first. We have to get Stinky back to Tatooine alive, and he's turning every shade of green except the one he's supposed to be!" she protests.
"I'm not leaving them to die!" Anakin snaps, turning back to his comm. There is a long pause, and Ahsoka is about to give up hope about there being a response when the clone's voice finally comes through.
"I read you, General. We're pinned down in the courtyard."
"Hang on, I'm coming in," Anakin promises.
"But – Master, if we don't get Rotta back to his father, all the lives we've lost will be wasted!"
"There's still time!" he retorts. "Now let's get moving." He sprints towards the ship.
Ahsoka scowls but follows. He's obviously not listening to her. She wonders if he'll always think of her as an annoying youngling.
***
A handful of droids, five minutes of a grumbling padawan, and two attempts to refire the engines later, Anakin is seated at the pilot's chair in the Twilight. It feels strangely like home, except it lacks the lingering presences he's used to. This place held so much history. It's unfair that it doesn't anymore.
"This isn't gonna be easy," he warns. "Hang on, Snips." He has to get in with this version of the ship – which is in dire need of repairs – and get out without being shot down.
The Twilight lifts off. Unlike last time, Obi-Wan hasn't arrived and won't for a while. If they encounter any vulture droids on the way, Anakin will have to handle them alone. But his hands are on the controls again and the ship twists and turns through the sky, as though the Force itself carries him. Everything else is tuned out, except the shuttle and their destination – the clones – and the droids they're fighting.
The Separatists won't recognize it as an enemy. It gives Anakin the advantage.
They approach the landing platform. "Ahsoka, gotta take over," he orders. "I'm going out there."
"But –" He can sense her fear.
"Don't worry," he assures her, standing up. "It's easy enough to fly. I'll cover for the clones, that's it."
She looks reluctant but takes the controls in her hands anyway.
"And lower the ramp!" Anakin calls over his shoulder before sprinting out of the cockpit. She has, by the time he's reached it. Rex and the group of remaining clones are mostly surrounded, but they're not stopping. There's eight, he counts. Maybe more out of sight. He doesn't think twice about the drop, igniting his lightsaber and jumping. He hits the ground in the center of the droids, a wave of the Force throwing them to the ground. "Rex, get the boys on board. I'll cover," he orders, lunging at the approaching droids. It's a wonder any of Torrent company made it out before. He can only take comfort in the knowledge he came back for them this time.
No one is left behind. This is the 501st. His brothers.
He feels partly zoned out again, throwing himself into the Force. He moves from droid to droid. Blasters fire. Metal clangs to the ground. Smoke fills the air. Anakin keeps moving through it all, hardly noticing. Sparks fly from the demolished droids, a few slightly singing his robes in a few places, but he doesn't stop. Not until he senses everyone is safely aboard and hears Rex calling him.
He senses Ventress heading back their way, probably having received the signal from the droid before it died. She knows they already reached the Twilight, but it's too late. Anakin jumps aboard the ramp and sprints inside, hitting the button on the wall to close the ramp.
"Come on, get us out of here, Ahsoka!" he calls, running back towards the cockpit. By the time he reclaims his seat, she's already steered the ship straight up towards the atmosphere. Ahsoka must have already dumped Rotta on one of the other clones, because Anakin doesn't see him.
"Vulture droids closing," Rex warns from where he stands behind them.
"I see them," Anakin mutters, eyes narrowing. It was too risky last time. He got a lot of people killed trying to land on the cruiser. This time, he won't even try. If they get up fast enough, they can make the hyperspace jump. "Artoo, program the hyperdrive."
"We're taking this junker to Tatooine?" one of the clones asks from behind him.
"We have to. If the cruiser lowers those shields to let us in, the droids are going to fire at them instead." Anakin spins the ship, diving beneath a series of laser fire from the vulture droids. Ventress isn't about to let them go. Oh, well. The sky outside them fades from the slowly darkening purple of the sunset into black of the space above, dotted with a million stars.
"What about Stinky?" Ahsoka asks worriedly.
"See if there isn't something that can help him in the back," Anakin instructs. "I'm sure they have some sort of supplies on the ship." He returns his focus to flying full speed ahead. "Artoo, if you've locked the coordinates, let's go!" They don't have the shields up or any form of defense, and if the Twilight is damaged in this condition, it's going to fall apart in hyperspace. What a pleasant thought. Falling off a cliff is one thing. Being sucked into space with Rex and Ahsoka is completely another.
The droid beeps affirmative, and he pulls the lever. Blue and white streak across the front window, and the ship lurches forwards into hyperspace. They're safe, if only for now.