| Ning Yizhuo
"Ningning," Jennie Unnie held the girl beside her. "This is Minjeong, my baby sister. Minjeong-ah, this is Ningning, my friend."
You just looked at me, as if you're waiting for me to do the first move.
I smiled at you and offered my hand for a handshake.
"Hi, Nice to meet you."
"Do you like snacks?"
I was a bit taken aback by your sudden question, but I answered nonetheless.
I'm not that fond of snacks.
"Yes."
But if it'll make you satisfied…
"Cool, I like it too."
Then I am.
_
"Ning…"
"Hmm?"
"I can't sleep."
"Why?" I held back a yawn. I am so tired. I just had three concerts all over Korea in one day. All I wanted was to go home and sleep.
But you called.
"I watched a horror movie." I heard your embarrassed voice which made me chuckle.
"You do remember that horror movies scare you so much, right?"
"Yes."
"But you still watched it?"
"Yes."
I sighed and shook my head.
"Alright, fine. I'm going there."
"Thank you, Ning!" I heard you exclaim. "Okay, drive safe. Love you!"
The call ended. But the smile never left my face.
"Love you too."
_
"I just realized," You shifted closer to me. "That maybe I am too hard to love."
I just looked at you, letting you speak freely without interruptions.
"I'm aware that I'm kinda weird, and very stubborn." You chuckled. "I make a lot of impulsive decisions, I'm very sensitive, I'm scared of so many things. I have all the factors that you won't need in a partner."
"Loving you can never be difficult. It will never be difficult." I finally said. You looked surprised, but you didn't say anything.
"Someone will love the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you walk, the way you talk." I glanced at you. "The way you scrunch your nose every time you're trying to focus, the way you need to hold someone's hand every time you're scared, the way you get annoyed when people say that you look like a kid." I chuckled. "Someone will find you perfect, just being like that. Someone will love all of you."
"Even the weirdest things?"
"Even the weirdest things, Pup."
You don't realize it, and I don't think you ever will.
But that someone already came, Minjeong.
And that someone is just beside you.
_
"I could hurt you."
You said to me after you recovered from your shock. A few minutes after I confessed to you.
"I could hurt you, Ning. I don't want that." You pleaded.
"I'm staying because I want to." I cupped your cheeks. "I want to stay beside you. Is that bad?"
"Ning…"
"Let me stay." I said, I could almost hear myself pleading. "Let me like you, Minjeong."
Let me love you.
I want to show you how much you mean to me.
How much I love everything about you.
How perfect you are to me.
Let me love you, Pup. Even just for a while.
Let me get hurt by staying with you.
_
The moment when I heard Aeri's heavy footsteps coming closer to us, I knew there was something wrong.
She passed by the living room, bolting through the door that I could barely even see her face. But I heard something from her.
A sob.
It was quiet, but I managed to hear it.
She went outside, but I was too shocked to even move an inch. The scene happened so fast that I didn't have a chance to run after her.
I wanted to ask why.
Why Aeri ran outside.
Why she's crying.
Why I feel a heavy feeling inside me as if there's something wrong going on.
But it was all answered.
As soon as I saw Minjeong going downstairs at a fast pace while Jimin was following her, it was all answered.
"Where's…where's Aeri?" Minjeong immediately went to me. Her eyes are bloodshot as if she's trying to hold back her tears. "Did you see her? Where's Aeri?"
"What happened?"
She didn't speak. She didn't answer me.
She only looked away.
I glanced at the girl behind her who's just staring at me.
They went somewhere, I saw how Minjeong pulled Jimin away and they went upstairs. A few minutes before Aeri went upstairs too.
Then Aeri came back running and crying after.
I'm not stupid.
As soon as I gathered all the hints together, realization immediately hit me.
Minjeong and Jimin who were with each other, and Aeri who suddenly bolted outside after going upstairs.
"Hey guys, what are you doing there?" I heard Ryujin coming closer to us. She's the only one who still can talk properly among all our friends who are on the couch.
No one spoke to her.
Minjeong is not looking at us, but I can tell she's agitated. She keeps calling Aeri's number. Jimin is behind her, she's holding Minjeong's shoulder as if she's comforting her, but she looks nervous too.
I only stared at Ryujin.
She's not naive. She can be stupid but she's not naive.
I know she knows something already.
Ryujin stared at the two beside me, her eyes slowly widened. "Oh."
"Ryujin," Minjeong spoke. Her voice sounded like she's begging. "Can you try calling Aeri, please? She won't answer me."
"O-okay, wait." Ryujin immediately took her phone out of her pockets and tried calling Aeri, but she's not answering it. "It just keeps ringing."
"Fuck."
"Mindoongie…" For the first time since earlier, I heard Jimin speak. "We're going to find her, okay? We will find her. So please calm down, you're trembling too much."
"Yuji," Minjeong looked at her. "Aeri just left in the middle of the night. It's too dangerous outside." She rubbed her face. "And she's alone. She's just alone, Yuji."
"Minjeong."
I called her.
Her gaze shifted to me, but she didn't say anything.
"Pup," I walked closer. "Breathe. Calm down, and breathe."
She took a deep breath.
"Let's go outside," I held her hand. "In the backyard. Let's calm you down first, okay? We can't go outside because we don't know this place, we might get lost. We will wait for Aeri to call us, alright?"
She nodded slowly.
My gaze shifted to Jimin, giving her a look.
I think she already realized what I meant because she nodded and smiled sadly at me.
I looked away.
"Let's go to the backyard, Pup."
I pulled her away from the two. We went to the backyard without any noise. She's not talking, I think she's trying to calm herself down.
"Sit here, Pup." I gently pushed her to the bench beside us so she could sit.
I sat beside her.
"I know you're worried." I said, staring straight into her eyes. "But trust Aeri, Minjeongie. We both know that she won't do anything bad."
"I know. I know that." She said and sighed. "It's just that…"
"It's just that what?"
She didn't speak. She's hesitating to say it.
"Tell me, Pup." I held her hand so I could comfort her.
And also to prepare myself for whatever she will say to me.
"S-she saw us." She's not looking at me. "She saw me and Yuji together…"
"And what's wrong with that? She just saw you both together."
"Ning," She gripped my hand tighter. "Y-yuji and I almost kissed."
That's it.
That's what I'm waiting for.
That's what I'm waiting to hear.
Her grip on my hand keeps getting tighter and tighter, as if I'll go away. As if she's scared that I'll walk away.
"I'm sorry."
But I can't.
"I'm so sorry, Ning."
No matter how much I want to walk away from her, I can't.
"I'm only hurting you." A tear left her eye, but she immediately wiped it. "I told you I could hurt you. I'm only hurting you, Ning."
"But I chose it, right?"
I looked at the sky above us.
I can feel it.
"I chose to be with you, right?"
It feels hot.
"And I don't regret it."
And it finally escaped.
"You know, and I know…"
A tear finally escaped.
"That if I'm given a chance, I'll do it again and again."
"If hurting me means I could be with you, and show you your worth…" Another tear escaped. "I'll do it again and again."
"You're worth every pain, you're worth every effort, you're worth every sacrifice," I looked at her. "You're perfect to me."
She's crying.
Why are you crying?
I don't like seeing it, Puppy.
I hate seeing you cry.
"The things I did, just so I could be with you." I chuckled, feeling another tear strolling down on my face. "Just so maybe, someday, I could call you mine."
But you're not mine.
You have never been mine.
You never did.
"Just so I could see you happy. Just so I could save you from pain."
Just so I could save you from her.
"I was willing, Pup." I cleared my throat. "It's not your fault. It will never be."
I cupped her cheeks.
"Until now, all I want for you is to be happy." I forced myself to smile. "So be happy, okay? I want you to be happy…with her."
"N-ning…"
"Can I have one wish, Pup?"
Can I be selfish?
She nodded.
For once, can I be selfish?
"In our next lives," I wiped the tear that fell down on her face. "Please let me be the one to make you happy."
She cried harder.
And I found myself crying hard too.
"Please…" I pleaded. "Please let it be us, let it be me."
In our next lives,
Where there's only us,
Where there's only Ningning and Minjeong.
"After this life, I'll wait for you there." I muttered. "Wait for me there, Can you promise me?"
She nodded.
"…I-I promise. I promise, Ning."
"I'm letting you go, Pup." I smiled, caressing her cheeks for the last time. "Be a good puppy and show Jimin some love, hm? And I hope she takes care of you. Or else, I will come back and take you away from her."
Like I always do before.
Just to save you.
"I'm so sorry, Ning."
"Don't be."
You don't need to be sorry, pup.
You don't need to feel sorry.
I could never hate you.
"I love you, Minjeong." I whispered.
Let our paths cross next time, pup.
In that time,
I will never let you go again.