Eliza's pov
"Thank you." I said, swallowing the last spoon of porridge. I can move my hands now, although it stings a little. But they are all treating me like a baby, like I am a fragile doll prone to be broken at a feather touch.
"Are you ready now?" Ema asked, setting the bowl on the side table before settling on the side of the table.
I meekly nodded. It has been a week of me sitting in this same bed with only a lone window to gaze, to breath, to live. I just want to leave this place and settle in the comfort of my home, shut the door, curl up in my bed, brood in that loneliness. Not loneliness but the secured feeling of home. But I have been stuck here for too long and is allowed to leave only after two more days worth of observation.
I slowly raised myself from the bed, wincing through the pain, not sure where it was coming from. My whole body felt rigid and broken at the same time. Ema rushed to my side, to hold me, again like the fragile person I am. I shrugged her off my hand a little harsher than I was going for. She backed away understanding, but still keeping only a hands off distance from me.
"I will try alone." I said firmly before she comes to my aid as I stood up from the bed. After all the surgery, I have the side effects which the doctors deemed common to happen. I feel loopy and imbalanced whenever I try to stand or walk, to be precise when I am on my feet.
It is funny actually, thinking how I was, a week before. Running and living my life with no worries or fears. Life never goes the way we want it to. I realised it in the hard way.
Two days before was the day I finally got off the bed, capable of making only tiny steps halfway to the window. Five feet. Yesterday it was eight, a hand's length away from it. I could have made it, hadn't I tripped on my feet.
I forced myself to walk again but was reprimanded endless times, adviced to take tiny steps. But today I was determined that I will make it to the window and even a few more extra steps until I get an early ticket to go back home. Two more days here in this room makes me feel and remember everything I hated.
Before I took my first step, the knock was heard. The one person I least expected to see today. I haven't seen him after that day, the first day along with Jimin and Hannah.
He had been busy, they said. I would have believed it too, if it weren't for the voice inside my head feeding me with thoughts that never would have crossed my mind. There were days I thought he must hate me, despise me for what all that's happened. If he didn't, then he must have when I shoved him away when he extended his hands to comfort me. And I, like an ungrateful person, winced. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't control the fears, the visions that crept in my mind at the moment. Excuses that is all I can give, forgetting the times when I craved for him. Now all I did was shut him out. I hated myself for that.
Without any words Emily left the room, leaving me with him. It was silent, not awkward but not any less of it either. I missed him, missed his smile, his voice, his captive eyes, everything that made him him.
"Liz." Those words from him was enough to wash away all my brooding thoughts and fears. The assurance with which my name rolled off his tongue was the biggest strength I needed.
He strode towards my side, but didn't make any move to hold me. I smiled.
"Can you walk now? Are you feeling better?"
"Yes. I was going to walk to the window." I told him, he was about to help me balance when I shook my head, telling I want to do it by myself. He nodded and took a step back.
The first step forward was hard and I didn't expect it to be any better. It was like putting each foot on shards of broken glasses, pricking on my nerves, save the bleeding part. Even then I felt proud, that I was able to do better than yesterday, better than what the others thought I would make it these days.
It took me two minutes to take ten steps and reach the window but it was worth it. The fresh air hitting on my face as the smell of the hospital washed away. It felt good. For a few seconds it helped me forget the sorrow buried in me.
I stood there gaping at the children playing in the tiny playground near the hospital grounds. Barely any to count and yet jolly. So I fixed my stand there ignoring the call of pain in my legs.
"I am sorry." After a minute's silence he claimed his presence beside me. I didn't know why he was apologising so I looked at him.
"For not being here with you. For not visiting you. For-"
"It is okay. I understand you were busy. And also I was not alone either. Most of the time mom was here. Ema too. Han and Chim came yesterday." I said hoping to convey I wasn't alone. But that was a bad move, I saw a flash of guilt and pain in his eyes.
"See, they all were here, but me." He raised his palm to hold mine, then hesitated.
"Jin, I know you want to. But sometimes we have to attend to other things and it is perfectly alright." I assured and gently entwined my hand with his. He didn't expect me to hold him, but then held it without letting go.
"I missed you." His voice was soft like a feather.
"Me too." I conveyed, my eyes fixated on the two goldfinches on the branches of the lone tree. Their sweet, sharp, melodic cheeping being the only music in our ears with the serene, rhythmic breath of each other.