zoom call
...
Niko : August
Niko: Omg, bitch, what are you doing?
August: What does it look like I'm doing?
Niko: It looks like you're on the toilet
August: Then, you are absolutely right! I am on the toilet!
Niko: You're disgusting
August: It's not my fault you called while I was peeing!
Niko: Well, I would have waited a minute, you know!
August: Okay, zoomer!
Niko: YOU'RE SO FUCKING LAME, GOD!
August: Okay wait, I'm washing my hands
[Niko watched with a straight face, blinking at the screen as August washed her hands, listening to the water running. Finally, August turned the tap off and grabbed her phone again.]
August: I'm going to switch to my laptop
Niko: YOU COULD HAVE JUST NOT JOINED THE MEETING AND WAITED A MINUTE BEFORE JOINING ON YOUR LAPTOP
August: Jeez, stop yelling!
[August was removed from the meeting]
[August James Joined the meeting]
August: THE AUDACITY!
Niko: You were gonna leave anyway
August: BUT THE AUDACITY!
Niko: Wait— I'm gonna change my background
[Niko changed his background, using a picture with penguins in the arctic behind him]
August: Pengies!
August: I'm gonna change mine too
[August changed her background to Shrek's swamp and Niko burst out laughing]
Niko: IS THAT FROM SHREK?
August: YEAH, HAHAHAHA
Niko: We need to Netflix Party that movie
August: oh my god, let's do it tonight!
[Niko changed his name to shrek]
shrek: I'm down!
August: You idiot
[August changed her name to donkey]
shrek: YOU'RE THE IDIOT
.........
[new message from MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT]
MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
I'm booooooooored
August James
Don't you have any celebrity friends to talk to?
MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
No they're all lame 🙄
MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
And surprisingly too many of them are being real shitty and not so careful with covid so I'm cancelling them 😤
August James
Omg so true queen 👏
MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
What are YOU doing
August James
just chatting with Niko
August James
OMG I HAVE THE BEST IDEA
August James
Meeting ID: 283 1378 1187
password: 137566
August James
JOIN THE ZOOM MEETING
MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
Uhmmmmm
MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
It's just you and Niko?
August James
Yes, I promise! No creepy interviewers or crazy fans!
MISS TAYLOR FUCKING SWIFT
aww but I thought you and niko were both crazy swifties 💔
August James
JUST JOIN THE MEETING WILL YOU?
.........
zoom
[Taylor Swift joined the meeting]
shrek: [in his best attempt at a Scottish accent and in Shrek's voice] DONKEY! YOU BASTARD!
donkey: [in her best attempt imitating Eddie Murphy] SHREK?!
Taylor Swift: Oh my god, what did I just walk into?
[Niko finally realised there was a new comer into the meeting and his eyes widened as August burst out laughing. Taylor could only sit there awkwardly waving.]
Taylor Swift: Hold on, are guys acting out shrek?
donkey: Yes, change your name to Fiona!
shrek: OH MY FUCKING GOD
shrek: YOU DICK, AUGUST! I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE
Fiona: Aw, don't be! This is actually hilarious.
shrek: TAYLOR MOTHER FRICKEN SWIFT
Fiona: It's nice to meet you too, Niko!
shrek: SHE KNOWS MY NAME
donkey: anyway, we're gonna watch Shrek later on Netflix Party, if you wanna join!
Fiona: Oh sure! I'd love to— is Niko breathing?
donkey: he'll be fine!
Fiona: He's rocking back and forth, muttering unintelligibly...
donkey: give him a second!
Fiona: Oh! That's Benji. Wanna say hi Benjamin?
shrek: [wheezing] Hi Benjamin!
Fiona: Oh, by the way, Niko! Like a month ago, I offered to send you free merch but August didn't let me, so you gotta fight her or something
donkey: JEEZ, ARE YOU TRYINA GET ME KILLED?
Fiona: Oops?
shrek: YOU— FU— WHAT?
Fiona: and he's hyperventilating...
donkey: told you this was going to be fun!
Fiona: August, you are actually crazy
donkey: and how has your day been, miss Swift?
Fiona: Oh, you know, one phone call meeting after another. Answering emails. Watching a whole season of Friends. The usual.
donkey: Oh, sounds fun!
shrek: [whispering] Taylor Swift... it's— [he let out a small scream]