Alice barely slept that night, she wonders if this is how Molly felt after she had her diagnosis.
When she got into bed that night she felt lost, scared, upset but not for herself, for her family the bond she has with her dad is strong and she fears what this will do to him.
But now she feels a determination to do the things she wants to do and to look after her family before she goes.
Lucy found her in the kitchen the next morning, dressed and making breakfast, "Morning. Did you sleep?"
"Not really. I feel numb but surprisingly, I'm not scared to die, I'm more worried about my family," Alice hands Lucy a bacon sandwich, "I'm going to head off, there are a few things I need to do before I go home and tell my family."
"You not going to eat?" The brunette wants nothing more than to pull Alice into a hug and never let go, protect her and keep her safe. Make her better if it were possible.
"I already had mine," Alice grabs her things and Lucy follows her to the door.
"If you need me, I'm just a phone call away," Lucy pulls her into a hug.
"Thank you. I will set up a get together for our friends and tell them all together, just keep it to yourself for now," Alice pulls out of the hug, gets in the car and drives away.
The original plan was to head straight home but after leaving Lucy's, Alice has a change of plan.
------
Miami's day was going very slowly, he hasn't got a lot on today other than lots of paperwork to sort, so the knock on his office door was a welcome one. He hadn't expected to see Alice through the window but he waves her in.
"I'm not disturbing you, am I?" She asks closing the door.
"Not at all. My day is full of paperwork so this is a welcome interruption. How can I help?" He gets up from his desk, sitting in the armchair across from her.
"I've come for two reasons and none of them is to be shared with my family until I say so."
"Is this of a legal nature?"
"One of the reasons is, the other is a music reason. I'd like to request the use of studio time to put two songs together."
"Okay, I'll see what I can do," He eyes her, wary of what this is all about, "What's the legal matter?"
Alice keeps her eyes trained on the floor picking at the skin around her nails, "I need to put together a will."
"A will?" He hadn't expected that, "Why do you need a will, Alice?"
She looks at him eyes glistening with tears, "My cancer has come back and it's incurable. I have 22 to 24 months."
"Oh, Alice. Does your family know?"
"Not yet, I spent the night at Lucy's after going to the doctors yesterday. I was heading home but I wanted to get the ball rolling on these two matters."
"Then I'll get it sorted. Make an appointment with Beth for later in the week then we can create your will."
"Thank you, Miami."
Finally, Alice heads home, her hands gripping the steering wheel the entire way, terrified to tell her dad because she knows how much this news will hurt him.
To make things harder, she spots Dominique's car and she comes up the drive meaning her mum and siblings are over for a visit, "Alice!" Rory races towards her as she comes in the door Felix is not far behind.
Alice lifts her 3-year-old sister into a hug and wraps an arm around Felix hugging him too, "Long night of wedding planning was it?" Roger teased, the phone call he got from her last night was fleeting but to says she's staying over.
"Something like that," She mutters struggling to make eye contact with her dad, "Felix, can you do me a favour and take Rory up to the hideout for a bit? I need to talk to mum and dad alone."
Felix seems to understand this is not a time to argue and does what his sister asks, "What's going on love?" Dominique frowns, it must be serious if she doesn't want the kids to hear.
Alice sits on the sofa beside her mum looking at her dad sat in the armchair, Debbie is not in, something Alice is thankful for, "I have some news."
"Blimey, your not pregnant, are ya?" Roger jokes sensing something is very wrong.
Tears already falling down her face she shakes her head, "No I'm not. Though I think you might have preferred that news."
She wipes her eyes, Dominique shifts closer wrapping an arm around her, "I started out yesterday thinking I was pregnant. I've missed two periods so I took two tests but they came back negative."
"Then why are you so upset?" Roger knows it's a stupid question.
"I went to see doctor Melrose after the negative tests," Alice continues, "The doctor's pregnancy tests came back negative so um..." She starts to cry more seeing so much concern behind her dad's eyes and Dominique's full of worried tears.
"Melrose did some blood tests, an ultrasound and an MRI scan."
"Did they find something?" Dominique whispers.
"My cancer has come back."
"Then we fight it," Roger says without a second thought and is firm with his words, "Like we did last time."
Alice shakes her head, her heartbreaking, "Dad, the cancer is too advanced and incurable."
"No," He won't have it, not his daughter.
"How long?" Dominique whimpers holding Alice tightly.
"Don't..." Roger orders, he can't hear it.
"22 to 24 months."
"No!" Roger growls, he's never felt so angry with the world, "No, there has to be something."
"They're already doing it, dad. The cancer is coming from the original cancer area, it's spread to my womb and is creeping into my lungs. They're going to perform a hysterectomy to remove the cancer in my womb, but they can't do anything else."
"What if you don't have the hysterectomy?"
"Then it reduces my time left to 16 to 18 months."
"This can't be happening. You're 19 for fuck sake, you're not dying, I won't let it happen," Roger rips out of the front door, getting into the car and drives off.
"Give him time to process the news," Dominique whispers brushing away the tears on her daughters face, "I never imagined we'd be losing you, you're a very big part of this family but you and your dad have an extremely tight bond. He was never going to take this news with ease."
"I know," Alice picks up her car keys once Dominique lets her go, "I know where he's gone anyway, Brian's. I just want to make sure he got there, dad's not very good at concentrating when he's angry."
She was right, coming up Brian's drive she spots her dads car, "Oh, thank god you're here," Brian pulls her inside looking stressed.
He starts leading her upstairs ranting as he goes, "Your dad has gone nuts, he stormed in here angry, picking up the biggest bottle of whiskey I own and has now locked him in the recording booth, drinking the whiskey and trying to break the drum kit. What's happened? All I got from his angry rant was your name and arsehole world."
"My cancer has come back," She tells him straight.
Brian stops in his tracks confusion turns to pain, he turns to look at her, "No, not again. When do you start your chemo?"
Biting her lip, Alice looks at the floor, "I don't."
Confusion and panic reappear on his face, "What do you mean, you don't?"
"It's incurable, I've been given 22 to 24 months." They reach the studio and Roger is in the recording booth, beating the drum kit as though it's the actual tumour killing his daughter, "Maybe that's why I couldn't picture my future, my mind already knew I don't have one."
Brian completely understands Roger's reaction now, he'd be just as angry if it was one of his children, in fact, he is just as angry. Alice has already suffered enough and now this, it's not right or fair, she's 19 and should have her whole life ahead of her.
"Can you keep him here until I get back?"
"Of course, he's in no fit state to drive. Where are you going?"
"I have two more important people that need to know. I'll be back as soon as I can," She starts for the door.
"Don't rush. Oh and Alice," Brian stops her, pulling her back into a very tight bear hug, "Please be careful. We don't want to lose you any sooner than necessary."