"Lena, shut that damn thing off or I'll kick you."
The next day brought sunshine, regret, chirping birds, deep and utter embarrassment, the delicious smell of bacon and eggs wafting up the stairs and complete humiliation. And I had been roused from sleep for about five seconds. My phone was buzzing on the nightstand, and the clock told me it was 10AM.
I blinked the sleep out of my eyes as Knight kicked me sharply in the shin, rolling over and shoving a pillow over his ears. After a long night of lamenting my personal crisis—"seriously, why did I make out with Jace Hartley? Who thought that would be a good idea? Give me a homemade lobotomy and cure me of this, please"—Knight had fallen asleep in the third hour of my regretful monologue. Since I refused to sleep in the cupboard, I had passed out next to him after building a mighty pillow fort.
Last night had been a disaster. Thankfully, by the time I'd recovered from my humiliation, which was only doubled by the realisation that I'd repeated the act, everyone in my living room was passed out from tiredness, partying, liquor and, according to Knight, extensive discussion about the Jace and Lena saga. It had saved me from facing my friends and the boundless questions I knew they were asking. I was sure, though, that Jace would now tell Daria, and she would alert the masses as to the story surrounding the now infamous Jace and Lena hookup.
Unfortunately, that likely meant it would be all around the school by the time we returned from winter break. Alex and Holland were terrible gossips.
"Answer your goddamn phone, Lena," Knight moaned.
My hand flopped blindly around the nightstand before finally locating the buzzing monstrosity. I pulled it up to my ear, my eyes still stinging from being forcibly opened at such an ungodly hour. "Uh-huh?"
"Lena? Sorry, did I wake you?"
It was Jace. Jace Hartley, the boy I'd hated my whole life and had now kissed twice. Twice. Images of his hands around me, on me, the feeling of his skin against mine, the gentle touch of fingers against my wrist as he clasped my beautiful bracelet around it... I sat bolt upright. "No, you're fine. I was—" I yawned. "Super awake. Um... hi."
"Hi."
The line was silent for a moment. Knight had clearly clocked my tone, because he was now rubbing his eyes and grinning; he wanted to be awake to witness the shitshow that was promised to come. Knight said that my voice took on a funny quality when I spoke to Jace. He called it the anger-horny hybrid, and I called him an asshole.
"I, uh, was just calling to talk about last night?"
"No, Jace, I will not lend you the gigantic dildo."
Jace laughed at the other end, and the sound warmed me. He had always laughed at every one of my jokes; this was likely because I was exceedingly funny, but it was still nice. "Wow, okay. You never liked to share your toys."
"I'm selfish like that."
Next to me, Knight was pulling faces, and dramatically mouthing my words back to me. It was quite annoying. It did undercut the intense awkwardness that getting your very first phone call from your once-enemy and now post-kiss buddy seemed to cause. Jace had never called me before, and it was strange to hear his voice transmitted through the phone. A few weeks ago, I would've dropped the device into the toilet for fears it was contaminated. Now, in a stunning display of progress, I might drop the phone in the toilet to escape from the awkwardness. Baby steps.
"But, yeah, that wasn't exactly what I wanted to talk about," said Jace. "Shockingly enough."
"Hm?" I replied, fiddling nervously with the edge of the sheet.
"I just wanted to let you know that, uh, Callie and I aren't going out," he said. "I just... you mentioned it, and didn't want you to feel bad about that, because we talked and we're not... a thing."
I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see me. Jace and Callie falling apart was probably for the best. From what I gathered from her drunken confessions, it seemed Callie had enough concerns of her own to work through before she got into anything serious with Jace. I didn't say that though, instead, I said, "Oh. Well. That's a shame. For you, I mean. And her."
Knight snorted a laugh.
"I guess," said Jace. "It wasn't really serious though; neither of us were looking for that."
"You player. Hit it and quit it, I say!"
I could almost picture Jace's frown. "I did not 'hit it'."
"Is that because you have no game?"
"This is why it took us like 15 years to become friends."
"Because you have no game? I mean, kind of true. If you'd had friendship game in kindergarten, we could totally have been friends."
Jace sighed. "You are the worst."
"I try my best."
It was so quintessentially Jace to call me after last night, to gauge the vibe and to check in. And I did appreciate it, sincerely. I could already envisage the awkwardness that would mark our next encounter, but I also knew that his kind act of reaching out would serve to prevent it being jump-into-a-volcano levels awkwardness. Take it back to a general swallow-me-please-floor kind of situation, which was far more manageable.
"Well," said Jace. "I kissed you again."
"Oh, really? I'd forgotten. I could've sworn it was Daria."
"No, but seriously," said Jace. "Like, again. As in, it's now been twice and it's kind of freaking me out."
I smiled. "Calm, cool and collected Jace Hartley is freaking out over a little kiss with me? My powers of seduction are ever so effective."
"If you call that kiss little, I'd love to see your all-out," said Jace. "Wait, no. See? That's confusing me even more."
"We have already discussed this, Jace," I said, examining a nail and hoping I didn't use it to gouge Knight's eyes out, as he made more and more elaborate kissy faces at me. "It's not going to happen again."
"Yeah, but see, you said that after the last one," he said.
"You literally instigated it both times," I said. "I have no fault in this."
"You started it the second time, and you also said yes. Both times, might I add," Hartley pointed out.
"I was saying thank you!"
"That is not how people say thank you!"
I hesitated, because his words were true. I'd agreed to his little stunt, and I had kissed him first this time. "Well, let's look at it like this," I said. "We tried it once as enemies, once as friends, and now it's out of the way. It was... experimentation? A walk on the wild side. And now that we've done it all the ways—"
"Except doggie style," Knight coughed. I whacked him over the head with a pillow, but he did not seem particularly remorseful. Because he sucked to epic degrees.
"—we can just continue to try the friend's thing. With occasional veers off into casual hatred, because I thrive off our dysfunction and inconsistency."
"It's like I never realised how good you at friendship? How did I pass on this offer for all those years?"
"It was never offered to you," I said. "Because I thought your flesh would cure cancer due to the cells committing suicide at your presence."
"Wow," Knight mouthed. Then he made a heart with his hands. Why did I keep him again? I was sending him straight to the pound after this.
"Your sweet and welcoming presence makes this such a comfortable experience," said Jace.
"Thanks, H Man," I said.
"Didn't we talk about you never calling me that ever again?"
"I recall no such conversation," I said. "I'll see you in two weeks, H Man?"
"The H Man will not see anyone in two weeks. I know no such person. Who is this H Man you speak of?"
I hung up the phone with a small smile on my face and clutched the device to my chest. Somehow, Hartley's presence no longer elicited white-hot anger or competitive frustration from me. It didn't even evoke a nonchalant apathy. In the past few weeks, our relationship had shifted so drastically that the sound of his voice—his jokes, the banter, the sweet, innocent laughter—made me feel as if someone had inflated a balloon in my gut, and I was floating and buoyant, sailing above the clouds.
"So, we still don't want to jump him?" Knight confirmed.
I flicked him on the head. "Yes."
Knight snorted a laugh. "Okay. Tell me, how is the weather over in Wonderland?"
"Abnormally sunny. I'll have to purchase a hat."
"Delusion doesn't change the facts, you know?" Knight commented.
"Clearly you've never heard of manifesting, Knight," I said. "I can manifest whatever I want. And I do not like Jace Hartley!"
Knight just laughed and slumped back against my pillow.