The light of the setting sun illuminated the twilight sky. With my back reclined against the fence, I watched the student body. Some were passing the school gates. Some were still hanging out. Hindi ko alam kung bakit sa kabila ng insidente ay pwede pa ring gamitin ang rooftop na 'to.
Prolly dahil maluwag ang rules sa school na 'to. Siguro dahil alam ng admins na necessary ang rooftop na 'to para magpahangin at magpawala ng stress. Or probably, for rendezvous. Kinda cliche, eh.
If I could be just a normal student. No, I'm normal in every bodily aspect. What I mean by normal is like what the most of them were experiencing. While I also exprience that, there's still a thought that what if I became normal. Like I was just a carefree person, an extrovert, hanging out with everyone, fooling around. That kinda thing. But as they say, intelligent people rarely get happy. Kaya naiisip ko minsan na isang sumpa ang pagiging matalino. Idagdag pa ang judgemental society.
I didn't even know why my friends-especially Jasmine and Sophia-decided to adopt this bullshit guy. But still, I'm happy 'coz I could be a normal student that I envisioned. Hanging out, chats and something random. But I felt that there's still lacking. I don't even know what that was.
Umihip ang malamig na hangin at kasabay nito ang pagbukas ng pinto. Sumulpot na yata ang taong kakausapin ko.
Her cute face was being kissed by the orange light. It's instragrammable, I must admit. Though her usual smile wasn't there. There's this expression that held some sort of...how should I say this, sympathy? Loss?
Held by her hands were a pair of soda. If this was a normal conversation, I must say that I would take it with gratitude. But, this wasn't a normal talk. I would be risking my life on the line. My straightforward attitude
will spell doom to me.
The girl in front of me seemed like a fragile girl. But people bathe her on too much good light. I see her as a rose or a bougainvilla. Mukhang tama ang hinala ko. She's a psychopath.
"S-Ste...ven," she muttered.
The wind blew once more, her shiny black hair swaying to its rhythm. Both of us didn't know where to start. Everything's quite a shock, I even didn't absorbed them thoroughly.
My heart was in rapid beating. My breathing was a bit ragged. I couldn't help but be nervous to her. To think that my intuition would come true. A game changer.
"You really took you time, aren't you?"
What happened back then? Let me tell you.
"A-Alcantara." Those were the words that summarized my shock and disbelief. It turned out that Alcantara pounced me.
"L-Legaspi?! Is that you?"
Her round eyes blinking, feeling the same shock as I felt. Despite wearing a mask and a dark orange hooded-jacket, my eyes memorized her features. Her slender arms, her physique, her eyes. There's no way my eyes will lie to me.
Asking for help would be risky. If shout out loud, I would be silenced in no time. The only thing I could do was to stare in terror.
My heart jackhammered, my hairs all raised. I couldn't help but felt a chill down the spine. She...she's one of those guys? I already expected this but confirming it myself, this was insanity. She's part of that gang or something? Those guys who killed someone were her subordinates?
Or to be a bit selfish, am I about to die? My jaw was trembling in fear. My investigation went into a dark turn drastically. Was this my end already? Should I brace myself to be slashed towards the throat?
My mind was overflowing of questions. I tried to regain myself. Still, was she...an angel of death? No. What should I do to get out of here.
"W-Why you..."
She shushed me. "I'm not the one who killed those guys. And I'm not going to kill anybody."
But I couldn't be certain. With all of the courage I could muster, I clenched my teeth and collided our heads. Ignoring the pain of my forehead, I shoved her away and went back to my feet.
There's no time to waste. My life was on the line now. If I remained myself here, they would show no mercy. She would surely call those guys and kidnap me. Or probably...be silenced.
Before I even got away, soft hands grasped my wrist, "Wait!"
"Let me go!"
Nagulat ako na parang may naramdaman ako sa aking kamay. When I unclenched my fist I realized I felt something soft. Don't tell me? Lumingon ako at napagtantong tama ang aking hinala.
"Kung ika'y magpupumilit pa ring umalis nang hindi ako pakikinggan, sisigaw ako at sasabihing gagahasin mo ako," she threateaned firmly. Though I could sense that she's embarrassed to use her rights as a woman. "You're surely die at my subordinates' hands."
Ignoring the sensation from her chest, my throat released a squeak. My fingerprints were on her jacket already. If I still resisted, I would be killed in an instant. She executed two threats in an instant. Be jailed or be silenced. I would choose neither!
Guess the only thing I could do is obey. After a long sigh, I forced to calm myself. "Will you let me go now? Please. I'll listen to your demands," I pleaded, barely audible.
She freed me. I barely registered what just happened. Maybe listening to her might save my life. My rapid heartbeat haven't calmed down yet. Still, I decided to face her.
She lowered her hood and mask. Her face was illuminated by the lamp post. Compared to her usual vibe, she's dead serious...and cold. Still, I tried to conceal my fear by a Buddha-calm look.
"You saw everything, do you?" she spoke.
"Just after your dudes killed that innocent guy."
"Swear?"
"Even you rape me right now, that's only what I've seen," I said nonchalantly.
I saw a tinch of red to her face. Inangat niya naman ang kaniyang kamao na siyang aking ikinatakot. I raised my hands, conceding my defeat. Sabi ko nga, sorry.
She sighed. "Please discreet this information. I beg you. Do not tell this to anyone."
"And what if I did?"
"You're spelling you own doom," she said nonchalantly.
My brows furrowed. I could still sense the plead behind that serious voice. Her demand was absurd. My expression probably asked "Why?"
Of course, I am aware. I already have two possible scenarios that might happen if I told someone.
I felt my nervousness went back as I heard footsteps coming towards us. Those grim reapers might catch me if I stayed for too long. I need to escape.
"Run now! We'll talk at the rooftop some other time! I promise!"
I nodded and gave her a last glance. I rushed like the wind, using all the agility I could muster. After I ran a couple of streets from the scene, I leaned at the wall. A day that I was luckily escape the death's grasp. This would be one of the books.
"To think that you're far sinister than I thought," I spat those words like poison. "An annoying girl like you is a heiress of a gang. No. A yakuza. I almost considered you as a psychopath."
A yakuza's similar to a mafia. Maybe a crime syndicate will be an appropriate term. Sinasabing sila ang mga kinakatakutan sa Japan noong 1960s. On the outsiders' perspective, they would be considered as violent guys. But to the yakuza members themselves, they considered themselves as chivalrous. Madali silang makikita kung balot ang katawan nila ng tattoos.
Seeing a yakuza heiress myself, I couldn't help but felt a chill down the spine. She's considered a princess of their organization. Her words were valued by their organization. I wonder if someone broke her heart. Will they kill the guy whose the mistake was breaking Alcantara's heart?
Shit! I spat those words carelessly. What if may mga kasama siya sa baba at nag-aabang na ambush-in ako? Paktay na.
She giggled, "Straightforward as always. Do not worry, you should ease yourself. Mag-isa lamang ako ngayon. No need to be so guarded."
I stared at her to the eyes. She did the same. Hindi ko alam kung nagsisinungaling ang babaeng 'to o hindi. I'm not a lie detector and she's probably concealing her menace.
Instead, I shifted my gaze and went past to her.
"Wait! Hindi pa tayo tapos mag-"
"Gonna check something," I replied, "BRB."
I peeked at the door. And luckily, no one's waiting. But I'm not contended. I went down the fifth floor and there's no one waiting at the hallway. I also peeked at the staircase, there's also no one waiting for her rescue.
Great. I could be at ease then. I went back to the rooftop and found her leaning at the fences. She was illuminated by the setting sun, her hair swaying to the wind's rhythm. If I prepared a proper camera, that would be a great picture. Except that she's not worthy for that.
"You really took you time, Steven. Like what I have said, fret not," Alcantara reassured.
Napapansin kong madalas ay first name ko ang tawag niya sa'kin ah. I wonder why. Sa pagkakaalam ko, big deal sa mga Hapon ang first names. Not that it's a drag.
"Better safe than sorry. After what I'd seen, I think I can't reciprocate to your words back then," I retorted.
"Hindi magbabago ang aking isipan. I have trust on you."
She threw the soda can. With my hands through the sleeves, I caught it. Better safe than sorry. Baka may poison pa sa lalagyan.
"Besides, you are going to risk yourself if you decided to reveal anything." She opened the can and took a sip. Her gaze went to my can which I left unopened. "Not taking a sip? It does not have a snot, you know."
Snot? Whatever. I'm certain that the content's untouched. Still, I decided to pocket it on my blazer's pocket. Inalis ko ang aking mga braso sa mga manggas ng aking blazer.
"Anyway. You-"
I cut her off, "No recorders. Should I assume that this is an evidence that you trust me?"
She nodded. "Besides, you will not do anything reckless, will you?"
I glared at her. This is the first time I felt my blood boil because of a girl. She's kinda cunning. Prolly more cunning than me. She even put my hand on her chest just to blackmail me.
If I had such training, I could have choked her. But despite being a male, I am physically useless. Just one kick of a well-trained girl like her, I would be knocked out. I pocketed my hands then clenched it tightly. Magaling. Magaling. Napapaikot niya ako sa kanyang mga palad.
A grin escaped my lips. Her seemingly innocent eyes blinked cluelessly. "Um... anong ang nangyayari? Why...are you grinning?" she asked innocently.
Biglang bumalik ang aking ulirat. Why am I doing that anyway? Mabuti na lamang at hindi ako tumawa na parang mastermind. I took a deep breath.
"So...um...since when did you know that I'm-"
"I didn't know. I just suspected. If I know it already, it's either someone told me or I've become a god." I leaned at the fence, half a meter away from her.
She sighed and grimaced, "Since when did you suspected?"
"Right from the beginning," I replied honestly. "Remember the time you threw me a chopstick? That's the time I suspected that you're an irregular."
"Really?" she grinned. "It is not calculated, honestly. I just intended to intimidate you that time. I apologize if it traumatized you."
"Besides, the whole school's rattled since it's once in a blue moon to have a single transferee in each class. One of my comrades notified me about that thing," I added.
She nodded. "But our first encounter isn't convincing at all. While I could feel the same way if it happened to my school, that was not enough." She took another sip.
I just felt my temples pulsating. Still, I managed to maintain my calm, "It's just a simple hunch without a concrete evidence. Kung 'di lang dahil sa nangyari kahapon, I still might be investigating 'til now." I let my grin slide for now, then glanced at a certain area. Let's tease her for a while.
"Are you thinking that I am a psychopath?" Her eyebrows knitted. Her eyes buldged when she noticed where my glance was pointed. She blushed to the neck and hugged herself. "I must add that don't turn my action against me, pervert. Kung may alam ka lang sa kung ilang litrong lakas ng loob ang ininom ko."
"Then why bother doing it then?" I shrugged. I maintained my poker face but I was in a wide-grin mentally. I was supposed to be laughing as I saw her flustered.
"Because you're not gonna listen if I didn't do that!" she protested.
I went on, modifying my voice in a goofy yet mocking manner, "Anyway. Now that I brought back my senses, I realized that I was lucky to experience that with a girl's consent and felt the soft-"
A sharp glare was registered to my olfactory nerves, compelling me to stop. Yes, Lady Kaguya. I'll stop.
I cleared my throat. "Though it's only a premonition, I had this belief that nice people are the darkest characters. They want to be showered by attention. By blending to the society, they get what the attention they craved. That kind of thing."
"It reminded me of the MC in No Longer Human. He's being a clown to hide his darkest secrets." Alcantara took a sip. "But I'm not being a clown or something."
"The First Notebook part huh," I muttered. No Longer Human is divided in three chapters called as Notebooks. The First Notebook is the part of the MC's-and probably the author's-childhood and school days. "Interesting."
"I admit that I become the source of attention these days. Honestly, it is unexpected. Para bang biglaang ang pagsulpot," she said. I could sense the sincerity on her tone. "All I thought was studying here. Kakatapos ko pa nga lang basahin ang El Filibusterismo."
I sighed. I can't blame her though. She studied Japanese for ten years. Switching to Filipino would be a huge problem.
"Medyo na-sidetrack yata tayo. Should I continue?" I cleared my throat. She nodded. "Okay. I had this belief that everyone's born bad. Na masama ang lahat ng tao noong una pa lang. But witnessing you desperately enduring those blows, why?"
That's the reason I answered her summon. And also the reason I joined Jasmine to visit Alcantara. Why did she endure those blows if she could deflect them and escape. The surprise blow was kinda reasonable, but the next blows? It's plain stupid.
She lowered her gaze. She gently kicked her right foot. After a few seconds, her face lit up. "Hmm. How should I suppose to say this? I just do not want to show rage."
Her answer's surprising...and plain stupid. It took a complete five seconds to finally absorb her answer. "What the heck?!"
"I know it's kind of stupid, but...I just...like, they might die if I went berserk," she said with a straight face.
"Huh?!" Hindi ko na natago ang aking pagkalito. Those words are a bit childish and vague. "T-That's...lame."
"I know. It's because... I felt something behind that mask. Then after that surprise punch, it became dirty." She plastered the same awkward expression I wear. "Tila ba'y may tinatago siyang pangungulila sa matapang niyang ugali. Marahil ay hindi siya pinapansin ng kaniyang mga magulang. Maaaring kailangan niya ng atensyon sapagkat pasikreto siyang nanghihingi ng tulong."
I couldn't help but clicked my tongue. She's so pure for a heiress of a yakuza. No. I mean, she's... too kind-hearted to join their ranks. Yet she already witnessed a dead body. Probably bodies. Had she even...critically injured someone? To the point that it rendered them unconscious?
I shook my head. "You're too kind to join their ranks. Then why did you joined them last night?"
"It's because that's what my father said. Hindi ko siya pwedeng sawayin anuman ang gawin ko. He's someone who can slain anyone for his goals. Even his friend," she said coldly.
Drop dead, that stupid old man! "Have you even considered that joining them will turn your hands dirty?" I tried to contain myself and controlled my movements. Dapat talaga sinisigawan ko na siya. Seryoso, kumukulo ako sa mga taong mapagmanipula. Not that I should tell.
"Yeah, I joined the group. I am aware of it. Yet I still did because I have to. But my role ends there."
She drank the soda bottoms-up. She sighed deeply. She was probably containing her emotions. "I must consider myself fortunate because he have never been assigned me to slay someone. I have never slain anyone. And I will never be. I already vowed it since I became matured."
She squeezed the soda can. Her last sentence was spoke with conviction yet soft and sincere. Was she manipulating my mind by swearing to herself? If yes, it wouldn't work. As long as I had doubts, I wouldn't let myself be off-guard.
But there's something hit me. Her eyes. I know it's beautiful yet I could see that she's not lying. As if being illuminated by the sun, I saw a faint refraction. My eyes blinked a few times. They weren't lying, right?
Her eyes were welling with tears. Did she...shed tears in purpose? If yes, that wouldn't work. I had already saw those situation where they show crocodile tears in order to manipulate someone. But I still had my doubts.
As my brain went to civil war, I still mustered some words. "You got tears on your eyes."
Her eyes blinked. When she noticed, she wiped them of with a handkerchief. Honestly, I was moved by those tears. If I would site the possibilities, it might be a will from a certain someone.
It's likely a will before someone died. A faint smile was formed across her pinkish lips. I couldn't help but make a hint of concern-even I didn't wanted to.
She must have noticed my gaze, saying "I'm fine" while shaking her head. Speaking of being slain.
"So...what happened to the guy you caught?" I asked, referring the scene last night.
"Unfortunately, he has been...silenced...and dumped like a trash." She lowered her head, as if he's guilty to the guy's death sentence.
I gave a cold gaze. To think she's used to this, and yet she couldn't hurt three seemingly strong high school girls. How ironic. Yet I felt pity to the corpse. Being thrown like a trash. It's horrible. "And how about the circumstances?"
"As for that, I need to slay you before revealing everything." She grinned playfully. Seems she decided to play clown this time. I'll bite.
"If you'll slay me with kindness or hotness, I don't mind," I said nonchalantly. "Probably try wearing a bunny girl suit or something-"
As I felt something hotter than the sun, I felt lasers beaming from her eyes. Not literally. She's just glaring sharply, hinting a glint of murder from those balls in her eye sockets. I gave her a cold gaze. Nagbabakasakaling malabanan ang init ng lamig.
But I guess I was overcame by the fear that she might hit me so I quickly averted my gaze.
"So you're also a so-called man of culture eh. Ara ara," she grimaced. "Bunny suits are your fetish, aren't you? I can wear it for you."
Is she serious? While I maintained my poker face, I was already in cold sweat. If she really did it for me, I would die. Geez. As always, I dug my own grave.
But luckily, she took it back. "Of course, I will not do it. I don't have the courage to wear it."
"Because of your flat chest?" I mocked, grinning.
"How dare you! I'm not flat, you pervert!" Her cheeks were like a cherry bomb. Subukan ko nga siyang asarin araw-araw.
She's right. Hindi naman talaga siya flat. Sadyang inaasar ko lang siyang out of the blue. Medyo malakas lang amatz ko ngayon. Pambawi na rin sa nakakairita niyang vibes.
Then I felt something heavy landed on my shoulders. Agad naman akong napadaing. Nah, just an overreaction. Hindi naman masakit ang suntok sa'kin. Sinundan pa ito ng dalawang hampas.
"So...bakit kayo lumipat dito sa 'Pinas?" I decided to shift the topic.
"Ngunit bago ko iyan sagutin, ano ang iyong dahilan at hindi mo pa iniinom ang iyong soda?" She pouted.
Yeps. Hanggang ngayon ay 'di ko pa rin iniinom ang soda na binigay niya. I'm still skeptical of drinking it. Baka pinapatagal niya lang ang usapan tapos hintayin akong mauhaw. It's a possibility I was already entertaining.
Nilapitan niya naman ako at kinuha ang soda. Agad niya naman itong ininom. Hindi ko alam kung maiinis ako dahil ininom niya ang soda. She smiled.
"See? Walang lason iyan. You are being paranoid, you know." She waved the can. But I'm still skeptical.
Better safe than sorry. She pushed the can onto my chest. I waited for a few seconds. Still smiling, she pressed the can on me. But I ignored it. The wind blew, swaying our hair and clothes. A scent tickled my nose. Para bang gayuma na balak niyang gamitin laban sakin.
"Steven? Are you alive?"
My consciousness went back thanks to her voice. I drank the soda straight and pocketed it to my coat. Makakalikasang tao ako kahit konti kaya ayaw kong itapon. I closed my eyes and sharpened my senses. Baka mamatay na agad ako matapos ng ilang minuto.
"So what is your question again?" Alcantara asked. "About the reason I went here? It's just my mom's request. Pinakinggan naman ni papa. That's all."
That's all? That's all you can say 'coz of yakuza's policies or due to personal reasons?
My expression was probably obvious. I still have this skepticism that I couldn't subside. Gusto kong malaman ang mga sagot sa mga tanong ko. But she's just giving me vague answers. At least I could manage to fill in the blanks.
Or that's I wanna say but it's hard to decode the exact message of her words. There are many possibilities. But I couldn't find the most relevant answer. Or probably the answer's already on my face yet decided to find another answer.
But whether it's for personal reasons or yakuza's policies, I wouldn't bother anymore. Knowing how insensitive I am, I might step on a landmine and be executed. Moreover, I still felt that it's more of a personal reason. Whatever.
I exhaled some air. Parang pakiramdam ko ay mas lalong dumami ang tanong kaysa sa mga sagot. It's just... I felt something's lacking. Probably investigating-or rather, observing-her would satisfy my curiosity. Should I...be-no. She's still dangerous.
"So should I assume that your satisfied now?" She asked. She sat down, her right leg was folded. Mukhang nangalay na siya.
Still, I decided to tease her nonchalantly. "Hindi pa nga tayo nag-se-sex, tatanungin mo pa ko nyan."
"Urusai, baka!" she growled. "Please refrain the sex jokes. Are you rascal?"
"No, I'm a human being," I retorted, pocketing my hands.
So far, our conversation's useful. What's important for now are her answers. I finally got the gist.
"Promise me. Just this once. Never touch on this matter again," she said coldly. "Sometimes, curiosity will be the medium of your death."
I just nodded. But honestly, I couldn't promise it entirely. There might be a chance that I have to touch the matter for some reasons. Albeit, sincerely, I hope I wouldn't be involve in this matter again.
She stood up, dusting off her skirt. "I assume that your questions are finally answered. Any more questions?"
"Do you think Jasmine already got a gist or something?" I was already entertaining this, considering their closeness.
"She has no idea," she assured, "There are times that despite someone's closeness, there are secrets that cannot be told. Even it's your dearest."
I ought to agree. Pero may isa pang bumabagabag sa'kin. Though I admit it's a trivial matter.
"Before we wrap this up, I'll ask a stupid question. Bakit mo ko tinatawag sa given name ko? Sa pagkakaalam ko, big deal sa mga Hapon ang given names."
She flinched. She should be aware that she unconsciously addressed me as "Steven" in different occassions. She scratched her cheeks and awkwardly laughed.
"Probably because I want to be used at the culture here," she explained between her awkward laugh, "You know. I even thought nicknames for some of them."
I gulped. Dapat bang hindi na akong magulat kapag tinawag din niya akong "Dazai". Just because I was fond of No Longer Human? Mamamiya.
"Well, I don't mind if you're comfortable calling me that."
The darkness was already dominating the twilight sky. The moon's present already. There's still faint traces of the orange sunlight illuminating some parts of my body. Enormous clouds weren't present, giving us a good sight of the horizon.
Kung dito ako lagi tatambay, siguradong lagi akong ma-re-relax sa tanawin, I thought. I turned my heel and strolled to the exit...or that's what I was suppose to do.
"Can we take a commemorative photo then? Bihira lamang tayong mag-usap ng ganito?" She pulled my collar and dragged me.
I know what you're thinking. Magiging ebidensiya 'to ng pag-uusap namin. Baka nga may recorder pa siyang dala. Pero 'di ko na rin siya pinigilan. Sino ba namang aayaw kung magandang babae na ang nag-alok? Alam ko na ang sagot. Mga introvert, mga walang pake sa kanila or iniisip na feeling close sila.
Agad niya akong inakbayan at nag-selfie. At dahil di ako prepared ay para akong tanga sa picture. She frowned, probably felt the same. "C'mon! Take two!"
Without a word, I grabbed the phone, set the ten-second timer and placed at the fence. I tapped the capture button and aligned to her.
I sat down with right leg folded. She sat in Indian seat. Both of us where in peace sign and after ten seconds, the camera snapped.
"Send that to me later. Bye." I finally exited the rooftop, not bothering to do a fleeting glance.
Or what I was supposed to do. With my hand on the knob, I spoke.
"Let me give you a piece of advice. In this country, they demand high qualifications despite their low capabilities. For instance, you need to be a college graduate to be a petty cashier in a grocery store. Most of them have high expectations because majority in this country are fools. Even I couldn't deny it. Good luck reaching their petty expectation."
And I finally left the scene. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero biglang kumurba pataas ang kanang sulok ng aking labi. Ginayuma na niya ba ko? Siguradong wala namang gayuma 'yung soda, tama?
"What an interesting fellow," I muttered, words vanishing into thin air.