|12|
LIVED TO DIE
THE ROAD WASN'T clear but rather foggy, with a strong midst that coated the unknown atmosphere.
Angelic music sounds the air; harps, violins and golden pianos struck their melodies. It was the same song Rose's mother, Ethelinda, would dance to in the kitchen as she cooked most mornings when she was a little girl.
The smell of fresh cinnamon buns travelled to her nose; her mother baked them every morning after church.
It was almost like an ambiguous call home.
Rose looks ahead onto the shadowed road, trying to capture her surroundings, but she couldn't.
She gazes at her palms.
Rose felt new again, replenished, younger and healthier.
"My Rosie."
It was a voice that became as old as time,
it was her mother.
There, Ethelinda stood in the watery light ahead.
Ethelinda didn't look like how she was when Rose last saw her, she was so young here, twenty three or so.
Clothed in a dark blue dress with a ribbon drawn at the waist. On her dark chestnut hair was a matching dark blue headscarf and she was wearing her favourite hoop earrings.
She was a Romany woman through and through.
The unwavering light above her looked almost like a halo, her skin didn't look real.
Shaking , Rose takes a closer step towards her.
"Don't be scared." Her voice echoes as the sky whitens. "It's not as hard as you think."
Hesitantly, Rose begins a steady walk towards her mother.
They were now only movements away from each other.
Ethelinda's face glowed and Rose was almost too petrified to touch it, to feel it physically. This was a face that she had been robbed of seeing for years, it brought her great melancholy yet great joy to see it again.
For her mother gave her a comfort like no other and ceased every living pain that ached in her soul.
She smiles at her daughter, caressing her pale face. "You didn't think it would be like this, did you?"
Rose opens her mouth to speak, but was completely starstruck by the angelic presence of her mother.
"W-where am I?"
Ethelinda smiles again at her obliviousness, wrapping her arms around Rose ever so tightly. "You're home."
Rose looks up at her mother, whilst still in her perpetual embrace, she notices a red mark around her neck.
Her hands had a mind of her own, because Rose was already gently touching her mother's scar with curiosity.
"I came here years ago." Ethelinda beams, looking up unto the clouds.
Shaking her head, Rose pushes herself out Ethelinda's embrace.
"No..." she mutters, realising that the red mark was similar to a rope burn, the same rope burn suicide victims attained.
"No!" Rose runs her hand through her hair, pulling it in distraught. "That's not true, it can't be!"
Her mother tilts her head in confusion. "You have your own too."
Puzzled, Rose traces her fingers on own neck, feeling the soreness of the bruises and hand marks.
She had been strangled to death.
"And now we can rest." Ethelinda sighs, walking towards her slowly, "I did mine to myself but... yours, well it's brought you to peace now."
With hot tears racing down her flustered cheek, Rose takes more steps back in disbelief. "I-I don't—"
Ethelinda points to the clouds ahead, "It's not far from here, where we are going."
Rose gasps, coughing intensively, her eyes bulging.
Her chest looked as if it had a spring in it from the way it was moving up and down, as if air hadn't been in her lungs for eons.
"Rose!" Harry runs to her aid, she had been coughing so much tears started to form in her eyes. "You're awake."
"Get her some water!" He orders a maid.
"But what about Mr Kimb—"
"I said go get her water!" Harry bellows, and the maid quickly nods and sprints away.
Finally, Rose's blurry eyes focus on her whereabouts. She was in the living room, still in her red crimson dress. However, her father, laid on the floor unconscious with a bloody nose.
Her eyes quickly move to Harry, who was checking her temperature and neck.
He had blood on his knuckles.
"He tried to hurt you Rose, it almost killed you..." Harry notices his sisters curious eyes. "I had to punch him... I had to."
Rose grabs her chest, still wheezing and puffing, her whole body felt sore and it was hard to even make a plausible thought or sentence.
The maid runs towards Harry, handing him a glass of water.
Harry had hurt in his eyes as well as anger."We are packing a bag and leaving this place Rose, before he wakes up, we're going to go live in Small Heath."
•••
She didn't talk the whole way to Small Heath and it really scared Harry.
He'd never seen her like this; Rose looked like she wasn't even living anymore, just lifeless. A living corpse that had no dreams of tomorrow.
If Harry was a second late in that moment, he would've probably been burying his sister next month . Their father, Billy, had a tendency to get extremely violent drunk, he was a different person.
Once they had reached the house they were going to stay at, where their mother's widowed sister lived, Harry knew that that home would be their permanent residence for a while — he didn't want anything to do with his dad for a long time.
Rose steps out the car and lets the spring breeze of Small Heath cool her face, sombrely, she looks up at her new home.
Harry shuts the car door, joining her by her side.
"I need to go on a walk." Rose whispers faintly, already on the move.
As much as Harry didn't want to leave his sister in such a vulnerable state, he knew that Rose was someone that needed their personal space in times like these.
He nods and watches his sister walk away further down the street.
Nothing felt worthwhile to Rose anymore, nothing felt valuable. Her whole life had always felt like she was going in circles, on an endless route that looked like it was progressing somewhere when really, it wasn't going anywhere.
When she was with Tommy, for the first time, she didn't feel like that anymore and for Tommy, those sleepless nights and flashbacks weren't there anymore.
Rose stops at a bridge, she couldn't recall how long she had walked for.
She could hear the distant sounds of trains against the railway, children playing and sheep.
"Rosella?"
Tommy walked towards her in his raven black suit and grey peaky cap; she looked so lonely from far away, Tommy didn't even think it was her at first.
"Tommy." She walks towards him too and the two meet in the middle of the bridge.
He scrutinised her from head to toe, something wasn't right... her eyes were bloodshot and skin deeply pale.
"Look, um, we're going to be in Small Heath for a while." Rosie explains, noticing Tommy staring at the mark on her neck. "My dad he um, yeah..."
Tommy wasn't an idiot, he could guess straight away what had happened and it angered him immediately but, he had to keep somewhat of a composure.
"Rosie." She had hair covering her face due to the persistent wind, he moves it out the way for her. "Will you help me?"
A puzzled look scans her face and she looks at the man that for the first time in history, seemed vulnerable.
"With everything." Tommy clarifies, staring deeply into her hazel eyes. "The whole fucking thing. Fucking life...business."
If Rose hadn't had caught herself, she would've replied 'yes' or nodded, but something fought back those answers.
"I..." A train nearby whistles and Rose feels tiny raindrops begin to fall from the sky.
She couldn't stop thinking about her mother.
"Wow." Her face was bland and expressionless.
Tommy Shelby had been used to getting what he wanted, he didn't like waiting.
"I can't, Tom."
It's not the lie that kills you, it's the the truth, because a lie can change but the truth can't. Rose's answer was defiant and unmoved.
"I found you and you found me. I want you, but not this." She couldn't even look Tommy in the eye, instead she looked under the bridge.
"Not what, Rose?"
"Not this life, the life you live!" Rose couldn't control the sudden change of pitch in her voice, it felt like doing the right thing was illegal. "I don't want to always be looking over my shoulder or not knowing if I'll see someone again every time—"
"Hey, hey." Tommy puts his hands on her shoulder, she didn't have a choice but to look at him. "I'm going to close down some of that other stuff. I'll open places, like a club in Vegas or London. So you can dance, you love to dance."
Rose could feel the tears forming in her eyes, she had to bite back her emotion. "Tommy..."
"Look, next family meeting I'll have you there."
She didn't expect those words to ever come out of Tommy's mouth, those family meetings were very exclusive and reserved.
"But, I'm not family."
"That could change." Tommy whispers as the wind howls, the sky was darkening now, it was about to start hailing.
That made Rose's heart skip a beat.
She runs her hand through her hair, a little distraught and drained. One glance of those blue eyes and Rose was gone, they were her weakness. Tommy's ocean blue eyes told a lifetime of struggle that had never been put into words.
"I'll still work for The Shelby Company, I'll do the contracts, letters and look over things. But..."
"Rosella, I know this isn't the life you had mapped out. Not with a man like me at least, but I'm turning things around. I have one thing I need to do next."
Tommy almost thought about telling her his plan to betray her father; it was the worst and perfect time to do it, to come clean. Clearly, Rose wasn't the fondest of him at the moment but she was also in a fragile state.
Rose nods, looking at him with a flicker of hope.
He places his hand over her cheek, rubbing it. "I'm going to make a success of things, Rosie, I will— and I'm not talking about marriage."
He holds her hand. "We know how this works, you've seen it with your dad and brother. You know how the business operates. Rosella, we're the same."
Tommy was close to her now, there was barely a gap between them."Soon, I will have one of the biggest legal race track syndicates in the country." He says in a low voice.
His last sentence completely throws her off, she steps back, letting go of his hand.
"So you're not going to work for my father anymore?" Rose questions.
Then the sudden realisation comes, like a flood, slowly, then a great flood.
"You're going to betray him, aren't you?"
Tommy doesn't say anything. There was no coming back. Instead, he stands there, rubbing the back of his head.
Rose looked utterly horrified. "You've been planning it this whole time, haven't you?"
He doesn't say anything again.
Tommy was well and truly fucked.
•••
thank for reading again guys!
I've been busy so I haven't been able to get chapters out like I used to, but the consistency will start again.
hope you enjoyed, let me know what you think.
stay safe!