Chapter 2: A Typical Day
I wake up the next morning at 5am. The birds are chirping and I can hear my mother's car leave the garage. I climb down from the tree house and go to the back door I came out last night. I open the door and stumble in. I still feel a little dizzy so I decide to go lay down again. I pull my covers over me and fall right asleep.
******
My alarm clock wakes me up at 7am for school. As usual, I get ready and head out for another uneventful day at school.
"Don't think about him again, Aaron. You need to pretend to be okay," I say to myself to make a mental note. I know this won't work, but really what will work? I'm starting to think that the only time all these thoughts will stop is when I'm dead. Being dead is sounding better and better these days. I mean like father like son, right? What the fuck ever.
I get to school and get to my usual group of friends.
My best friend Brett pats my back and says, "What's up, Aaron?"
"Nothing much, man."
My other friend Matt says, "Hey Parker, are you coming to the party this weekend?"
Matt calls me Parker because that's my last name. I'm not really sure what the point of calling me by my last name is, but he does it a lot.
"Ah man, when is it? Shit I don't even know what day today is," they laugh. I wish I were joking.
"It's Thursday today, but tomorrow is the beginning of spring break. So the party is tomorrow."
"Oh yeah, I spaced it. I'll come; I’ll stay over tonight and help you guys set up."
"Yeah sounds good. I was probably going to ask you to help anyways," he laughs.
The bell rings and we all go our separate ways to first period. I have first period with Brett, which makes it better. Brett and I have been friends since we were kids. We've been through a lot together and I trust him. All my friends know about my dad, but none of them know about how it affects me. I don't like to talk about my problems because that just makes me seem weak. Whenever I go to Brett's his dad treats me like his own son. That's partially what helps me through my days. If it weren’t for Brett and his family I probably would have dropped out of school completely. I don’t let them know how I really am dealing with all of this. I can’t let anyone in. I can't let anyone affect me like my dad did again. Well there I go again spacing out in school thinking about something that shouldn't even be fucking thought about. Shit, I hate myself so much for doing this.
I stop zoning out and hear the teacher say we have a project. She's assigning us partners. Just my luck I don't get Brett. I get Matt's twin sister Lauren. Lauren is 5'5, dirty blonde long hair, hazel eyes, and naturally pretty. Lauren and Matt are fraternal twins, so they don't look exactly alike. I've only talked to Lauren a couple times, but she's smart just like Matt. I'm slightly dreading this, but gotta do what you gotta do.
The rest of the day is uneventful since it's the day before break and the only class that I had to do anything for was English.
I get into my car and take a deep breath. I can just feel the thoughts coming back. I can feel the depression gripping a tight hold on my neck. I sit there for a few minutes trying to gather my thoughts enough to drive when I hear a knock on my car window. It's Lauren. She probably saw that, fucking fantastic. I take another deep breath, smile, and roll the window down.
"What can I do for you Lauren?" I force a smile out, while gritting my teeth trying to not let her see my anger.
"I was coming to see when you want to work on the project?" She looked apologetically. Without another word I get out of the car, walk to the passenger side door and open it for her. She questioningly looks at me, but gets in anyway. I guess I won't be getting in a few hours of drinking before going to Matt's house then.
"If you don't want me to come, I don't have to. I'm sorry to just ask you like this, but I don't have your number and it seemed easier this way," she says looking scared. I'm not sure if she's scared because I'm angry or what, but there is no need for it. Am I scary to people?
"Are you afraid of me?" I ask, not wanting to hear the reply.
"Uh..well..uh.. yes."
"Why?"
"You always seem angry." I don't say anything and start driving. I can't even reply to her because it's true. I am always angry. I'm angry with myself for doing this every fucking day. I'm angry I let my own fucking father die. I'm angry that drinking is the only way I can cope. I'm angry that I want to die. I'm just a fucking mess. I grip the wheel tighter and press the breaks at a stop sign.
"What are we doing for the project today?" I ask.
"Well, we could just make an outline today and since we have all of break and after break we don't have to rush it."
"Great, that sounds good," I say politely. She just smiles and looks out the window. I glance at her and she seems uncomfortable. I think I have a force field around me that just makes people scared and uncomfortable. I mean that's the only logical reason, right?
We pull up to a local coffee shop and head in. I buy both of us a drink and we begin the outline. I haven't been to this coffee shop since my dad was alive. We would come here when I was young and he would buy my mom and me a treat. I mentally slap myself for thinking about him once again in public. Lauren can tell something's wrong because she sees my jaw tense up. I ignore it though and continue on the project with her.
****
We finished the outline and started the project. It's now almost 6 pm so I need to get some stuff and go to Matt's.
"Do you mind coming to my house for a few minutes so I can grab stuff for Matt's?"
"Yeah, no problem," she says gently while tucking a piece of her dirty blonde hair behind her ear.
We walk inside my house and she looks around in amazement. My house is way too big for just me and my mom, but my grandfather built it before he passed away. The house is beautiful and I appreciate it, but after my dad died it never felt right being there. It's like a piece of us is missing. My mom is barley even home with her work now so it's like I'm living there alone. I got used to it though I guess. I run up to my room and Lauren sits on the bed. While I'm grabbing my stuff, I notice she looks at the pictures I have in my room. There are a few of my friends and I, but mostly they are all of my dad and me. She notices the alcohol bottle that's almost empty and barely even hidden. I don't need to hide it since my mom is almost never home. She gives me a sad smile, but doesn't say anything. She knows I don't want to talk about it. I'm honestly glad she didn't say anything or else I would have grabbed the bottle of alcohol and downed the remainder. The one thing I hate is pity. I will not let anyone feel bad for me. It's not an option. I need to appear strong and show no emotions. That's what will get me through the days.
I open the car door for Lauren and then I get in my side. She turns on the radio and we both just listen to the music that's playing until we arrive at her house. Her house is almost as big as mine, which is reasonable since she has actual family.
She opens the door and Matt is there, "What the fuck, Lauren. Where have you been?"
I come in beside her, and Matt looks confused. "I was doing my project for English with Aaron. No big deal, Matt," she says quietly.
"Text me or call next time. I was worried someone abducted you!"
"You watch way too many lifetime movies with mom," Lauren laughed.
"NOT IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS! Jesus Lauren, you're going to ruin my macho man reputation."
I just look at him and laugh. He's built, but not hardcore macho. It's nice that Lauren has family to care about her. That's not the case for me. I get occasional texts from my mom, but that's all. Matt and I stay in the living room while Lauren goes to her room. The doorbell rings and Matt tells me to get it.
"WHAT'S UPPPPPPPP?" screams a group of our guy friends, including Brett.
Tonight is going to be a long night.
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I re-did this chapter because I couldn't stand it before. This chapter may be boring and short, but it's needed to show the transition between Aaron with friends and Aaron alone. I'm trying to make everyone understand that Aaron is a lot more deep and depressed when he is alone. When he is with friends he hides it. It's only the second chapter so don't give up on the book just yet. Thanks for reading everyone. Comment and rate!