The picture is of the song writing book that gets destroyed
Danny: (picking Michelle up out of her crib and putting her down again as he speaks) Wish Daddy luck honey, it's a big night. Daddy's getting try-out as a sports caster. On cable TV. Nationwide. I see how impressed you are.
Michelle: da da
Danny: Michelle, I'd love to give you a hug, but 20 million people will be watching me, and I'd just as soon them not see your cookies on my shoulder.
Michelle: Uh (to be interpreted as up, I think)
Danny: Do you promise that everything inside of you is going to stay inside of you? (A little hack/gurgle as he reaches down) That's a preview, isn't it? Okay, baby dribble guard. (Puts towel over his shoulder, then picks her up and gives her a hug.) Come here...
(Jesse and Caitlyn are in living room Jesse is playing the guitar and Caitlyn is writing in her song book as Danny comes down)
Jesse: Oh cool, yes, all right, all right. May I help you?
Danny: Well Jesse, what do you think?
Jesse: (indicating towel) You plan on burpin' one of the boxers?
Danny: (as he takes off the towel) A good sportscaster is ready for anything.
Jesse: That's very nice. All right, listen, I picked the perfect tune for the lyrics here this is really cool. (Plays and sings) She left me for another, walked right out the door. I thought that she loved me. What good is my heart for?"
Danny: (getting into the tune) On top of Old Smokey, all covered with snow...
Jesse: (stopping, putting guitar down and standing) You realize there are only 7 notes. But Beethoven was right when he said it don't come easy.
Danny: Beethoven said, 'It don't come easy'?
Jesse: Well, he said it in German.
Joey: (coming in with boxing gloves on) All right, Danny, I'm ready. I want you...poom! I want you...poom, poom. Second round, you're goin' down! (Gets looks, stops pretending he's a boxer) All right, I'll behave.
Jesse: You are such a baby. (Pulls a strand of his hair or something, hard to see)
Joey: Long haired hippy punk. (Walks up to Danny) I am so proud of you. Ever since you were sports editor of our high school newspaper, you've had that dream.
Danny: The one about Sharon Campbell?
Joey: Nah, not that dream. Every guy in high school had that dream. Nah, I mean your dream of making it as a sports caster. Tonight, you go from local to coast to coast. Knock 'em dead.
Danny: Thanks. And about your dream about bein' a comic? I promise one day, I won't be the only one who thinks you're funny.
(DJ and Stephanie run down the steps with gifts wrapped)
DJ: Wait Dad, don't go yet.
Stephanie: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa.
DJ: We got you some stuff for good luck. Guess what this is.
Stephanie: A tie!
DJ: Steph, you know!
Stephanie: Daddy, now you guess.
Danny: Oh, I give up.
Stephanie: It's a tie, remember?
Danny: (opens it) Oh, a tie! I'm so surprised. This is beautiful. I'm gonna wear it tonight.
Caitlyn: Hey Uncle Jess how about this song (she shows Jesse her book) I think that a little bit country to it but I think you might even like it
Jesse: I see what you mean Caty, but I think we could work on it maybe you can even perform it at your next Glee club performance when exactly is that?
Caitlyn: Next week do you think you can help me with the song for the show?
Jesse: No problem kid
Stephanie: I got you a surprise too, Daddy. (Hands it to him)
Danny: Oh, I love surprises. (Opens it, looks oddly at it): Oh, this is great. Thank you for the, um, this is great.
Joey: It's the...most beautiful one of those I've ever seen.
Stephanie: try it on, Daddy.
Danny: (trying to figure out how) Of course I'm gonna try it on. (Experiments in several places on his suit and even in his ear)
DJ: Isn't it a wonderful tie tack, Dad?
Danny: (putting a hand on D.J.'s shoulder) God bless you. (To both) Steph, I love this. Thank you, girls. (He hugs them)
Girls: You're welcome.
Jesse: (back into the room with guitar) All right, I finally got it, this baby is a hit now. Listen to this. (Plays) She left me for another, walked right out the door. I thought that she loved me. What good is my heart for?
Others: (getting into tune, too) This land is your land, this land is my land, from California, to the New York islands...
Jesse: Everybody sing along...
Others: From the redwood forests to the gulf stream waters...
Caitlyn left her songbook in the living room while she was changing Michelle and when she comes back she finds her songbook open and the pages covered in paint it is destroyed. She rushes over to her book and she starts crying just as Jesse comes into the living room and he is shocked to see his Niece sat there with tears running down her face, he goes over to her
Jesse: Caty what's wrong?
Caitlyn: I went upstairs to change Michelle; I left my songbook down here I wasn't gone very long and I came back and my song book is destroyed (she indicates to the destroyed songbook)
Jesse: Well, I think that the only person who had paints out was Stephanie but she knew that this book was yours and meant a lot to you
DJ Stephanie and Joey walk into the living room, they stop when they see Caitlyn and Uncle Jesse. Jesse stands up and looks down at Stephanie
Jesse: Stephanie did you destroyed your sister song book?
Stephanie: I think I spilled my paints over it
Jesse: Steph the book is destroyed you would have to have poured your paints onto the book. Why would you do that to Caitlyn? You know that she loved that songbook
Stephanie: I didn't mean to I was pouring paint onto some paper and I accidently used Caitlyn's songbook as support for the paper and it may have gone through the paper and onto the book
Caitlyn says nothing but she runs up the stairs to her room in tears
DJ: Steph that songbook was the last thing that Mom brought for Caitlyn before she died and it contained the only song that Mom helped her write
Jesse: I will go and talk to her and Stephanie you need to figure out how to make it up to your sister I really don't know what you could do
Jesse heads up the stairs to Caitlyn's room where he finds her crying into her pillow
Jesse: Caty honey
Caitlyn: Uncle Jesse that Songbook was the last thing that Mom brought me and now its ruined, it also had the only song that Mom helped me write she wanted me to sing on my 16th birthday before I left for college and now she won't be there for my 16th birthday or any other birthday and I will never get to sing that song or write another song with Mom
Jesse says nothing but he walks over and sits next to her and she sits up and cries on his shoulder
Jesse: I miss her too Caity I really do very much but I know I can't replace your songbook but if you can remember the lyrics I can figure out the music and we can rewrite it together and I will and find you an identical book to the one you lost I know that it is not replace the one you lost
Caitlyn: It is just going to take me a while to forgive Stephanie even if it was an accident she knew what that book meant to me but at the end of the day she is still my little sister and I love her but right now I am mad at her
Jesse: I think that is okay. Are you going to watch your dad on the tv?
Caitlyn: No, I am some homework to do anyway plus I think I want to be alone for a couple of hours let me anger deflate a little before I see Stephanie. Normally I would write a song about this but thanks Uncle Jesse
Jesse: You're welcome Caty don't tell your sisters this but you have always been my favourite Niece
Caitlyn Laughs
Caitlyn: Go and watch Dad on Tv
Jesse pulls away from his Niece gets up and is about to leave the room when he turns back to Caitlyn
Jesse: You know where we are if you want to join us
Jesse leaves the room and goes back downstairs where DJ Stephanie and Joey
DJ: Uncle Jesse is Caity okay?
Jesse: Well, she is upset about loosing the last thing your Mom brought for her so for now I think she just needs to be alone. But Stephanie why would you use Caity's songbook as a base for a piece of paper that you were going to pour paint on in the first place?
Stephanie: I didn't think the paper would fall of, which it did as soon as I poured the paint I was scared so I left the book there
Joey: Steph that is not okay you know how Caitlyn feels about her song book, I mean she only left it down here while she went to change Michelle and she was working on a song with you right Jesse?
Jesse: Yes she was but I will find an identical copy of the book that your Mom brought her and give to her for her birthday she angry and hurt right now Steph I know it was an accident but you still destroyed something that was very important to Caity I have to tell your Dad about this later so for now you go to your room and think about what you did and how you can try and make it up to Caity
Stephanie nods and heads upstairs to her and DJ's room
(fade into next scene)
Jesse: All right let's go girls, let's get some snacks. (Looks upstairs)
DJ: Dad's almost on; we're gonna watch him in our room. But I told Stephanie to go to Michelle's room
Jesse: All right. (Grabs something from fridge, starts upstairs)
DJ: Don't' forget the ice cream.
Jesse: Okay. (Grabs it, heads upstairs again)
DJ: And a bowl and a spoon.
Jesse grabs it, heads upstairs again
DJ: And liquorice.
Jesse grabs it, heads upstairs again
DJ: Red liquorice.
Jesse grabs it, heads upstairs again
DJ: Okay, got some fruit.
Jesse grabs it, heads upstairs again
DJ: And milk.
Jesse: Okay, got it. (Grabs it, heads upstairs again)
DJ: Don't forget to shut the door.
Jesse shuts the door, heads upstairs again
Jesse: OK, got the liquorice, the milk, shut the door...
DJ: And we need peanut butter and jelly and bread and carrots.
Jesse collapses against wall and sighs)
Jesse: (coming upstairs with hands extra full, cups on his head) All right, DJ, this oughta get us through the first 2 rounds...
DJ: I Changed my mind I'm going to watch the match downstairs
Jesse: Freeze, ankle biter; this is as far as your Uncle Lunch Wagon goes.
DJ: Ooooh, it's Uncle Bad Attitude.
Jesse: Yes, it's a bad time. Help me out here. Come on. (They unload his arms) You grab the ice cream...
Joey: Jess, quick, I need you in the nursery.
Jesse: okay.
Joey: here, lemme give you a hand with this. (Reaches for a cup, instead of taking them off his head takes only 1 and walks back into nursery, leaves Jesse standing with cups on head.)
Jesse: What is happening to my life?(he walks into Michelle's room and sees Stephanie sitting on the floor) Steph go back to your room DJ has gone down stairs(Stephanie gets up and leaves the room
Joey: Michelle, please don't be sick.
Jesse: All right, Joseph, what's the problem here>
Joey: I heard Michelle cough.
Jesse: Hey, kid, you okay? (Picks her up, looks at her) It's cool
Joey: jess, I don't like the sound of that cough, we should bring Michelle with us.
Jesse: Joey, you gotta realize babies cough, babies dribble, babies barf. Think of 'em as little, tiny teenagers. (Picks her up): Come on, Michelle, come on. You okay? (Kisses her) Atta girl.
Michelle: Ca?
Joey: Jess I think she is trying to say Caity
Jesse: I think you're right but we can handle this you and me
(DJ is in the living room with snacks now, Jesse and Joey go downstairs with Michelle, baby coughs are heard)
Jesse: You girls ever hear that cough before?
DJ: Sounds like a hairball.
Jesse: Come on, DJ, babies don't get...(thinks a minute, turns to Joey); Do babies get hairballs?
Announcer: And now, live from San Francisco, a special boxing presentation, here is Danny tanner.
Others cheer.
Danny: (in training room, trying to dodge a bunch of people moving and punching) Hi, I'm Danny...Hi, I'm Danny Tanner...Okay, here I am, now, I'm really Danny tanner, and welcome to tonight's fight. We're in the training room of the former heavyweight champion of the world Reggie 'The Sandman' Martin, only moments away from the Sandman's first attempt not he comeback trail to reclaim his heavyweight crown. And here he is now. Well, champ, how do you feel?
Sandman: I feel good, I feel strong, I feel like hitting' somebody!
Danny: But not me, right?
Sandman: that depends on the question.
Danny: Okay, no pressure here. Well, champ, the obvious question; why the comeback? You have plenty of money in the bank; heck, you own a bank. You've been retired for two years, what is it? Do you miss wearing the shorts?
Sandman: No, no.
Trainer: It's about respect. Pride and respect. The Sandman wants to go down as the greatest champion in the history of boxing.
Danny: Are you sure it's not the $6 million?
Sandman: Okay, I miss wearing' the shorts.
Danny is tugging at his shorts, revealing her very colourful tie tack
DJ: Its Stephanie's tie tack
Others at home: Yaaay!
Sandman: I know why I'm wearing a cup. But why are you wearing a saucer?
Danny: Oh, this. This is a gift from my daughter Stephanie, and the tie is a gift from my daughter DJ.. And, I have a little baby daughter Michelle, but you can't wear her gifts. And my oldest daughter Caitlyn is very gifted student and song writer
Others: Yaaay.
Danny: You probably haven't seen much of your family during your 3 months of training.
Sandman: No. He runs a pretty tough camp.
Trainer: the toughest. (Grabs mike) Total isolation. Just me, the Sandman, a nd the ring. No women, no phone calls, no nothing.
Sandman: Look, I'm sorry about this, Marcie. How ya feeling', honey? (He blows her a kiss in the mike.)
Danny: I think it's wonderful that you and your wife are still good friends considering...
Sandman: considering? Considering what?
Danny: You know...
Trainer: yeah, right, champ, just loosen up, baby.
Sandman: Hey, hey, the man said considering. Considering what?
Danny: Uh, considering what happened.
Trainer: Loosen up, champ.
Sandman: I'm gonna loosen somebody's head if I don't get some answers. Now listen, you said it's great my wife and I are still friends. Why wouldn't we still be friends?
Danny: So, about tonight's fight, let's talk strategy. (Sandman grabs him and lifts him up) Let's forget about strategy. Uh, all I meant was when a woman moves out on a man they stop being friends.
Sandman: (putting him down gently) She moved out?
Trainer: Hey, c'mon, champ, let's fight.
Sandman: You expect me to fight when my wife just moved out on me?
Trainer: that's it, champ, use the anger.
Danny: Oh, champ, I'm sorry. Oh, boy am I sorry. I can't believe you didn't know about this.
Sandman: You calling' me a liar?
Danny: Oh, not at all. Why would I choose those as my last words? I just figured since the story was in the newspapers, and the magazines, and the soon to be released TV move...
Sandman: She left me? And sold the rights for...oh, no, no, Marcie baby, noooo. (He starts crying on Danny's shoulder) Oh, no, baby, no.
Danny: It'll be okay, champ, it'll be okay.
Trainer: You're kinda takin' the edge off him, eh, Tanner?
Danny: You know, this is kind of a beautiful moment. Thanks for sharing it with us. And Sandman, good luck on tonight's fight.
Sandman: Fight? I can't fight.
Trainer: Sure, you can. (Leading him away)
Sandman: C'mon, I can't fight now.
Trainer: Sure, you can, you'll knock him out.
Joey: Uh, girls, maybe you shouldn't be watching all this violence.
DJ: Joey's right, Uncle Jesse can I take my tv to your room so I can watch reruns of the A-team?
Jesse: Sure DJ
DJ leaves the room and heads upstairs
Jesse: there it is, she coughed again. This cough's gettin' serious. I'll think of something. (Looks at Joey, who has the phone): What are you doin'?
Joey: Calling the baby's doctor.
Jesse: good. I knew I'd think of something.
Joey: Hello, Dr. Laundress? You're home? You answer your own phone? Are you any good? (Pauses) Yeah, I'm calling about Michelle Tanner. She's coughing. Hold on, Doc. (To Jesse): He wants to know what kind of cough.
Jesse: what kind of... (takes the phone) It's a little baby's cough! It's like this - (does a tiny cough)
Joey: (takes phone) Doc, I do impressions for a living, it was more like this. (Does a different kind of baby cough, but more hacking)
Jesse: Give me the phone! (Into phone): I'm sorry, we're new parents. All right, come here, listen to Michelle cough. All right, cough, Michelle. (Holds the phone up to her, she is quiet): Come on, cough. Come on. (To Joey): It's just like when you take your car to a mechanic, it never makes the same noise. (Takes phone back): All right...her nose? It's running like a fountain...What's comin out of it? Diet cola!...Fever, I don't know.... Of course, I know how to take her temperature, you simply stick the thermometer under her tongue...I put it where?!?! (Hands the phone to Joey): Joey, it's for you.
(Next scene, looking at thermometer with clown on the end)
Jesse: Down, a little to the right...normal. No temperature. Hi five, Michelle. Hi five. (She does it) Okay.
Joey: Well, doctor said no fever means it's a cold and we should give her the same medicine he prescribed for the last cold. (Looks at bathroom cabinet): Okay, we've got strawberry mousse, apricot conditioner, honey nut rinse; can you believe these girls put all this dumb junk int their hair?
Jesse: It's mine. What are you lookin' at.
Joey: All right, here it is, Michelle Tanner, four times a day.
Caitlyn walks into the bathroom?
Caitlyn: What's going on? Is Michelle okay?
Michelle turns her head as she hears the voice of her big sister
Michelle: Ca
Caitlyn picks up Michelle
DJ: Oh no she has a temperature
Jesse: We're giving your sister some medicine
Caitlyn: Oh no she is not going to take it
Jesse: All right, here you go Michelle. (She hits the spoon, medicine goes flying onto Joey's face) Joey, duck.
(Next scene is a hand with a teaspoon trying to come up under the highchair top with Michelle in it, she keeps backing way)
Joey: Well, so much for cough syrup with pureed chicken.
Jesse: I told you it would never work, you never serve red cough syrup with poultry.
DJ: By the way, if I'm ever sick, dial 9-1-1.
Caitlyn: Right there with you DJ
(They bring Michelle and the highchair into the living room)
Danny: Well, fans, you saw if; 1:17 into the second round, Reggie the Sandman Martin was k.o.'ed. He may have been a little off tonight; that happens. But I don't think he blame should be laid at anybody's feet. I mean anybody. Am I being clear? A blameless defeat.
Reporter: Hey, how does it feel to have personally dealt a crushing blow to a man's career?
Danny: Are you talking about my own career or his?
Another reporter: Do you have some kind of a personal grudge against the Sandman?
Danny: Not at all; the Sandman and I have always had a very warm and cordial relationship.
Sandman: I want him! I want him! I want Danny tanner! I want him!
Danny: Can't you just feel the love?
(In the locker room afterward, everyone oohs and ahhhs there and at the Tanner home)
Danny: Walk with me, as I personally apologize to the Sandman. Sandman, I am really very, very sorry.
Sandman: it's okay. It's not your fault. At least someone had the guts to tell me about my wife. Youw couldn't happen to know why she left me, would you?
Danny: Well, maybe not seeing your wife for 3 or 4 months resulted in a teensy loss of intimacy.
Trainer: It's okay, Champ, we don't need her.
Sandman: (To trainer) What's this 'we' stuff; it's this 'we' stuff that got me in trouble. You talked me out of retirement because you needed the money; you knew about my wife all the time, didn't you?
Trainer: Well, I kinda got an inkling when I read the cover story in Sports Illustrated.
Sandman: Marcie, I'm gonna give up boxing, I'm gonna find ya and I'm gonna beg for forgiveness because I love you, baby. (Blows several kisses to her) Lou, you're fired. (He walks off)
Trainer: Tanner, this whole thing is your fault. (Punches him but hurts his own hand on the tie tack)
Danny: (opening his suit coat) Thanks, Stephanie.
DJ Didn't Daddy do great? (Everyone agrees)
Jesse: he was quite good this evening.
Joey: Yeah, girls, nobody can take a punch like your father
Jesse: Oh, no girls, you go to bed, get some sleep. Tomorrow we may have to move to a civilization without television.
DJ and : Goodnight. (DJ leave)
Jesse: Good night. (To Joey): All right, Joey, I give up, you give her her medicine.
Joey: Okay, Michelle, here it comes. Mmmm, vrmmm. (She closes her mouth, avoids the cough syrup.) Oh, come on, it tastes really good. Watch this. (Makes same small airplane noises but pushes the spoon of syrup into a surprised Jesse's mouth.) Smile, the baby's watching you. (He smiles, against his will.)
Jesse: Mmm.
Joey: And she's waiting for her Uncle Jesse to swallow.
Jesse: (swallows) Mmm...this stuff is terrible.
Joey: but you're not coughing, are you?
Jesse: All right, that's it. Enough fooling around, Michelle. This is the last teaspoon of medicine. Now, you're gonna take it, and you're gonna feel better, and you're gonna do it right now. Come on. (She starts to take it) Right now, come on. (She takes and swallows it.) See, Joey. All I had to do was ask nice.
(Danny comes home dejected, flops on sofa)
Joey: Danny...
Danny: Please, don't bother lying to me. I stunk.
Joey: I just want you to know that Michelle's going to be fine.
Danny: (getting up quickly) What?
Joey: Well, the baby was sick, but she's fine now.
Danny: The baby was sick. Well, why didn't you say something?
(Jesse is singing to her, hard to tell what he's singing, she's trying to repeat)
Danny: Michelle, Daddy's here. (Picks her up and cuddles her): Jesse, what's wrong?
Jesse: Ah, just a little cold.
Danny: How do you know it's a little cold?
Jesse: She had a cough and a runny nose, but no fever.
Danny: She should have fluids.
Jesse and Joey: Done.
Danny: We should call the doctor.
Jesse and Joey: Done!
Danny: really. Has she had her cough medicine?
Jesse and Joey: Done!
Danny: about changing her diaper?
Jesse and Joey: Good night.
(In the kitchen)
Danny: Well, the baby's asleep. Her cold sounds much better. You guys were really great tonight.
Jesse: Yep. We're starting' to learn how to take care of the kid.
Joey: I'll drink to that.
Danny: I can't thank you guys enough.
Jesse: We really love that little (they sneeze) germ-spreading phlegm faucet.
Danny: you know, when I came home tonight, I was so down. But, then I heard Michelle was sick, and it put everything back into perspective. I realized what's really important is my family, and my friends.
Joey: So, you forgot all about that nightmare of an interview.
Danny: Right up until his very moment, when you were kind enough to bring it up again. I was horrible.
Jesse: come on, horrible such a harsh word, you were...well, yeah, you were horrible.
Danny: isn't this supposed to be where you guys jump in with a nice little pep talk?
Joey: Oh, I don't know if I've got one in me, Danny.
Jesse: What do you think I am, a saint?
Danny: Come on, I'll get you started. How about, 'Every cloud has a silver lining,' or 'The sun will come out tomorrow.'
Joey: (Not sure what impression he's doing, sounds like a coach or trainer, though) I can feel it. The pep is coming up, it's in my stomach, it's working its way north, it's in my throat and... pep. (He gets up, goes over to Danny) Danny, nobody's career goes straight up. You had one rough night. There's always bumps along the way.
Danny: this is good, don't stop.
Joey: And don't interrupt. The key, Danny, is to learn from all those little bumps, so you'll be better prepared for next time. (Regular voice): Because you will have other chances.
Danny: When? I need a date and a t time.
Joey: Soon. Because you're good at what you do. You know why? Because you care about more than just scores and stats. You care about people. Right, Jess?
Jesse: Yeah, why not.
Joey: And, in your own, unique way, you helped the Sandman. People trust you. Because they know you're a great guy. Right, Jesse?
Jesse: Yeah, why not?
Danny: thanks, guys.
Jesse: My favourite part was when The manager punched him. (Makes sound like someone getting punched)
Joey: I love it when he brought tears to the Sandman's eyes.
Jesse: Yeah, and the reporters outside throwing' stuff
Danny: yeah, and I loved when I said there was no one to blame. I loved how bad that was.
Jesse: Danny there is something else we have to tell you
Danny: What happened?
Jesse: Well Stephanie accidently destroyed Caitlyn's songbook
Danny: What how?
Joey: Caitlyn went up to change Michelle and she left her song book down here; she came back and her songbook was there destroyed covered in paint
Danny: Oh no Where is Caity now?
Jesse: She is asleep she is devastated Danny, we sent Stephanie to her room we didn't even let her watch your match interview, I talked to Caitlyn about it but I think in the morning you should maybe sit them both down and talk to them together. We didn't think that it was a good idea tonight Caity was angry and a little bit hurt
Danny: okay I can understand why Caity was anger that book meant so much to her, Pam brought it for her when she came home with Michelle. I will talk to both girls in the morning but now I am really tired and so are you guys
The episode ends with Danny heading upstairs to his room wondering how he is going to repair the relationship between his two daughters
THE END