As I woke up the next morning, the first thing that registered to my mind was sore. Hindi iyong makita na wala na akong katabi rito sa kama. Na wala si Kyner. Hindi iyong halos hindi na ako makagalaw habang nakahiga. Hindi iyong sakit ng ulo ko.
No. Sore was the first thing that sprang to my mind as I opened my eyes.
I had been an active person my whole life. I was bad at lying still, being inactive or just laying around, doing nothing. Kapag pagod na pagod na ako galing sa taping, sa exercise, at sa paaralan.
But the soreness that filled my body now as I shifted an inch was beyond anything I had ever tried. Sobrang sakit ng katawan ko kahit na gagalaw lang ako ng kaunti, nakakapagod na. But the pain between my legs was completely something else.
Holy heaven.
Pumikit ako at naalala ang mga nangyari sa amin kagabi. I couldn't help the smile that lifted to my lips. My body was wrecked, but I've never felt so alive.
Three times. Three times during the night had Kyner kissed me and pulled me into his arms before gently thrusting into me again. Over and over again he filled my body with special Kyner loving, made me feel whole as he held me close.
I was cold and alone before. But he ignite me with his flame.
He also kept saying on repeat that he loved me. My smile faded as I remember our situation. He said he loved me, but did he really? No. He didn't love me.
Hindi niya ako mahal. Akala niya lang iyon dahil pinaniwala ko siya na may relasyon kami. Naging obligado lang siyang mahalin ako dahil akala niya magpapakasal na kami. Kaya dapay, mahal niya ako. Pero kung babalik na ang alaala niya, doon niya mapapansin na hindi niya talaga ako mahal.
Malalaman niya ang totoo, iiwan niya ako, babalik siya sa totoong mahal niya. At maiiwan ako rito, and I'd never find someone who could ever possibly top him.
That was why I couldn't admit my feelings to him. Hindi ko ito inintindi dahil ayoko nito. Sa tingin ko ay hindi tama. Ako ang naghanda ng patibong na ito, pero ako rin ang nahulog.
I couldn't say that I already fell. Because when he remember everything, and he decided to leave me, I would lose his love forever. And I'd be broken... beyond repair.
I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath. I shut the depressing thoughts out of my head and tried to focus on positive things. The positive I'm feeling right now, in this moment, happy, contented and so freaking sore.
At habang nandito pa kami, sa mansyon namin, susulitin ko ang mga araw na nandito siya. Habang hindi pa bumabalik ang alaala niya.
The door to my room opened and Kyner walked in. May hawak na isang tray na may pagkain. Looking so deliciously handsome in a white sando.
When he saw me awake, his gorgeous face split in a smile. My heart jumped. He came closer, setting the tray down.
"Good morning," he greeted.
I nodded my head. And winced a bit when even that hurt. "What time is it?"
"11:40AM," he said.
Hindi na ako nagtaka na tanghali na ako nagising. Anong oras na rin kasi kami nakatulog kagabi. Nag-init ang pisngi ko habang naalala na naman ang nangyari. I was so loud last night. It was unladylike. But Kyner didn't care about that.
"Kumain ka na," he prompted, crouching down at the bed in front me as I struggled to sit up.
His eyes twinkled when the sheets dropped from my chest, and exposed my shirt. His shirt. I was wearing his shirt.
Umupo siya sa tabi ko. Kinuha niya iyong tray at nilapag sa kanyang kandungan. He took the glass of strawberry juice and water, and put it on the side table. He took the spoon and fork, nagbabalak pa ata akong subuan.
"Ako na. Hindi naman ako na-stroke para hindi makakain mag-isa," sabi ko.
His lips twitched. "Gusto lang kitang alagaan. I know you're very sore."
"And who do you think is at fault?" sabi ko habang kinuha sa kamay niya iyong kutsara at tinidor.
I pouted a bit. I know it's my fault too. I got addictive with the warmth of his body. And with... making love.
He chuckled quietly. "I'm guilty."
"Galit nga pala ako sa iyo!" I glared at him.
But whatever anger I was feeling last night, it already vanished. I was just mad because he's been cold to me. I don't like it.
"Kaya nga hayaan mo akong pagsilbihan ka ngayon. Gagawin ko lahat ng gusto mo."
Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Lahat?"
"Yes. Anything you want me to do. I'll do it," he said seriously. "I will even sacrifice my life for you. Without a doubt."
Nagkatitigan kami. Ngumuso ako at yumuko para makita ang hinanda niyang pagkain. Three times of love making last night, and it's already noon, I was practically dying from starvation.
I begun to eat. Hindi ko na inintindi kahit nakapatong sa kandungan niya iyong tray. I ate and ate until my stomach hurt, then drank the water and juice before I was finally full.
Kyner was staring at me intensely. Nakalimutan ko tuloy tanungin kung kumain na ba siya! Kain ako nang kain baka hindi pa siya kumakain!
"Have you eaten?" I asked.
"I was to bring my food here, pero nakita kitang gising na. Nawala na sa isip ko. Naiwan iyong pagkain ko sa kusina," he chuckled a bit.
"Bakit hindi mo muna kunin?!" I said.
"Nabusog na ako kakanood sa iyong kumain," sabi niya at pinatong sa bedside table iyong tray.
I rolled my eyes. "Stop being a flirt! Kumain ka na! Malilipasan ka pa ng gutom nyan eh!"
Inangat niya ang isang kamay at marahan na hinaplos ang gilid ng aking labi. Mukhang may naiwan doon na kanin.
"I can't wait to marry you," he suddenly said.
Natigilan ako. Nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa aking dibdib dahil sa salitang kasal. Hinding-hindi ito mangyayari sa aming dalawa kahit kailan.
"I want to put forever to shame with our love, Snorri. So, please, love me more. Love me deeper. Love me longer."
His thumb sweep across my lips. Medyo nanginig ako dahil sa init ng kanyang daliri. I can't help biting my lower lip. I caught him staring at my lips.
"Kumain ka na roon, Kyner!"
I crossed my legs. Doon ko lang napansin na naka-panty lang pala ako! Siya na ang nagbihis sa akin dahil hindi na ako makagalaw kagabi. I was already spent after our third love making.
"You're so beautiful, I can't believe that you are mine," he whispered huskily. "Do you know how it feels when you look at me? It's a burning sensation inside my soul."
After that, it was an awkward couple of minutes of me clearing my throat and trying to stop myself from blushing.
"I said, stop being a flirt at kumain ka na! Nakakailang ulit na ako ah!" masama ko siyang tinignan.
"Alright, I'm sorry. Dadalhin ko rito. Dito ako kakain," he said.
Pinatakan niya muna ako ng halik sa aking labi bago tumayo at kinuha iyong tray. Pinanood ko siyang lumabas ng aking kwarto.
"You shit!" I said to Dwayne when he called.
He really had the guts to call me after what he'd done! Did he really think I'll come running to him?!
"If I see you, I will beat your crusty ass with a ten hit combo in Mortal Kombat! Kaya huwag kang magpapakita sa akin!"
Dwayne laughed heartily. I frowned. I caught Kyner staring at me. I'm here at the living room. Nasa gilid ko siya naman habang pinapanood ako makipag-usap kay Dwayne. Hindi ko na sana kakausapin si Dwayne kung wala lang siyang kasalanan sa akin.
I was impressed with how clingy he had become so quickly. That if I moved just a tad too far away, he instantly came closer to me.
Possessiveness had never really turned me on since I was proud to be my own woman.
But with Kyner, I felt my heart melt when he didn't like having me further away than arm's width. I realized, I like it. I love it even.
Dwayne voice got serious. "Kung nagalit siya sa iyo at iniwan ka na lang bigla habang hindi ka pa nagpapaliwanag, it means he doesn't love you. But he stayed, so I think, he is in love with you."
Gusto kong sabihin dahil lang iyon wala siyang maalala. Na hindi niya talaga ako mahal. But I decided to never let the negativity rule my mind as long as we are here. As long as he doesn't remember.
"Stop it, Dwayne. Huwag kang mangialam sa mga ginagawa ko. I know it's wrong but let just me be wrong," sa mahinang boses ko sinabi iyong huling pangungusap.
My whole existence is wrong, anyway. Me being born is wrong.
"I'll eventually stop."
"I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you. Gusto ko lang tumigil ka na habang wala pa siyang naaalala. Dahil alam ko, masasaktan ka sa huli."
"Sa huli pa naman," I joked.
He grunted. "Love is like a flame, Snorri. It will burn you."
Sabay na dumating si Ate Glenda at Candice rito sa mansyon. Ang daming dalang mga gulay at saging ni Ate Glenda. Galing ata roon sa kanyang pamilya. I told her to make banana cue later. I already know what its taste. It is delicious but it's too sweet.
"Kumusta kayo rito? Naging mabuti ba ang lagay niyo? Hindi ba kayo nag-aaway lagi?" Ate Glenda asked.
"Mukhang mabuti naman ang kalagayan nila," Candice eyed our holding hands.
Ngumuso ako at binitawan ang kamay ni Kyner. Naramdaman ko ang hindi niya kagustuhan na bitawan ang kamay ko. I looked at Kyner and caught him staring at my hand. He looked up at me and looked away, pursing his lips a bit.
"Mabuti naman at maayos kayo. Naging okay ata ang pagiging mag-isa niyo rito," sabi ni Ate Glenda.
"Yeah. Naging mabuti talaga," Candice squinted her eyes at me suspiciously.
I rolled my eyes. "Hindi naman, Ate. Kakauwi lang kahapon nina Naomi. Bumisita sila rito."
Ate Glenda decided to rest for a bit in her room. Kyner was busy arranging some things in the kitchen. Hinila naman ako ni Candice patungo sa kanyang kwarto para kausapin.
"Ano iyon, ha? Bakit may pa-holding hands na? Ano? Gusto mo na si Kyner?!" usisa ni Candice.
"I like him," I confessed.
"Ayan na nga ba sinasabi ko eh! Ano na? Paano na? Kapag bumalik ang alaala niya, ano na mangyayari sa iyo? Ibalik mo na siya sa magulang niya habang hindi pa malalim!"
Too late.
"Malapit na rin naman ang pasukan ko. Babalik na rin kami ng Makati," I said calmly.
"Hinahanap na rin siya ng mga Kertia, Snorri! Stop with your ridiculous revenge now! Hindi na rin naman umaalis ng bahay ninyo iyong Daddy mo eh! Nagpapatuloy pa rin ba ang galit mo kay Trinity?"
I only answer her with silence. Of course I'm still mad at her. The young Clandestine Snorri, who was deprived from love and attention is still mad at her. Still mad at her Daddy.
"I'll return him soon," I said with finality.
Noong matapos ko kausapin si Candice, lumabas na ako ng kwarto niya para hanapin si Kyner. I saw him still in the kitchen, reading something from a book. Cooking book, perhaps?
I hugged him from behind. He immediately wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my forehead. Siya na rin ngayon ang nakayakap sa akin.
"What are you doing?" I asked while peeking at the book he was reading.
Natigilan ako noong mabasa na tungkol iyon sa pagpapalaki ng anak. At sa pagpaplano ng pamilya. I really thought it was a book about cooking! Since he is here at the kitchen!
"I was thinking... what if you get pregnant?" he said.
He wrapped his arms around my waist. Nakaharap na ako ngayon sa kanya at nakasandal sa kanyang katawan. Nakasandal naman siya sa kitchen island.
My lips trembled a bit. "I won't. I'm on pills because it keeps me regular."
"Hmm. As much as I want to build a family with you, I still want you to graduate. Gusto ko rin muna makapagtrabaho ulit para may ipangbubuhay ako sa inyo," he said seriously.
"I have my own money. I can provide for myself. I don't need your money."
He kissed the tip of my nose. "Responsibilidad pa rin kita. Kayo ng magiging anak natin."
Ngumiti ako. Anak namin, huh? I suddenly imagine my mini me, mini Kyner or both. Ang sarap at ang sakit lang isipin.
When Lucy asked me what's important to me, I should have answered her that it's my mother. Without thinking. Without a doubt. Pero hindi ko ito nasagot sa kanya. Dahil ibang tao ang pumasok sa isip ko noong araw na iyon.
Dahil sa nasaksihan kong pagmamahalan nila ni Daddy habang lumalaki ako, naisip ko kung gaano iyon kasakit kapag isang tao lang ang nagmamahal sa inyong dalawa. At natakot ako. Natakot din akong magmahal.
So, I swear to myself before that it's only my mother I'd put first in my heart. It is only her that I'll ever love. Because if I kept loving her, even if she'd hurt me, it's still worth it. Because she's my mother. And I love her so much.
Noong araw na iyon, natabunan lang iyong nararamdaman ko noon ng selos dahil kay Imogen but I was really scared that time. I never really thought that someone could surpassed my mother in my heart.
"Gusto ko uminom mamaya sa dalampasigan. Do you want to drink with me?" I smiled.
"I'm up for everything that you will do," he gave me a peck on the lips.
I smirked a bit. "Let's go to a convenience store later. Wala rito iyong gusto kong inumin eh."
Noong matapos kumain ng hapunan ay inaya ko na si Kyner na bumili ng alak. Nagpapahinga naman sina Candice sa kanilang mga kwarto. Abala rin si Candice sa pakikipag-usap sa mga direktor na gusto akong kunin para sa isang project. I'm still on vacation. So I told her that I won't accept any of that.
"You won't forbid me or something?" I squinted my eyes at Kyner.
Since he's becoming clingy and possessive, I really thought he'd forbid me to wear some revealing clothes. Ayokong may nagbabawal sa akin kung ano ang gusto kong suotin, but he's the exception.
"You can wear whatever you want to wear as long as I'm with you. Because I can protect you," he said seriously.
"Alright, my knight in shining armor! So ready to slay dragon for me," I giggled.
His lips twitched. "There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you."
I only smiled at that. Inaya ko na siyang umalis. I only wore a facemask and a cap for my disguise. Since, evening naman na.
Medyo marami ang tao noong pumasok sa kami sa isang convenience store. Marami ang mga babaeng nakatambay.
All of their eyes immediately glued to Kyner, who's only wearing a black sleeveless and board shorts. With messy hair and red lips. Very handsome. Kung hindi lang may supladong ekspresyon sa mukha. Bumabalik na ata ang ugali noon kapag nasa public.
Naglakad na lang ako patungo sa stall ng mga alcoholic beverages. Tinignan ko isa-isa ang mga alak doon. Iniisip kung ano ba ang iinumin ko. Beer na lang ang pinili ko. Usually I only drink wine. But I want to get drunk tonight. I don't like hard.
"Get me some chocolates," I said to Kyner.
Nilapag na muna niya sa checkout counter iyong binili kong alak bago sinunod ang utos ko. Naghintay naman ako sa counter sa kanya habang binabayaran iyong mga alak.
Since he's really tall, I can see his head above the stalls. He already knows what chocolates I really like. Kaya naman alam na niya kung ano ang pipiliin na mga chocolate.
Noong palapit siya sa akin ay nakita ko sa kanyang likuran ang mga babaeng nakasunod sa kanya. Mukhang kinakausap siya. Tumingin ako sa mukha ni Kyner. Simpleng pagbuka lang ng bibig ang ginawa. Tapos no'n, hindi na siya nagsalita.
He put the chocolates on the checkout counter. The cashier took it immediately to scan.
"Ako na ang magbabayad," Kyner said.
"Nah. Ako na. Ako naman ang nag-aya uminom. Atsaka nabayaran ko na," I smirked.
Wala siyang nagawa noong inabot ko na ang card ko roon sa cashier para mabayaran iyong mga chocolate. Kinuha na lang niya iyong binili namin at binitbit patungo sa sasakyan.
"I hope I remember my damn password," I heard him murmuring.
Kyner prepared everything when we got home. Nilagay niya iyong mga binili ko roon sa lamesa sa tapat ng dagat. At inayos iyong ibang gamit doon. Habang nagpapalit naman ako ng damit dahil nagbabalak ako maligo mamaya.
I didn't see Candice so I guess she's already sleeping or just busy in her room.
When I got to the beach, I saw that everything was already arranged on a table. Umupo na lang ako sa isang sun lounger. Agad naman umupo sa bandang likuran ko si Kyner at sinandal ako sa kanyang dibdib at niyakap. I glanced at him in amusement.
"Para hindi ka lamigin," he said.
He's right, though. It's getting cold here. Especially as the night deepens.
Panay ang inom ko. Habang si Kyner naman ay kanina pa hawak ang isang bote sa isang kamay niya. Mas inuuna pa ang panonood sa bawat galaw ko kaysa inumin iyong hawak niya.
Chilled by the cold ocean wind, I pressed myself against Kyner's warm body. Hinigpitan naman niya ang yakap sa akin. Ang mga kamay niya ay nakapatong na sa aking tyan, marahan na humihimas. Binitawan na iyong bote na hawak.
I faced the ocean, the moon was dangling low and large in the sky before us. The ocean's calming rhythm and flavorful breeze made the scene more beautiful.
I breathed in the ocean air. "Kyner, if I have done something wrong to you, will you still be able forgive me?"
"Hmm? Like what?" he asked.
Hindi ako sumagot. Tumahimik na lang ako at hindi na tinuloy ang sasabihin.
"Kung iiwan mo ako, magagalit ako sa iyo at hindi kita papatawarin."
I glanced at him for a moment. "Oh? That's wrong? Me leaving you?"
"Yes."
"And why is that?"
"Walang dahilan para iwan mo ako, Snorri. Mahal kita," he said in a low voice.
Tuluyan ko siyang nilingon. "Wala? Eh puro ibang babae nga lang ang naaalala mo eh. Hindi mo ba alam na nakakaselos iyon at nakakagalit?"
"I am sorry."
Iniisip ko kung maaalala niya pa kaya ako? Kahit iyong simpleng pag-uusap lang namin noon at pagkain sa isang karinderya?
"Wala akong nararamdaman para sa kanila. I could have chosen a different life, but I chose this one with you. Nanatili ako kahit hindi kita maalala, because there is no one else I would want to share my life with," he caressed my cheek.
Nagkatitigan kaming dalawa. Nakakatuwa ang mga sinasabi niya. Pero kirot lang ang nararamdaman ng puso ko ngayon.
"Gusto kong maligo!" sabi ko at kumawala sa bisig niya.
"Gabi na, Snorri. Baka magkasakit ka pa."
I stood up and removed my croptop, revealing my red bandeau bikini top. Hindi ko na hinubad iyong swimming trunks na suot.
Nilapag ko iyong croptop ko sa lounger at napatingin sa tahimik na si Kyner. He stared at me with fire in his eyes, almost burning me to ashes. Nangatog ang katawan ko hindi dahil sa lamig, kung hindi dahil sa titig niya.
Dumiretso na lang ako sa dagat. Pero halos mapatakbo rin pabalik noong maramdaman ko kung gaano kalamig ang tubig. Pero tiniis ko na lang iyon at sumisid.
Umahon ako at nakita agad si Kyner. Hinila ko siya palapit sa akin at niyakap. Nilagay ko ang mga braso ko sa kanyang leeg. Pinalupot niya naman ang kanyang braso sa aking baywang.
I spent so much time trying to find my place in this world. Trying to find where I belong. Trying to find my home. Trying to know how it feels when you're home.
Life is never within our control. Sometimes we forgot to look what's in front of us. So, all we need to do is open our eyes to see the whole picture.
Now that I'm looking at Kyner, I realized he is something special beyond anything I could ever imagine. And being with him, I know where I belong. I've found my home.
Hinila ko siya palapit sa akin at hinalikan. Agaran ang pagtugon niya sa aking halik. Ang nararamdaman na lamig ay agad na ulit naglaho.
He kissed me deeply. Ang kamay niya ay humahangod na sa likuran ko, pababa sa aking puwitan.
"Ahon na tayo at magbanlaw. Gusto mo sumabay sa akin sa pagligo?" I whispered seductively.
"Hindi ako tatanggi," Kyner lifted me up into his arms with zero strain and held me bridal style.