Jason was dead.
He was dead, and Nico didn't know what to do about it. Things like this had happened to him too many times. Death, pain, despair. That was all he had known. At least until he had become friends with Jason. Jason showed him that he really could make friends. He showed him a lot of things. Jason was his first steps out of the darkness, and Will was his first steps into the light. Jason was his best friend.
But now he's gone, too.
And emptiness in his place.
How ironic was it that the person who first helped him cope with the death of his sister died anyway? What sick, cruel humor was that?
Jason was dead, and Nico sat there, crying into Will's shirt. His anchor, his support.
Jason was dead, and Nico felt like he was in a daze. Like nothing was real.
Jason was dead, and Nico felt like he was drowning. Like he was cut in two. Like part of himself was missing without him. Like there was a big, gaping hole where Jason was supposed to be. He thought he was going to die. He thought that since this had happened to him multiple times that the next time wouldn't be so bad. He was used to this feeling, this feeling of utmost despair. But it was just as bad. Things are supposed to get easier as you do them, right? So why wasn't this getting easier?
Jason was dead, and Nico didn't want to be Nico anymore. He wished he could be someone else, anyone else. He didn't want to care anymore. He wanted it all to go away. Why wouldn't it go away?
Jason was dead, but Nico couldn't say it aloud. If he did, it would make it final.
Jason was dead, and Nico didn't know how long he was there for. Will didn't say a thing the whole time, just rubbed his back or stroked his hair. Nico wasn't entirely sure, but he thought that Will might be crying as well. Finally, after a long time, Will stopped.
"Nico, you should try to sleep, okay? It's really late."
Nico lifted his head up. He closed his eyes against the bright lights. "What time is it?"
"Around 4:30."
He wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry for keeping you up this late." He noticed the soaked spot on Will's shirt. "I'm sorry for getting your shirt wet."
"Don't apologize. There's no need to."
Nico shifted his weight, and Will noticed his knees. They were bloody and bruised from falling on them with his whole weight.
Nico didn't feel his knees, though. He didn't really feel anything but a hole somewhere in his chest.
Will pulled out a band-aid and a cloth. He went to Nico's bathroom and got the cloth wet, and rolled up Nico's pants. He put the cold cloth on Nico's knees. Will put some disinfectant on them and bandaged them up.
Will stood up. "Please try to sleep. Will you be okay?"
Nico shook his head.
"Of course you're not okay. I meant will you be okay as in you won't do anything rash if I leave you by yourself?"
Nico nodded his head, though Nico didn't want to be by himself. That sounded horrible.
"Come get me if you need anything, no matter what time it is. Or tell me if you need space." He walked over to the door to leave.
"Will?"
Will turned back around.
"Stay with me?" Nico asked. "Like in Texas?"
He smiled. "Of course." They both climbed in Nico's bed.
Nico cuddled up close to Will. He was warm. Always warm.
Jason was dead. How long would it be until the rest of camp knew? Would he tell them tomorrow? Would he have Will tell them?
He felt like puking.
He felt like he was dreaming.
Maybe if he pinched himself, he would wake up? He tried it. It didn't work.
Maybe if he closed his eyes hard enough, he would stop imagining all of the ways he could have died? He tried that, too. It didn't work.
Jason was dead, and Nico couldn't stop thinking about it.
He just wanted it all to go away. To leave him be. He wanted to bathe in the river Lethe like when he was 7.
Nico wanted to barge into the Underworld and drag him out.
He wanted to find Thanatos, and threaten him. To tell him to bring Jason back.
He wanted to tell Jason that he was an idiot for dying.
Jason was dead, and Nico couldn't stop choking on his tears.
Jason was dead, and there wasn't one thing he could do about it.
Jason was dead.