The letter from my mother was a shock to my system. After last night all I had the energy to do was crawl to my bed and lay there as the sun peaked through the curtains. My phone was blowing up from everyone. We were planning to pawn off the piece of gold today, and then John B texted saying Ward invited him on a fishing trip tomorrow. I read the messages, but don't respond.
I just couldn't believe her. My mother. I didn't get it. I tried so hard to erase her. Although I inherited most of my features from my dad, I had her hair. People always complimented me about it. So when she left it was a constant reminder of her for both me and my dad so I dyed it dark. But when I looked in the mirror the roots shown through always reminding where I came from. And now to be told that she has been 'watching' me all along.
The house was buzzing with energy as the staff and my father prepared for the huge night. Even upstairs in my room, I could hear their excited chatter. It made me feel even worse. My dad continued this tradition for her, always hoping she would come home. He kept their room and her closet the same. He brings a suitcase of her summer clothes with us when we come here. He sets a place for her at the table. He still loved her despite how much she disappointed him and I hated it.
My thoughts were interrupted as my door creaked open, a blonde haired head poked through: "We have gold to sell, sleeping beauty!" I quickly blinked the tears from my eyes and smiled. JJ glanced at me and his face shifted from happiness to worry, "Odette is everything okay?" I nodded, "Um, Yeah. I just couldn't fall asleep." He didn't push the subject any farther, I don't know if he didn't care or if he just didn't notice that I was lying. I wanted him to notice. "Hmm, well you need to get dressed". He scooped me out of the bed and carried me to my bathroom. As I brushed my teeth he looked around my bathroom he looked at my shower and smirked at me, "You know I could use a shower." He walked behind me grabbing my hips and flipping me around to face him. I rolled my eyes turned around to rinse out the toothpaste and put my toothbrush, before shifting my attention back to him: "You wish." He fake pouted and I pressed a light kiss to his lips before walking into my closet to get dressed.
I grabbed a tank top, a pair of jean shorts, some old converse, the shell necklace JJ gave me a while ago and a crescent moon rang Sarah lent me. I looked at JJ and gave me a confused face, "What?" I laughed, "Turn around". "Oh please, it's nothing I haven't seen before." I scowled at him and he turned around.
"Okay, you can look." He smiles: "If we didn't have things to do today, I would be taking this off of you right now" he pulls on the straps of the tank top. I lightly push him away, "Well we better get going."
I drive the both of us to John B's, we had plans to meet there, discuss the plan and melt the gold down. Kie melted the gold, and JJ had to pawn it off that was the plan. It had to go smoothly and to put it frankly it did not. The pawnshop 'didn't have the cash' so we had to go to some warehouse to get the money. The plan went even more down hill when we got pulled over, "Um guys I can not get in trouble with the cops, my dad will kill me." My heart was pounding something wasn't right. I was right, it wasn't a cop we were being robbed, he forced out of the car. I could tell JJ was about to do something stupid, but then John B ran into the dudes car and that's when shit hit the fan. JJ and John B caught him by surprise attacking him. The rest of us joined in and we got him to sit down on the ground. All of a sudden JJ hit him, I had never seen him like that. I knew that this was going to be dangerous, but I just realized just how dangerous it was going to be. I was in such shock I couldn't speak, I sat in the back of the Twinkie as JJ robbed the drug dealer. They were all fighting and I felt terrible because I just couldn't speak. As he walked away I snapped out of it and tried to go after him, "JJ wait" but they all stopped me. Kie shook her head at me, "Let him go okay". All of a sudden I just couldn't handle the pressure of this all, I looked at them: "Look guys I'm really sorry, I need to- I need to go home." John B tried to reassure me, "Look he will come around, okay. Don't worry about it." Sarah nodded, "Yeah, everything is going to be fine. We will figure out what to do with the gold and you can go home to help your dad with the banquet."
I drove home and still couldn't shake the feeling that something that wasn't right. I drove by the country club and saw Barry, that drug dealer fighting with Rafe and his friends. I slowed my car down and pulled over to watch. Why is Barry fighting with Rafe after he just messed with us? As Barry pulled out of the country club, Rafe saw me. Shit. He mentioned something to Topper and then walked towards me. "Look who it is." I tried to roll my window up but he put his arm in the way, "Leave me alone Rafe" He smirked, "You're friends with Sarah right?" before I had a chance to answer he spoke again, "That's what I thought. Now, what were you and your little friends doing stealing from a drug dealer?" I moved my arm to put the car in drive, but he reached through the window and grabbed my wrist. "Now I may not know your name, but I do know where you live. I don't think you were the one who needed the money. So you are going to tell me who did and where they are." He squeezed my arm harder. I quickly shifted my body moving my legs towards the window and kicking in the chest, pushing him off the car: "Go to hell, Rafe Cameron!" I snarked as I drove off. You could see the marks where he grabbed me on my arm, I could tell that they were going to bruise. What was his problem?
I reached my house and sucked in a sharp breath preparing for the madness inside. I texted JJ just to check up on him, "Hey are you okay? Come to my house if you want to talk. I understand if you need some space, just text me when you are ready. I'm here to listen :)"
I rushed upstairs to my room in order to avoid unwanted questions about my arm and where I was. As I entered my room it was like the dress was mocking me with it's presence. It was a gorgeous dress and I wasn't going to put it to waste, I just had to make some changes.
I could hear the house fill with people and my hands began to shake. I was just waiting to see if any of my friends were going to make when Kiara texted, "Odette I'm sorry Pope and I aren't going to make it something happened. I know tonight's a big night for your family so don't worry about it right now." Before I had a chance to respond John B and Sarah cancelled too. What was going on that they didn't want me to be involved in. Why were they leaving me. And just like that the room caved in. I couldn't breathe. I just wanted it stop. I can't. I just. Need to. Breathe. Breathe. Bre.. Br.. B-
I collapsed into the bed unable to get control over my body and calm my emotions.
This couldn't be happening again. I had to pull myself together. I have always done this alone why is it any different now? I forced myself to breathe, calm down, get off the bed, and get dressed. I didn't need them, or my mom. I had me and that was enough.
I slipped into my mother's old dress and put on a pair of long gloves to cover the marks on my arms. I pulled my hair back into an updo and as I walked through my house I felt the power that was coursing through my body reignite. I felt like myself again.
*these are the gloves she is wearing *
But the feeling of power left as quick as it came. As I looked around at all of the people I realized that I was alone and the people I wanted here more than anything were nowhere to be found. I snuck outside and sat on the back terrace in attempt to regain control. When I noticed someone else was outside. They noticed me and walked over, I tried to wipe away the tears streaming down my face. "Oh it's you." Of course it was Rafe. No matter how hard I tried to stop crying I couldn't but I managed to muster out a sentence between sobs, "I have a name you know." He looked at me like he wanted to say something and his face softened. His features turned hard again and he looked back out at water. I sniffled and whispered softly, "It's Odette". He patted the railing next to him, gesturing for me to join him. I moved forward next to him, he looked at me and laughed. "What?" He struggled to regain his composure, "Nothing. It's just your makeup," he dug in his pocket for a tissue, "It's smeared all over your face". I took it out of his hand and wiped my face, "Thank you." "Why are you out here anyway isn't this you party?" I looked down, "Yeah, um no" my voice quivered, "none of my friends could come and I have no idea why." His face was a mess of emotions, hatred, sorrow, empathy: "Look I'm sorry about today. I don't know," he cleared his throat, "I don't know what came over me". Rafe glanced at my glove-covered arm, he moved closer. He slowly moved his fingers up to the top of the glove, "May I?". I nodded. He gently removed the glove, lightly grazing my arm, when he saw the marks on my arm his breath hitched. He backed away, "Oh, God. I'm so sorry, I-. Oh my god." I stepped toward him lightly placing my arm on his shoulder, "It's okay Rafe. It will heal, alright. Just, Look don't worry about it okay it was an accident." He shook his head, "No! No. It's not okay. I can't believe I did that. I shouldn't have done that, is that why you were crying out here?"Just the mention of me crying caused tears to well up in my eyes, "No, it's not that. It's my mother." He looked at me puzzled and then motioned for me to sit next to him as he sat at one of the chairs on the terrace. "Look I know we hate each other or whatever. But I owe you one from before. Plus, I hate seeing pretty girls cry so tell me what's really wrong." I sat down and shook my head, "It's nothing you know. I shouldn't have said anything." Rafe gently put his hand on my knee, and I broke down. I managed to get the whole story, except for the parts about the royal merchant, out between my sobs. "I just can't stand her reaching out after all these years only because I have something she wants. What kind of mother does that. Don't even get me started on my dad". I paused to take a breath.
"How can he still love her after all of this. If- If that's what love is. If love is setting a place for someone at a table who will never sit there, then, then I don't want anything to do with that."
He sat there the whole time letting me vent, I hated myself for talking to him like this. I should be talking to JJ about this. But Rafe was the only one who noticed something was wrong. When I finished he gently squeezed my leg in comfort: "I know what you need." He reached down into his pocket and pulled out a bag of coke. I couldn't believe I was about to do this. I wouldn't even smoke weed with JJ. Oh God, JJ. He would be crushed if he saw this. But I needed to do something, I couldn't sit there and stew on my emotions any longer. Rafe did a line and then turned to me. Something deep inside me wanted to do it. So I did. Rafe and I did line after line and soon the pain slipped away.
His hand was still on my leg and I felt myself leaning towards him, he noticed it too. He moved his hand farther up the slit in my dress. My heart began to pound and as our lips drew closer the more I wanted to do this and that terrified me more than anything that happened to today. I moved me hands onto the back of his neck. As I looked up at him through half-shut eyes I couldn't help but realize that this moment: It felt so natural. He had one hand gripping my thigh and the other was lifting my chin aligning our lips. But, Just as our lips grazed each others, I pulled away.
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and he pulled his hands off of me. "I- I'm sorry Rafe. I can't do this." I expected him to be mad, instead he nodded: "I understand." He stood up to walk away and just as I was about to call after him my phone buzzed. A text from Kie popped up on the phone.
"It's worse than I thought come NOW!"
*The Video at the top is what I listened to while writing the ending of the chapter so give that a listen if you want*