Marella was going to kill herself, and it would all be Sophie and Tam's fault.
"You can do this, you can do this, you can do this," she muttered to herself as she straightened. Her knees wobbled and she squealed, dropping her hands to the balcony railing. What am I DOING?
Ever since Maryntrilla, the urge to finally get over her fear of heights—which had developed right after her mother fell and hit her head—had prompted Marella to recreate the moment of jumping off the bridge. The memory was a little fuzzy; she recalled screaming like a boobrie, but also finally levitating, and Tam's hand in hers...
Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to recreate that specific memory.
It wasn't like she was going to jump, either. The first step was standing on the railing. She could do that.
"Remember how fun it was," she said to herself, laughing hysterically. Right now, "fun" wasn't the word she'd use to describe the Trollish Bridge Fiasco. But if Tam were here, she would not be a chicken.
"Except he's not here!" she whined, forcing her calves to stop wilting and pushing her weight upward.
"Are you talking to yourself?" a voice—Tam's!—called from the courtyard below. She barely got a glimpse of him craning his neck to locate the sound of her voice before she toppled over the edge.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"
There was a moment of panic in which Marella realized Tam couldn't catch her this time, which gave way to confusion as to why he was here in the first place, which quickly became panic again when it became clear she would never know if she didn't save herself.
"What's happening?!" Tam shouted, but she tuned out his voice and listened to what her body told her. It was less of a "pull," as Sophie had said, and more an instinctive thing—and as soon as Marella activated the levitation, she remembered what it had felt like in Maryntrilla.
She'd stopped herself about nine feet off the ground, but there the problem arose: how to get down. "Uh, Tam?" she asked, doggy-paddling forward and backward and to the sides, but not down. She tried doing a half-frontflip, then paddling, but she only ended up spinning around in circles.
Tam gingerly made his way over, reaching up and, when he couldn't find her, standing on his tiptoes. "Are you here?"
"Yeah," she said after hesitating; it was like she couldn't figure out the right thing to say. She knew he was tough, but seeing him cry—and not a My-Long-Lost-Relative-I-Didn't- Even-Know-About-Just-Died kind of cry, but real, heartbreaking sobs—gave her the urge to protect him at all costs. "How did you know that?"
"I smelled you."
"You... smelled me," she repeated drily. "Um, I should probably be offended right now, but I'm mostly in shock—"
"Marella," he interrupted, lips quirking upward. She felt a little shiver run down her spine—there was pleasure in making him smile. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it. Everyone just has this unique scent, I guess. I never really figured it out until now."
Right. Because he had to rely on every other sense but sight. The thought made her nauseous.
"If you can't get down—"
"I can get down." She struggled for a few more minutes before sighing, "Okay, maybe not. Except..." She released the levitation, dropping to the ground with an oof. "There we go!"
"There was an easier way, you know, but suit yourself."
"Yeah, well, there was no need to waste your breath teaching me how to use my skills when you could be telling me why you're here."
"Maybe I wanted to see you. You barely said 'hi' at the planting, and the last time we were really together was at the battle." He swept his bangs out of his face, even though it technically wouldn't accomplish anything. "Just tell me if it's because of the blindness, Marella—and don't worry about hurting my feelings; I can take it."
It took a second for her brain to compute. "The bli—no. No, Tam, that's not it at all. I mean, maybe I was worried you wouldn't want to see me at your place, or that a visit would hinder your adjustment process, but that's it."
"Well maybe a visit would've made me feel better."
"I can't run on maybes," she argued. "Honestly, I don't even know where we're at. I know you said all those things in Eternalia, but how am I supposed to decipher if that was in-the- heat-of-the-moment talk or actual care? So forgive me if I didn't stop by, because apparently even you don't know if you want to see me or not."
"That's not what I—"
"Then what did you mean, Tam? Be straight with me, okay? Why were you always so cold to me? I mean, all of your infuriating comments only started when the Purities arose, and I couldn't help but think maybe their message was getting to your head—maybe you were suddenly realizing Pyrokinetics are 'impure' or whatever, I don't know! To make matters worse, everything you said indicated you were strongly against the Purities, but then we go to Gildingham and you're honest? Honesty was 'I don't know'? Or were you really trying to hide the fact that you did know, but you didn't say because I wasn't going to like it?"
Tam's brows drew together furiously. "Against Pyrokinetics?! Seriously, Marella? I'm a multiple birth, and you thought I was buying into the anti-Pyrokinetic philosophy?! No! What was really happening was that I was afraid and fighting my shadows and fighting myself... I was conflicted, okay? And I'll admit there was a moment where I wondered if I belonged more with the Purities than the Black Swan, but that was a moment, and it had nothing to do with you. The problem I did have with you was that you were so intense about your opinions that I couldn't express mine without being clobbered!"
It... had nothing to do with her? All the fire from her frustration died in an instant. "Oh. Well, I would've told you why I was so 'intense' if you would've asked."
"I tried, but you kept on pushing me away! And I know I wasn't cooperative either, so it's both of our faults."
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right." She swallowed, feeling nervous all of a sudden. "I... I guess what I could've explained in Loamnore was why I have issues trusting people. You know my dad, uh, being a part of the Neverseen? It... it wasn't the first time I was betrayed, but it was definitely the first time it had ever hurt so bad. I guess I coped by trying to hide myself from people, where I could read them, but they couldn't read me.
"At some point... uh, on the mission, things sort of changed. I suppose I, um, started to trust you—and it hurt when I thought you didn't trust me back, because it was so hard for me to reach that point."
"You trusted me?" His features appeared thoughtful. "I thought you didn't."
"Yeah, well I told you that secret of mine, right? How I read people? When you didn't respond the way I was hoping you would, I guess I took that as a rejection."
"Rejection?" He was grinning again. "Like a friend rejection, or...?"
He didn't finish his sentence, and she felt obligated to give him an answer since that was the kind thing to do, so she decided to be stupid and kissed him. Their mouths had barely touched when her brain caught up with her body and she pulled back. "Sorry! That just kind of... I... sorry!"
Tam gave no indication he was happy or angry or had even felt it, for that matter. He was the master of the poker face... which normally would have been hot, but this time it was pure torture. Finally he whispered, "Can I feel you?"
"Uh..." She leaned back on instinct. "Like, my face? Sure." She tried to act nonchalant, like she hadn't totally humiliated herself moments before, but the last word came out as a squeak.
Tam reached for her but missed by a couple inches, which made Marella want to scream. So she grabbed his hand and brought it to her cheek. She meant to say a joke—she wasn't sure what—but her vocal chords seemed like they wanted to close up.
He put his other hand to the other side of her face, tracing her jaw before moving to her cheekbones and her eyebrows, then her forehead. Finally he found her lips, and his touch made her gasp. His eyes moved, as if he were seeing her—and he was, just in a different way.
Then he kissed her.
Time seemed to pass in simultaneous speed and slow-motion. One second she'd forgotten her name, the next, reality crashed back down on her and she pulled away. "Wh-what are we going to do?"
"What do you mean?" He wouldn't stop smiling. She really wished he would stop that, because it was distracting her.
"I mean... we... we hated each other, like, one and half weeks ago! And... I mean, are we a... a thing?"
"A thing?"
"Yeah, like, uh, Tarella. Or are we just Tam and Marella, separate..." She was rambling now, so she shut up.
"Do you want to be Tarella?" he asked.
Yes. "It's not that simple. We both clearly have trust issues, and that doesn't go away in a day. We can work through it together, or, if you think it's something you need to do on your own, I'm fine with that too."
"I... already did what I needed to do on my own. If you're willing, I... I want to be Tarella."
"Yeah?" She giggled. "Okay. I mean, that's totally cool with me."
"You are many things, Marella Redek," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and leaning down, "but 'cool' is not one of them."
"Wha—" But he cut her off with another kiss, and for the next hour she forgot her name all over again.