Regulus Black felt like he was walking on air.
Barty's words were filling his ears, making his limbs feel both heavy and light at the exact same time. He was moving as though his body was on auto-pilot. He didn't know where he was going, he didn't know why he was leaving. He didn't know why he was leaving Barty, leaving the boy who had just confessed his love. Leaving behind the only good thing that was in Regulus's life that had suddenly just become so, so much better. Leaving the boy instead of holding him, and kissing him, and telling him that the feelings were reciprocated. Leaving him instead of staying and loving him the way he had always longed to do. He didn't know why he was leaving.
But of course he did. He was leaving because he was scared. He was scared to love Barty as deeply as he did and to be loved back. He was afraid of what would come of it if the two furthered their relationship from platonic to more. He was scared of what would happen to Barty if he finally became Regulus's.
He was so terrified, and yet the idea of being without Barty knowing that he could was enough to make his heart feel as though it was tearing itself apart.
He was so confused about what to do with Barty, but he did know one thing that he needed to do for certain. And, at least for right then, that was enough.
He knew that he had two options when it came to Persephone. He could either tell her that things weren't going to work, or he could kiss her to ruin things with Barty before they even began. A part of him wanted to do the latter, wanted to let Barty down now so that he wouldn't inevitably do it later. But he loved Barty, he loved him far too much to hurt him in that way. He deserved better than that, and Persephone deserved better than to be used in that way. So, Regulus pushed down all of the fears that he may have for the future and acted solely on the now, on how and who he would be hurting if he chose the former.
Persephone Vaughn was waiting in the entrance hall when he arrived. She turned to look at him when she heard his echoing footsteps, face breaking into a smile upon seeing him. She was wearing a thick woolen jumper with a dark blue dress over top that correlated quite well with her house color. She had on black tights to keep the remaining portion of her legs warm and her pair of mary-jane shoes on over a pair of dark blue socks. Her hair was pulled back into a high bun on the top of her head, bangs left out to frame her face and accentuate her features. Regulus did have to admit, she looked quite good.
He felt awful.
"Hi, Regulus!" Her voice was chipper and full of excitement toward the date that was to be coming. "How are y-"
"This isn't going to work," Regulus blurted out, and Persephone snapped her jaw shut faster than she ever had before. Regulus watched her expression morph from contentment to a faint frown with a small hint of sadness in her dark eyes.
"Oh," she said, voice suddenly rather quiet. Regulus cursed himself for the way that he had told her, wishing that he had done it in a much nicer way. She was a sweet girl with a good personality, and Regulus knew that she would certainly deserve better than him even if he wasn't hopelessly in love with his best mate (who, as it turned out, loved him back. He hasn't quite gotten used to the idea of that yet). "Can I ask why?"
He owed her the truth and he knew that. "I'm in love with someone else."
She nodded her head slowly, understanding mixing with the sadness. "And you can't date me because you're so in love with them that you can't love anyone else."
He pressed his lips into a firm line before nodding his head quite jerkily. "Yeah."
She continued to nod, a sad smile finding its way onto her lips. "That's ok. I get it."
Regulus put his hands into the pockets of his coat awkwardly, unsure what to say. "I'm sorry, Persephone. I really am."
She waved a dismissive hand and sniffed. "It's alright, Regulus. Really, it's fine." She paused for a moment. "Did you ever want to go on a date with me at all? Or was I just, like, some sort of attempt to get over the person that you like?"
Regulus frowned. "I'm sorry, Persephone," he repeated.
She sighed and began to nod slowly once again. "It's fine. I get it. Though, you could have told me earlier. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my hair." There was a note of humor in her voice as she spoke.
Regulus didn't return the emotion. "I'm sorry." It felt like that was the only thing that he was able to say to her at the moment.
"Regulus, it's alright, ok?" She was already backing away slowly, a smile that held just a little less sadness to it on her face. "I wish you all the best, Regulus Black. And I hope that you figure out whatever's going on with this other person."
He gave her a tight-lipped smile. "Thanks."
She gave him a short nod before turning around, climbing the stairs and disappearing out of the entrance hall. Regulus let out a heavy sigh and leaned against the wall, simultaneously relieved and guilty about the fact that this part of it was over. But, now he was on to the next part - to the hardest part.
He needed to figure out what to do.
He absently meandered his way into the Ravenclaw courtyard, already pulling the pack of fags from his pocket. He picked one out of the carton and shoved it back into his pocket, dangling it between his lips as he tried to find his wand to light it. He could feel the smoke enter his lungs as soon as it was lit and he had inhaled, burning his throat and leaving behind that feeling of a film in his mouth. He took the cigarette between his fingers and held the smoke before finally blowing it out, watching the grey cloud fill the air and disappear as it rose higher into the navy blue sky. He looked at the small white sprinkles of stars that covered the sky, as though someone had taken a paintbrush and run their thumb along the end to smatter the dark blue canvas.
He needed to figure out what to do. He didn't know what to say to Barty, whether he should say anything at all. He didn't know whether or not he should tell Barty that the feelings were mutual and let it finally blossom into the thing that he had been craving for months or if he should simply drop it and pretend that this night had never happened at all. The latter hurt him - it tore through his heart and left him with nothing but an empty chest - and he didn't necessarily think that it was the better of the two, either. He wanted to tell Barty, and to hold him, and to kiss him, and to have a relationship with the boy that he had been in love with for years. However, there was still that fear in the back of his mind, the fear that being with Regulus would do nothing but hurt Barty.
He didn't know what to do.
He heard footsteps. He put the fag between his lips and looked over his shoulder, eyes landing on an approaching silhouette. It took him a second to make out who it was, but as soon as they stepped out into the courtyard and their features were illuminated by the stars above, Regulus knew.
He was a bit surprised at first, not having seen Deacon Ackland from this close of a distance since February. His features were sunken in, his eyes were bloodshot, there were dark circles around them, and his lips were pale and chapped. In all honesty, Deacon looked quite terrible.
He leaned against the pillar across from Regulus, arms crossed over his chest as he stared forward with a blank expression on his face. Regulus was quiet for a while, unsure what to say. What did he say to someone who he hadn't talk to since February - since their boyfriend was killed by the very people that he was working with?
He started by clearing his throat and taking another drag of his cigarette. He held his breath before breathing the smoke out into the air, Deacon's eyes lingering on the cloud for a moment before finally speaking in a voice that sounded like nothing but a shell of what it had once been.
"Can I have one?" He requested, gesturing to the plume of smoke that was rising from the fag between Regulus's fingers.
Regulus nodded his head and put the fag between his lips, grabbing the carton from his pocket and extracting one to hand to Deacon. Deacon took it silently, drawing his own wand and lighting the tip of it. He inhaled and coughed a bit, the smoke coming a bit faster than he had expected.
"Didn't know you smoked," Regulus commented, watching his most recent cloud fade into the sky with his cigarette hanging between his fingers at his side.
Deacon exhaled and coughed again. "I don't."
Regulus nodded slowly and tapped the residual ash from the end of his cigarette, watching as it fell to the stone below. He was thinking, and he could feel Deacon's presence beside him, and he thought back to all of those times when Deacon had been the one that Regulus went to. Deacon had been the one that he would occasionally confide in, would ask for advice on certain things in his life. He wondered if this would be the same. If he asked Deacon for advice, would he get it? Or would Deacon simply get mad and leave.
Seeing as how they weren't even friends anymore, Regulus didn't think that he had anything to lose.
He was lifting the fag to his mouth when he spoke. "I'm in love with Barty." His voice was quiet, barely even reaching the other side of the courtyard as it was meant only for Deacon's ears to hear.
Deacon exhaled and watched the smoke spread out, nose and eyes burning a bit. "Yeah, I know. I'm not a fucking idiot." His voice was cold, harsh. It didn't sound like something that Deacon should even be able to physically produce.
Regulus frowned a bit and looked at him. "What do you mean you know?"
"It's pretty fucking obvious, Regulus. You look at him like he's the only person in the world, and you have pretty much since you met him. I know," he paused for a moment, pursing his lips before continuing, "Fran knew, Phoebe knew, Lottie knew, I'm sure that Benji knew. It's not a very hard realization to make."
Regulus was still frowning. Was it truly as obvious as Deacon was saying that it was? Either way, he sighed and took another puff of his cigarette before continuing. "He told me that he loves me, too."
"Yeah, that one's pretty obvious too."
Regulus didn't think so. He took a pause to watch the embers burn and turn to ash on the end of his fag, sighing to himself. "I don't know what to do," he admitted quietly, shifting his gaze to the sky above. He could see dark clouds slowly spreading, covering the stars and threatening either rain or snow (Regulus assumed the latter, but he wasn't sure). "I don't... he just told me, and I wanna be with him, but I just... I can't. It's not gonna go well, it never goes well. I'm just... I'm scared. And I don't know how to let him down without hurting him."
Deacon turned to him with a hard look in his eyes. "Are you fucking serious?"
Regulus suddenly realized just who he was speaking about this with, and he shut his eyes as he sighed once again. "Shit, Deacon, I'm really-"
"Do it." His voice was flat and stern, almost demanding. "Just fucking date him, Regulus. Because do you know what? I was fucking terrified to love someone, to be with them in such a vulnerable way. I was scared that I was gonna get hurt, and Fran was the same way. But we put it aside. We pushed it away, and we dealt with it because we loved each other. And you know what? It was the best decision that I've ever made in my entire fucking life. Because the sixteen months that I spent with him were the best sixteen months that I've ever had and that I probably will ever have." His voice was a bit unsteady as he spoke, making the guilt of bringing up the topic hit Regulus twice as hard.
"It doesn't matter that you're scared, Regulus. Because I can promise you that it'll be worth it. It doesn't matter what happens, it doesn't matter how it ends, because every single painful thing that happens will be worth it. I promise you, Regulus, all of it will be worth it. So don't fucking torture yourself, don't torture Barty, just tell him that you love him and spend the time that you have with him loving him instead of regretting never giving it a shot at all."
Regulus was staring at the ground, cigarette still dangling from his hand. He was processing Deacon's words, searching through him with a fine-toothed comb and trying to find a flaw in his logic. Because he knew that he was right, but he didn't want him to be right. He just wanted to come up with a way to let Barty down gently so that Barty would stay safe. But, Deacon was right. Regulus didn't know what was gonna happen in the future, Barty could die tomorrow from some unknown cause that Regulus's love for him certainly wouldn't cause. Perhaps he should do it, push all of his fears to the back of his mind and face them with Barty when the time came that they resurfaced
He would face them with Barty. They would face them together, and hopefully, they would be able to make it out together.
He swallowed the lump in his throat, his voice weak and hoarse when he finally spoke once again. "Thanks."
Deacon sniffled and wiped his cheeks, tossing his fag to the ground and stepping on it to grind out the ash. "Whatever." And he left.
Regulus watched him go, a frown on his face. Deacon had changed, he had changed a lot. His voice was different, his mannerisms were different, he reeked of alcohol. He was just... different. Regulus didn't like it, but it made quite a lot of sense. After all, he didn't think that anyone could go through what Deacon had and come out of the other side exactly the same as how they had been before.
Regulus looked forward again just as the first droplet of water fell from the sky. He stepped back so that he was under cover from the rain, taking one last drag of his cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stomping it out. He walked slowly, hands shoved into his pockets and mind racing with words that he wanted to say and how exactly he wanted to put them together, all while he worked hard to push down the voice that was telling him just how horrible this idea truly was. He couldn't listen to it, not right now. He needed to suppress it so that he could finally do the thing that he had been wanting to do and be with Barty - kiss him, hold him, fulfill every single thing that he had been longing to for years.
When he entered the common room, he lingered. He saw Oliver and Arthur Woodson sitting beside each other in front of the fireplace, talking to each other quietly. He wondered what they were talking about, and for just a moment he debated going to them and asking. But, he had a very limited window of time to do this, and he didn't want to push it off any longer. He just wanted to get it over with - rip off the bandage and hope that it didn't sting.
He hesitated again outside of the dorm, hand hovering by the handle. He wanted to grab it and twist, to open the door and step inside. However, it was as though his brain wasn't getting the message - as though it was stopping him from the movements that he wanted to make. His stomach was full of spirals of anxiety, chest feeling constricted and heart beating double time. His hands were shaking, his throat blocked by a thick lump that he was trying and failing to swallow down. His breath was quivering as he tried to take a deep one, lungs refusing the air as he felt it get caught in his throat and never advance any further.
He needed to do this now. He needed to get it over with. He opened the door.
Barty was sitting on the floor, knees pulled to his chest and back pressed against his bed. His arms were wrapped loosely around his legs, his gaze was trained blankly forward, and he didn't even blink at the sound of the door opening. His eyes were sore, his throat was dry and rough, and his cheeks felt uncomfortably sticky. Tears were falling freely from his puffy and bloodshot eyes, dripping from his jaw onto his lap. His nose was red and stuffy, the bridge of it holding an odd and uncomfortable pressure and the tip stinging almost painfully. His lips were darker than usual and trembling, the bottom one sticking just a bit further out than normal. The only movement or sound that he made was when he sniffled, trying to keep in the snot that was still actively leaking from his nose.
Regulus shut the door and hovered awkwardly for a moment, hands at his sides and eyes staying trained on Barty. Barty could feel his eyes burning holes into him, causing the ache in his chest to intensify as his heart broke just a bit more. His blinks sped up as he tried to control the contortion of his face, pressing his lips together to keep them from trembling any more than they already were.
Regulus swallowed and took a slow step forward, every instinct in his body telling him to stop - to turn around and walk right out of the door. But, he didn't. Instead, he took another step, and then another, and then another until he had crossed the room and he was standing in front of Barty. He stared at him for a moment, heart aching from the pain that was clear in his eyes. He sighed and sat down slowly, legs crossed in front of him and back pressed against his bed so that he was sitting directly across from Barty. He stared at him in silence for a while, the only sounds in the room that of Barty's sniveling and Regulus's heart beating wildly in his ears (he wouldn't be surprised if Barty heard it too).
The anxiety was almost unbearable, making his entire body feel as though it was caving in on itself. He tapped the tips of his fingers against his thigh to relieve some of it, but it barely did anything at all. Instead, he was left with his entire body practically trembling with nerves.
He leaned his head back and took a deep, unsteady breath, voice feeling as though it was caught in his throat. He tried to clear it to dislodge the words, but it only barely worked, and his voice came out weak and just above a whisper.
"I - uh," he cleared his throat again, voice coming out a bit louder this time. "I've only ever dated one person before. And it - uh - it didn't end well. He cheated on me, and for a really long time, I thought that it was my fault. I thought that I had done something wrong to make him cheat on me, that I could have done something differently he wouldn't have cheated on me. And I - uh - sometimes I still do. I still think that I did something wrong. And the only - uh - the only other person that I've ever been involved with got... he got really hurt, I think. I don't... I don't really know, actually, but I'm pretty sure that he got really hurt." He was silent for a moment, shutting his eyes and swallowing back his emotion as he tried to force the tears from his eyes and steady his quivering voice. "Needless to say, no sort of relationship that I've ever been in has gone well. And I'm scared, now. I'm really, really scared that the people that I love are gonna leave me, or that they're gonna get hurt, and that it's gonna be all my fault. Like the only reason that they're gonna get hurt in the first place is that I love them.
"But I love you." The words filled the silence of the room and made Barty's gaze finally snap onto him, disbelief in his eyes that went unnoticed by Regulus who didn't dare meet his gaze. A tear slipped down his cheek as he swallowed and licked his lips to make them at least a bit less dry. "I'm in love with you too, Barty. And I have been for a really long time. And I'm so fucking scared. I'm terrified. But... but I'm in love with you. I'm so in love with you that I'll push through it if you ask me to. If you want me, Barty, then you can have me. And I'll push through whatever... whatever happens. Whatever I think about, I'll push through it... I'll do my best. I'll do my best for you, Barty, because I'm willing to do just about anything for you."
He shut his eyes and dropped his head, chin on his chest as he stared into his lap and felt Barty's gaze burn him and set his entire body alight with anxiety. He swallowed and continued to speak before Barty could get in a single word. "But... but there are a lot of things that you should know, that you should consider. Like I said, I'm really fucking scared to love someone and to be in a relationship with them, because I don't them to get hurt or to leave. And I really don't want you to get hurt or to leave. And there are probably gonna be days where I can't suppress it as much as other days, and I'll probably say some mean things or try to ruin what we have because there's some... some twisted part of me that tells me that if I don't ruin it that you are gonna get hurt, or that you are gonna leave me. So... so yeah. I mean, you told me that you loved me and even though I've been pining after you for years I said "fuck you" as a response, so... obviously not the best track record." He let out a quick and pathetic sort of laugh that was quickly followed by a sniffle.
"And... Barty, my mental health isn't just suddenly gonna get better because we're dating. If... if we even date at all. But it's not gonna get better. And there are probably gonna be a lot of times that I have really bad days like you've obviously seen before. And there are probably gonna be days where I... where I really need you, and I need you to talk to me and tell me that things are gonna be alright because I do have a - uh - a tendency to think the worst of almost everything. And I'm also probably gonna be really clingy or something at times because I have a problem with abandonment, especially with the very few people that I do let in because I - uh - I have a problem with that, too, obviously." He paused for a moment and leaned his head back once again, staring at the ceiling. "And there are probably about a million more issues with me because I'm just... just fucked up, for some reason. And there's this giant part of me telling me that this is an awful idea, and that I should take it all back, and that I should tell you that I don't like you or something just so that you can hurt less, because not hurting you is worth anything in the world to me. But... but I'm in love with you. And like I said, Barty, if you want me then you can have me.
"But there are obviously a lot of things that you have to consider first. And I'm so scared to be with you, but the thought of not being with you and knowing that I can makes me... it makes me nauseous. But I also care about, I care about you too much to put you through everything that's wrong with me without you wanting to go through it. So I'm gonna leave it up to you, Barty. It's your decision. If you wanna be with me, then I will be your boyfriend in a fucking heartbeat. But if you don't want to, if you don't wanna deal with all of the shit that's wrong with me, then that's ok. I get it. I'll understand, and I won't hold it against you. So... so yeah. Your choice."
There was a moment of silence, Barty staring at Regulus in a stunned silence and Regulus staring at the ceiling trying to fight off the overwhelming dread that was settling through his entire body.
He sniffled and stood up in one, fluid motion, still avoiding looking at Barty at all costs. "I - uh - I have a meeting with Potter about the team. So... so I'll be back in an hour. So, you can - uh - you can think about what I said." He turned around and started walking toward the door, stopping halfway. "Please actually think about it, Barty. Don't just blindly say yes because you want to be with me, think about everything that it's gonna include - all of the problems that I have and that I'm going to continue to have - and please make the decision that's best for you. Don't think about me, think about what's best for you. Please." He took another stop and then stepped once again. "Oh, I ended things with Persephone by the way. I just... the only reason I even said yes to her was because I was trying to get over you, because I thought... well, I thought that you didn't like me back. So... so yeah. I ended things. With her. No more dates." Another step. Another pause. "I'll see you in an hour. Or... or maybe not, I guess. Just... yeah. See you later. Maybe. Yeah. Ok. Bye." He hastened toward the door, stepped out, and shut it behind him.
Only when he had reached the landing beyond did he finally breathe, an odd sort of sob coming with it. He only let himself stand there for a moment before pushing off of the door that he was leaned against and walking away, entering the halls and meandering through them like he was a ghost. When he walked out of the front doors, he was immediately met with sprinkles of water hitting his skin like small needles. He sighed quietly and drew his wand, casting a charm that made a translucent umbrella shoot from the tip and cover his head. He walked with one hand holding the makeshift umbrella and the other shoved into his pocket, trying to clear his head as he walked through the mud and sloshed through the wet grass on his way to the Quidditch pitch.
Despite his efforts, he couldn't get Barty out of his head. But, then again, he never could.
He wasn't paying attention to what James was saying. He was leaning back in his chair with one arm crossed over his waist and the other bent with his hand by his face. He was chewing on his nails, staring forward with a blank look in his eye as he thought about Barty and the rejection that was inevitably coming.
"Regulus?" James asked, breaking through the ringing in his ears and forcing his gaze to settle on James.
"What?" He inquired, voice much kinder than it was normally.
It threw James off a bit. "What's going on with you, Regulus?"
"Nothing."
"Yes, Regulus, there is. You haven't been paying attention this entire time and you look like you're about ready to dig yourself in a hole and never come out."
Regulus pursed his lips. "There's nothing wrong, Potter. Just keep talking."
James sighed. "Fine. I was saying that since the Gryffindor Slytherin game is tomorrow, should we not have team practice?"
Regulus shook his head. "No."
"Ok. I can give up Gryffindor practice on Sunday."
"I'll give up Slytherins on Monday."
James nodded. "Good. And do we wanna have practice on the day of Hogsmeade?"
Regulus's brows knit together in the middle. "What?"
"Next Saturday? It's the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year?"
"Oh." Regulus hadn't known that. "Uh... yeah, yeah sure. No practice."
James nodded. "Cool. Can you give up Slytherin practice next Friday? I have plans with Evans in the morning." There was that smile that always appeared whenever James spoke about Lily Evans.
Regulus sighed and dropped his arm to join the other around his waist. "Yeah, I can do that. Can you give up Gryffindor on Sunday so that I have most of the day to do homework?"
James nodded. "Yup, sounds good."
Regulus nodded slowly. "Ok. Is that all?"
Another nod. "Yup, I think so. When do you wanna meet next?"
"I dunno, next Monday?"
"Ok, that's works." James stood from the table. "I'll see you tomorrow for the match." He was grinning.
Regulus replied with a short nod. "Yeah, whatever."
His grin disappeared and he frowned just a bit. "Is this about your date or something? Did it not go well?"
A vexed sigh escaped Regulus's lips. "No, Potter, this isn't about my date." He paused for a moment. "If you must know, I ended things with Vaughn."
"So is that why you're acting like this?"
"No."
"Well, whatever it is, work it out. Because if you don't, then the whole team is gonna suffer, alright?"
Regulus nodded. "Yeah. Got it."
"Alright. Have a nice night."
Regulus heard James leave, but he stayed for a while. He sat in that chair and let his thoughts process, thinking of Barty and wishing that he would never have to hear the answer to the question that Regulus had asked (well, more like the proposition that he had given). But, he knew that he couldn't hide from it forever, so he stood up. He stood up, and he cast the Umbrella Charm once again, holding it over his head as he stepped outside and braved the cold.
It was raining harder now, barreling down around him as he tramped across the grounds and tried not to slip in his distracted state. He was planning on talking to Barty when he reached the dorm, being rejected there rather than out in the open. However, when he was close enough to the entrance hall doors, he saw someone exit them and begin walking through the rain. Regulus stared at them with confusion in his eyes, unsure who would walk through the pouring rain without anything to stop it.
And then he saw who it was, and he froze, and he watched Barty approach him with dread settling once again. Though every single anxious feeling was replaced with concern as Barty came closer and Regulus realized that he was wearing nothing but trousers and a jumper.
"What are you doing out here?" He asked, tone that of worry. Barty had stopped in front of him, just a few feet away as his hair hung around him and rivulets of rainwater ran down his face. "Barty, you aren't even wearing a coat, you're gonna get a cold!"
"I love you," he said, and Regulus felt as though the rain had stopped and they had been plunged into a completely separate world that was made up of nothing but the two of them and the love that they shared. "I love you, Regulus Black. Fuck, I am so in love with you that it hurts." Rain was pouring down in buckets around them, as though it had moved to their world just to tell Regulus that it wasn't real, after all. Barty had to shout over the incessant sound of the thundering rainfall, his voice echoing in Regulus's ears as the rained pittered and pattered on his umbrella.
"I know that you said that there are a lot of things that dating you is going to entail, and that you think that it won't be good for me, but you're good for me. You are good for me, Regulus, and I am willing to do just about anything in the world for you. And if that means holding you when you need me to or talking you through the bad days, then I'll do it. I'll do it without a moment of hesitation, Regulus. I've been there for you since we were eleven years old, Reg, and I will continue to be there for you for the rest of my fucking life. Because I'm in love with you."
"Barty, can we please just go inside?" Regulus's heart was racing, his eyes stinging as his nostrils flared and he tried to hold back the tears that Barty's words were bringing forth.
"I know that that you're scared, Regulus," Barty continued, as though Regulus hadn't spoken at all. "But I'm scared too. I'm fucking terrified because I've never dated anyone before. I've never loved anyone in this way before, no one except for you. And I'm scared because I grew up with my mum being the only person who really loves me, so I have this... this weird complex where I think that no one in the world can actually love me. And that's probably gonna get bad at some points, so I'm not gonna be the easiest person in the world to date, either. And I know that you said that you're gonna be clingy, but I'll probably be clingy, too. Because I also have this weird belief that I have to keep everyone that I love close to me at all times so that I can keep them where I can help them. Because maybe if I can help them, then they'll overlook the disappointment that I always think I'm bringing people. Which might make me kinda needy sometimes, too. And I'm also pretty fucking awful at communication sometimes, especially when it comes to my own personal problems, but I promise that I'm gonna work on that. And if you don't wanna deal with any of that, then that's fine, Reg."
Regulus swallowed, feeling hot tears running down his otherwise dry and cold cheeks. He nodded his head slowly, voice so quiet that it was barely heard over the rain. "I can deal with it, Barty. I can deal with anything for you." He paused for a moment. "But, Barty, I really don't think that we're-"
"Regulus, please don't say that you don't think we're good for each other, ok? Because we are. You're good for me, Regulus, you're so fucking good for me. And I hope that I'm good for you. And we're good for each other. I think that nearly six years of friendship can prove that."
Regulus sniffled again and blinked a few times in rapid succession, tears spilling as his jaw trembled and his voice came out unsteady and broken. "What if you get hurt?"
Barty took a step forward. "I'm not gonna get hurt, Reg."
Regulus shook his head. "But you don't know that."
"And you don't know that I will, Reg. Everything in the world is so fucking uncertain, ok? We don't know what's gonna happen. I could die in sixty years of some sort of complications from old age, or I could get struck by lightning in thirty fucking seconds."
Regulus frowned, looking at the sky as though he was expecting it to actually happen.
"My point, Regulus, is that I'm going to die one way or the other. I'm gonna get hurt sometimes. But I would rather die knowing that I got to love you than knowing that I could have and didn't." He stepped forward once again. "I've thought everything over. I've thought about everything that you said. I've thought about what's good for me. And my answer is yes, Regulus. My answer is one million times yes. Because I'm in love with you, and I would do anything for you, and I will always be here for you. So my answer is yes." Another step. "I'm asking you, Regulus Black. Will you please be my boyfriend? My super... fucked up boyfriend."
Regulus let out a choked sort of laugh as his arm fell to his side and rain consumed him. He was silent for quite a few moments, thinking. He weighed the pros, he weighed the cons, he tried not to let his fear suffocate him and make him do something that he would regret. He looked at Barty, at the rain pouring down on him and the clothes clinging to his body, at the way that his hair fell flat and his eyelashes were sprinkled with water droplets, and he swallowed.
"Please say something," Barty requested, suddenly feeling much less confident under Regulus's gaze than he had thirty seconds before. "Preferably not "fuck you"." He tried to smile, but it didn't quite reach his lips. Instead, he was left staring at Regulus with so much anxiety filling him that he was certain it would drown him before the rain ever did.
And then, Regulus spoke. Because, in reality, his decision hadn't taken much thought at all.
"Yeah, Barty. I'll be your super fucked up boyfriend."
Barty broke into a grin, water running over his lips and into his mouth. Regulus did the same, though his smile was closed as rain mixed with tears and Regulus's heart felt like it was finally complete. And then, the smile faltered a bit, and he began to speak once again. "But, Barty, you should really know-"
Barty finally took the remaining steps, crossing the expanse between them. "Shut up," he said, reaching up with both of his hands and cupping his cheeks softly. Regulus felt an electric shock running through his entire body as Barty pressed their lips together, having to rise just a bit on his toes to reach Regulus's face (he wasn't that much shorter at all, but it was enough).
Regulus kissed Barty back at once. His lips were warm and soft, just as Regulus had always expected that they would be. He sighed gently into the kiss as he hunched over just a bit, returning to the slouched posture that made him and Barty exactly the same height. He placed his hands gingerly on Barty's waist, slowly sliding them across the wet fabric to wrap his arms around it and pull Barty just a bit closer. Barty smiled into the kiss, sliding his hands from Regulus's cheeks and wrapped his arms around his neck. He arched his back a bit, wet fabric pressing against wet fabric as he continued to kiss Regulus in a way that wasn't passionate, that wasn't hungry. It was loving, and it was gentle, and it was everything that he had always dreamed it would be. Water ran down their faces, running through their hair and dripping from their chins as it passed around their connected lips and made the kiss feel almost slippery, wet in a way that was bridging uncomfortable. But they didn't care. Neither boy cared, because right then, they were just there. They were there, and they were together, and their lips were connected, and they were finally experiencing the thing that they had been craving for months on end.
And then, Regulus broke the kiss, and his breath was heavy as he pressed his forehead against Barty's and stared into his brown eyes in a way that he had always wished that he could. He smiled, and Barty smiled back, and Regulus pulled him even closer as he placed a kiss on the tip of his nose and got raindrops on his lips in the process. Barty let out a small huff of laughter, grin so wide and uncontrollable that he wasn't sure it would ever leave at all. He kissed Regulus's chin, and Regulus took a deep breath that tickled Barty's lips on the exhale.
"I've always wanted to be able to do that," Barty whispered, rain running into his mouth as it moved to form words.
Regulus smiled widely, biting down gently on his bottom lip to keep his lips closed. "Me too," he whispered in response, rubbing gentle circles into Barty's jumper so that he could feel them on his skin.
Barty felt like he was going to melt right inside the arms of Regulus Black. And then, they were kissing again, and every single thing in the world suddenly pieced itself together like some sort of complicated puzzle where Barty and Regulus were the missing piece.
Everything felt right.
They weren't kissing anymore, just standing. Regulus held Barty, Barty held Regulus, they held each other as though they were afraid that this was all some sort of elaborate dream that they would wake from if they dared to let go. But it wasn't a dream, it was real. Regulus was Barty's boyfriend, and Barty was his, and that was real. It was so real that it nearly gave him a headache.
"We should go inside," he whispered, laying his hands flat and feeling just how thin Barty's jumper was. "You're gonna catch a cold."
Barty raised an eyebrow as he retracted his head from Regulus's. "Is a cold a dealbreaker?"
Regulus nodded, feigning seriousness on his face. "Oh, yeah, a real dealbreaker. I'll just have to break up with you on the spot."
Barty morphed his face into one of seriousness, as well, unable to keep away the tiny smirk. "Oh, well we can't have that."
Regulus shook his head, a small smile of his own creeping onto his lips. "Oh, no, we certainly can't."
And they were kissing again. And everything made sense. Because they were finally together, they were finally dating, and in that moment, they felt invincible.