"Ziva please. Just listen to me." The very familiar voice, the one who used to give her butterflies every time she heard it, pleaded. His voice was thick with emotions, the accent seeping into the words making it so much harder for her. She had it all planned, she was going to pack her bags and move out earlier than originally planned. Zayn was waiting in the hall, along with the other guys, waiting for her to finish the last minute packing so she could leave. Leave him, the apartment, and the memories. But it was harder said than done. She knew that he wouldn't just let her walk away, so while he was out for his walk, she planned on leaving. But he came back before she could. So now here they were, Ziva was aggressively shoving things into her suitcase as tears burned at the back of her eyes, a lump forming in her throat that she swallowed down.
Zipping the bag, the brunette got out of her room but the familiar hand, the one that bore tattoos that matched hers, shot out and grabbed her wrist "Don't fucking touch me." She seethed out. That was the worst part of her being in anger, she hardly ever lost control. On the outside, she was angry yet calm, but on the inside she was breaking with every prolonging second that she looked at him. He raised his hands up in surrender, backing a few steps away "Just please, let me explain." She scoffed at the thought. It was a pretty laid out picture. There was little to nothing that could redeem him, at least in that moment. "What will you explain?! That you didn't mean it?! That after you assured me that nothing was going to happen between you two, it did and you got her knocked up?! That it was a stupid mistake that I trusted you?!" He remained quite. He didn't have anything to say, there was nothing he could say. But he knew he had to say something. He couldn't let her walk away that easily "I love-" That was where it started to get worse "ME?! You LOVE me?! Are you fucking hearing yourself right now? Four years." She jabbed her finger into chest, and it hurt. He went to touch her, wanting to restrain her so he could talk. But she pulled away "I said don't touch me."
"Four fucking years that I loved you. Four fucking years that I was nuts for you. Four fucking years that you gave me butterflies. Four fucking years that I called myself 'yours'. Four fucking years that I made sure there was no PDA whatsoever when I was 'dating' Ian. All of it just for you to knock up some other chick." She pushed him backwards, climbing down the stairs of their apartment. He rushed after her, trying to stop her. "Ziva please." He pleaded again. In truth, he had nothing. There was no way he could actually make her stay, he knew that, she knew that, they all knew that. But he needed her to. This was probably last chance to keep her with himself, hold her in his arms, tell her he loves her even if she won't return the feelings. "What do you fucking want me to do huh?!" She finally yelled at him. Her body turned around, facing him with her arms crossed over her chest. They were in the living room, the couches that once had seen passionate moments between them now were witnesses of their fight. "I have a fucking L tattooed on my ring finger for you!" She showed him the tattoos "This, this key and this Hi and this heart. The anchor and the rose. They were all lies, weren't they?" She asked, almost rhetorically. "You just wanted me to be infuriated with you and then we were finally ready you planned on breaking my heart and just tearing it into two pieces and just walk all over it. That was your plan wasn't it?"
There were tears in her eyes as she pulled at the roots of her hair. The boy held out his arms, inching closer to her slowly "No. No. That wasn't my plan. Please, you have to trust me." Ziva chuckled without humour "Trust?" Her arms went to her sides "You want me to trust you after you cheated on me and didn't even have the guts to tell me?! I trusted you when you kissed Eleanor and told me it was the management's idea. I trusted you when you told me two weeks ago that you saw a future with me. I trusted you when I got the L tattoo. I trusted you when I stopped thinking about anyone else. I trusted you when I came right to you when Ian kissed me and I pushed him away. I trusted you when I didn't accompany you to the party. I trusted you when I got this damn apartment with you. I trusted you." She wiped her eyes and took off the ring that sat on her left hand's ring finger. His eyes widened in horror of what she was about to do "Ziva no. Please no. I beg you. I will do whatever you ask me to but no. Please don't take it off. No Ziva." He almost warned her, his voice desperate. Tears filled his vision as she saw him throw the ring somewhere into the ring and taking a permanent marker, turning her 'L' into a butterfly. It was sloppy, but it got her message across him. And for the first time, Louis Tomlinson knew what it was like to have your heart actually crushed.
It was like he couldn't breathe anymore, like he had been hit in the chest and his lungs had stopped working. Water flowed out from his eyes, wetting his cheek and collecting at the corners of his pink lips, the ones she could never get enough of. The world dulled, the yellows and the purples and the blues turning into all black and white. There was nothing that could have possible made him feel lighter. The world was closing in on him, his whole body becoming heavy to move. It felt as if a mirror had been broken into hundreds of tiny pieces and stabbed into his heart. Louis' blue eyes found Ziva's hazel ones and they shook. There was nothing he could say anymore. Was this how she felt when he cheated on her? Because if he knew it did, he would have thought his actions over a hundred times before he did anything.
His body seeked comfort, wanting some type of physical contact with Ziva. So he stumbled forward, expecting her to move away but she didn't. Instead, she just held his hand and pulled him up straight. Placing her hands on his cheeks, she connected their eyes, tears flowing out of hers and his. "Louis...." she murmured. He hummed, leaning slightly in to the warmth her hand provided "Now you know how it feels." And just like that, she stepped away, making the guy almost fall over but luckily, another pair of hands grabbed him and steadied him. The tall figure placed Louis in front of them, their back facing Ziva. "You ready to go?" Zayn asked Ziva, her bags already in the car waiting downstairs. She wiped her tears and sniffled before nodding "Let's go." She started walking away but was stopped when Louis shouted once more "Ziva! No! Please!" He begged her. Stumbling over Liam, he went to touch her but another person stepped in front of her this time, their chest rock hard and their figure towering over Louis' "Don't touch her." The person seethed. He looked up, only to see familiar hazel eyes staring down at his figure "Zayn please-" Louis started but was stopped by Zayn pushing him lightly "Ziva go down." He ordered, the girl compiling. She hugged Niall and Harry, before walking out.
"No! Ziva please come back! No!" Louis sobbed, his heart officially shattering. He fell backwards, leaning into Liam "She's gone. She's gone." And for the first time since he heard about the events, Zayn felt sympathy fill his heart for Louis "She's fucking gone." He yelled out in the air, Liam patting his head and trying to calm him down. Louis peered at Zayn through his eyelashes "Tell her I'm sorry." He cried. Zayn nodded "She knows already Lou. Her heart is just too hurt to consider it." And with that he turned around, ready to leave too but stopped and looked Louis directly in the eyes "I hope you have a happy life with Briana and your child in the future. Without Ziva." He knew it was a low blow, but he had to make it hurt and he knew it did when Louis flinched.
"Can we talk?" Louis asked the brunette that sat on his bed, in his oversized hoodie with glasses perched on her nose and her laptop in her lap from where she was answering E-mails. She nodded, setting her things aside and following him out to the balcony where there was a swing. They had come back from his home town and had been in London for the past few days, the brunette staying in the bedroom next to his. "I'm ready." He spoke, refering to their conversation they had. Louis had told the brunette he needed time and process everything before they could talk and rekindle their relationship, or at least he hoped they would. "I'm not going anywhere Lou. You can take time." Her right hand laid on her shoulder and he closed his eyes in bliss but shook his head "No. I can't let you walk out again." He forced her to sit on the swing and sat on the side, holding her hand and rubbing circles. It was usually calming for him, her physical touch and her presence. But with her attention on him right then, made her feel even more anxious. "I don't remember much from that night honestly. So, I'll start from the beginning. We were instructed to take pictures that indicated we were having a good time together and were close. So, I pulled her close and danced for about twenty minutes before we parted ways. When I went with Liam to Project LA, they wanted us to leave with Briana. So, we got in the same car. There were fans around us and paps so I pulled her a little close to me so that she could be safe but it was only hands on the upper waist. Snoop Doog's release party is when things went wrong. I-I was having a drink when she came up to me and started grinding. I pushed her oof and she later realised what she had done and apologised. It had gotten awkward so I was with Liam for most of the night. At one point, s-she came up to me with a drink, a beer I think. We left the party and I was supposed to take her home. She gave me a water bottle so I could sober up and i-it's all blurry after that. I don't remember doing anything with her. It's like someone has ripped away pages of my memory of that night. All I know is that when I woke up the next morning, I was in her bed, naked." The brunette's eyes snapped shut, her heart breaking him actually admit to it "You know I don't back out from being held accountable. This.... this was something I have no recollection of." There was pain in his eyes as he watched her to try and stop the tears from falling, but he couldn't. He had caused this hurt, he couldn't take it away. "I don't know how I'm supposed to react to that." The brunette stated, her eyes still clenched shut "I had heard so many things about this but hearing you admit it...... it just makes my heart break. I don't know what to say, to do. It's as if something in my mind is telling me to just forgive you and move on and let us figure it out along the way. But then my heart is scared that this'll change. You have a child Louis. A child. And you're dating Danielle." He shook his head, his grip tightening the slightest on her hand "I don't love her. Not the way I love you." Love. He said love, not loved.
If there was anything the brunette knew about love, it was that you couldn't predict it. You don't know how and why you fall in love with the person. It's not predictable. There's not a particular moment that makes you fall in love. It is those hundreds of small things and those hundreds of small gestures that make you fall in love. She had always called cap on people who said 'I can remember why I fell in love with you'. There isn't one thing that a person does that you fall in love with, that's the love where you love the idea of loving your person. For her, it's a slow and big process. And for the first time since she fell in love with him, Ziva Malik's mind and heart disagreed with each other.
They sat in silence, none of them knowing what to do or say. So he simply rubbed circles on her hands as she gazed out into the world. "I loved you so much. Four years Louis. Four years of having to hide my love, four years of shitty stunts and four years of constant denying my feelings of you. All I knew for four years was how to love you, and when you..... did it, I was broken. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, who I was supposed to be. It affected my mental health so much." He closed his eyes at her words, tying to keep the tears at bay "I slept with Ian one night. The day we were supposed to pretend we had a date night in London. You know? The narrative for when we showed that he flew out to London to visit me." Louis' eyes snapped open at the words and staggered back, seeing the tears in Ziva's eyes "No." He mumbled. Taking a few steps back, he leaned against the wall as his body shook "No you didn't." He would have known if she did. She didn't. "I didn't." She shook her head. A breath of relief escaped his mouth. "You heard that crack in your body? The disbelief and the hurt? That's what I felt Lou." The brunette stood from the swing and walked towards him. She took both of his hands in hers and entwined them, his blue eyes fixed on them "I'm always here to support you. But you can't ask of me to just get into a relationship with you." She mumbled nervously. Louis connected his forehead to hers "I'm not asking you too. Let's start from step one. Rewrite our story." A small involuntary smile took over her face as she processed his next words "I hurt you. I really did. I just ask for another chance. I think that four years of our love deserves at least that." It did. It really did. But was she ready for it? Maybe it did.
A/N: CLIFFHANGER BITCHES!!
I wanted to come out and get this conversation done with because the basis of the book is not going to be that Ziva and Louis have the conversation much later and then do whatever. I wanted them to already have had this convo before I start with all the hardships and all they'll overcome. I'd say this was pretty good as the one writing (ME) has never gone through a breakup. So I googled things and read heartbreak books and watched movies and read quotes and came up with this. So, let me know if you like it!!