TW: depression, smoking, mention of drugs and addiction
Also, there is no information about the date of her birthday so let's imagine that it's in September
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Amelia woke up from the sound of her alarm letting her know it was 7:30 am. The room was cold, dark, and filled with the smell of rain that was pouring all night. The girl hid her head under the blanket without any desire to leave this bed today. She felt even more apathetic than usual as a result of an oxy hangover, she had a terrible headache in addition.
The school started at 8:30 and continued till 3:00. She hated school. Maybe if Mickey studied with her, she would be okay with going there every day but he went to a different one. Amelia didn't have friends there, she tried, really tried but every time she reached the point that called friends her straightforwardness would ruin everything. She had a mate there but they never saw each other except at school but that was okay. Mickey promised to introduce her to his friends at a party this Friday and she hoped she would celebrate her birthday with them next week.
"Amelia, you will be late," Carolyn rushed into the room and turned the light on getting a loud groan from her daughter after she exposed her covered face, "wake up."
The girl made an unhappy grimace and got up from the bed slowly going to the bathroom. She was barely walking because of the drugs that were still in her system and her mother couldn't miss that. Carolyn knew something was off but decided not to push it for now.
After the door to the bathroom closed, Amelia took her clothes off letting them fall onto the floor, and crawled into the shower. The hot water ran down her body until she finally warmed up and then she turned on the cold water to wake up.
She did that every morning, not always to wake up though. She liked the feeling when the cold like ice water drops fell onto her already hot body lightly burning it. Everyone told her that if you have depression you can't even get up from the bed but that was bullshit. Sometimes a person can do everything he usually does and feel like he is drowning. He can have good grades and be an excellent child while he is slowly losing himself.
Amelia was not a good child though but she never argued with her mother, only her sisters but they always were starting it first. She was a great student even though she never paid attention to teachers, she just made it work on tests somehow and always made her homework. She took a shower every morning, most likely because of that exact feeling of burning but she still did it. So if anyone looked at her, they would think she was a normal teenager with some issues while in the meantime the girl would be falling apart on the inside.
Amelia wrapped herself in a towel as she turned the water off and came back to her room. She put on her favorite black jeans, rainbow-striped turtleneck, and the black jacket she forgot to return Mickey last night. She put on her white sneakers and added a little perfume that smelled like apple and almond. Her hair was laying naturally and she finally brushed it. One more thing to mention, Amelia always dressed up to school or parties no matter what state she was in. So yes, everyone thought she was okay, and even though she was glad people weren't noticing she wanted so badly for someone to look into her soul like Mickey did. The problem was he didn't seem to care.
She took her backpack with books and her watch and headed downstairs. It was already 8:15 which meant she would probably be late. But on the other hand, she didn't have time to eat so she didn't have to forcefully put the food into her mouth. Amelia never had problems with eating, she just wasn't hungry while she was in a bad mood.
"Amelia, food," Carolyn yelled from the kitchen as the teen tried to make her way outside unnoticed.
"I will eat at school," Amelia said the first thing that popped up in her head.
"Do you have money?" the mother asked as she walked to her daughter wiping her hands with a kitchen towel.
"Um," the girl looked up for a second and immediately replied, "no, not much." It was obvious she lied but her mom could never leave her without money for food.
"Here," she handed the teen her money and watched her ran through the door after taking them.
Amelia slowly walked to school, she was already late so there was no point to rush. She came to the end of the first class and that was the first time she missed it. Of course, she was late from time to time but never so much.
She walked down the hallway to her locker and put her backpack inside.
"Hey, why weren't you at math?" she heard a voice from behind the locker door.
"Lori, hey," Amelia said putting a fake smile on her face. Laura Green was her classmate, a girl with short blond wavy hair, brown eyes, and a really pretty face. Every time someone looked at her face, they would definitely think of her as an angelic child but that wasn't true. She was such a rule breaker. Lori was the same height as Amelia and always dressed up in dark tones what made her desired by every boy in the school. "I overslept," Amelia muttered.
"You never do that," Lori stated looking her friend in the eyes and slowly leaning closer, "what's up, Shepherd?"
Amelia bit her underlip which Laura immediately recognized as a sign of keeping a secret but none of them could say anything else as they were interrupted by the school bell.
"Talk at lunch?" Amelia asked getting a nod from her friend and they ran to the next class.
It was two more classes before lunch and Amelia was just sitting there not paying attention as always. She wanted to sleep so badly and her head was still aching, not so much though. She thought of Mickey and that she needed another night like that. She memorized every second of that content time and played it over and over again in her head.
"Amelia, tell me, what happened after he wrote that letter?" a voice of her teacher pulled her out of her thoughts. She raised her lost eyes on Mr. Collins and stayed quiet. She had absolutely no clue what this book was about and honestly, she didn't even know what book they were talking about.
"The test will be tomorrow and I would recommend you to at least pay attention to what we're discussing in class, Miss Shepherd," the teacher sternly stated. "Shit," the girl thought. Mr. Collins wanted to add something else but was interrupted by the ringing bell.
"It's lunchtime," Lori said grabbing Amelia's arm and leading her to the cafeteria.
"No, not there," Shepherd whispered and quickly made her way to the back door and hiding behind the corner. Lori followed her.
"What's going on?" Laura asked raising her eyebrow.
"Um," Amelia bit her underlip again and put her hands in the jacket's pockets. "What's th-?" she thought and took a pack of cigarettes from one of them.
"Since when do you smoke?" Lori was shocked but smiled as she finally wouldn't be doing it alone.
Amelia thought about her answer staring at the pack and finally said, "since now I guess."
She took 2 cigarettes from it, one for her and one for her friend, and put one in her mouth. She also found a lighter in the inside pocket. She lit a cigarette and took a puff. A big cloud of smoke exited her mouth and she lightly coughed. That little amount of nicotine that entered her body instantly relaxed her making her close her eyes in pleasure. She had never smoked before but now she could completely understand why people would do it. It helped. As well as drugs.
"So?" Lori asked, "will you tell me already what's up with you?"
"I took some oxy last night," Amelia whispered. She wasn't sure how her friend would react and was scared to tell her.
"Well, that's fine, just don't play with it often, you might become addicted to this shit," she stated. Lori was never a drug fan but she didn't judge others if they used. Laura just didn't need them to be happy, she had a good family and a great house. It really was just a phase in her case. At least that was what Amelia thought.
"I won't, I never get addicted to anything," Amelia said with a smile like she was sure.
Lori dropped the cigarette butt on the ground and put it out with her boot. Amelia did the same and two girls came back to school.
"I'm hungry, can we eat?" Laura whined a second before the bell rang, "daaamn."
The rest of the school day went, as usual, Amelia was sleeping and no one said anything to her but it was time to go home.
"I think she knows," Amelia mumbled as the two friends were exiting the school.
"How?" Laura asked in a 'there's no way' tone.
"She had worked as a nurse for 25 years," she replied giving her an 'are you kidding me?' face.
"Navy nurse," Lori raised her index finger stating her point.
"Doesn't matter."
"Okay, what if she does know, what's she gonna do about it? No-thing! You know why? Because you are Amelia freaking Shepherd, they have no power over you," Laura said making her friend smile.
"See you tomorrow," Amelia said and walked home. She was really nervous and couldn't stop overthinking. The only thing she wanted was night to come faster so Mickey would come and take her somewhere. That was happening every night except Thursday because of a family dinner that his parents served. And today was Wednesday. She hid her hands in the pockets as that always made her feel safe and protected for some reason. But not this time. "Damn it," she thought to herself and then remembered about the effect that cigarettes gave her and took one from the pack.
"That's not gonna work," she mumbled down her breath and looked around. She saw a perfect spot where no one would notice her and quickly walked towards it. That was some construction on which she didn't see anyone working for a couple of years now. She climbed the fence and sat on the ground litting a cigarette. And again the euphoria filled her body. She let go of all the fears she had and when she finished nothing was bothering her as much anymore.
She made her way home realizing that Lori was right, she could give no damn what her mother thought and what she had to say.
"I'm home," she yelled as soon as she entered the house. There was a second-long silence but it was broken.
"In the kitchen."
Her mother's voice was stern and with a note of concern.
"Sit," Carolyn demanded and heavily sighed getting ready for a serious talk.
"What's happening?" Amelia asked looking at her with a tightened smile.
"I don-," the mother said but started to sniff getting closer to her daughter, "have you smoked?" She was shocked and disappointed and also really scared for her little girl.
"No," Amelia chuckled, "why? Do I smell?" She played confused, "maybe that's because of Lori."
"I hope so," Carolyn squinted her eyes still looking at the teen with suspicion. After a short pause, she continued, "what is happening with you lately, kiddo?"
"What do you mean?"
It was obvious that Amelia closed off and Carolyn felt it but to help her, she needed to know what was wrong with her child.
"You run away, come back late, you oversleep and-."
"I ran away once and overslept once," Amelia cut her off yelling and hit the table with her hands. "Wow," the girl thought as she never did this before. She never snapped at her mother. Clearly, she lied about running away but that was something she had to do to not get into more trouble.
"You always in your room, do you even have friends?"
"She did not just say that," the girl thought.
"Wow, just wow," Amelia said getting up from the table and started to walk towards the stairs to get into her room.
"Amelia Frances Shepherd, get back here now," Carolyn yelled but that was pointless, she heard the door closing. She couldn't believe what was happening. Her little girl was changing into someone completely new. A person she would never wish for any of her children to become. But even now she was so her father's daughter and that made it all even worse.
Amelia fell on her bed and screamed into her pillow for a couple of seconds letting her anger exit the body before taking the diary.
6th September 1988
That is the first day when I overslept. I have never thought that the morning after could be so difficult but now I know. I missed math but the rest of the classes was okay if I don't count Mr. Collins. Lori said he's just an asshole which made me laugh. She is a good mate and I'm thinking of becoming friends with her. Maybe I will even introduce her to Mickey. Today is also the first day when I snapped at my mother and as rude as it may sound I don't care. I wish she would just leave me alone. It's too late for her mother's attention.
Waiting the night to hang out with Mickey.
She thought for a minute what else she could write soon realizing that the rest was too dangerous to put into words. She didn't know if her mother was aware of the diary so she closed it and hid in its usual spot.
Amelia quickly made her homework and found the name of the book they were discussing today. She stared at it for straight 5 minutes debating whether she should read it or not eventually deciding on the last one.
"Not this time, Mr. asshole," she said out loud and chuckled putting the book back on the shelf. It was already almost 9 pm and Mickey should be here soon. She skipped dinner telling her mother she was tired and needed to prepare for her test tomorrow. She clearly wouldn't do that but it was a perfect plan for Amelia to get away.
She was laying on her bed looking at the ceiling as there was a knock on the window.
"You got it?" Amelia asked immediately after Mickey's face appeared in the window frame.
"I got it," he smiled and showed her the baggie with pills inside.
"Great, let's go then before my mom sees me leaving."
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I'm not sure whether I like this chapter or not but let me know what you think