33 BULLETS
I was pregnant.
I stood in a weird sort of shock.
I was preparing for a baby in three years.
Not today.
But as we sat in silence and Thann let me process, my thoughts were dripping into happiness.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
I had always wanted to be a mother. And really, when Thann first told me about his planet, I was ready. But as the possibility dropped into darkness with my implant, the idea slid away.
Now it was back as a tidal wave, crashing me into the ground.
I had to be ready.
How do you get ready for a baby on an alien planet?
I needed my mom.
Mom.
That's right. I was pregnant! I would have a baby and then get to go home! My ticket was practically printed!
Happiness flowed.
I was going home.
But.
I was happy for more than that. And I realized I was happy that I was pregnant. I was happy that this was my child.
New life.
Thann and I had created life.
A grin started to spread over my face and Thann looked up adoringly.
Happy? He signed.
I nodded serenely. Happy.
He jumped to his feet and flipped me into his arms, spinning me around.
Holding on, I couldn't help but give a joyful laugh.
He sat me back down and pulled me tight against his chest. The grin had never left his lips.
His eyes glistened to me and I had to bite my cheek to resist his gravity. "You're going to be a daddy. Thann's baby."
He rested his forehead against mine. "Thann El baby."
"Yeah," I agreed. "Ours."
He pulled me back into an embrace and stayed that way for a long time.
I was trying to picture us as a family.
Huddled by some fire, probably in a clay hut home. A pink bundle in Thann's arms. Or blue. I guess it didn't matter which as long as it was healthy.
I stiffened.
Healthy.
Oh my gosh.
The implant.
What would that do to a growing fetus? Would it cause birth defects? Maybe? I couldn't remember.
It could hurt the baby!
"Thann!" I yelled and he stepped back in alarm. "We have to get the implant out, now!"
His eyes shifted to not understanding and I pointed to the rod.
"Earth medicine. Hurt baby!"
His eyes widened as he took in what I said.
Turning quick I marched back to camp and dug through the packs until I found his dagger.
His hands were surrounding my wrist. "No! No hurt El."
My glance was deadly at him. "Little hurt El or Big hurt baby."
He growled and took the dagger from me. "No. No hurt baby."
I crumpled. "That's not what I mean Thann. Um..." I tried to think how to say it. "Little hurt El, medicine cut out." I pointed to the knife then my arm. "No kill Earth medicine...." I pointed to my belly. "Big hurt baby."
He must have got the gist because he nearly tripped backwards over his own feet, righting himself at the last second. He looked at the dagger in hesitation. "Hurt baby."
"Right."
He nodded solemnly. "Hurt El."
"Just a little bit. I'll be okay. But we have to cut it out."
"Kill medicine," he spoke to himself and then stood tall like he was preparing.
"Yeah. Yeah, that's right. We have to kill the medicine in my arm."
He wouldn't look me in the eyes but reached for my arm and guided me to a fallen log.
"It'll be okay."
He maneuvered my arm so it was open wide and ready across it.
I took a deep breath in preparation too. Without the numbing shot, this wasn't going to be fun. But at least it would be less painful than the shreds at my back.
He stared at the implant area and growled, but the minute ticked by and he still hadn't done it.
"I can do it." I reached for the dagger.
He held it back from me. "No! Cha. Awukwazi ukwenza ukusika kuhlanzeke ngokwanele. Awunamandla." He looked resigned. "Ngizokwenza."
Another moment past and then he huffed out a breath. He lifted the dagger high into the air, holding it strong with both hands.
I yanked my arm back from the edge of the wood. "Whoa! Whoa there Dothraki! Hold up! What are you going to do?! Chop off my arm! It just needs...." And then I stopped and looked him over. "Oh. Oh! You really thought! Oh." My hands came out in front of me. "No. No, you don't need to chop off my arm for this. No wonder you were so adamant on not cutting me."
The dagger lowered to one hand as he watched me.
I giggled at him and then pointed to the area right at the implant. "Little cut. Little hurt." I pinched just the smallest amount of skin and made a tiny indent with my fingernail. "See, little."
He stood stoic, so I grabbed the dagger from him. He let me take it.
"I guess this really is a better time for me to do it." I put a branch between my teeth again and dug the dagger point in just at the end of the implant.
I cursed into the wood.
Thann growled his disapproval but was staying back.
Blood pooled at the area when I pressed in further than I probably should have.
Really wish I had Jia's doctor skills right about now.
I handed the dagger back to Thann and then cried into the branch again while I started pressing on the area trying to budge the slippery rod.
"Come out you..." and I probably used a few of Molly's choice sailor words after that.
The wound was stinging and dripping clear down my arm, but I couldn't stop now.
I was trying to keep breathing, even though they were coming out in pulses.
With another press the white tip finally broke through the skin.
"There it is!"
I took a few more pulsing breaths and then yanked on the edge, dislodging it the rest of the way from my arm.
I held the little jerk up in celebration.
Thann stared at it like Earth medicine was all disgusting frog guts and eyes of newt.
I chucked it to the ground and took a deep breath.
"Alright. I think we're good. Baby good."
His glance had followed the implant, but shot to mine. "Baby good."
I nodded. "Baby is good."
He grinned wide for a moment, until he looked back at my arm. "El hurt."
Agreeing I looked over the blood. "Yeah. A bit." I pointed to the basket. "Got any bandaids?"
He grabbed a bit of grey linen and took a few minutes cleaning and wrapping the area.
"See?" I held up my arm. "All good. Just a little hurt. Not my whole arm." I winked.
He grinned.
He stood and grabbed a water bottle and handed it to me. "Stay."
"Stay?" I asked, then giggled. "You didn't get enough wolf time? Go mark your tree Big Guy. I'll be okay. Emergency over."
He gave a peck and then ran off to the trees.
I did kind of like that angle with just the Tarzan scraps.