"What do you want?
What do you want from me?"
Ethan Marlow
"Get up."my annoying sister's voice wakes me up, making me groan. I wave with my hand with my eyes still closed, stopping her hand from poking me in the back.
"Fuck off."I rasp out, creasing my brows together.
My whole body is hurting so I don't need her annoying me this early in the morning.
It was a pretty rough night. We found some of them and even if we won, they still beat us up pretty bad. My sister didn't know of course, she thinks I got drunk and got in a bar fight so now she wants to rub it in my face.
"I don't care about your fucking hangover, I want money, I'm going grocery shopping."she sighs, poking me once more on the back.
I groan again and roll around so I lay on my back, opening my eyes. Of course when I do it the fucking sun shines right in them, causing me a headache. I groan again and quickly take my wallet put of my pocket, tossing it at her so she can leave me alone.
I hear her make a happy gasp before she finally goes quiet.
But now I can't fucking go back to sleep.
I groan once again as I get up from the bed, feeling all my muscles tense. I wince at the feeling, but still manage to sit up on the edge.
"Who were you fighting with in this bar? Some fucking bear?"I hear my sister again and when I look around, I see her kneeling in the hallway, tying her shoes.
I fucking wish.
I just look around, feeling my one eye burn when I move it too fast. I rub my other one and wince once again, because of the pain in my knuckles. Just when I hear the door opening, I finally speak.
"Are there some painkillers or something?"I ask, my hoarse voice loud enough for her to stop.
"No, but I'll get some. Didn't you have weed or something?"she asks, making me smirk, looking down at my lap.
Her first solution for anything is weed.
"Not anymore."I rasp out.
"Stoner."she jokingly says before she closes the door after her.
I stand up from my bed, cussing under my breath. If I remember correctly there were around three guys there. It only took Len one punch in the face for him to fall unconscious and from then I had to handle three large men on my own.
Good thing they weren't armed.
But as I walk across the living room something catches my attention from the door. Since Tonya got out, something dropped there. Something like a piece of paper.
Oh fuck, I swear to god, if it's the cops-
Panic washes over me and my eyes go wide, thinking about all the possible things that could be written there. What if it's one of them? What if it's the cops? Or what if it's some message for my sister from her girlfriend and I accidentally read it?
No, no, she probably saw the paper when it fell down. If she didn't bother to tell me what it was then it's probably nothing.
Before I know it, my feet start carrying me towards the door. I quickly sit down, ignoring the pain in my ribs when I do it, and open it.
"Hey, before you freak out, don't worry, it's Jade. You know, that annoying girl from the beach yesterday"
The second I read that first sentence, relief washes over me, but also confusion.
"You probably think I'm a stalker for knowing where you live, but I just remember that you said your sister lives here, and I thought that maybe you could be living with her. Or you're just his sister. If you're not him, please just give this letter to him or burn it.
Okay, if you continued reading you're the real Ethan. I'm sorry that I'm bothering you again (I'm not) but I need to meet you on the beach again. The private beach we aren't allowed to go to.
You don't have to and I'm probably an idiot for wanting this from someone I don't even know. I don't even have your number so I'm writing this stupid thing. But if you want to help a girl out, go there at 10 pm and save me from my undying embarrassment.
Besides, I owe you a cigarette.
Jade"
In my whole life I didn't think a girl I drove somewhere would ask me to go to the place we met...over a letter. It's so strange, but somehow It brought a smile to my face, imagining her rambling it and being all awkward.
Why the fuck am I smiling?
I shove it away, trying to form my lips into a line. I stand back up, the letter staying on the ground, and turn around. I'm definitely not going, she's probably gonna ask me to drive her somewhere again, what else would she need me for?
And if I didn't show up, I'm sure she would wait for me around 10 minutes and just go away. She would think she left it in front of the wrong house. I'm sure she wouldn't get hurt if I don't show up.
///
"Look at what I got."Len bursts through the door of my room, his voice pitched like it is when he's excited.
Of course, the only thing he would be excited about laid between his fingers, wrapped in two joints. My panicked body from the sudden burst lays back on my bed again.
"Can you at least knock on the damn door?"I groan.
"Then what's the fun in having my own key? It's not like you jerk off like ever, so..."he explains, shrugging and I just drop it.
I didn't do anything today. It's currently 5 pm and the only walk I got was to the kitchen to eat and take my pills, and then to my room where I crashed on my bed. Len on the other side looks really energetic. He probably snorted something or drank too many Redbulls.
"Damn you look like shit."he stops on the doorstep of my room, looking down at me with creased brows.
"Yeah, thanks. And you're heavy to carry to the car."I say back, referring to last night when I had to carry him to the car, because he was still unconscious.
"Well, I'm sorry I have a sensitive skull."he points at his red eye.
"A sensitive wha-"
"But that's not the case right now. The important thing is that we're both in a state for smoking and that's what we're going to do."he lifts up the two joints again, stepping further into the room.
I sigh and move to sit on the edge of the bed, him laying down with his back against the headboard. He throws me one of the joints and I catch it, immediately putting it between my teeth. I haven't smoked in a month, and fuck did I miss it.
My body isn't that bad now. Guess, five painkillers and a shower help.
"So...what happened yesterday? You know, after they knocked me out."he asks before he lights up his joint.
"They beat me a little, but then I pulled out the gun and they ran away. I didn't even have to use it."I shrug. Well, I had to to scare them away, but I didn't shoot on them.
"You gotta be a little more careful here. The cops are a lot smarter than back in England."he quietly says, me being surprised he's serious for once.
"Says the one who was about to get high on the street."I shake my head.
"They're not gonna come here when they hear a lighter."he flickers the clipper in his hand "But they're sure gonna bust your ass down if they hear a gunshot."
He gives me a raised brow and hands me over the lighter. I quickly light it up, seeing the thin end turn orange. I take a deep drag, feeling the same burn in my throat. When It gets too much, I pull it away and keep it in for a couple of seconds before exhaling.
I tilt my head back, seeing the smoke float into the air. I look back down at the joint, taking a drag again before it burns out and I have to use the lighter again. I do the same thing, feeling my nerves calm down a little.
"Hey, hey, what's that?"
Len's voice catches my attention and I look at him, seeing him holding the weed that's a lot smaller now and holding some paper with the other hand.
The letter.
Fuck.
"Nothin' important."I try to stay calm even though I don't want him to read it.
Why wouldn't I want him to read it? She's embarrassing herself, not me. I don't care.
But the relief that washes over me tells otherwise when he drops it with a smile and sticks the joints back between his teeth "You're lucky I can't read shit right now, man."
"You can't read in general."I shake my head with a grin before I take another drag.
"Fuck off."he chuckles and takes a long drag, which of course, leads to him coughing. When he calms down a bit he adds "But It sounded like someone was wanting to fuck you."
I crease my brows together, the expression I give him screaming he's an idiot. That's not true. She's just some random homeless chick who is too broke for a taxi and too lazy to walk. Well, she's attractive, not gonna lie. And something in her face tells me I've seen her before. But no, I wouldn't, she's too annoying.
"You really can't read don't ya?"I chuckle again, smoking the rest of the joint.
The whole room is in smoke at this point and everything smells like weed, which makes it even more fun. We're gonna be here for awhile.
"I'm telling ya, man."he laughs before he burns off the butt of the joint in the ashtray on my nightstand "Are you gonna go see her?"
"Fuck, no. I don't even know her."I shake my head. I don't want to go into details of why I don't wanna go, but he probably got my point.
I already know what he's about to say with his stupid cheeky smirk. His face has become red by now and his eyes are glossy as he slowly says "You know, I've never met someone who's their own cockblocker. But you surprise me everyday, Marlow."he shrugs and I roll my eyes.
I feel that warmth spreading on my face and my mind starts getting calmer so I don't really react, I just drop it. I just sit there, my legs spread, my elbows resting on my knees, the joint that's about to end soon between my fingers.
I took the last couple of drags before I tossed my joint in the ashtray too. I felt it hitting me around 5 minutes after that and I laid back on the bed, a wide grin on my face. We weren't even saying anything, we were just chuckling like idiots. The shit he let me smoke must've been something pretty strong, or I just haven't smoked in awhile.
But it passed as quick as it hit us. After a good hour, we were perfectly fine and he was getting annoying again which told me I was sober. When Len was done with his "little" pep talk about why I should fuck somebody, he finally left my house. I got on the balcony where, for my surprise Tonya was sitting.
I didn't know she was here. I get on the balcony anyway, making her look at me just for a second before she looks around at the view again. It's nothing interesting, just other buildings and streets. She's wearing a big over-sized gray t-shirt with some thin blanket over her shoulders and shorts while I'm wearing some gray sweatpants and a black t-shirt.
When she stays silent I get something is wrong and sit next to her, on one of the wooden chairs, a small coffee table between us.
"Hey, what's up?"I break the silence between us.
She's never been like this. Yes, she's been sad, but she usually bursts out crying and always shares it with me either if I want to know or not. Now she's just silent, it's not normal.
But part of me already knows what she's about to say.
"You know what's up, Ethan."she mumbles, hugging her legs closer to her chest.
I just drop my head to look at my lap, nodding. I don't want to talk about this shit right now. I probably should just leave and not talk about it. She's sad, but it will go away probably by tomorrow.
"We can't even pay our bills now. We'll be homeless after a month."she speaks again, making me sigh and lean back on my seat. I didn't plan on the mood changing this quickly.
Of course, it's about this. I know what she's about to say and I really don't need it after just getting high and having fun with my best friend.
We weren't going to be actually homeless. I had a plan, but the problem was that I couldn't trust to tell anyone, not even my sister. People could be hearing us from anywhere, especially since the attack yesterday.
"I'm not gonna talk about this now, Tonya."I say quietly, looking anywhere, but her.
"You know we're fucked and you just hang out, getting high."she mutters and I can tell she's getting emotional again.
"It's not like that. I'm searching for something."I state, running my hand through my hair.
"You said that an year ago. You know the only choice you have is to go there."she says softly, but her words make me clench my jaw and take a deep breath through my nose. I hate talking about this, but she always makes me.
"I'm not doing this."my voice gets quieter and I shake my head.
"Ethan, you have to do it. I know it's gonna be hard for you, but-"she starts raising her voice.
"Hard? You're asking me to kill people for fucking money right now."I cut her off, raising my voice and standing up. I don't even care if the people of the street heard me. I have to go somewhere else.
Flashbacks appear in my mind, my body filling with anger and hopelessness. I know we don't have fucking money, but I'm not doing this job. I might not have education to get a normal job, but I'm not doing this job even if I starve to death.
But Tonya is going to be safe, either with my plan or with her girlfriend Wanda. She's going to be fine, that's all I need.
"And why do you even care? Wanda is gonna take care of you."I furrow my brows, looking down at her.
"And what about you?"she asks, starting to raise her voice.
"Don't worry about me. Worry about yourself, I'm not doing this job even if I die on that street."I point the street in front of us.
"I'm not gonna let you die. You're my fucking brother, how wouldn't I be worried about you?"she asks, my head starting to spin from all of this.
It's too much.
"I don't care, I'm not doing this."I sigh under my breath and turn around to get inside.
"Do we have another option hm?"she stands up too and follows me as I get in, slamming the door behind her "I'm the only one here who has a job while you just buy fucking cigarettes and get high with your friends. I can't stand being the only one here who's trying-"
"I told you. I'm not getting back there so they can pay me to be a fucking murderer."I raise my voice again.
"Okay, okay, if you don't want it. Fine. But at least get some job, because I'm tired of your bullshit. Do you know how it feels to not eat anything except some apple that's been in the fridge for 4 days?"she starts yelling, throwing her hands around as I massage the inside corners of my eyes.
"Yes, I do know how it feels. You forgot I'm also in this situation."I say calmly, trying not to raise my voice.
It's fucking hard though.
"Then fucking do something about it!"she shouts in my face, making my blood boil.
"What do you want me to do? What job would give us enough stability when I don't have a fucking education, Tonya?"I snap, something I don't usually do so it sent shock over her face when I faced her "Tell me. Will working in some shop pay our bills? Some gas station? And I sure as fuck am not going there. Are we clear?"
By the end of this my throat was sore from yelling and she was even sadder. It kills me that I made her that way, but there's nothing I can do here. We're fucked. No, I'm fucked. And I'll fucking live with it if it means I wouldn't step there again.
It falls silent again and by her sniffle I know she started tearing up, but I just stare at the ground, both of us standing there in the middle of the living room. My hands are on my hips and I try to calm my breathing. Fuck, I didn't mean to snap like that.
"Even the bare minimum would be fine, Ethan. You gotta at least try. Just find some random job so we can at least have something to eat."she quietly asks after the long torturous silence.
I don't answer with anything, instead just hear her walk away with another sniffle. I can't think of anything. Maybe I should call Len. He said he has some job and I doubt it's legal, but I don't have a choice right now. I'm not going to kill people, but I can do something illegal.
It sounds so miserable, I'm feeling miserable. We don't have anything to eat, we don't have anything. Her stupid job at a coffee shop barely pays the electricity and water.
I breathe heavy through my nose, finally deciding in the last moment to get my sweater from the couch, put it on and take my keys.
I'm going somewhere. Just to forget about this and clear my head.