"I never did it either, I'm not a nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive liar..." Allison informs the group.
"You are such a bitch! You did that on purpose just to fuck me over!" shouts the princess.
"I would do it though, If you love someone it's okay."
"I can't believe you, you're so weird. You don't say anything all day and then when you open your mouth...you unload all these tremendous lies all over me!"
"You're just pissed off because she got you to admit something you didn't want to admit to!" I say, trying to defend my best friend.
"Okay, fine, but that doesn't make it any less bizarre."
"What's bizarre? I mean we're all pretty bizarre! Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all." Andrew says, backing me up.
"How are you bizarre?" Allison decides to field that question.
"He can't think for himself..." she says bluntly, gaining questioning eyes from the rest of the group besides myself.
"She's right...do you guys know what, uh, what I did to get in here?" Andy asks.
"You taped larry's ass cheeks together" I snorted, highly amused by the gruesome fact. Claire laughs.
"That was you?" quizzed brian.
"Yeah, you know him?"
"Yeah, I know him..."
"Well, then you know how hairy he is, right? Well, when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some, some skin too..."
"Oh my God"
"And the bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man...I tortured this poor kid because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about, you know, when he was in school...all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm sitting in the locker room, and I'm taping up my knee. And Larry's undressing a couple of lockers down from me. Yeah...he's kinda... he's kinda skinny, weak. And I started thinking about my father, and his attitude about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I uh, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him...And my friends just laughed and cheered me on. And afterward, when I was sittin' in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father. AndLarry havin' to go home and...and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation...fucking humiliation he must've felt. It must've been unreal...I mean-" Andrew breaks off before swallowing thickly, tears rolling down his face, I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way...it's all because of me and my old man. Oh God, I fucking hate him! He's like this...he's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore..."Andrew, you've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family...Your intensity is for shit! Win. Win! WIN!!!" You son of a bitch!" he stops again, taking a deep breath before continuing, " You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give...and I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me" he sighs.
"I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling," John says. Andrew laughs briefly.
"It's like me, you know, with my grades...like, when I, when I step outside myself kinda, and when I, when I look in at myself you know? And I see me and I don't like what I see, I really don't." Brian confesses.
" What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself?" I ask him.
'Cause I'm stupid...'cause I'm failing shop. See we had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant, and um...and we had eight weeks to do it and we're s'posed ta, and it was like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was s'posed to go on...my light didn't go on, I got an F on it. Never got an F in my life... When I signed up, you know, for the course I mean. I thought I was playing it real smart, you know. 'Cause I thought, I'll take shop, it'll be such an easy way to maintain my grade point average..."
"Why'd you think it'd be easy?" Bender asks him.
"Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop?"
"I take shop!" Bender and I say at the same time before the criminal continues.
"you must be a fuckin' idiot!"
"I'm a fuckin' idiot because I can't make a lamp?"
"No, you're a genius because you can't make a lamp"
"What do you know about Trigonometry?" Brian snaps.
"I could care less about Trigonometry," comes the careless reply of the criminal.
"Bender, did you know without Trigonometry there'd be no engineering?"
"Without lamps, there'd be no light!"
"Fire, stupid," I say to bender
"Okay so neither one of you is any better than the other one." the princess speaks. Allison feels left out of the conversation and starts to speak up.
"I can write with my toes! I can also eat, brush my teeth..." says she.
"With your feet?" claire asks, obviously disgusted.
"...play Heart & Soul on the piano."
" I can make spaghetti!" Brian says