"Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have"
Ethan Marlow
I smirk to myself when I pull up to the old non stop, seeing Len throwing his hands around and talking to himself. Okay, maybe I was late with an hour and a half, but at least now I have an excuse.
Jade.
I didn't stop thinking about her the way here and I'm annoyed at myself for that. She seemed so interesting. Just randomly showing up on a private beach and asking strangers for a ride. Without a fear, without a care. She didn't seem like she had a house either, just looking around to sleep in someone's house with her blonde wig and messed up makeup.
Maybe that's who she was waiting for. Someone who would take her to their house so she could sleep somewhere.
I thought too much about it, but it's like that when I didn't have anything else to do in this old car. Maybe I was wrong, maybe she just had a date there or something. She looked clean though, her delicate hand with french nail polish was soft on my face and even through her smudged makeup, her face was clean and smooth.
"I told him. But what do I get for having the slowest friend in the world? This. Yes, I did this to myself."I hear him ramble to himself when I stop in the parking lot of the non stop. He's with his back on me so he isn't able to see me.
"The slowest friend is here."I chuckle, seeing him quickly turn around, his angry gaze falling on me.
"You asshole! Everybody left and you know who was the only one left? This bitch Stephanie. And guess what, she asked me on a date again."he speaks fast like he always does when he's angry. Spitting and all that.
Stephanie is his biggest enemy. It's ironic, because as much as he talks shit about her, he still fucks her when she invites him over to her house. We talked one time with her, because I don't usually hang out with Len's friends. She really was flirty, like Len warned me.
Maybe we made out for a little, but that was it. I had to go home and I didn't want to get anybody there.
"You know I would just be pushing you to talk to her if I was there, right?"I chuckle again, pulling out my cigarettes and putting it between my teeth for probably the fifteenth time today.
"Oh please, if you were there she would only talk to you. She wouldn't even acknowledge me and I would be more than happy. Plus, you would've got a fuck for tonight."he steps closer to me as I rest my back on my car.
"You're sounding like a jerk."I shake my head with a smirk.
"I'm right though! She's a fucking lice, that's what she is! And you know she's mad annoying when even ugly people like me complain about it. With you it's easy though, if you're a jerk they think it's sexy, because you're like some Greek god or shit."he mutters and I chuckle again.
"Are you finished yet?"I ask, but then a smug smile pops on my face.
That's what she-
"Don't you fucking dare, Marlow."he points his finger at me with a warning look and I just look away with a laugh "Give me the fucking weed now."
"You're gonna smoke here?"I ask, my eyes focusing on the bright lighted non stop on our left. I can see around three costumers through the glass walls and the cashier, giving us a thoughtful look from time to time.
"Oh come on, don't be a pussy. Smoke with me. Nobody's gonna say shit."he shrugs and I just continue looking around.
"I'll pass."I shortly say before I pull out the old carton with the two joints in it.
If he wants to, he's going to smoke here. It's his risk. If he gets caught, it's his problem. Then why am I so nervous?
I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and there's this uncomfortable feeling in my ears. That tells me something bad is going to happen soon and I'm not in the mood of getting caught by the police.
Or maybe it's something a lot more serious than the police.
No, no, it can't be what I'm thinking it is. I'm probably just getting paranoid. I focus back on Len and give him the pack. The biggest smile pops on his face when he looks down on them like I gave him a fucking Christmas present.
I smile at his reaction and shake my head, but then I hear something. My head shoots to the direction of the noise, seeing it was something from the trees behind the non-stop. Like somebody was walking over dry leaves.
"Hey, maniac. The fuck is wrong with you today?"Len gets my attention again and I look back at him.
"I thought I saw something."I mumble, pulling out my new pack of cigarettes and taking out one. I already smoked around 2 of them.
Len doesn't seem bothered at all. He just gives it a glance and shrugs it off. Of course, he wouldn't be worried. He's just as fucked as me, but weed seems to cloud his judgement. As much as we try to ignore it we're in deep shit.
Because of him.
"Probably nothin'. Are you sure you don't want to?"he suggests again, pointing the little box at me, but I shake my head again.
I just rest my back on the car again, trying to relax a little. I take a drag of my cigarette, feeling the smoke burning my throat and fogging my mind a little, just like I need it. I run my hands through my hair, trying not to think about it anymore. But it's pretty hard, especially when I keep hearing fucking noises from there.
No, don't look. It's probably in your head.
But then I hear voices.
"Fuck it."I mutter under my breath before I open the backseat of my car to take what I need.
I open the black leather bag, pulling out two guns and tugging them in the waistband of my pants before anyone is able to see them. I don't care if I'm just paranoid anymore, I'm going to check what the fuck is going on there. And Len is helping me.
When I get out and look back at him, he has a smirk on his face, probably knowing what I'm thinking.
"We goin'?"he nodded his head at the source of noise.
"Yeah."I breathe out before I head to the side of the small building.
"Let's get the party started."Len suddenly yells, making me stop and look at him with a 'what the fuck' expression. He stops too and whisper-shouts "Oh sorry. Let's get the party started."
Aylin Russel
"You know this is the worst idea you're ever had, right? And you've had some pretty bad ones."my annoying brother said as he was driving me to his house.
I was on the passenger seat, ignoring what he says and looking out the window. I really didn't want his lecture ass right now. My hands were holding my backpack with white knuckles, my legs were hugged to my chest and I felt so tired, but I didn't want to sleep at the same time.
I just watched the other cars drive past us, covered in a yellow-ish light by the streetlamps. I was thinking about today, how all the emotions I had were drained from me and now I just felt nothing.
I was happy at some point, when I was drawing in my sketchbook on the big swing in our front garden. Then I was angry when my father told me the news. Then I was sad, so sad I ran away. Then I was feeling freedom, walking around the beach without a direction or clue, waiting for someone with a car to drive by. Then my brother called me and told me he had a place for me to stay.
So I used this boy to drive me to the drive-in and there I met my brother. We aren't the closest, but he always supports me and never tells dad. Now I could tell he was worried about me, but he was still on my side. He doesn't like Raven too, but at least he has his own house where he can ignore her.
"Aylin, talk to me."he pushed again, making me move closer to the window, tucking my brown hair behind my ear.
"I don't want to."I mumble.
"Oh my god, you're so dramatic."he sighs and I can tell he's shaking his head.
I'm used to this. Every time I just want to stay silent and be alone with my thoughts, he has to break it and insult me in some way. Call me dumb, dramatic and this type of shit.
I kinda wish I was with this boy I met- Ethan. He would've been quiet and not bother me. it gets kinda boring with him, but at least he would've left me alone.
I bite my tongue not to answer to him and just stay silent, watching him turn the car in different directions until he reaches his street. It's a big ass house, of course. Not as big as my father's, but still a pretty big mansion. It's in the same rich neighbor, but my father never comes here.
It makes him emotional or something.
When he stops the car, I fly out of it. I hear him scoff, but I just continue walking towards the entrance. He slams the car and I hear angry steps before he's right next to me and squeezes the back of my neck. I stop with a wince.
"You know, you can be a little more grateful."he mutters and lets go with a push, making me take one step forward.
"I'm going through the same shit as you, but at least I'm not so irresponsible. You're 19 fucking years old and can't get your shit together. You don't even have a car or a house."his lecture starts again as he pulls out his keys.
"She abused me."I quietly remind him, making him take a deep breath "I'm not acting dramatic."
I hate when he gets like this. He still supports me and all, but when he's in a bad mood he's awful. He's always awful, but at least when he's in a good mood he's bearable.
"Oh please, she slapped you one time. You know you deserved it with that attitude."he mutters before he opens the door and steps inside.
I decide to keep quiet again and get in after him, closing the tall door after me. There's no point in fighting with him right now. He claps loudly with his hands twice, making the lights flicker on, revealing a big living room.
Just like our living room, cream colored walls, some of them made of glass. Two big sofas around a small coffee table. Big diamond chandelier and rich details like paintings with golden frames or vases made of silver. It all makes me sick, but I've grown up around these things so I'm used to it.
I quickly go up the stairs, ignoring him completely. When I get on the second floor, I clap my hands so they flicker on too, getting annoyed by this. Really, what's the use of it?
I haven't been here in a long time and even though it hasn't changed at all, it's really easy to get lost. But if I remember correctly, my room is in the end of the hall. I walk down, walking pass big mirrors and paintings, my sneakers making loud noises on the clean floor.
"Aylin."I hear my brother call out from downstairs, but I don't answer.
I just open the last door, immediately tossing my bag on the floor. It's untouched, even the five pillows I put on the bed last time I was here are still staying there. The room isn't that big, it's the smallest in this house. It's why I chose it. It's just a bed, a small closet and some shelves on the walls.
I kick the bag to the side to rest against the wall and walk further into the room. I go to close the door behind me, but when I turn around to look why I can't I see my brother.
"What do you want?"I mumble with a head shake.
"I wanted to say I'm sorry. About the way I was acting. You just stressed me up so much. I thought you were freeze to death out there and when I couldn't find you on the drive-in I panicked."he starts rambling again and I sigh at how he sounds.
Even if it's not exactly an apology, it's still the closest he will get to it.
"It's okay. You didn't do anything."I lie. It's not fine, but I know he won't leave my room soon if I don't say it.
Part of me thinks it was a mistake to let him get me here. Honestly it would've been better to sleep on the beach. But I know it's better if I'm here. At least my father still doesn't know where I am.
"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. I'm sorry okay?"he says again and at this point it's getting annoying.
"Okay."I sigh.
"Okay. Goodnight. Have you-have you eaten something?"he asks on his way out of the room. My hands are hurting just to slam that door, but I fight it.
"Yes."I say. I think I ate a burrito this morning "Goodnight."
He nods with his lips in a line before he closes the door and finally leaves the room. It falls silent- just like I want it. I move to sit on the edge of the bed and bury my fingers in my hair. I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I'm trying to do. I don't know anything.
I only know I never want to get into that house when she's in it.