One Year Later
"I can't believe Mia is going to be starting first grade in just a few weeks," I sit back in the passenger's seat, still in complete denial that my little baby girl isn't so little anymore.
"You're telling me," Tommy sighs from beside me. "It feels like just yesterday we were walking her up to the first day of kindergarten. Now she's going to be a first grader and she's been kicking ass in Junior Guards all summer."
My head rolls to the side to see the proud look on his face as we pull away from the beach where we just dropped Mia off. She's absolutely loved doing Junior Guards this summer. I think the physical challenge and discipline of it all has really stuck with her. Dance has become a thing of the past with her, replaced by softball in the spring and soccer in the fall. I think the whole team sport thing is more up her alley, and Tommy has been right by her side to help her in every new adventure she wants to try.
A lot has changed in the last year, more than just Mia's interest in sports. When I returned from the hospital a year ago, Mia and I stayed with Tommy. My house was still a mess from the fallout with Vince, and we felt being somewhere different would help Mia. The thing is, a week turned into two and eventually, we all decided Tommy's house was ours too.
A more recent change is that I decided to step away from teaching and pursue law school again. I didn't think it would ever be a reality for me. With the time and energy it's going to take to make this happen, I didn't think it would be possible. The thing is, Tommy made sure every doubt and concern I had was covered. His support and encouragement through all of this has been everything. It's allowed me to dream again. To go after what I've always wanted.
My biggest concern in all of this is the timing. I'm going to be commuting to school, spending a lot of time on the road and away from Mia. And right after everything that happened this week, I wasn't sure if going back to school this year was the right decision.
"Do you think she'll be okay?" I ask Tommy, my thoughts drifting back to the conversation we had with her last night.
He takes a breath, the thoughts circling his mind before he actually forms the words. "It's not easy hearing the reality that your dad is going away for fifteen years," he hesitates again, his hand reaching across to find mine.
Vince's trial finally came to a close this week. He was charged with gross vehicular manslaughter under the influence, assault and battery, along with some other minor infractions from that night. He had a top lawyer to fight it all, but when his court date came, he shocked us all by pleading guilty on all accounts. In doing so, he received maximum time. That very act showed me that he's trying. That he's seen his mistakes for the first time and actually wants to change. I just worry he took too long to get there, at least in Mia's eyes.
"Knowing your dad is going to be in prison for some key moments in your life is never easy," Tommy continues. "Combine that with what she had to see, I think it's going to be pretty hard for her to forget and to move forward."
That's exactly what I was afraid of. I know what she saw that night will never leave her. I know that that version of her father is the last memory she has of him. I'm worried that will be the only memory that sticks with her when she thinks of him, that all of the good moments she's had will be erased. Because even though Vince made some detrimental mistakes, ones he's now paying for, he's still her father. A father who is battling an addiction. The very addiction that tore him from his family.
"But she will," he continues. "She will move forward."
"How do you know?" I question.
"Because she's strong. Because she has the love of two people who aren't going to give up. Who are going to make sure she knows the good parts of her dad. And that she understands that his choices, his disease, is not who he is, it's only a part of him. And because I've been in her shoes and I know that it's possible to forgive the unforgivable."
My hand tightens in his as I try to ignore the tears fighting to surface again. He's right. She's seen a lot that can't be forgotten, but she also has us. And I won't let her carry that hate around. As easy as it is to do just that, to hate Vince, it's only going to bring more pain. Forgiving him, understanding him, is the only way to move forward. I just hope she and I can both travel that road together.
My eyes catch the coastline now, the very one I've come to love even more in the last year. I sit up a bit straighter to get a better look. "Where are we going?" I ask, my demeanor quickly changing, the concern from a moment ago beginning to fade.
He smiles at me before pulling into a parking spot and hopping from the car. As he opens my door, his hand lands in front of me.
"Walk with me?" he smiles.
I smile back as I slide my hand into his. "Always."
When I ran into Tommy on this very beach over a year ago, I don't think I ever could have imagined being in this moment. I think back then, I was so sure that I had already had my shot at love. That I was given my chance and I just couldn't seem to hold onto it. But he's shown me that I never truly found love the first time around. Not like this. Because I did love Vince once upon a time.
The thing is, love is a boundless concept. It can be used to describe so many varying degrees of like, of lust, of compassion and family. So though I've been in love before, this is the first time I've truly experienced it. Felt every layer of the word. Something I never knew to look for, that I never deemed possible. And yet, Tommy brought it to life. He showed me what love is actually supposed to feel like.
It's in these moments where we walk together, hand in hand, that I'm reminded of where he and I began. Those small moments on the sand, walking the same path together, sharing stories about our week. They were just small moments, yet it was in those very instances that I learned to trust him. Where I learned to laugh again, to build my confidence back and gain strength I didn't even know was being built at the time.
It's walking with him that opened me up again. And I'm so damn thankful he wanted to walk with me too.
We make our way onto the wharf, watching the sun bounce off of the blue horizon. Our hands locked together as his thumb draws patterns along the back of my hand. I love it when he does that. As the end of the pier begins to come into view, the soft sounds of a man's voice begin to fill the air. There's a small crowd gathered, a few couples dancing along the backdrop of the bright sky.
My eyes quickly light up as I turn to face Tommy.
His hand tightens in mine as he pulls me back a step. "I think we've traveled far enough."
My eyebrows pull together as my eyes drop. "Are you kidding? This is so romantic. We have to dance," I pull him back, only for him to firmly plant his feet.
"We can't go over there," he insists, his eyes glancing back over my shoulder.
"And why not? I happen to know for a fact that you're not a shy dancer. And it's beautiful out. Come on."
There's a sigh that leaves him now, maybe it's more of a laugh, I can't really tell. But he shakes his head before pulling me again. "You don't understand," he begins, pulling me closer to him now. "That's Fitz."
My eyes glance back over my shoulder, trying to get a better look at the man behind the sultry voice. I can't get a good look at his face, but the people seem to be enjoying his music. I turn back to Tommy, "That innocent man? Come on, that can't be the same guy who gives you hell on a weekly basis. He's making everyone so happy. Just look."
"Don't let the smooth tone of Motown fool you," he states bluntly before looking behind me again. "And usually people are complaining of his sound instead of applauding it," his eyebrows are the ones scrunching together now, clearly questioning the change of encouragement from what he's used to seeing. His eyes then snap back to mine, "Regardless, he's the reason for the majority of my black eyes."
I take a small step closer, resting my chest against his. "Oh, but you look so ruggedly handsome with a little bruising around the eye," I smile as I run my hand across his cheek, allowing my fingers to dance around his eye.
"Oh, I do, do I?" he smiles back, sliding his hands around my waist to bring me in closer.
I slowly nod, continuing my mission to get him over there and dance with me. To further my convincing, I softly press my lips to his. He doesn't pull back either, instead his fingers tighten around my waist as his lips push a bit harder to mine.
"Officer Sallow!" I hear the man's voice sing out, prompting Tommy's head to fall to mine as a frustrated sigh rolls out from his lips.
"Oh, don't be bashful. You're right on time for my performance, and I see you got your pretty lady with ya. Why don't you bring her over for a dance? My treat."
"You've got to be kidding me," Tommy mutters under his breath.
Well, there's no walking away now. I try to hide my small smile of victory, but Tommy already sees it as my hand slides into his and I pull him behind me. His feet finally release their sturdy hold on the ground as he drags behind me.
"I'm not dancing. I can't give him the satisfaction," he whines behind me.
"Oh come on," I turn to face him again. "He seems so sweet. And look, he's got a whole crowd today. And, I'll be right there with you."
"He's not sweet, Amber," he continues to fight it.
"Then do it for me?" I bat my eyes, completely going over the top in my efforts to make this happen.
He sighs again, this time it's definitely more of a laugh as I feel him caving in.
I can't help but jump a little in my tiny victory, even letting out a ridiculously childish squeal, one that has Tommy's eyes shooting wide open in shock. That sense of shock is only followed by the smile I love so much. Before my face turns tomato red, I grab his hand and pull him into the crowd, looking up to finally see the man who has this crowd so full of joy.
When my eyes connect with the familiar worn face, my heart stops, along with my body which becomes apparent when Tommy slams into my back.
"Well, I'll be," the man sings out with a giant grin plastered on his face. The thing is, he isn't just any man. I know this man. "Please tell me this isn't the guy worth fighting for," Neil says.
My heart picks back up, a smile now stretching across my face as the pieces begin to fall into place. "This is him," I beam, resting my head on Tommy's shoulder as I pull him tighter to my side.
"Wait, you know him?" Tommy gestures in front of us.
I nod, lifting my head to look between both Tommy and the man I've grown to enjoy the company of. "I do. This is Neil."
"Wait...Neil? The man from the park?"
"Yes."
Tommy's eyes keep dancing between me and Neil as he takes a small step back, processing everything that's happening. "There's no way they're the same person," he shakes his head, almost as if the more he shakes it, the more this will magically become a joke.
"Looks like there's always another story beneath the surface, doesn't it?" I smile, pulling him back against me.
Neil's voice breaks in then, "It seems to me like fate lent an extra hand, placing me in both of your paths."
A smile brightens my face, a realization striking me, one that I know Tommy will take some convincing to believe. "He's like our guardian angel."
"He's no angel," Tommy deadpans, immediately crashing my little moment.
"Tommy!" I playfully swat at his shoulder.
"He's right, little lady," Neil jumps back in. "I'm no angel. But..." his head tips up to the sky, eyes closed, hands stretched out on either side. "I happen to know one who is a sucker for a good love story. And if I'm not mistaken, I have a pretty good feeling she was watching this one with a smile."
His wife. My heart expands in my chest as I look at Tommy, tears already building behind my eyes.
I can see him breaking. He knows what this means to me, to Neil, or Fitz. "One dance," Tommy finally relents, wrapping me back up in his arms and pulling me to his chest. "You got one song, Fitz. Make it count."
"You got it, kid," Neil winks.
I hide my face in Tommy's neck, smiling at this whole moment. "I knew you had a soft spot for him," I whisper against his neck.
"Baby, I'm doing this for you. Because I know what this means to you, and I would give you the whole damn world if I could."
I pull back just enough to lock onto those deep blues, a tear now falling gently down my cheek. Tommy reaches up, wiping it away with his thumb before covering the cool spot with his lips.
Neil's smooth voice fills the air around us. "I needed the shelter of someone's arms...there you were...I needed someone to understand my ups and downs...there you were..."
I keep my eyes on Tommy as he places his head to mine. We both begin to sway together, watching each other, holding one another.
"I wanna stop, and thank you baby...how sweet it is to be loved by you..."
My fingers curl behind Tommy's neck, bringing him in closer as our lips graze each other's.
"Coz you brighten up for me all of my days...a love so sweet in so many ways...I wanna stop, and thank you baby..."
His lips release mine as his eyes engulf my own once more. And that's when I see the small pull of his lips, Tommy's voice falling out quietly, "I wanna stop, and thank you baby...how sweet it is to be loved by you...it's just like sugar sometimes..."
I swallow back the tears fighting to fall again as I join in with him, "How sweet it is to be loved by you..."
His smile lights up my whole world as we continue to sway, lost in our very own moment. A moment created by the man that by some miracle, had a tiny hand in both of us finding our way to one another. Whether as Fitz or Neil or maybe even his beautiful angel looking down from above, I know that he had a helping hand in making sure that we found each other.
And I'm so thankful that we did. Because if there's one thing I know, it sure is sweet being loved by this man, and I don't ever intend to let him go.
~~~
We can't believe we are actually writing this, but...
The End.