Chapter Seven:
Gedeon
"What?"
"Amnesia, it seems like," Dr. Benzo repeated, staring at his clipboard. Everyone has gathered around in my office, just across from my room, where Dove was still asleep. We've all been anxious about what was wrong with Dove, especially me. My heart is still a mess when I think of the damage she had caused herself before losing consciousness yesterday. She had awoken earlier today yet refused to look at anyone. We were able to deduce before we called Dr. Benzo over was her fear of being touched. When Anastasia got near her, she still tensed, but it wasn't as bad. She refused to talk, eat, or acknowledge anyone either.
"How certain are you?" Timor questioned.
Dr. Benzo cleared his throat, fixing his glasses before continuing. "Seeing how she won't speak, I can't comprehend her mindset, so I can't say for sure. However, she understood my questions, which is a good sign. Though judging by how confused and overwhelmed she is, I'm going to assume she doesn't remember any of you carefully."
"Is there something wrong with her vocal cords?" I asked, concerned.
He shook his head. "No, I've taken every medical evaluation I can. She had some broken bones and bruises that would take time to heal. Her vital organs are very much functioning and well, but it's her mental state I'm concerned about. It seems to be selective mutism, far as I know so far. It can be a way to cope when she was under Robert's torment, but I can't say for sure."
"So you're saying that she's choosing to be mute, and she has no clue who the fuck we are?" Nicolai threw in, his legs bobbing erratically for staying in one position too long. "So, we're starting from scratch?"
"Well, possibly," he concurred. "I don't know to what extent her brain remembers."
"Is it permanent?" Anastasia asked next to me. The room was too quiet, with a dark cloud looming over us. My brain is on overdrive, knowing that although we got Dove back, she suffered something under Robert that caused her to become withdrawn. My hands clenched so hard that my knuckles turned white as Dr. Benzo sighed.
"It's hard to say. Amnesia can be temporary or permanent. I would say give her time to adjust to these changes. Try not to overwhelm her too much, but carry on like you were when she was here. Daily activities can stimulate and job her memories," he told us as he tucked his clipboard under his arms. "Though, I would say she should rest for now."
"And why was she having a hard time breathing before?" Timor questioned.
"She had a panic attack, it seems," he said, looking over Dove's diagnostic again. He gave us a curious look at each one of us. "Since I wasn't there, I'm not sure what would have caused it. Any idea what may have led up to it?"
"I tried to touch her," I mumbled, the words sounding tormented as I recalled the look on her face. It's something I never wanted her to make again. It was haunting and tugged at a depth of my soul to burn everything down for her. The need to find Robert and kill every person in any relation to him before locking her up ate me up when I felt how fast her heart was racing out of fear for me touching her. I've touched her every night to keep my nightmares at bay, making sure I wasn't hallucinating and that she was there.
Ever since we've gotten her back, I've requested to move her to my room two weeks ago so I can make sure she wouldn't wake up confused and alone. Whenever her eyebrows furrowed as if she had a bad dream, I would hold her close, gently rubbing my fingers between her eyebrows until she calmed down. I wanted to ease her in the same way she did for me.
Dr. Benzo didn't look surprised by my comment. "Seeing the extent of her physical abuse when she was captured, I'm not too surprised. Her brain might be blocking the trauma, and her body too. It may be best, for now, to leave her alone and allow her to adjust to old life without triggering her slowly."
"So pretend as if she never was captured?" Aleksei asked, furrowing his eyebrows together.
Dr. Benzo shook his head. "No, more like make her feel at home again. Give her a routine she was used to before. It'll help with calming her down since she is fully aware and conscious of everything. Baby steps at a time. While I'm at it, I would say to put her on a rich diet to help her gain back weight."
"What if she still won't eat?" Lizabeta asked, much to everyone's surprise. She had made it more than clear about her distaste for Dove. She refused to look at any of us as her focus was on Dr. Benzo.
"Give her till tonight to see if she'll eat on her own. If she still isn't, then I'll hook her up to an IV," he replied, getting up from his seat. Dove had been drifting in and out of sleep the whole day. She had recently woken back up just thirty minutes ago when Dr. Benzo went to see her. Well, he had to stand about ten feet away from her, or else her heart starts kicking into overdrive again. He'll coax her to answer some question, which she would blankly ignore, or her eyes would gloss over before she would respond with the tiniest nod or headshake. It took three nurses to make her feel safe enough before she was willing to allow them to check her body physically.
"Is there anything else we should know about what we should do about her?" Nicolai asked, leaning into the armchair as his legs bounced back and forth. He's already on his breaking point with the way he's drumming his fingers against the armrest. It must have been hard for him to sit still, yet he was willing to stay to hear about her. Pride swelled to see them care much for their queen, despite her Italian blood. "Like what we should or shouldn't do?"
"The only thing I can give right now is to take things at her pace," he informed us. "Now, should she awake and have another episode, please let me know. So long as you don't touch her until she's ready, she should be fine."
Easier said than done.
"Thank you for your time Dr. Benzo," Anastasia gratefully said.
"Nonsense, she's Gedeon's wife, which means she's family. We look after one another," he flicked off the comment. As he took his leave after leaving a few medications to help soothe Dove, we all slumped our shoulders while Timor passed a lighter around as they lit their cigar.
Opening up the window, I pinched the bridge of my nose. "As if we didn't have enough on our plates. Fucking Christ."
"Tell me about it," Timor murmured, running his fingers through his hair before tugging at the end. He took a drag of his cigar while Aleksei goes to pour himself a drink from the cabin. Everyone looked more than exhausted than we have been for weeks. "We still don't have a damn lead of where Robert is either."
"It doesn't matter," Lizabeta pointed out, leaning onto the wall's side. "By the way, the Italian family are falling apart right now; it won't take long before either Robert gets caught in the crossfire and killed—"
"Or became the new ruler," Timor interjected.
That was the last thing we needed. Robert was a ruthless person, capable of doing anything for power. There's no saying what things he might do if he's crowed to be the new caporegime—the boss of the Sicilian mafia. The Italian mafia has been growing alarmingly more powerful, and I needed to crush them before it got out of hand. It was perfect because once I crush Robert, everything will crumble as I take complete control.
"We'll think about this tomorrow. Let's just focus on Dove tonight," Aleksei intervened. He downed a shot along with Nicolai before nodding at me. "What will you be doing with her?"
"Same as I've been doing the last two weeks since I got her back," I shrugged. "Keeping an eye on her to make sure nothing happened. But, of course, now that we found out what exactly we're dealing with, our focus is now between finding out where Robert is, killing the motherfucker, and getting Dove's memories back."
There's a silence that loomed over at my last agenda. And I know what everyone was thinking. Yet, neither chose to voice their question that went through everyone's head. We didn't want there to be a choice where Dove would never heal from this.
Because I know her, I know she's stronger than that. She may have gotten her wings broken, but she had me to lean on. There's no way I'm allowing her to hide in her golden cage when she deserved to see the world.
"Will you be okay watching Dove by yourself tonight?" Nicolai asked warily. It's passed one in the morning, and everyone looked to be tired and on edge. As if we thought this nightmare would be put behind us now that we've got Dove back. She had been out all of yesterday as I held her close, but now that she was awake, there's no telling what she would do.
Either way, I'm not going to give up on her.
"Yeah," I nodded. "Don't worry about it."
"If you need anything, would you let us know, right?" Anastasia narrowed her eyes suspiciously at me. I rolled my eyes, though judging from everyone else giving me the same pointed look, they knew I had a hard time asking for help when it revolved around my wife. Hell, I've lost more sleep and became enraged twice as quickly when we just got Dove back, and she didn't wake up. I'm almost sure that Lizabeta still held a grudge when I lost it on her.
"Yes," I muttered, though it didn't seem they reasonably believed me.
Yet, they all didn't try in trying to take me away from Dove. They knew better I wouldn't listen either. Even when she was in and out of sleep, I stayed with her. She refused to lift her head or acknowledge my presence, focusing her attention on the bedsheets.
As if she's trying to hide.
I'll never stop until I get her back. Pull her back from wherever her mind went.
Shrugging off my suit jacket, I went back to my room where she'd be. Dove's no longer hooked onto any machines now as she laid on our bed. She was still too frail and thin for my liking. Her cheeks are too hollow, and I could see her bones. The scarring around her wrists was worse; the two bands I've given her were stripped. Her face is pale and wasn't life-like at all. I hated how she looked, hated how if I didn't focus on her breathing, she would have looked as if she's dead.
Her eyes were focused out the window, and my heart soared momentarily. Even though she may not remember much, her soul still did. She's still drawn to the outside world, despite her not remembering it. Which meant Dove was still somewhere in there.
I didn't want to disturb her as I quietly homed into what she saw and heard. It's weird even to think I was able to see things in another light thanks to her. I knew she could sense me, yet she refused to acknowledge me.
When I shut the door behind us, she instantly tensed, and it wrecked my heart. The urge to destroy everything in my path as I got near her. I didn't give a shit how many people I killed—so long as she felt safe.
"Dove."
Her whole body flinched, and my heart contracted painfully in my chest. She refused to look at me, not even turning her head. Almost as if she's trying to escape in the back of her head. There were so many things I wanted to say to her. So many things I planned for months to beg and apologize until she forgave me for everything I've done before she was taken.
Yet right now, it would mean nothing if she didn't even acknowledge who I was.
I wavered between sleeping next to her or on the couch across from her. Without her being hooked up to any machines, the need to hold her close overrode with whatever seemed to be the most logical. I had been doing nothing more than sleeping for just mere hours at a time, getting up to check on her, or even talk to her. There had been days I spoke to her as if she was awake, reliving memories of us together. There had been days where I screamed and begged for her to wake up.
Now? I didn't know what my next steps should be.
She didn't look my way, even as I changed in front of her. I could see the way she tensed in seeing me in just boxers before opting for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. It just eased her for a bit as I crawled into bed with her.
Immediately, her whole body seized up.
"Sorry, I'll sleep on this side of the bed. I won't touch you," I soothingly told her. I hoped it's enough not to send her panicking. I didn't dare to move from my side, watching her every move like a hawk. She doesn't speak. She doesn't even turn to look at me. No, she's focused on whatever caught her attention outside.
I home in, trying to take in whatever had caught her attention. I realize that from my window, we could see into the greenhouse perfectly. My heart sores, and I dare to believe that there's something about it that caught some sort of memory. When she had been gone, I made sure Anastasia had been tending to it.
"Do you want to visit the greenhouse tomorrow? So many of the flowers you've been planted had finally bloomed," I mumbled. I held my breath when she turned. Her eyes were so dull and hollow. Those lush green eyes that were always full of hope and curiosity were no where in sight.
She warily looked at me, confused, and the walls around her heart were up. My heart seizes as I continue.
"I think you'll enjoy the hydrangeas. They're your favorite, aren't they?"
Again, because my wife is the most stubborn person I know, she doesn't reply. Instead, confusion swirls in her eyes, along with fear and anxiousness. If I could, I would have taken it all away. I didn't want her to ever feel like that again. I wanted to bring her back out of her shell. I was going to spoil her rotten. I wouldn't rest until she gained her memories back.
"If you're wondering why you don't have your own room," I tell her, "it's because you don't find it comfortable to sleep in the dark by yourself. You don't like it. You like sleeping next to me. So I won't do anything."
Not to mention, you were almost raped there. The last thing I want is for you to be reminded.
I see the way her eyes grow heavier over time. Yet just as she's about to succumb to sleep, she would force her eyes back to me before glancing away. Even when she didn't want to, her eyes always found mine. It takes everything in me not to reach out and hold her close. After months, I wanted nothing more than to keep her close. My heart feels as if it's beating again, even just slightly.
"Would it make you feel better if I were to handcuff myself to one side of the bed?" I couldn't help but ask, just half-joking. If that's what it takes for me to lie in the same bed as my other half, then I'll do just about anything. I could see that she's already drifting. A part of me was convinced it was because she trusts me enough.
Or am I just having wishful thinking?
Finally, her eyes close, and her breathing evens out after a while. Yet, I couldn't sleep the rest of the night. Not when Dove's plagued with nightmares every so often. Her body would flinch and spaz while she whimpered, cried, and pleaded. Each time, I would hold her close. She didn't even notice, too wrapped up with whatever is keeping her locked in an endless void. Finally, I could do nothing else but hold her, rocking her until she would calm just enough.
"I love you," I murmured over her temples. "I swear I'll bring you back, Precious."
Ahhhh, I'm so sorry for the late update, beautiful!
I had to take a small break due to health and mental concerns, but I feel so much better! I recently had a job change and it's been so hectic. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter!