Luna Larsson
"Bitch, next time wear your damn seatbelt!" Sophia nearly swatted at Grace's shoulder before realizing her collarbone was broken in a few places and she just got out of surgery.
"Yeah, I learned my lesson." Grace smiled. Even right after surgery she looked like her bright and airy self, Levi still a crying mess as he sat next to her bed, holding her hand. He, including the rest of us, was relieved she got away with some broken ribs, a concussion and that broken collarbone. Other than that also some serious bruises on her angelic face. I was lucky because she on the other hand did break her nose on impact. "Free nose job baby." She said, still a little bit dazed from the anesthesia.
"Princess, that's not even funny." Levi called out for her, while he wiped away the never ending waterfall on his cheeks. It didn't even stop when the doctor came to tell us she was out of the woods. Aw, that certainly is the cutest nickname for her. "I was worried sick." He shook and he was almost going sob again, but held back as soon as her thumb rubbed the back of his hand. "Seriously I thought I was going to lose you." He did sob this time, not even that comforting rub could stop him.
"We all thought we lost you Grace." Sophia's face fell along with some tears down her cheeks and the guilt started to consume me again. All I could think about was the fog in my head as soon as the headlights of that truck send a sharp pain through my head and everything after that is a mystery.
"I'm sorry." I whispered under my breath, my gaze low and I could feel Jules squeezing my good hand.
"It wasn't your fault." Grace shook carefully, still stiff allover like the rest of us. "Luna, don't dare and blame yourself for this." I do blame myself. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have driven to that game, not today, not any day, especially not in the snow.
"Levi is right." I whimpered while looking up at Jules by my side, his eyes pleading me to stop feeling sorry, but I couldn't. I am sorry. "If we lost you I would have never forgiven myself." I shook my head, my throat instantly closing up as I the words desperately fell from my lips. "I'm sorry." Tears were taunting to fall from my eyes any second. "I..." I couldn't speak anymore, the lump of guilt cutting off the air.
"Luna, I didn't mean to." Levi stood up, his face now filled with regret, but he was right all along. The headlights were as much of a stupid excuse as it was true.
"I need some air." The words came out more like a whimper than anything, my chest squeezing my heart so much it was making me dizzy. I held my hand up before Levi could ever try to get up from his chair, and Jules could squeeze my hand any harder. I pulled away, leaving the tight air in that damn room while fleeing into the hallway.
The white walls, the smell of disinfecting alcohol, the people in scrubs, the gut-wrenching scent of bland hospital food and the horrible sound of beeping monitors, I couldn't stand it as it held the memory of one sound in particular. The sound of a flatline. My mother's flatline exactly thirty-four minutes after her surgery, the minute my dad and I walked into her intensive care room. All I could hear was that damn beeping sound as if it was my own. The long hallway seemed more like a tunnel now, while my entire body felt numb like I was going to stop to exist any second. I was sliding my hand along the wall trying to keep me grounded, to have something to hang on to, but I had nothing, just bad memories and a hole in my heart, and that wasn't enough to keep me here.
I hate hospitals, I hate hurting other people, I hate my mom for leaving me with the hope of seeing her again. You never said goodbye mom, and I resent you for it as much as I loved you for trying! I hate this and I can't breathe, why can't I breathe?
"Lu." I heard a voice pull me out of the tunnel, while a warm hand wrapped around my waist. "Breathe, please." He pleaded, as his presence pulled me away from my panic, the flatline now a soft and steady beep as he pulled me into his chest and I heard his heart beat slowly and comforting. I knew that heartbeat, because it beat for me. "I'm h-h-here. You can fall apart now. I got you." He whispered into my ear while I did. My legs gave out and I slummed to the floor while the warm chest came down with me, softening the blow until I felt nothing.
"I'm scared." I whimpered while Jules's arms held me together like a fragile doll, and at this point I was. I had come face to face with my reality. I almost lost my friends, almost put Jules through the same as my mother put me through, almost leaving without saying goodbye.
"You're in shock." He whispered softly, his voice calming while I still squeezed my eyes shut. I was afraid to open them, afraid I'd wake up into reality again. "You don't have to be okay and you d-d-don't need to be strong right n-now. Just do one thing for me," he whispered and I nodded. "Breathe." He said softly and I felt the worried rise and fall of his chest, while his large hands went through my hair. "You're having a panic attack." I am? Because it feels like I just died, if only for a second.
"Don't let go of me, please." I shook against his chest, my arms grabbing onto his sweater like I needed to hold on to it for him to be real.
He whispered, his arms around me tighter than before while he put his cheek on top of my head. "Never." Our hearts melted together at his words, my heartbeat now beating in sync with his, my breathing still shallow but steady. Slowly the darkness around me started to disappear. Not even my tears could cloud my surrounding, which were a dark blue sweater, wrinkling around his arms, one of his hands on my cheek and my white cast around my wrist while holding onto the material of his sweater and just like that I relaxed.
"Was it my fault?" I whispered calmly, staring ahead at the vending machine at the end of the hallway.
I felt his head shake on top of my head. "No, baby. It wasn't." He shook more. The crack in his voice put cracks into my heart, but glued me back together with the same loving tone. "Nobody thinks so." He kissed my hair. "Not e-e-even Levi. He was upset, he didn't know about the truck driving in the middle of the road... The second you left the room he started to apologize again. He d-d-doesn't blame you. Grace doesn't either." As soon as he mentioned her name, the possibility of losing her came flooding back to me and a sob pushed past my grimace. "I just think she's happy with the free nose job." He chuckled and that did sound exactly like Grace.
"I panicked." I whispered, exhausted, my head a mess, but admitting what I just went through.
"I know." He pulled me into his arms until my back was resting against his chest, his cheek still on top of my head. "I know the s-s-signs of a panic attack." He wrapped his arms around me from behind, his hand softly rubbing my stomach.
I placed my not broken hand over his, rubbing my thumb across his skin. "You do?"
For a second I felt the silence, but I heard him think. He's familiar with the feeling. "When I told you I'm usually n-nervous before a game, I meant on the brink of a panic attack." He whispered calmly into my hair. What? Oh no. "I got one a f-few games back." He shook at the memory of it and then chuckled. "You're my anchor to the real world Luna."
"What do you mean?"
"When it gets really bad, it feels l-like I'm disappearing. The thought of stepping out into the rink makes me slip into another place. And awfully d-dark place." I nodded, as it described exactly how I felt a few minutes ago. "There's not much that can pull me out of it. But, last time, the thought of you did." He held me closer than before now. "You're my anchor to a good place when I disappear into the darkness." I shook when I realized he loved me so much I had become his everything, even in his darkest truths.
"I want you to be mine." I whimpered, tears still stinging my swollen eyes. "You are." I argued with myself, when I realized he pulled me out of the pit of guilt I was willingly letting myself fall into. "You are my reality." I whispered, looking up at him and the sight of tears staining his cheeks broke my heart in a way I couldn't explain.
A soft smile touched his dimples and we no longer needed words to say how we both felt broken, but whole at the same time. "You're not alone in all of this, Lu." He whispered, leaning in to plant to most soothing kiss on my lips, and the way it lingered healed all my wounds but one.
"I was for a while." I looked around, the memories flooding back. "I hate hospitals." I swallowed away the hurt this place or any that looked alike caused me so many years ago, but till this day equally hurts as much.
His fingers softly brushed my dirty hair away from my face, while I became aware of the sad flicker in his eyes. "Do you want to go home?" And I just nodded. "We'll go see if Sophia and Ezra need a ride."
"I need to call my dad when we are home." I swallowed while I was dreading to hear his voice, while I told him he almost lost me too. For a second I doubted if should bother him with it, but he needed to know I totaled my car before he heard from somebody else. "How did you even get here?" I suddenly frowned.
"You'll n-n-never believe me if I t-t-tell you." Jules muttered and the frown on my face hurt the bruises on my nose when I tried to scrunch it.
"Try me." I chuckled when he rolled his eyes.
Sophia and Ezra looked to have put their problems aside when I looked back at the backseat. Oh yeah, in Zander's beloved Mercedes to be exact... Can you believe it? I don't. Sophia didn't leave Ezra's side from the moment we left the hospital all the way to the car, and the way Ezra kept looking at her with the most sincere worry on his face was making me melt.
Levi stayed behind, not wanting to leave Grace there by herself for the night. Before leaving he asked me to forgive him, no, he begged. There was nothing to forgive as he reacted from a place of hurt, his heart broken even after he knew Grace was okay. I had my gaze on Jules on the other side of the room, while I told Levi that if anything ever happens to Jules I'd lose myself too. I had never loved anyone more than I loved him, and the thought of losing him broke my hearth even before it happened.
"Do you n-need an anchor?" Jules whispered, while keeping his eyes on the road, his hand slightly squeezing my thigh. I knew what he was talking about, when the entire ride home I felt uneasy, squeezing my eyes shut every time headlights blurred my vision. I Couldn't help but freeze up each and every time a car passed, every time I heard a loud and sudden noise. It brought me back to the chaotic blend of broken glass and scrunching car metal, exploding airbags and terrified screams.
I nodded to Jules's question when his hand grabbed mine and he squeezed it, softly but enough to pull my thoughts away from the accident. I wondered if I ever was going to be able to drive without this numbing terror haunting me.
"Luna, can you check if there's some tissues in the glove box?" Ezra asked softly, almost whispering. I looked back and saw Sophia fast asleep in his arms, but a small trickle of blood running, from where she got stiches on her forehead, towards her nose. "I don't want to wake her up." He whispered and I nodded at him, earning a soft smile.
I opened the glove compartment in front of me, indeed finding some tissues. There was not much else in there, but I didn't want to be nosy and check. The second I wanted to close it something caught my eye. That's not what I think it is. I pressed my lips. Yes, it is. I quickly handed Ezra the tissues before turning back to the gold bracelet casually lying in the glove box, next to the bar tab I wrote my number on last semester before summer. He kept it? He kept the tab? I didn't know how to feel, finding this. In the box with his stuff I put everything else he ever gave me, including this bracelet, which he gave it to as a sign of good luck, but I guess that luck wasn't meant for us. Being with him was time I couldn't take back, but hating every second of it was making it even worse. We had good times too, yet I'm glad it's over. The bad were some of my worst, our worst. I looked at the tab, which said my number, and two beers. Maybe sometimes two good people, are bad when they're together. I looked at Jules who was watching the road. And sometimes, two imperfect people, are meant to be perfect as one . Smiling, I put the bracelet back into the compartment, closing it with a nostalgic smile, before lacing my fingers with Jules's hand. I'm exactly where I need to be right now. As soon as my thumb circled his hand his eyes left the road, smiling at me when he realized I just fully put the past behind me and it was all in that glove box, but my today and my tomorrow sitting next to me.
"Thank you." Jules said, sincere and relieved when handing Zander his keys. He ran down the stairs as soon as we walked in, his heart visibly sinking at the sight of Sophia and I. He had just gotten out of the shower, his hair still soaking wet, and his T-shirt splotched with little droplets. I guess he hadn't even bothered to toweled down properly when he heard his car pull up the driveway.
"It's nothing." He shook. "Really." He grabbed his keys, his hand tapping Jules's shoulder like all of a sudden they were friends. Okay, what happened here? "Luna." He sighed turning his gaze to me. "Are you okay?" He looked at the cut on my nose, the bruising on my face, and then for sure his kept looking at the cast on my wrist. "Really okay?" He whispered, and all of a sudden he reminded me of the Zander I handed that tab to so many months ago.
"Still a bit shaken and bruised, but nothing really serious." I smiled awkwardly at him, while grabbing Jules's hand. Zander didn't even frown, not at all. He smiled when Jules intertwined his fingers with mine. "I uhm. Thank you for borrowing your car. You didn't have to do that." I shook.
"I know we are over, Luna." His gaze fell. "Doesn't mean I'm not gonna help you when you need it." I wished, I really wished he could have been like this all the time. This is the Zander I fell in love with once, this is the person that made me smile, and the person in all those great memories, not the one lying to me, telling me half-truths, pushing me, hurting me, cheating on me. "It's okay." He sighed and shook his head when I didn't say anything. "I'm just glad you're okay. Sophia too." He looked past me at Ezra carrying a still sleepy Sophia in his arms. Ezra gave him a quick nod as he must have heard.
"Did Benson put you on the ice?" Ezra muttered and he nodded. "Did we win?"
"Uuhm..." Zander hesitated. "Nope. We didn't." He put a hand through his wet hair while both Ezra and Jules muttered something under their breath.
"How's that even possible." Ezra frowned. "I thought we had that one in the bag."
Zander sighed and shook his head. "Turns out our two AC's and our one and only goalie are irreplaceable." Both Jules and Ezra smirked at each other, when Zander winked at me. Not the romantic wink, I knew that one all too well. No, the I finally approve and I want you to be happy one and that one was gonna linger for a while.
"Can I take a shower?" I muttered to Jules when I walked past the mirror in his room, my eyes going wide at the blood still staining my face and neck. "Shit." I cussed. I forgot the nurse told me to take baths from now on so I wouldn't get the cast wet. How on earth am I going to wash my hair now.
"What?" He said, his voice filled with worry and then I held the cast up in the air. "That's fine. I'll help you." He didn't even mind, saying it with a smirk and before we knew it we were in the shower room, forcing the door to lock, even if the house was almost empty. Still in chock or not, the sight of Jules undressing in front of me still did the same crippling things to me as before. My heart was pounding as I watched his muscles move under his skin. "Now l-let's get rid of this." He smirked, tugging at the hem of the jersey I was still wearing. I hissed the second he pulled it over my head, the collar brushing over my nose. He swallowed watching the grimace on my face, but his lips pressing against my forehead to soften the pain made it disappear instantly. "Are y-you sure you don't have a concussion?" I knew why he was worried, but the nurse told me I didn't, so I shook my head. "Sure sure?" He pressed while his fingers fidgeted with the button on my jeans. I chuckled and nodded at his concern, it was adorable to say the least. He wasn't letting me take off a single thing and I watched him observe all of the bruises, on my side, my legs and knees, one pretty bad one on my shoulder.
"What about the cast?" I frowned and he grabbed a plastic bag from the pocket of his sweats lying high and dry on the sink.
"Remember that one t-t-time you told me to put my clothes in a plastic bag, so they would fall in the water?" I nodded, flashes of him walking into his bathroom shirtless making me grin. "I have been using it ever since and now it gets an even bigger purpose." He laughed while putting the bag over my cast, and tying the ends.
"It looks ridiculous." I laughed out loud and the way the echo of it sounded back to me made me feel happy.
"Yeah it does." He looked at it, pressing his lips together to keep himself from laughing. "It l-looks cute enough for me." He smirked and grabbed my good hand, slowly dragging me to a cubicle. He let the water run until it was warm, which I very much appreciated. Jules smiled caringly while pulling me under the stream of water washing away a gruesome amount of blood in my hair as remnants of it blended with the water and white tiles at our feet. His hands gently untangled my locks while the water found its way down his own face, his hair now flat against his forehead. My hands settled on his abs while the steam filled my nose and I closed my eyes, feeling the sensations of his hands as his ran them through my hair.
"I love you Jules." I whispered into the water until it stung the cut on my nose and I winced.
"Where does it hurt?" His worried eyes gazed at me, exploring my face for the cause. He found it in a matter of seconds, gently pressing his lips on the cut, his hands grabbing both sides of my face to keep me steady. He had to lean down a fair amount because of my height, if you could even call it that, but next to him I never felt small, because he adored me greatly. "Better?" He whispered and I shook my head and so he kissed me again. First the cut on my nose, then each of my cheekbones, then softly pressing them down my jaw until he reached my neck. I wasn't even hurting there, but I wasn't going to stop him either. The way he was kissing me so careful, so gentle and tender made me tingle. "I'm gonna kiss you everywhere it hurts." He whispered huskily, into my ear, kissing me there too and a rush of shivers ran through my body.
"That's a lot of places." I whimpered as I wanted more of his touch, his lips all over me.
"I better get started then." He confidently whispered once more, his nose brushing my ear, before pressing his lips just under it in my neck. One of my favorite spots to be kissed, and he knew that all too well. His hands, like the water traveled down my body. A hum relentlessly escaped me when the back of his fingers brushed over my breast until it settled in my side. He pushed me back slowly, pressing me into the wall to give me space to breathe, water no longer streaming down my face. I arched my back as he pressed himself into me for just a moment, his eyes carefully watching what kind of effect he had on my body and my thoughts. Kiss me more. I whimpered when the lack of his lips made me sad. As if he could read them, he smirked, leaning back down, his lips now aiming for my collarbone. "I love you too." He whispered, before his lips tingled against my skin, his tongue softly drawing circles. He wanted to move, but I kept him in place, threading a hand through his wet hair, pulling him into me even more. He hummed into my collarbone while he loved the soft pull on his roots.
One of his hands left my side to grab mine wrapped in that plastic bag, only to make it rest on top of my head. He then softly pulled my hips forward, my back arched as my shoulders still rested against the tiles. My entire body apart from my head was enjoying the water river down my skin. The hot stream was soothing, but his touch was a whole goddamn cure to any pain I was feeling. "I'm not going to fuck you Luna." He smirked into my skin, when I pushed my hips into his pressing hardness. It was a somewhat a relief, because my body was not going to handle the way he always seemed to finish me with an explosion. "Doesn't mean I can't do this." He temptingly looked up at me through his lashes and smirked while lowering his mouth to my nipple. My mouth parted when I watched his tongue swirl over it, once, twice, up until I threw my head back into the tiles, moaning the pain away. The amount of butterflies he gave me time and time again, were like a drug, addictive, soothing, making me want to avoid withdrawal at all cost.
When I thought he couldn't possibly destroy me more his mouth traveled down my stomach, each and every kiss pushing me further into heaven. His tongue melted together with the water over my skin, my fingers still a tangled mess with his hair. I tried to focus on nothing but his touch, even the water insignificant as his tongue was everything. I didn't even look down until he sat on his knees in front of me, his gaze meeting mine halfway. The tingles ripped through me when his fingers skimmed the insides of my thigh while he watched me react. I was out of breath, flustered, and suddenly very much alive while my heart trashed in my chest. His fingers feathered up until the point I couldn't handle it anymore, and I grabbed his hand. "Keep kissing me. Your hand is making me..." I breathed, as all I could think about where his fingers inside me. I wanted them inside me so badly I couldn't even finish my sentence. He chuckled and the sound of it filled the void in my heart, that made me ache earlier that day. He leaned in once more and the sensation of his lips now kissing my hipbone, and then his tongue slipping over my skin... God now I'm only thinking about his tongue. I couldn't look down when he kissed his way across to the other side of me while his stubborn hand found the inside of my thighs once again. Hand and tongue. Fuck me. I cursed to myself for thinking I could handle any of him right now. He felt it, he knew it before he ever started, and he also never planned on making me lose it tonight. He knew all of that when he kissed me one last time and wrapped his arms around my waist, still sitting on his knees. "Thank you." I smiled down at him, wanting every piece of him, but thanking him for being responsible when I couldn't think straight.
"All better now?" He smirked up at me before squinting his eyes as water obstructed his view.
"Cured and turned on. Thank you very much." I laughed shaking my head at him for teasing me until the point I forgot about the pain.
"Hey." He whispered while getting up with that sexy smile of his painted on those kissable lips. "To be continued." His smiled became a smirk when he gave me a subtle once over, his fingers grabbing my chin before kissing me softly, then harder, when I caressed the rim of his mouth with my tongue. "Are you hungry?" He chuckled into our kiss when I dragged his bottom lip between my teeth.
"Mhh." I hummed, pulling back. "For you and pizza." And at that we both burst out in laughter, because at the end of the day pizza made everything better. Who am I fooling. He did. Number four and all his little kisses, cares and whispers.
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💛 Aww sooooo Grace is going to be fine and seemed to fully love that free nose job. So who's wiht me... Levi and Grace, perfect together. Ezra and Sophia, made for each other even if they don't admit it. Luna and Jules, the definition of soulmates. Any other thoughts to ad?
🌙 Any thoughts on this chapter? What's gonna happen next? Any thoughts?
💛 Sooooo I also may have made a Pinterest board for this book: if you want to check it out: https://pin.it/1owttiK (if you can't open hopefully you can find it @Jane_Nola (some boards on the couples are still under construction but if anyone has any advice please feel free to share.)
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