KENZIE
"Ok Nathan, you win." I declare as I walk into the kitchen area.
Nathan and Chris are both sitting at opposite sides of the island bench, neither of them looking even remotely aware of their surroundings. Chris has his face stuck inside his laptop, the glow of light from the screen washing his skin with a faint white tint, while Nathan looks to be scrolling through something on his phone. At the sound of my entrance both men look up from their devices in surprise, not expecting me to be so lively at this time of the morning, especially on a day like today.
"Well, that's good to know, but what exactly is it that I won at?" Nathan asks, tucking his phone into his pocket to give me his full attention.
"The funny game we've been playing where you tell everybody that we need to go to the store and I find a way to not go." I answer with a nonchalant shrug.
"Are you saying that you want to go shopping with me?" Nathan's smile practically lights up the room and for a split millisecond I almost regret conceding in the first place. He is just way too happy about the thought of going to the shops and I don't understand where his energy comes from.
"Maddie's party is this afternoon and I still haven't got her anything." You're supposed to get somebody a gift if they invite you to their birthday celebration, right?
I've never had to buy gifts for anybody before, mostly due to the fact that I didn't have any friends or family that I knew long enough to warrant the necessity of giving presents, but it also didn't help that I have never been given my own money to spend on things like gifts and other luxuries. It might sound selfish, but If I had been provided an allowance at any of my previous foster homes the money would have been spent directly on food, clothes that fit me properly and personal hygiene products.
This whole custom of gift giving has me completely out of my element and I know that if I am going to do this right, then I am going to need some help from someone who knows what they are doing. As hard as it is to shop with him, Nathan is more than qualified to provide the type of assistance I require in order to find the right gift for Maddie. After all he does know her better than I do.
"I can definitely help you with that." He nods in response, barely able to conceal his excitement at my suggestion.
"Are you sure you don't want to do this with Ben instead?" Chris asks from his spot at the island, while shutting the screen of his laptop. I'm sure he is only saying that to get a rise out of Nathan, and when the older male responds with a firm whack to Chris's shoulder I am proven correct by the playful chuckle Chris releases in return.
"I would go with Ben, but his parents just got back from China last night and he wanted to spend the day with them to catch up on all the family drama that's been going on."
It has been a week since the EMU excursion and Ben's cryptic text message was received. It took him two days to respond to my messages, and when he did it wasn't so much as a simple text message in return as him showing up at our house with a container full of steaming hot spring rolls and two days' worth of backlogged conversations cramped in his brain.
As it turned out, Ben's family emergency was not as close to home as everyone was expecting. Tao and Ming were both perfectly safe and healthy, however the same couldn't be said for Ming's father who had suffered a catastrophic stroke in his sleep and later died in hospital that same morning. Obviously, not having spoken to her father since before Ben was born the sudden unexpected contact from her mother came as a shock for Ming, and within twelve hours of ending their phone call both she and Tao were on a flight to Shanghai.
Ben doesn't know exactly what was mentioned during their phone call, but whatever it was must have been serious enough to warrant both of his parents dropping everything and heading back to their mother country. As a result of their sudden departure, Ben was required to stay with a family friend in the city until they returned to Australia, and due to the lack of time to prepare he spent the first two days without any phone credit, hence why he was unable to respond to any of my messages.
The friend he was staying with drove him back into Sunbury Hills to secure the Wonky Chopstick for the rest of the week, but I'm sure the restaurant would have been fine even without Ben's extra vigilance. Honestly, I think he just couldn't go the whole week without seeing any of his friends. Ben is the type of person who could talk the ear of a pole if someone drew a smiley face on it, and the idea of being stuck with his parent's friend without any phone credit for the rest of the week must have terrified him.
Even though his family have become embroiled in some sort of international deceased estate drama, he still managed to be a hundred times more interested in the developments that have arisen in my own personal soap opera. Knowing that he wasn't going to stop pestering me until I shared every last detail of what had happened on the history excursion he missed, I found a way to bribe my curious foster family into leaving us alone so that we could speak in private.
From there I proceeded to tell him about the one thing that, up until that moment, I have never shared with another living soul. Was the privacy we were afforded worth forfeiting the entire container of spring rolls Ben brought over? I'm still trying to figure that out because they smelled amazing. However, I know for a fact that I shared my secret with the right person.
While stuck living in the city, Ben has gone out of his way to help me try and dig up some information on the mysterious man known as Dominic Brennan. So far, our combined efforts have revealed several interesting facts about the kind man in my memories, however there is still nowhere near enough information for me to really understand who he was and how he was connected to me.
After several long phone conversations between us over the week, Ben and I devised a rough plan to try and unearth some more details surrounding my past and Dominic's involvement in it. The only thing is, one or both of us will have to find a way to sneak away from Maddie's party to make the plan work, and from the way that she has been following me around school reminding me of how much fun we are going to have, I get the feeling our plan may be harder to execute than first thought. Either way, I owe it to myself and Dominic to try.
"So, if you're up to it can we leave in about say, ten minutes?" I suggest, looking up at the wall clock in the kitchen as if I hadn't already checked the time on my phone before walking in here.
"What's the big rush honey?" Nathan asks while scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion.
"No rush, I just really want to get this out of the way early so that I can start prepping dinner."
In all honesty, there is a rush and it has everything to do with the fact that Will is currently upstairs getting ready to come down for breakfast and I am nowhere near ready to be faced with the conversation I know he will want to be having. The two of us have been playing a complicated game of cat and mouse for the last week, and considering the amount of extra hours he has been investing into his work recently, it hasn't been overly difficult to make myself appear busy whenever he does make an appearance. There have been a few close calls where we almost ended up in the same room alone together, but with some quick thinking on my part and a shit ton of luck, those few almost catastrophic moments were thankfully avoided.
"It's seven thirty in the morning Kenzie. You still have about ten hours before dinner and most of the shops don't open until at least eight thirty." Chris laughs while checking his watch.
"Yes, but for about four hours of that time I will be at Maddie's party and it's going to take at least an hour to get myself ready for it." You know, hair and makeup and outfits and all those things that I have never had to worry about before. I'm already exhausted just thinking about the process.
"You will have to allow thirty minutes of travel each way from the city because of the peak hour traffic times, dinner is going to take at least an hour and a half to prepare and assemble, and unless Nathan has suddenly decided that he no longer enjoys shopping, I seriously don't see this trip into town taking any less than two hours."
"Oh, and don't forget the twenty minutes it's going to take to have lunch, write in Maddie's card, and listen to your long rambling speech about not talking to strangers. If my math is correct then your ten hours just turned into ten minutes."
Both Nathan and Chris share a look between them as if they know exactly what I am trying to accomplish, however them knowing that something is up doesn't instil much confidence that my plan is actually working.
"Kenzie... Come over and take a seat." Nathan says pointing towards a spare stool at the island bench.
"I'm good thanks."
"I wasn't asking, Mackenzie." He says, crossing his arms over his chest and pinning me with a stare that tells me he isn't messing around.
Figuring that my refusal to co-operate a second time will only make this conversation drag on longer than it needs to, I make my way over to the island bench and climb up onto one of the spare stools next to Chris. Neither of them seem fazed by my sudden shift in attitude, if anything they look as though they had been expecting some type of resistance from me in the conversation department of things.
"What's going on Kenzie? Is this about the parole hearing on Monday? Because if it is, there is no need to be anxious honey. Regardless of whether your mother is granted parole or not, nothing else is going to change." Nathan explains in a serious tone. "You're still going to be living here with us, you understand that right?"
"Yeah, I get it Nathan, and I'm not worried about that." I respond evenly, already feeling bored of this conversation. All anybody in this house seems to talk about anymore is the parole hearing and my feelings towards it. Quite frankly, I'm feeling over it.
"Well, if this sudden desire of yours to go shopping with Nathan isn't your idea of a distraction from the hearing then the only other logical explanation is that you are trying to avoid something here, and when I say something I mean someone." Chris interjects, raising both his eyebrows in a gesture that dares me to lie to him.
It is times like this that I hate living under the same roof as a police officer. Chris might act like he doesn't know what's going on most of the time, but in reality there isn't much that ever gets past him. The worst part about his inquisitiveness is that I can't even deny his allegations. He has been watching all of my interactions with Will closely in recent days and I'd bet anything that I own - apart from Basil - that he has known my motives almost from the start.
Knowing there is no way to avoid this conversation now that it has been brought up, I suddenly begin to notice that the marble bench top has a very interesting pattern in it. Some dark veins of black here and a few flecks of caramel gold scattered there, and that glossy finish is just the shiniest thing I have ever seen. Really quite mesmerising stuff if I may say so myself.
"You know cupcake, avoiding Will isn't going to make this situation any easier to deal with." Chris declares as he leans forward on his stool to rest his arms on the bench top.
"Yeah, I know. But pressuring me to commit to something that I'm not ready for isn't making it any easier either." I retort with a shrug, continuing to follow the veins of dark stone with my eyes.
"So this is about your mothers parole hearing." Nathan states in an annoyingly satisfied voice, almost as if my answer proved him right from the beginning.
"No Nathan, this is about everybody else trying to rely on me and my memories as a fool proof piece of evidence to use against my mother when I don't even know her name." I snap back, my annoyance at the whole situation rising to the surface for them both to see.
"Everybody who is working on this case is aware of how sensitive this matter is for you. I can assure you it has never been Will's or anybody else's intention to make you feel pressured into to giving a statement."
"Well, it sure feels like it." I answer quietly, using my pointer finger to trace little patterns on the cool stone slab in front of me.
"I think I can understand that, however I feel like there is more to this than just the statement that is making you keep your distance from Will, and it's having a deeper effect on you both than you might realise."
He has me there. Will's insistence that I provide a statement to their legal team hasn't been the only reason for my distant behaviour toward him. Don't get me wrong, this court process and Will's involvement in it has played a major role in my decision to keep him at bay, but in all honesty the real issue has nothing to do with Will at all.
Communicating with people about my feelings and the things that are consuming me has never been one of my strong suits. Running, hiding, doing literally whatever it takes to avoid suffering and pain is the deepest ingrained skill I have, and as far as I have managed to come during my session with Dr Miller, I have never quite found a way to move past this problem.
There have been so many aspects of my life that have changed in such a short period of time, and though I know that a lot of those changes are leading me towards a better future, it doesn't make it any less overwhelming for me to try and process. In a way it feels like everything is happening in fast forward while I am stuck in normal time, watching the world continuously shift and change in front of me, but unable to keep up with any of it.
I think what has happened is amongst all the chaos and confusion I have tried to find one thing to channel all of my anxiety into, and that thing just happened to be Will's approach towards my mother's application for visitation. Maybe if things had gone down differently a few weeks ago and our relationship hadn't been stretched the way it was, then my brain wouldn't have found a way to twist everything in such a negative way. However, our relationship was tested and despite patching up the wound that was created, the scar has never quite had the opportunity to completely heal.
The seeds of doubt that were planted in my head a few weeks ago have been watered by the demons in my mind, and my fear of being abandoned coupled with the constant feeling of uncertainty have acted as the perfect fertiliser. I don't know yet if I am growing useless weeds or something of importance, but the sprouts are beginning to push through the surface and it won't be long before everyone else can see what I have been cultivating too.
"Maybe you're right, but I don't think there's anything you or anybody else can do to help." I finally respond, looking up from the bench top as I do.
"I think you know that there's another way Kenzie, you're just being too stubborn to accept it." Chris advises while leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest.
"But the other way stinks, Chris." I complain with an annoyed huff.
"Yep, but it has to be better than the way you are handling it now." He points out, in his annoyingly serious voice.
"I know this is difficult honey, but the next time Will tries to talk to you, will you at least try and hear what he has to say?" Nathan pleads as I use my thumbs to massage the dull ache in my temples.
"I'll think about it." I nod even though I really don't want to. Thinking when it comes to my brain is never straight forward, but at least I have a way to help reduce the stress of it all.
"You mean it?" Chris asks seriously, both he and Nathan pinning me with their calculated stares.
"Yeah." If it means they will leave the topic alone. "So can we still go to the shops now...or?" I ask, looking between the two of them in the hopes of getting a positive answer.
"Chris was right Kenzie; the shops don't open for at least another forty five minutes. Why don't you have something to eat with us and by the time we have finished cleaning up we can think about heading out." Nathan suggests, a hint of his usual cheery smile making an appearance on his face.
"Thanks, but no thanks." I quickly decline his offer while sliding myself off the stool onto the cool tiled floor. "I'll be outside jumping on the trampoline, so when you're finally ready to leave you know where to find me."
Nathan looks like he wants to protest, but Chris quickly shuts him down with a not so subtle shake of his head. I don't know what all that is about, but I get the feeling he is doing it for my benefit. After all, the trampoline has done incredible things in helping to reduce my anxiety.
"Fine, but I better not see you trying to do one of those backflips again Mackenzie or I'm seriously going to pull the springs out of that thing." He calls out as I make my way towards the back sliding doors.
"Yeah yeah, of course you will." I roll my eyes playfully knowing full well that none of them would even dare try to sabotage the trampoline.
"Just be careful, ok?" Chris calls out this time.
"Will do." I reply with a small smile because even though I'm being difficult, they still manage to let me know they care.
***
"Alright Kenzie, it's time to go!" Nathan calls out to me from the bottom of the stairs
"Coming!" I call out in response while checking myself over once again in the mirror before exiting the bathroom and making my way down the stairs where Nathan is waiting keys in hand.
"Wow, you look lovely Kenzie." He compliments me as I tuck my phone into my handbag and adjust the strap over my shoulder.
"Thanks, I guess." I say awkwardly, not really used to being complimented on the way I am dressed. I do have to admit though, this sunflower t-shirt paired with the short length black overalls Nathan picked out is kind of cute.
When Nathan took me out shopping this morning I was happy just to find a gift for Maddie and head on home, however as I expected would probably happen, Nathan just had to find me a nice outfit to wear. Funnily enough, despite scouring through every trendy teenage store Nathan laid his eyes on, it was an unsuspecting op shop that happened to hold the goods we were looking for.
The shirt and overalls had been displayed on a dummy in the store window, and the moment both Nathan and I set our eyes on it, we knew that this was the outfit we would be leaving with. It was simply sheer luck that both items of clothing were in the perfect size.
"You ready to go?"
"Yep." ready as I will ever be.
"Sweet, let's head out." he nods while gesturing towards the door with a single sweeping motion of his arm.
Stepping past him, I open the front door and walk out onto the paved area that leads down to the drive way, Chris and James are both parked in up the top of the driveway while Nathan and Will are parked behind them at the back. A quick survey of the area locates Mitchell's car out on the street kerb which doesn't surprise me considering the amount of times he has been coming and going over the past week.
"Oh honey, we're taking Will's car today. Mine seems to be having some...issues." Nathan announces as he follows me down the footpath towards the back cars. "Oh damn, I forgot my phone. Here, why don't you open up the car and I'll go and grab it. I'll only be two seconds." He promises, tossing me the keys to Will's car before turning on his heels and retreating back towards the house.
Internally rolling my eyes at his lack of organisation, I press the unlock button on Will's car and slide into the passenger seat without a moments hesitation. I set the gift bag and my hand bag neatly on my lap and pull my seatbelt across my body, clicking it into the locking mechanism in one easy motion. To my surprise, by the time I have finished adjusting the strap on my shoulder, the driver's side door is opening and a jean clad leg is stepping into the car.
Wait a second. Wasn't Nathan wearing shorts this morning?
"Hey Kenzie." Will greets me with a sheepish smile as he closes the door behind him and shoves the keys into the ignition.
"Uh...where's Nathan?" I ask, turning my attention towards the front of the house in search of my missing guardian only to see no signs of him anywhere.
"He's not coming, sweetheart." Will says, using my distraction to clip his own seatbelt into place.
"Oh." Well, this is awkward.
Casting one more hopeful glance towards the house, I sigh in defeat as I understand what has happened. After all these days of ducking and diving to avoid being caught by the cat, I now find myself backed into a corner, unable to escape, and being stared down by the sharp clawed beast in front of me. The cat obviously had help from its loyal human companion, Nathan set his trap and it didn't take much for me to fall into it, but nonetheless, he still had a hand in this unappealing turn of events.
"It's nice to see you Kenzie, it feels like we haven't spent any time together in days."
If I had things my way, he wouldn't have been spending any time with me until my mothers parole hearing was over and I knew for sure that he wasn't going to hound me about giving a statement to tender to the court. However, the universe has a funny way of making sure that my plans are never quite as successful as I wish they would be, and this unlucky scenario is a prime example of the universe once again being an unhelpful dick. Then again, I can't place the full blame on the universe, Nathan is also majorly to blame for this, but for the sake of keeping relative peace in our household, I think the universe can take credit for this one.
"Yeah, we've both been busy, you especially." I respond awkwardly while picking at the hem of my overall shorts.
"Yes, but that doesn't mean that I haven't wanted to spend time with you." He counters, adjusting his rearview mirror before looking over to me with a genuinely deflated expression.
"I'm sure we will have plenty of time to catch up after my mother's parole hearing." From the bits and pieces of whispered conversations I have heard within the house over the past week alone, the guys seem to be under the impression that my mother is unlikely to be successful in being granted parole. If this is the case, then there won't be a need for any of them to continue preparing their counter suit to deny her visitation.
This entire fiasco with my mother has caused a lot of stress and tension for everybody in our household over the last month alone, and it is almost to the point where I am starting to believe that none of the trouble has been worth it. Like Nathan pointed out this morning, even if my mother is granted parole it isn't going to change my living arrangements, and these past six months as eventful as they were, have been the most fulfilling of my life so far.
Regardless of how badly I want to know the truth and try to reconcile with my mother, I also don't want to risk jeapordising what I have built with this family right here in Sunbury Hills. So far it seems like I can't pursue one without damaging my relationship with the other, and seeing as how my relationship with Will is still slightly fractured, I'm worried that this whole court process might be the thing that destroys our chances of ever being able to repair the damage that has already been done.
"Yeah, about that. There is something I have been wanting to discuss with you about your mother's hearing and everything else that has been going on over the past few weeks, but it's pretty clear that you haven't been up to having that conversation with me, or anybody else for that matter." Will states as he starts the car and reverses down the driveway onto the street.
I'm at a loss for what to say in response, mostly because I know that he is right and he just called me out on it. I wasn't ready for this conversation three weeks ago and I don't know if I am even ready now, but it looks like I no longer have the luxury of a choice in the matter. I'm stuck in this car with him for what will probably be the next half an hour at least, and the time for running and hiding has well passed by. All I can do now is listen to what he has to say and hope that it doesn't drive a deeper wedge between us.
"I don't want you to feel bad about avoiding me Kenzie. As much as it hurts me to know that I have somehow contributed to your anxiety recently, I totally understand why you have been keeping your distance from me. But, if you will allow me to share my thoughts with you right now, I'm sure that we can find a way to clear up some of the uncertainty and awkwardness that has arisen between us."
Nathan's words from this morning resurface in my mind, convincing me that I should at least give Will a chance to explain his side of things. This situation only became as bad as it is because of my poor communication skills, and deep down I know that if I don't even let him try to take the first step then nothing is going to change.
"Ok, I'll try to hear you out." I finally concede, the lump in my throat making the words come out shakier than usual.
"You will?" He asks with an exultant smile, the relief in his voice hanging in the air between us with those two simple words, making me feel like a complete troll.
"Yeah." I confirm with a small nod.
"Ok, so I've been thinking about this a great deal since that day where we all met to discuss your mother's parole and I have had the chance to really look at everything from your perspective." He declares, only pausing to make sure that I am still listening.
"I realise now that it was unfair and unrealistic of us to expect that you would feel the same way about your mother as we do, even more so when your knowledge and memories of her are as limited as they are."
"You talked to Nathan." I say more as a statement than anything else. It feels too coincidental for him to be bringing this up after what I told Nathan and Chris this morning. Those three share everything together so it only makes sense that they would talk to Will about this.
"I overheard your conversation in the kitchen this morning." He admits with a grim smile. "But as I said, this has been on my mind for a while now and I feel like I have been putting too much of my time and energy into making sure that our case is successful, when I should be using that energy to support you and your decisions instead."
Surprisingly, I completely understand where Will is coming from. I too have been poorly managing my priorities lately. However, last week's excursion was a real turning point for me, and after spending a great deal of time thinking about my past and my future I have come to realise that I have been going about this all the wrong way.
Where I have been putting all my time and energy into trying to solve the mystery surrounding my mother, I should have been focusing on tracking down the single most important thing I have ever remembered, that being Dominic Brennan. Now that I know his name, the task of piecing my memories together doesn't seem as impossible as it had before.
Mitchell showed me how to use the internet history and bookmark tabs on his laptop a few days ago, something that would have been very useful to me when I was trying to dig up information on my mother for those few stressful weeks before the excursion. I didn't miss the folder he had created specifically for this research, or the few scattered websites he had saved for me to investigate, but despite feeling beyond grateful for his support I haven't been able to bring myself to look at them.
My mother has been a constant source of confusion and pain over the course of my life, and although I want to understand what happened to make my parents do the things that they did, I also feel like her bid to make a reappearance in my life doesn't deserve the amount of attention I have been giving it. Nothing in my memories suggests that she was ever emotionally attached to me the way I was to her, and after seeing Dominic's photo at EMU my entire perspective on the situation has completely shifted.
Almost everyone I have spoken to about my mother's proposed application for visitation has reassured me that even without my statement they should have enough evidence to shut her argument down. After discussing it further with Dr Miller, he seems to be of the view that my participation in this court process is not only unnecessary, but also dangerous considering my current health issues. As much as my statement may help seal my mother's fate, whether it be in her favour or not, it would be almost negligent to risk my mental health and the progress I have made to date, for something that is out of my control anyway.
It just makes sense for me to focus my time and energy on someone who I actually care about, and who cared about me in return. I don't know who Dominic Brennan was to me, or why our paths became separated, but what I do know is that I miss him, and that is all the motivation I need to seek some form of closure in respect of his disappearance from my life.
I have a lead. I have a name and memories of other people and places to go off, and that's a lot more than what I can say I have in relation to my mother.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that we don't need a statement from you to make this case work, and although I am not thrilled with the idea of you wanting to meet your mother after everything that I have learnt about her history, I am far less thrilled with the idea of you cutting me out of your life over this." Will looks over at me as we stop at a red light and the sincerity in his eyes almost makes me want to cry. "I've had a two week taste test of what that would be like and I can tell you that it's not what I want for either of us."
"I think I agree with you. I'm sorry for being so messed up and making everything so hard all the time. At first I was avoiding you so that we didn't have to talk about my mum and her parole hearing... but then things kind of just spiralled out of control on my end." Admitting those words out loud to Will feels like stepping into a pool of cold water on a hot summer day. The relief is almost instant and the lump that had lodged itself in my throat somewhat begins to shrink in size.
"You have nothing to apologise for. If I had just taken the time to understand how you felt instead of charging forward based on my own opinions then we wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place. I'm still going to be keeping tabs on the court proceedings, but if your mother is successful in both of her cases, and you still really want to meet her, then I will go with you to the visitations."
"I'm not sure what I want anymore Will. I thought I did, but now everything has changed again and a crazy as it sounds, there is something else that's more important that I need to focus on right now."
"More important than your biological mother trying to re-enter your life?" Will asks with an interested quirk of his eyebrow.
"Yes." I answer immediately. There is nothing in my life I have been surer about than this.
"You're not worried that she might lose her case? That if she does lose then you might not see her until you are an adult?"
"I've spent what feels like my whole life apart from my mother. I'm sure that if things don't work out the way she wants them to, then a few more years isn't going to make much more of a difference." I answer truthfully. The thing is, with my lack of memories it hardly felt like my mother was ever really a part of my life to begin with. With Dominic however, the more memories that resurface, the more I feel the need to uncover more.
"Wow, I don't know what to say Kenzie. I thought you were insistent that you wanted to meet your mother." He says with a stupefied look on his face as if he was a hundred percent convinced that I wouldn't change my mind.
"And I thought you were dead set against letting her anywhere near me, but I guess we have both had the time to think things through more clearly." I respond with a shrug while readjusting my handbag on my lap.
"Yeah, I guess so." He nods in agreement. "Who would have thought this conversation would have ended up here?"
"Probably no one, but I'm glad it did." I confess while absentmindedly playing with the zipper on my bag.
"Me too." He smiles in content, while continuing to focus on the road ahead.
After that the conversation seems to drift into something more lighthearted. Will wanted to catch up on all of things he missed over the past couple of weeks, and I was just happy that things felt somewhat normal between us again. I'm not sure how long it is going to last, but I do know that the smile on Will's face makes me feel pleasantly optimistic about it.
"I meant what I said when you first agreed to do this today Kenzie. If you get in there and you are really that uncomfortable, then you can call me and I will come and pick you up." Will says earnestly as he parks on the street outside of the King Pin building.
Despite knowing that I need to get out now, I find myself hesitating at the thought of what could happen inside that building this afternoon. Will is aware of how nervous I have been about this party and although I know that Ben is going to be there with me, I really don't know how I feel about mingling with other people.
"Everything is going to be alright Kenzie. Just relax and try to have some fun." Will encourages me as he waits for me to open the door. "You never know, you might actually enjoy yourself."
"Maybe. I'll try." I say more to myself than anything. What's the worst that could happen?
"That's good, now get out. Maddie is probably already inside waiting."
Finally plucking up the courage to get out of the car, I clutch Maddie's gift bag tight between my fingers, mumble a quick goodbye to Will and step away from the car. By the time I take the first step toward the building, Will has already pulled out of the parking spot and started rolling down the street towards the traffic lights, and when I have reached the front entrance to the building his car has disappeared altogether. I guess he didn't want to give me a chance to back out.
There is small set of stairs leading towards a pair of automatic sliding doors at the front of the building, and from the outside I can see Maddie sitting in the foyer looking at her phone. Nobody else seems to be there at the moment so I decide to wait out on the street for Ben to arrive.
Ten minutes pass before Ben's dad finally pulls up on the other side of the street, and within a few seconds he is out of the car and wandering across the road towards me. Peeking back into the foyer of the building I can see that Maddie is still in there alone, only this time she is no longer on her phone, but looking around the foyer as if someone is magically going to show up.
"Hi Kenz! How are you? I missed you." Ben grins as he saunters up beside me. I can tell that he wants to reach out for a hug, but I'm still not up for that spontaneous type of contact so I settle for giving him a wave instead.
"Wow you look different." He says while taking in my outfit and hair do. I had to watch like 6 YouTube videos to get this hairstyle right and let me tell you, it was not easy. Apparently, there is a certain way to plait your hair whilst looking in a mirror and after stuffing up the first twenty attempts I can't say I disagree.
"Nathan insisted that we should get a new outfit, so I figured that if I was going to wear something nice, I might as well make the effort to look nice."
"Well your effort paid off." He confirms before diving straight to the main issue at hand. "So I've been thinking about this plan of ours, and if we are going to do this and pull it off, we have to leave in like thirty minutes." Ben says, while glancing at the time on his phone.
Originally, the plan was to use the public library to contact EMU to see if they could provide us any information about Dominic Brennan, or possibly even find a way to get into contact with someone from his family. The library apparently also holds news archives that I wouldn't mind searching through, however seeing as how we are the only two people who have arrived so far, our plan to slip away from the party even if for half an hour, is no longer an option. The more people who attended today, the more there would be to keep Maddie distracted, but that tactic is clearly not going to work if it is only the three of us here.
"Yeah, I know, but I don't think this is going to work." I say while glancing back into the foyer where Maddie continues to look around in search of her friends.
The look of pure sadness on her face as she sits there alone, waiting for people to show up stirs something inside my chest, and although I desperately want to be able to follow this lead to its conclusion with the hope of uncovering the truth about Dominic, there is just this small flicker of emotion that keeps me from doing anything at all.
Something about this scenario reminds of all the times I have had to sit by myself waiting for somebody to collect me at the agency before whisking me away to yet another new place. Of course, this situation is completely different, but somehow I can tell that the feeling she is experiencing is the same. Feeling like you have been abandoned by someone, regardless of how close you are to them, is never an easy emotion to deal with and I know for sure that Maddie doesn't deserve this.
"We only need twenty minutes, forty five at most. If you're worried about getting caught then you can stay here with Maddie and the others and I'll go do the sleuthing. I'm sure nobody is going to question my absence, but if they do just tell them I went looking for that new zombie game I've been wanting to try out." Ben does his best to reassure me that our plan is well and truly do-able, however I don't think he is aware of what is going on inside the foyer.
"No. I think we should stay." I shake my head in response.
"Are you sure? I don't know if we are going to get another opportunity like this again, Kenz. Or at least not without someone from your family finding out beforehand." He tries again, making absolutely sure that this is what I want.
"I know, but it's ok. We'll find another way." Because there is always another way. "Let's go inside, we are already late enough as it is and I don't want Maddie to contact someone at home." I can only imagine the shit I would be in if Maddie were to tell her brother that I didn't show up. I have no doubt in my mind that Chris and Jacob have discussed my attendance at this party on multiple occasions over the last few weeks, so if it came to light that I had purposely given Maddie the slip, all hell would break loose.
"Ok then. If you do change your mind and decide that you want to go, let me know and I will try to make it happen." He finally concedes, but not without flashing me one of his patented friendly smiles.
"Thanks Ben." I smile back before gesturing for him to follow me up the stairs. The glass sliding doors open for us almost immediately and a cool gust of air conditioning slams into us before the doors close again behind us.
"Hey you guys! I'm so glad you made it." Maddie practically beams the moment her eyes land on us, and it is the flicker of pure relief that I see cross her face that convinces me that I had made the right decision in staying.
"Where is everyone else?" Ben asks, looking around the room in search of the other people who were supposed to be invited to this event.
"They all had other places they needed to be, I guess." She answers with a shrug, her face momentarily dropping at the unintended reminder that her own friends didn't show up to her party.
"Sorry we're late. Actually, I was on time but I was outside waiting for this weirdo to arrive." I apologise on both of our behalf in an attempt to ease some of Maddie's suffering.
"Oh, no that's fine. I'm just glad you showed up at all." She shakes her hands in front of her as if to tell us that it's no big deal, but I can tell that this entire moment still stings.
"Here Maddie, this is for you." I say while holding out the yellow gift bag Nathan had helped me pick out at the store. "Happy birthday." I add, remembering the way the guys had handed me their presents on my own birthday.
Maddie gives me a grateful smile for saving her from any further embarrassment before reaching out to take the gift bag from where it dangles in the space between us. It takes her a few seconds to get past the unnecessary amount of tissue paper that has been stuffed inside, but once she pulls out the glass encased candle from the centre of the bag, the last of her sadness melts away.
The candle itself is jasmine and vanilla scented, a lovely combination on it's own although bit overpowering, but it was the hand painted glass cover that really stood out for me. Strokes of deep green and violet paint create intricate flower patterns around the bottom half of the jar, while circular swirls of light blue paint coat the remaining glass. The lady at the checkout told me that the flowers practically glow once the candle has been lit and I don't think I could have chosen a gift any more perfect or Maddie than this.
"It's so pretty! Thank you, Kenzie." She thanks me as she sticks her nose into the top of the jar to take a sniff of the scent.
"That's ok. You should probably thank Nathan though, he helped me pick it out."
"I bet he dragged you into every store in the shopping centre to find it." She laughs while placing the candle back into the gift bag.
"You have no idea."
"Come on, let's go get our power cards so we can start playing these games." She suggests while moving towards the second set of automatic doors that leads into the arcade itself. The sounds of different gaming machines combined with the colourful flashing lights that emanate from them is almost too much for my senses, however as Maddie leads us deeper into the room towards the admission desk the sounds and sights begin to become less intense.
After purchasing the "power cards" and hiring a small locker to store our bags and Maddie's gift, the two of them take the opportunity to show me how to use the cards and explain the points system. Maddie seemed surprised that I hadn't been to an arcade before, but after some quick thinking by Ben he managed to convince her that I simply didn't have these types of facilities where I used to live.
"So, what you do here is you swipe your little card in the scanner and it will start the game. The more points you win on the games, the more tickets you will accumulate and once we have run out of credit you can use the tickets to choose out some prizes." Maddie explains, while pointing to the multi-coloured scanner attached to the nearest gaming machine.
"Ok, I think I can handle that." I nod in response as I process her instructions.
The first time I try the game I feel a little bit silly knowing that everybody else is far more advanced than me, however by the third time I swipe my card on the same machine I feel confident enough with my knowledge of the game that my nerves start to recede and the adrenaline begins to kick in.
The three of us spend a couple of hours wandering around the arcade, playing different game machines and laughing with each other when we go head to head in a racing game. Ben crushes us most of the time, but neither Maddie or I are too bothered by that fact. He has obviously been here many times before so it makes sense that he is more skilled at the games than we are.
The only game that I have really succeeded at so far is the "down the clown" where you throw the balls at the clowns lined up in rows on the wall to try and knock them down. I somehow won the jackpot score after downing the multicoloured bonus clown three times in a row, something that is apparently very difficult to do. I think it was just luck, but Ben and Maddie seemed to believe otherwise. Either way, the extra tickets were a nice bonus.
It isn't until we have completed two whole loops of the main arcade that we decide to take a break. Maddie had been complaining that she was "starving" about ten minutes ago and now that we have reached the kiosk area I realise how peckish I have become as well. Ben wandered off on his own somewhere during the second loop and we haven't seen him since, I would have gone looking for him but Maddie had other priorities, food being the main one.
"So when I said 'surprise me' I didn't actually think you were going to surprise me in the literal sense of the word. What the heck is this thing?" I ask, holding the bottom of the skewer stick and pointing the golden batter covered log on top.
When Maddie had asked me what I wanted to eat, I wasn't even sure what the option were. The menu board over the top of the counter was almost impossible for me to read so instead of making myself look stupid I asked Maddie to surprise me instead. I wasn't expecting this delightful looking piece of cuisine to be placed in front of me.
"That, is a Pluto Pup." Maddie explains, laughing quietly at my confusion. "It's basically just a hotdog that's been shoved onto a skewer, dipped in batter and then deep fried."
"A deep fried hotdog?" I ask skeptically while pinching the side of the crispy batter to test it's texture.
"Exactly."
Sounds kind of gross, and also looks kind of gross, but if Maddie thinks they taste alright then I might as well give it a go. If worse comes to worst I can just give the rest of it to Ben, that is if he ever decides to take a break from the gaming machines.
"If you don't like it I'll let you share my chips." She offers while tipping a glob of tomato sauce onto the side of her paper plate, presumably to dip her chips into.
"That's all good, I'll give it a try." Who knows, I might actually like it.
It turns out, deep fried hotdog aka Pluto Pups aren't as terrible as they sound. Ok, so it wasn't my favourite snack of all time, mainly because the texture was just weird, but if someone were to give me one of these again I probably wouldn't pass on it.
"You weren't planning on sticking around this afternoon, were you?" Maddie asks suddenly, instantly gaining my full attention.
"It's ok Kenzie, I know how difficult it is for you to socialise with other people so I'm not upset or anything." She quickly tries to reassure me so that her words don't make me feel bad. " I just noticed that you seem to be distracted by something and I'm kind of worried that this is too much for you to handle."
The genuine look of concern on her face catches me off guard and it takes a few seconds of me floundering like a fish out of water before I can even try to respond. Ok yes, I had been partially distracted throughout this arcade experience and not just because of the novelty and excitement of the games surrounding me.
My decision to abort the library plan had weighed heavily on my mind for at least the first hour we were in the main arcade hall, and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about slipping out unnoticed several times in that short space of time. Despite this, I reminded myself why I chose to stay, and upon seeing the look of pure joy on Maddie's face as we versed each other in one of the motor racing games, I decided to stick to my guns and stay.
"I guess you are right. There was something important on my mind before I came here that made me want to leave, but I promise you I am not going anywhere now until Will picks me up. I'm actually having a really fun time, and I'm sorry if my antisocial behaviour earlier has ruined the fun vibes."
"My friends didn't even show up today, I think if anybody has been antisocial it's them." Maddie interjects while scrunching her face up at the reminder. "You know, they all wanted me to do a spa day instead, but I could think of nothing worse right now than spending my birthday celebration in a quiet room with nothing but my own thoughts to focus on."
"I know how that feels, but I have to admit, if you had chosen to do the spa day instead of this I definitely wouldn't have come, and I don't think any of the guys would have made me either."
"They made you come here today?"
"Not entirely. I was super anxious about this whole thing when you invited me the other week and I was being stubborn about it, so Will came up with a compromise that would somehow make everybody happy." I do my best to explain the situation without coming across as a total bitch, but hearing the words as I say them it doesn't sound nice anyway. Though, telling her that I only agreed to come here so that I could get out of being grounded would sound even worse.
"I get it, and I couldn't be upset at you about it anyway even if I wanted to." She says while playing with one of her hot chips. "It would kind of make me a hypocrite."
"A hypocrite?"
"Yeah, I mean, when you first started at Sunbury Hills there was a reason why you were paired with me the first day."
"I don't understand where you are coming from." I say, feeling confused by where this conversation has headed.
"Chris asked the school to pair you with me so that you wouldn't have the chance to isolate yourself from everybody. He, and the others, asked me to befriend you before you even arrived in Sunbury Hills, that's why I was always so insistent on you spending lunch time with me and my friends."
"So, you were only trying to be my friend because they asked you to?" My question makes Maddie visibly cringe but it wasn't my intention to make her uncomfortable.
"Yes and no. I would never fake trying to be someone's friend Kenzie, I know it sounds awfully suspicious the way I'm explaining it, but all those times where I have tried to hang out with you were by my choice because I genuinely wanted to be around you. Not because somebody else asked me to."
"How much do you actually know about me?" I ask out of curiosity.
"More than I should, and a lot more than you would be ok with me knowing."
"So you know that I'm a foster kid and you probably know about the court proceedings against my mother." I'd be very surprised if she didn't considering her brother had no problems revealing that bit of information to me without so much as a second thought. "What else is there that you have heard about me?"
"I know about your... you know... disorder." Maddie winces slightly, looking rather fearful of my reaction. Obviously Jacob has told her this in confidence, but I can't say that I'm not annoyed about it. My health conditions are none of his business and he sure as hell shouldn't be sharing that information with third parties, especially his younger sister.
"Your brother is a blabber mouth." I declare bluntly, squashing my lips together to stop myself from saying something much worse than I should.
"I don't disagree with you there. He never should have shared any of that with me, but I can assure you that I'm not going to say anything to anybody else." Maddie promises, involuntarily raising her hands as a sign of surrender.
"I believe you, but I'm still pissed at your brother." I'm pissed at Chris too, but Jacob really shouldn't have repeated to any body what was shared with him in confidence.
"I completely understand. He crossed a line and it wasn't cool." She nods in agreement, reaching across the table for a napkin to wipe her greasy fingers on, before pushing her empty plate and the napkin into the centre of the table.
"So, where do we stand? Do we call it even and forget that this conversation ever came up? or do we stay salty with each other for the rest of eternity and only act civil when we absolutely have to?"
Well, I do like salt... but projecting my frustration onto Maddie for something that wasn't her fault doesn't seem right. She deserved better than to be put in the position Chris and Jacob forced her into, and despite finding her constant need to try and befriend me extremely off-putting, I don't have it in me to stay upset with her about it. We have both done things to sabotage our chances of forming a friendship with each other, but I don't think either of us had any bad intentions connected to our actions.
"I'm not very good at being friends with people." I admit soberly. Just because we had one solid conversation doesn't mean that we are instantly best friends.
"I don't think that's completely true." Maddie disagrees, shaking her head while crossing her arms casually on top of the table. "I invited fifteen people to join us here and only two showed up. What you have with Ben transcends any friendship I have ever had with any of my friends, and I have known some of them since I was in preschool."
"Ben is something special that's for sure, but I wouldn't have gone out of my way to be his friend if he hadn't been so annoyingly insistent."
"Maybe that's true, but the fact that you gave him a chance makes me hopeful that you might give me one too." She admits with the slightest of shrugs before straightening in her seat as if she just remembered something important. "Wait a second, where is Ben anyway? We haven't seen him in like, forever." She declares while looking around the part of the arcade that's visible from the kiosk area.
"I think he mentioned something about that 5D zombie apocalypse game that they just installed here a few weeks ago." I respond while raising my eyes dramatically towards the ceiling. I've head to listen to him talk about it all week over the phone so I wouldn't be surprised if he has been there this entire time.
"Oh, well we should probably just leave him to it. That game is supposed to be super violent and I don't particularly care for that sort of thing."
"Me neither, unless it's knocking clowns off a wall, and then it's game on." I joke in an attempt to revive some of the atmosphere from earlier on in the afternoon. I really was having fun before we sat down to take a break.
"Yeah those things do look kind of creepy." She agrees with a laugh, her mood almost instantly brightening at my joke. "Do you reckon you could win the jackpot again?"
"Maybe, if I had some help." I shrug while stacking my empty plate and napkin on top of Maddie's in the centre of the table. The offer isn't much, but from the blinding smile I get in return it is clear that my effort means a lot to her.
"I think I might know a girl who would be up for the challenge."
Hello lovely readers :)
Sorry for taking so long to update again. This chapter is actually the longest one I have ever written (over 10,000 words) and it just took forever to try and match the little bits and pieces together the way I wanted them to. I wasn't planning for the chapter to be this long, but by the time I was almost finished putting it together I figured that there was just no point in cutting bits out to make it shorter.
Anyways, I hope everybody has been staying safe, happy and healthy :) Thanks again to everyone for the votes, comments and just being kind enough to give this story a go.
Have a wonderful day/night wherever you are reading this from :)